Jeannie's Shopping "Strip"

Colin smiled, then looked at me. "Well, there goes our guy's afternoon."

"Yeah, well, whatever. I guess I'm resigned to sitting through traffic, talking couples stuff and listening to her radio station for hours."

"Hey, don't knock it," Colin laughed. "You don't know what you've got until you miss it."

Colin's engagement went bust about six weeks back, and his fiancé had just left him without any explanation. A week later, she was seen by his friends back home in Northern California making out with a mutual (now ex) friend. A week after that, and they had eloped. Colin took it in stride, and said that she had saved him from future heartache. Although he was clearly happier for it, he was still a little raw.

"So, you seeing anyone yet?" I asked.

"Nah, I don't care. Even though I'm as horny as ever, and I could go out and score at a bar tonight, I just don't wanna. Too soon. Just me and Rosie tonight." He laughed again.

Jeannie came out of the bedroom again and loped down the hall into the living room. She had two large shopping bags in hand, and was wearing daisy dukes, flip-flops and a loose, baggy sleeveless t-shirt that gave just the right amount of sideboob to give anyone's grandpa a heart attack. She grinned widely. "Alright, I'm ready!"

"You look...nice," I said.

Jeannie came up to me and pressed her petite frame against me, kissing me with her open mouth. She lifted up her arms and put them around my neck, which exposed her braless torso just long enough to catch Colin's attention. I pretended to act surprised, keeping my eyes open. Sure enough, I could see Colin well in my peripheral vision, taking in a good eyeful.

Jeannie then smiled, and said, "thank you baby. I won't forget this."

"It's OK," I said.

Then she turned in front of Colin, and, grinning broadly, said, "Colin, I'm sorry to ruin your afternoon. You know, you're welcome to join us and keep this guy company...I'm sure he'd appreciate the distraction from you."

"Um..." Colin said, looking at me.

"Hey," I said. "It's only an hour drive. We can have lunch there since there's no food here anyhow. And if we hurry, we can get back in time to get a good round in. Whaddya say? If you join me I'll buy."

Colin paused, then said, "alright, I'm in."

Jeannie gave Colin a hug, and a soft kiss on the cheek. "You're awesome." He smiled, and headed to the door.

Jeannie leaned over and whispered "Don't forget your hat."

"Why?" I asked.

"To keep a low profile. He's wearing his too, so that'll help keep us anonymous."

"Got it."

Jeannie grinned, and headed towards the open door to the car. I grabbed my hat and keys.

We got to Ontario in record time, because of the natural traffic flow in and out of LA on Sunday. Most people were heading back into the city that afternoon though, and the opposite lane of the freeway was already full of cars returning from weekends away in Vegas and the desert cities.

"Wow, that's our trip home, guys," Colin said.

"Eh, you never know what might open up," I said.

We got to the outlets, and the parking lot was filled with cars. Jeannie and I had gone over the strategy over the prior week, and we decided that in such a case it would be best to park as close to the lot entrance as possible. That way, we could make a dash across the parking lot and drive off with no traffic obstructions.

We also decided to avoid the main entrances since we'd need to scurry away, so we found a few key side doors that were rarely used. They usually led into long hallways where the bathrooms and service doors for the businesses were, and as such, they were usually empty and unguarded. We followed this strategy and after two minutes of following the winding corridor we emerged into the large hallway of the outlets and a welcoming blast of air conditioning.

I marked the position mentally, and we were about 40 yards away from the store where Jeannie needed to make her "exchange," and about 40 yards away from the food court in the opposite direction. As predicted, it was crowded inside, full of pedestrians trying to beat the heat, wait out the traffic or eke out a few more leisure hours of shopping before their weekend was over.

I looked at Jeannie, and she nodded. "How about lunch?" I said.

"Totally cool," said Colin.

Colin took advantage of the fact we were buying lunch for his time keeping me company, and he hit one of the buffet lines with a passion. I wondered with all he was packing away if he'd be able to make the getaway run without puking. But he seemed fine. He was fresh off graduating and had been a varsity soccer player, so he could still eat like an athlete.

We walked around for a little while, and after reaching the end of one wing, we turned around and headed back in the direction of the food court and the clothing store just further off. It was one of those slightly high-end casual business stores that didn't get as much business as the big-box retailers everyone preferred to hit up. To our relief, once we got there it was nominally staffed and there were a small scattering of customers.

Jeannie searched the shelves and picked out a few outfits to try on. Then she talked with the saleslady a bit, who pointed towards the dressing rooms in the back. Colin and I left the store and sat outside.

"Alright," I said. "We're in it for the long haul now."

Colin grinned. He didn't seem to mind the afternoon boondoggle, and the two of us had followed Jeannie around the mall. Colin certainly had an eyeful of Jeannie's ass swaying around in her Daisy Dukes, and like a sly fellow, he knew how to gaze just long enough before he got caught. Colin would act like he was looking straight ahead, then look right at me with more intensity than normal, as if to say "I'm not checking your girlfriend out, dude." I pretended not to notice, and appreciated how Jeannie was baiting Colin so well today for his future, unwitting task.

The plan was for Jeannie to make her returns, try on clothes, make a purchase, then get another idea and try on another outfit or two. During that time she'd shed her clothes and leave her unpurchased items in plain view in the dressing room, put everything else in her shopping bag, then walk briskly to the exit.

"You know, you can leave your panties on," I said that morning.

"All or nothing," Jeannie said. "I'm gonna go naked or go home."

"You realize these are the wrong analogies for this situation?" I asked. We laughed.

About 15 minutes later, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my back pocket.

"It's Jeannie," I said. "She needs to talk to me."

"Okay," Colin said.

I got to the dressing room door, knocked, and a moment later the latch clicked and Jeannie let me inside. She was taking off one of the dresses she had tried on. In addition to being braless, she was wearing nothing under her shorts, so now she was totally nude.

"What's up? I said. "You ready?"

Jeannie looked at me, then down at the floor, then back at me again.

"I don't know...I can't do this."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I just think our little dare is enough if it's just said, you know?"

"Um...well, OK. I pushed you a little, but you seemed down with it in the end. Is that the problem?"

"No, not at all. I just think this is silly."

"Are you getting cold feet?"

"Maybe...or stage fright," she said.

"Well, there's one good cure for stage fright, and that's jumping in and doing it."

"Maybe. Some other time, OK?"

"OK," I said. I glanced at her clothes. The bags for her returns were on the floor, her shorts and tee shirt were on the seat, and the dresses she was trying on were hanging on the wall. "Have you made your returns yet?"

"No, I was going to."

"Are you going to buy anything?"

"No...let's just go."

"Okay," I said. "Let's go then."

"Wait...I'm sorry," Jeannie said. "I'm being all wishy washy here. You decide."

"You want me to decide?"

I looked at her and she nodded, eyes pleading to me to make a decision.

Suddenly, I swept her clothes off the chair and into the bags. I picked them up, then grabbed the dresses off the wall.

Jeannie stared at me in horror. "Deal's a deal," I said. "I'm throwing you into the deep end."

"You bastard!" She whispered.

I spun around, and left the dressing room, briefly glancing back at Jeannie, who was stark naked and red as a beet.

I headed to the register, handed back the unpurchased items, and made the returns. Then I walked out of the store and sat back down next to Colin.

"Hey Colin," I said. "When Jeannie comes back out we should high-tail it so we can beat traffic."

"Okay," Colin said. "Is she okay? Why are you carrying her bags?" he asked.

"You'll see."

Colin looked in the direction of the store, and his eyes widened. "Oh my god. What's going on here?"

Jeannie emerged from the store, naked as the day she was born, wearing nothing but her flip flops. She bee lined toward us, and walked briskly past us in the direction of our planned exit.

I briefly glanced around and saw a number of shoppers staring at the spectacle ahead of us: Lady Godiva at the mall. "Let's go," I said.

Colin jumped up, and he ran towards Jeannie's side. I pulled on his arm to stop him.

"What the fuck?" he asked, confused. "Where's her clothes?"

"In the bag," I said. "We planned this. Come on, stay close with me and make sure nobody bothers her. And keep your head down."

Jeannie headed through the crowd, which miraculously parted like the Red Sea to get a good look at the nakedest chick they'd ever seen this side of pay TV. She turned left and ducked into the exit doorway. Colin and I swiftly followed her in.

"Keep your head down Colin," Jeannie called out. "There are closed-circuit cameras above you."

"Jesus, you really planned this out?" he said in disbelief.

We scurried along the corridor, and just before we got to the exit, we passed the bathrooms, where a mall cop emerged, coming off his break. His eyes widened, and then he glared.

"What the hell do you kids think you're doing?" He officiously called out to us.

"Enjoying a stroll, sir." I said.

"You better get some clothes on, young lady. And then you're going to the station!"

Jeannie stared at him point-blank. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Huh?"

"You're not going to lay a hand on me, or these guys will testify that you tried to get physical with me without authorization."

"Young lady, I can haul your little ass in jail if you keep this up."

"You touch any part of me and I will press rape charges."

The guard looked stunned. "This is against the law!"

"Actually it's not," Jeannie said. "There's no law against public nudity unless someone files a complaint with the city. On private property that may fly, but this mall is public property as it's paid for in large part out of taxpayer money and financed by public bonds. So it's the same as me being naked in city hall. And furthermore, you cannot arrest me since you're not a real officer."

"I...uh..." the mall cop stammered. Then he looked at me and Colin. Finally he relented. "Get the hell out of here."

We jogged out of the corridor, and into the bright light and heat of the parking lot. A small number of people were walking to and from their cars, and a few stopped to stare. But we walked nonchalantly past them, and made our way to the car parked at the end of the lot.

Jeannie turned to face us. "Give me my clothes back, please."

"Just a sec," I said. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and opened the trunk. Then I placed the bags inside, and slammed it shut.

"You asshole."

"All or nothing!" I said. "All the way home."

"We never agreed on that!"

"We never agreed on this either," I said, unlocking the car. I held the door open for her. "Come on, get in. You'll at least be in the car for the ride home, and only a few cars will notice you."

Jeannie fumed.

Colin looked at me. "Dude what the fuck?"

"I'll explain. Come on, let's go."

Suddenly, Jeannie made a grab for my keys, snatched them out of my hand, bolted inside the car, and slammed the door shut.

Click! The locks went down.

"Jeannie?" I said.

"What the fuck?" said Colin.

A moment's silence, and then from within the car came a scream. Then: "YOU ROYAL ASSHOLE!"

"What's the matter babe?" I said, trying to act cool.

"I can't believe you put me up to this! How could you? This was the single most embarrassing moment of my entire fucking life!"

"Oh come on," I said. "You did it, and now it's done. You can relax now."

"Fuck you."

"Did anyone see you?"

"Well, of course everybody fucking saw me at the Ontario fucking outlets!"

"I mean, did anyone notice you?"

"No; I didn't see anyone. I guess not."

"Then it's okay!"

"No, it's NOT fucking okay! You should have let me back out when I wanted to!"

"Dude, did you force this? That's not cool." Colin asked.

"No, I just held her to it. She was quite sure about it before and she momentarily chickened out, so I helped her be decisive."

"Okay, you're in for a world of shit," Colin said, laughing nervously.

"Jeannie, come on," I said. Open the door. Let's go home."

"You're a fucking piece of shit."

"Hey, it was now or never. But you know what? You're right. I shouldn't have pushed it. I wasn't really thinking about it. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. But please, let's go home. And remember, I'll keep up my end of the bargain."

Jeannie paused, then put the key in the ignition. She started the car, and then rolled the driver's side window down just a crack.

"Colin?"

"Yeah?"

"You drive. He sits in the back seat."

"Okay."

Jeannie flipped up the driver's lock, and sat back in the passenger seat. Colin opened the door, and unlocked the back seat door for me. I slid inside, and looked at Jeannie who stared out of her window, ignoring me.

Colin got in and started the car. We got out of the parking lot, over to the freeway, and joined the throng of drivers making their way home from Vegas and parts unknown,

Jeannie sat in her seat, rigid, hands covering her breasts and legs crossed. She looked at the cars surrounding us, and sighed. "This is probably more humiliating than the dash through the mall."

"Okay," said Colin. Would you please tell me what the fuck happened here? I feel like you deliberately dragged me into something."

"This prick here wanted me to streak through the mall today to see how I'd like it."

"Why?"

"We saw a girl doing it last week in Burbank, and both of us liked seeing her being free with her body. I thought Jeannie might get a kick out of it if she tried, so yeah, I egged her on."

"And did you agree to it?"

"Yeah," Jeannie said. "I did."

"Why did you rope me in to this?"

"So we could have an extra guy to help in case we encountered any trouble," I said. "And we trust you...although we didn't tell you about our plan in case you'd say no."

"Dude, you're really Mr. Integrity this weekend," Colin said.

"My bad."

"No, Colin," Jeannie said. "That's my fault. I wanted another guy, and I did all the maneuvering today to get you to come along. That's my fault, not his."

"Okay. So, you did this to see if you'd get some kind of buzz out of being naked in public, and it backfired, right?"

"Kind of," I said.

"But it's obvious you both really wanted to," said Colin. "He had the bags, and coached me through the thing as you were traipsing through the store, and you" - now he looked at Jeannie - "obviously prepared very extensively for this."

Jeannie smiled for the first time. "Thank you."

"So you're only mad because you got pushed into the deep end of the pool. I think you really wanted to do this, Jeannie. You are a bit of a showoff, and a good flirt when the mood strikes you."

Jeannie laughed. "Yeah, I know."

"So it's all good," Colin said. "You guys will kiss and make up soon. It just didn't pan out exactly the way you wanted it to go."

"I'm still mad at him," Jeannie said.

"Come on babe," I said. "you know he's right."

"Hey bro," Colin said. "I'm not happy with you either. You weren't exactly upfront with me."

"Oh, like I'm gonna tell you we wanted to try something like this?"

"Fine, yeah, I get it," Colin said. "But you owe me one."

"Cool," I said.

"Hey, two questions Jeannie," Colin said.

"Shoot."

"The stuff you told the guard about not being able to arrest you," he said. "Is that true? That mall can't be the same as public property, and there's gotta be some indecency laws in place."

Jeannie scoffed. "Oh, I just made all that up to confuse him. You try arguing the law with a pair of tits in your face."

Colin and I laughed. "Okay, second question," he said. "What's this 'my end of the bargain' you mentioned in the parking lot?"

"Oh, uh..." I said. "We had a deal..."

"Nothing," Jeannie said. "Just between us." She smiled coyly, then stared ahead at the traffic.

Jeannie seemed to relax more as the trip progressed. She and Colin chatted about his breakup and aftermath, and he seemed to be quite happy being single again.

"You're not going to see anyone for a while?" Jeannie asked.

"Nah, I think I'm done for a bit," said Colin.

"Not even play around?" asked Jeannie.

"Well, if something came along, I might. But it would have to be very casual, no strings attached."

Jeannie had stopped covering her breasts with her hands by now, and was lounging in the passenger seat. She opened the window, and stretched as the air hit her naked skin.

"Mmm, that feels so nice. I love warm afternoon California air."

"Not worried about anyone seeing you?" I asked.

"No, I don't care," she said, and just as she said so an SUV passed by the left of the car and two guys held their arms out of their windows, giving a thumbs up. Their horn honked, and Jeannie smiled and returned the gesture. They waved, and drove off."

"You seem to like the attention," I said.

"I like being nude, and I don't mind being noticed."

"So after the run through the mall, how do you feel about it?"

"I'm fine with it, I guess. I was scared as we were jogging through the place, but we didn't get caught and nobody made a fuss. So...I liked it." She smiled.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked.

"Mmm...not quite." She smiled.

"Would you do it again?" asked Colin.

Jeannie paused in thought. "Yeah, I might. I just needed to get used to it." She nodded. "Yeah, I'd do it."

"Would you walk into a store and order food?" Colin asked. "It's dinnertime, and I'm hungry."

"Sure," Jeannie said.

Colin laughed. "Hey, I was just kidding."

"Pull over," Jeannie said. "We'll stop at the next burger joint and I'll do the ordering."

"Really? You're serious?" he asked.

"Come on, I'm hungry too."

Colin pulled over at the next exit and drove up to the nearest giant highway drive-through. "You want me to come in with you?"

"No, I've got this." Jeannie said, and she grabbed cash from me and walked into the restaurant.

Through the window we could see Jeannie's ass sidling up to the counter, where stood a very surprised and nervous young man who looked like he'd never seen a girl naked before in his life. He protested a bit, and Jeannie struck a few poses as she argued with him. The man looked around, then shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward. Jeannie pointed at the overhead menu a few times, and offered the money in her hand. The man took it, then raced around, placing whatever he could get his hands on into the bag and quickly handed it to Jeannie. She walked away from the counter, turning back to wave at the poor guy, then sauntered out of the restaurant, victoriously holding up a bag and a drink caddy in her hands. She was grinning widely, and shook her chest in delight.