All Comments on 'Inthe Interest of National Security'

As i'm not completely satisfied with the ending, this story is the best writing i have ever wrtitten on this site

This was a great story. One of the best I have ever read. The ending blew me away. Sometimes when shit happens, it happens in a big way. In a way, the stupid bitch got off easy.

It was a good story, but Dan should have told the last part of it. You can't say I pulled a gun and shot my brains out. Because then you're dead and can't tell the story. Duh.

I really didn't see that ending coming. And even though I hated Meg, her last line was just epic. Good job.

Great story.

The plotting was nice and leisurely instead of all crammed into two pages, the special ops scenes were believable and not too over the top, and Dan's reaction to Meg's betrayal was spot on, though shooting off his dick from a quarter mile was perhaps a bit far fetched.

Still, the ending was somehow unsatisfying. Call me a sucker for happy endings, by why kill Kelly? Now Meg has really proven she's the supreme bitch of all time. Think about it. She (1) cheated on him with a series of partners, (2) tried to justify it and, by the end, still didn't really get why Dan couldn't accept her paltry excuse, and (3) when Dan left her, she killed both herself and the one person in the story that Dan may have had a future with. All told, an extremely self-centered bitch, and your portrayal of her is chilling the more I think about it.

Your stories get better and better, and you are truly one of the best in this category for original plots and characters.

Keep up the good work!

Have you seen Sunset Boulevard? Just one example of a dead person telling a story. i have seen this done in Print and in Movies. Author - good story, thanks!

Not really a "loving wives" tale. Jerks around too much, hard to follow theme.

that what makes divorces a real revenge, right? great story. Keep it up, you really write LW story.

I hope you don't really kill Kelly the story need to continue . i want to know what happen she will probably lose an eye. and Dan feeling guilty will nurse her back. and Just because the wife shot heerself doesn't mean that she will be dead they will probably put her to a mental institution

Good story and well written. Had both sides of the tale. No matter how you look at it she cheated. But to kill Kelly was a little over the top. Killing yourself would be good if she couldn't live without him.

I thought this was awesome. Nice to have something different to read. I'd love to see what else you come up with!

the thing you must do to be a good writer is improve your dialogue and punctuation. It is almost impossible to follow at times.

Absolutely love your stories and writing style. But saw that ending coming a mile away. A good thing as I was prepared for the death (something some of us readers avoid in most stories)

For the most part I agree with Rehnquist. The most unrealistic part was the long range shot. Really, 0.1 MOA with a Browning? A top of the line Accuracy International might shoot .3 MOA.

But ignoring the niggling details, it was well written. The twist at the end caught me.

Keep up the good work.

They're watching the bad guys, but who's watching them? Taxpayers need to get a refund from the outfit that did the psych evaluations of these people. They're mostly nuts, and wife is the typhoid Mary of insanity. Wife's mental processes, as usual for these stories, seem sooo reasonable (to only her): she couldn't possibly let anyone know what she was doing, she has to hide it and lie about it, everyone else involved would consider what she did cheating, in fact almost anyone with half a brain would consider it cheating, all the parties involved get divorced once the facts come out, and she knows she has to lie to husband keep the facts from him cause he could never, ever find out about what she did. But somehow she just doesn't ever see what she did as cheating?!?!?! LOL. Ironically, if she would have just started smoking to relieve her anxiety she would have lived healthier and longer. 5 stars.

I am stunned by the quality of this story and the craftsmanship of the author which is apparent after reading test a few paragraphs. To this the second really the impressive work that I've read from this author and quite frankly... I cannot wait to read to the rest of this stuff .

wow.

The slow moral inevitable decay of the wife in her character and thinking is very well done.

The ending is well a shock and a bit extreme but it certainly is a stunner. I thought she might kill herself but not Kelly...

Kelly was being used ..with her consent of course... by the husband to drive home a point that her wife's rationalizations --(I didnt actually fuck any of them)-- really don't hold water.

I am not against the ending where the wife shoots Kelly per se but that there was no actual Intimate or sexual relationship between the husband and Kelly at this point in the story so the wife's actions appeared to be the hard to fathom and they need a LOT more foundation

...except for "having no foundation". The wife was crazy and had no grasp on reality except as how it pertains to her. She may of shot the woman at that point even if she did not walk in on them. I see the only flaw is how she passed the required tests to get hired. I kind of feel this is more of a story about her than any thing else. the sad thing is she took someone with her. The revenge part seems hard to get away with, but this is a story after all.

...and well written. That's the point, right ?

I had a Sea Foam Green, 302 BOSS 68 Mustang convertible with a Holly 4 barrel and a Hurst 5 speed. Sweet. Bought it and got drafted in the same month. Sold it when daughter #2 was a toddler and #3 was on the way. Still look at 'em at car shows.

This was definitely a good read; had me rivetted all the way through. About the only things that I can really call you on is the line spacing in your paragraphs and, use of commas, and maybe some of Meg's character development.

The spacing between some of your sentences makes the paragraphs read somewhat disjointedly, like each new sentence was meant to stand on its own, instead of being part of a whole statement, and I think you may have thrown in too many commas. They make the flow of the story "hiccup" a bit - kinda like the literary equivalent of a person driving a stick shift for the first time.

I don't think Meg's anger & hopelessness really came across at the end of the story. I got that she was shocked, sad, and angry - furious even, but not to the extent of stradling that fine line between murder & suicide.

Other than those things, this was a good read. Keep it up!

But the ending was a good twist but very weak , almost felt like a cop out . You made this story so long and drawn out like an indy car race , just to have the TV signal go out before the final 3 laps . But you proved once again you can write some damn good stories , keep on writing .

Great story except for the hot hot asian chick taking a bullet. His wife deserved to die anyway

Personally I thought she was going to apply the, "If I can't have, no one will have him theory" and was a bit surprised by the loss of a fine piece of flesh. She did have an irrational hatred for the gal so she just took advantage of the opportunity! Great Work!

Thanks for your story. I have never worked in the field so I found your story interesting. However, I have done ballistics. Even if they knew the gun type, there is no way they could have told how far away the shot originated, only that it was not a close up shot.

Also, any real investigation would have had him to rights quickly. He stupidly began his divorce proceedings before he shot out his nemesis. Furthermore, his suspect behavior with his wife the night before also belied his supposed ignorance of her flagrant behavior.

Lastly you, need to work on your punctuation. It is as if you know a comma belongs in the sentence but you, miss by a word or two.

I really did enjoy the story. However, I did expect him to be caught out by the timing error he made. Your ending was rather abrupt, but, IMHO very good. Killing her rival then shooting herself fit in with the personality you crafted for her.

Thanks,

Ttom

but murder suicides always resonate poorly with me. this story & ending was very shakespearean/greek tragedy-ish. alas, i guess i'm just a typical american pussy who's always looking for some kind of happy ending...

Great story, except I hated the ending. Where have I heard that one before? But seriously, Starstang is one of the originals on this site. Like him or dislike him, not many write like him. Every story I've read has been a reading experience. And I really did hate the ending, but loved the story.

The ending was a little sudden wasn't it? It was a good story with enough details to keep the reader intrigued but to have it end that fast I think was a discourtesy to the story and the reader. You want her committing suicide then do it in a way the matches the rest of the story.

Loved this story as I have enjoyed all of your stories to date. Killing herself would have made it a happy ending, killing his next interest ruined it. Just another dumb bitch. great story. What's with this site that won't let me log on?

Stupid

Impressive in many ways. Logical him and illogical her which is the only way this plausibly works and it did wonderfully.<P>

You are looked forward to Author.<P>

With High Regard

Loved that ending!

the ending of the story doesnt say that shes dead. For all you know she could live. Jack Ass. This story was brilliant. It had everything, I do wish kelly would live. You should give us more too the Story!!!

SS06,

I've told people, who wronged trained specialists vets, they better hope the vet doesn't get a terminal disease report and know when they are going to die. The vet is vengeful, skilled hates & CAN kill you, he has nothing left to loose.

Plus.

(Expert in rehab (71 to 73), left before I lost it).....Some are still alive today, sort-of but loyal as HELL!

Plus.

Believed she lost it all, not crazy, but justified the end. (Seeing daily news reports exemplifies the possibility!)

Plus.

Great writing SS06, Look forward to more and thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Sad but really exciting and it was compelling me to read what was going to happen.

The ending was really unexpected.

Thanks for the exciting read.

And under the right conditions a VET can and will kill you.

The ending was a tack on. It did not grow organically from the story. The story developed well until the cheap end. Should be rewritten. Either write a new end connected to what has gone before or develop the story (especially Kelly who we don't know well enough to care about )

Concentration on developing the characters of both the husband and wife comes with risks. The author needs to demonstrate some consistency of personalities. In this story I was surprised that the husband chose to attack his wife’s lover. This action was inconsistent with the husband’s prior statements.

I’m always put off when a spouse chooses to attack the adulterous companion of the other spouse and not their own partner. You have a contract with your spouse, so if anyone should be the first or only target of your rage, I would elect the spouse…not their paramour.

With due respect to Coaster2, this story could just s easily have been named “Collateral Damage” since the majority of the victims are unrelated to the married couple. Therefore, the ending came as a complete surprise. The selection of victims was very unsatisfying. While I rated this story a “5” it failed to live up to my expectations.

You had an opportunity here to do some pretty creative work and take some risks. All of the characters were government agents. Their job was integral to the story. You could have done a lot with this environment, particularly if you had given them a sense of seriousness consistent with their professions.

In “Drug Bust” by magmaman, male and female undercover cops, have sex in order to preserve both their lives and their cover. One agent was married. The dedication to their mission made the act of infidelity both compelling and justifiable. The interlude was totally consistent with their characters.

Here, I was wondering if the characters who committed these violent acts were same ones whose thoughts we were exposed to earlier. There seemed to be a disconnect in order to shock us with the ending.

It was pulled together very well. It is a good example of how people under stress snap. Everyone has a limit. Have you been watching too many crime shows lately? Good detail. Good story.

Someone trying to cover his tracks from the shooting wouldn't have separated the bank accounts, closed the credit card accounts and commenced divorce proceedings. He would have waited until it became obvious there was something wrong. As it was, the inconsistency of his appearing at the time of the shooting when questioned to be so concerned about Meg would have raised too many suspicions even with the way he'd otherwise covered his tracks.

I hated the ending, and not just because it was silly to imagine an agent being there to watch someone just fired allowing her to steal his gun.

i gotta say, it started out interesting but quickly turned lame. i got how she was wrong but was just trying to justify it, to put it in a gray area. but fuck, its like everyone was blaming her when its as much the other agents fault as hers and apparently there were rumors about her so why the fuck didnt anyone tell dan? why would he serve an obviously deranged woman at work, right after being told that not only is she the team whore but because of her dan is screwing up and now all her ex partners have to transfered leaving them dangerously undermaned. thats just asking for some shit to go down. and it did. whats worse is that even though shes in a room filled with badass superspys, she steals a gun and gets off two bullets. talk about a shitty ending. haha, so besides obvious annoyance at the ending, this was a well written and interesting story.

I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Unfortunately this wasn't one of those, but I did enjoy the hell outta your story, but only gave it a 4 star rating 'cause you let the bitch get even with Dan by killing Kelly before he had a chance to get his end wet. Now in a perfect fiction world - Dan draws his weapon and pops a cap into the slut wife wife just as she fires, causing her to only graze Kelly. Kelly looses her left eye and is forced to wear a sexy eye patch, and in chapter two (posted in the fetish section) Dan gets a really swell skull fuck. Damn! Now THAT'S A 5 Star Happy Ending!

...story great, I'm beginning to think you live near a meth lab though..,..

But I also thought that Kelly getting capped really suxed.

Good flow to the story

Amanda

But the plot went slightly overboard! Good ending, but wished the ending happened sooner. Also I wished I liked the characters better..there was a lack of humanity with the two main characters. I get it that they were both special ops and trained killers, etc... Didn,t really get a sense of the hurt in a human sense...but the coolness of the story is the coldness that each must have to be great at what they must do to accomplish their jobs. So as I said great story, great ending and clever violence...just needed a bit softer tension to juxtapose the macho environment Thank you Stangstar.

You know, this was a pretty enjoyable read. At times it felt like I was watching a cliche action/drama movie, but I still was able to finish the story with a smile on my face. Nice job.

You're quickly becoming one of my favorites. I just found your submissions with "Art of Divorce," and have started reading all of them. Good work, but if you could knock of all the "He said," "She said," "I said," etc. it would be so much better. When one person is talking, most people are smart enough to know it. The constant use of the "He said," etc, just takes away from your writing, not lending to it. Looking forward to more.

As others have said, this author is definitely one to keep an eye out for.

Great stories! We will the conclusive endings and let the sluts get whats coming to them.

but the characters seem to be just going through the motions. It's always the same plot. She cheats, in some fashion, and he doesn't even have to think twice about it before he's having her served with divorce papers. I'm sorry but there is a lot more sole searching and anguish before decisions like these are reached. I know you get a lot of flack from the "burn the bitch" crowd but most of the comments I read from them are pretty immature or they are coming from relationship challenged people. Just saying, the character feels pain like he has never felt before and then have him turn around and perform like nothing has happened isn't really consistent. It seems you're just taking the easy way out. You have good writing skills but your plot needs to be fleshed out a little more with the small details of behavior that really shows their emotions. Read some of the older stories from a few of the really good authors (I think, anyway). Such as; Longhorn_7, Joesephus, Blue88, Thecelt, The Wanderer, PAPATOAD, early HDK and Ohio, just to name a few. There are others, too but these authors have some really good dramatic Loving Wives stories. Thank you for sharing your stories and keep up the work.

This was amazing Stang,,,,it took my breath away and left me with the thousand mile stare! Wow!

What an ending! Along with some real creative writing. You have started a really great writing ability. R.T.

A great story from beginning to end!

The absolutely, positively perfect cheating wife story. I mean what's not to love, the boyfriend's cock gets shot off then the whore of a wife commits suicide. Like I said, what's not to love?

Man She was one psycho bitch she didn't even hesitate to kill Kelly. Wanted to give you a 5 till that point but I cry when busty asians die.

Gotta love when cunts die of rapid lead poisoning. Too bad she had to take an innocent hotty with her. 5*

could Meg tell the story if she had committed suicide. When the sequencing is that far off, the reader has been conned. Congratulations, Mr. Stang Madoff.

The surprise ending was something else which made the story a success. Even if it didn't turn out the way I would have wanted. But hey I'm kind of a happily ever after kind of guy.

I'm one of your biggest fans on this site. I always look forward to reading every new story you put out, and I generally look at the new story section of Loving Wives to see if a new one is there. This is one I'd somehow missed, so I was all in a sweat to read it. It was a foregone conclusion that I'd like it. Hell, I don't think, if memory serves me correctly, that I've ever given one of your delightful tales less than four stars.

I just gave one of your stories two stars! What the fuck? Stang, this was a great story and you had me going along for the ride. Then in the last three paragraphs you fucked the whole thing up. Now I know how a woman feels when her man pulls out early or ejaculates prematurely. And dude, I'll assure you I'm not going to "fake an orgasm" if you'll forgive a rather crude pun.

Okay, I suppose you were going for a surprise ending. Well it doesn't pass the smell test. Meg is distraught and snaps, killing her obvious rival and then herself. Of course this catches those of us off guard who wish to see Dan and the delectable Kelly wind up knocking boots after divesting themselves of the cheating whore. This ending is way beyond weak on at least three points.

One, Meg is in a room full of highly trained government agents. To ask us to believe she could snatch a holstered gun from one of these agents is a huge stretch, to say the least. Second, you honestly want us to accept the rather ridiculous premise that Kelly, who is not only a highly trained agent but a martial artist, is going to sit there like a knot on a log and let her brains be blown out? Hell, even I would have at least dove for the floor. Kelly would more likely have cleared leather first, given that she would not have been struggling for control of her weapon as Meg would have been. Meg would have no doubt been the one eating a round. Last, and certainly not least, we have a woman who has just committed suicide continuing her narrative. This miracle cannot be too much admired.

I suppose you just had an off day. Hopefully it won't happen again, and my devotion to your talent won't take this hit again. At any rate, I remain a fan.

Good story but could only give it a 4 instead of a 5. I would have liked to have read about the husbands response to both of those women being killed in front of his eyes. Poor guy...

awsome story

Your stories are really awesome mann, its been kinda very useful after my breakup

I love the length of your stories the longer the better.keep the gud work up mann

But equally as awesome. Loved it.

I felt sorry for Dan and Kelly, the cheating wife deserved everything she got.

Ditto what Rehnquist said. Not sure I liked this story or not, but it is very well written, interesting, and compelling. Ending caught me by surprise.

By the way, a movie released a few years ago, had some similarities at the end, and irritated me no end. The story was narrated by a woman who was left behind in her scuba gear with her boyfriend in the middle of the ocean by a snorkling excursion boat. Her boyfriend was taken by sharks, and as the viewer waited for the boat to return to rescue the female narrator from the water, the sharks struck her! As comments to this story recognised, the narrator of the story can't rationally die alone in the water. Who completed the tale? Similar problem in this story.

Great story, I loved the ending. BTB with a twist! A self burning bitch! If only they'd all take themselves out the world would be a better place!

The security of our country could not have agents conducting sex during ops. People in these environments are extensively trained and highly disciplined. I don't think they could run ops with little to any distractions with cooperation of more than one agent. This fantasy is beyond preposterous. The story was greatly written once you pass the elephant in the room.

What a shocking ending! Up until the incredibly surprising end, I was thinking this was your best. I am speechless.

Just wish she hadn't killed the other (innocent) women.

Nor, if your supposition is the case, could Bill Clinton have had sex with Monica Lewinski. Sex is where you find it, and when the heat is on, National Security be damned, because that immediate gratification becomes far more important. Damn few males that don't think about something sexual at least once every five minutes, no matter what they do for a living.

Wow, Stang, I'm usually good at seeing where a story is going, but I NEVER saw that coming!

Great job!

I was clearly expecting your standard ending. Great move with this ending.

is way over the top. Danny boy wins again, TK U MLJ LV NV

it was pretty good till the ending, that ruined the whole thing !!!!!!!!!

totaly surprised by the ending.

either you pulled the big rabbit out of the trick bag ...

or just got bored with the story & did a slam dunk finish...

can never tell with your tales ,you put so much time & effort into the build up , and then throw crazy , unexpected twists & loops into the endings ..

knowing your work ..am thinking it's the fucking big rabbit from the trick bag..

remarkable .. there i was enjoying a really good read .. only for it to literaly stop dead .. leaving me in shock & repeatedly saying to myself " FCUK , fcukfcukfcuk."

blown away in every way ...

oral sex.

mission blown.

penis blown away

marriage blown away

job blown away

her life blown away

Dan's job blown away

Dan's mental & emotional health blown away

and final the reader is totaly blown away.

storyline is sublime & Author is a genius ...

so why does this story score so low ????

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

!

and gave you three stars for what it should have been, the ending was a cop out compared to your other work...

So very disappointed, was enjoying a 5* read then got a 1* ending? What happened here, did you just lose interest in this story or perhaps ran out of inspiration?

In any case this was not what I expected from one of my favorite authors. I will keep reading your stories but now with less anticipation and some trepidation.

one helluva ending.she totaly lost everythig,her job and any chance with her husband. so she did the only thingthat was left to her. she killed kelly so she would't get her husband and then killed herself because without him her life was over. one superb ending!! can't wait for another story like this to read.

Lol, i totally should have seen that ending coming. Very nice for one of your quicker reads.

I have to agree with some comments...No doubt a 5* story all through the story, but then the end ruined it all. I understand the end as if she finally snapped and got crazy, crazyness that was already present in her for many years...But none of that had a signal in the story....

with a fun topic and a great LW who got caught!!!

This author is all about rage, sadly. Too bad there's not a hateful wives category, since so much of his stuff would fit better there. That said, he writes well if you don't mind the animosity. Me, I mind.

I really thiught this story had a number of directions to go when you macabre'd out on it. What happened? You tire of it?

Thanks for ruining a perfectly good story. Hope someone pick up on an alternate ending.

but this story had 'stupid' written all over it until the ending when it fell off a cliff and totally killed itself. I have read some bad stories that had a terrible premise and were horribly written, but this one was just insane. 1* is the most I could give it because just ignoring it wouldn't hurt the rating as bad as just giving it a 1. Too bad.

I gave you a 5

2

a very interesting story. Whoever was in charge of commas and/or dialogue punctuation did a crappy job.

Didn't someone write a sequel to this? I swear I remember reading one

I almost rated it 3 stars because of the stupid comment serving his country. None of the people serve the country, they harm the people but they do serve the government.

I told myself he meant 100 yards instead of a quarter of mile because, other than random chance, it impossible to hit a 1.6" inch target from a quarter of a mile. And, obviously he couldn't shoot off his dick. I don't know what caliber the rifle is, but it's not a cannon. Probably about 30 caliber which might make a 1/4 inch hole. I am not certain because the point would penetrate and the fibers would stretch. However, at such a high velocity the fibres may not have time to stretch. Regardless, the maximum would be a hole the diameter of the bullet maybe 0.3" and the penis is 1.6": so that less than 1/5th blown away. That's going to hurt; lordy it's going to hurt, but it's not a great amount of damage.

And, she didn't save his live even if it was a cannon and completely severed his dick. Bobbitt didn't die so obviously there is not that much blood loss.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the story and that is why I rated it 4 stars.

nope

she has been unfriended

and there will be no further communication with her

Well written & interesting plot within this genre - what a disaster of a finish.

I hope another author contacts you to do an alternate.

now die by the gun.

What did blondi do to the bulit ???

unless you deleted my comments before, I guess I never commented on this part of your two parter. Which I guess was good because I really didn't dislike this one, even the ending. Ha, that was a joke. I really like this part of the story, even the end. I would have to admit that the bitch wouldn't or shouldn't have passed the psych part of the application process. I mean, bat shit crazy doesn't even begin to describe her, for a fact. I liked the tension of the story and the chance encounter at the hot dog stand, neat how you tied that in. Really thought the story should just end here. Yeah, I have read the other part and that's another story comment all together.

Good job on this one and good research on sniper rifles, it seems like. Not an expert on them myself but you seemed to have a handle on the makes and calibers of the weapons. Thanks for the story.

Obviously the author just tired of writing and thought "fuck it, rocks fall, everybody dies." or something like that.

"I love my husband so much more than he could possibly love me”- And THAT’S why you’re cheating on him?

“But a little warm up oral, especially when Dan usually reaped the benefits of it were OK in my rule book” – And how about in DAN’S rule book?

"I had heard rumors about you, before we were assigned to work together” – How did Ray hear rumors and nothing ever got back to Dan?

“I made it a point to wear slacks as opposed to a skirt.” – Frankly, I’m surprised that slacks weren’t a part of the “uniform” for exactly those practicality reasons.

“He was probably helping one of his puppy dog friends,” – That’s kind of a snotty attitude!

“They were very formal and very polite. Almost as if he was talking to a colleague, instead of to his wife” – It NEVER occurs to these cheaters that their spouses are cool towards them because they know or strongly suspect the cheating!

“I never considered how badly this could hurt him.” – They never do!

“and it really wasn't cheating” – I know it’s been said MANY times, but if it had been Dan exchanging oral sex with HIS field partner “to release tension,” would she still feel the same way?

"Now that I know your reasons, I can sort of see how you thought it might have been acceptable to you,”…”But it just isn't to me” – Again, if she REALLY believed it was alright and justified, why didn’t she go to Dan FIRST, and explain her position? Because she KNEW it was wrong and there was NO way that Dan would approve of it!

Killing Kelly off was a mistake. I would have like to have seen another story with

Dan and Kelly getting together. Guess that's not gonna happen now. Dammit!

that just sucked..

Thank you. Much success to you in shopping that in the future, where the use of commas won't be random.