All Comments on 'JenB and Son'

I couldn't help but wonder if he was fucking his Mom Jennifer Bach or was it his Mom Jennifer or was it his Mom??? There were so many other people in that room it was a good thing he kept constantly identifying the person he was fucking as we would have never, ever have figured out that he was fucking his Mom Jennifer!!

Wow! What a pile of horseshit!! I can only hope that the author's primary language is not English!

WTF every other word was Mom Jennifer!!! Ruined the whole story, turned it into a piece of crap!!

He keeps on saying, "My mom Jennifer." Big deal. Is that any reason for hurling these savage insults at a 30 year old first-time contributor? And a gifted and highly promising contributor at that. If the reader isn't blinded by a baseless anger, there's lots to like in this story. Starting with the hero Toby's sweet, naive admission, "I'm proud to say that I have just recently become an 18-year-old Mother-fucker." Toby's consumed with lust as he's given total access to that hairy hole between his mother's legs, the same wonderful hole he came out of. He calls it her "motherly crease" and--I love this--his mother's "fuckhole." Toby has great love and respect for his mother as a good son should, but the boy's testosterone-fueled and wild with raw primal passion, so he thinks of his mother's vagina as her "fuckhole." Mom's just as wild for what her boy's got swinging between his legs--his big hard cock. Another lovely touch: mom "cradled my heavy balls in her tiny hands." It is just so beautiful when a mother cups and cradles her boy's balls. Last but certainly not least, Toby does not fuck his mother up the ass, which seems obligatory for too many writers on Lit. True to life, he simply cannot get enough of his own mother's cunt. He slurps it half to death, he fucks it mercilessly, he blows his young balls and floods it with all his creamy semen, again and again. Toby's a proud young hero of motherfucking, a model for all the young males who ache to get their cock back up where they were once a baby. Mr. SVV, I implore you. Pay no attention to ignorant naysayers. Please give us more well-written, exciting stories of horny boys and their loving son-fucking mothers.

I also thought using his Mom's first name was a bit much but it didn't ruin the story for me. I hope the positives outweigh the negatives and you continue writing. It will only get better as you do.

The story got redundant plus the use of the moms first name started to become a turnoff. This coming from someone that fucked moms that get like this and even some role played pretending I was their son. 3 stars.

My mom Jennifer got to be old. If you would have proof-read your story, you would have caught that right away.

Melon-sized 32Cs? Stop being a virgin, either of women or Google.

We got the idea it was your mom Jen in the first paragraph. You didn't have to keep telling us every other line all through the story.

I can't tell from the story.

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Seriously, after the first few times it didn’t strengthen the connection, it became grating.

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In a reply to the person who asked “okay, so the author has a verbal tic, so what?” Have you ever been in bed and you hear a drip, over and over and over and over … THAT’S the “so what?” It’s piss poor writing and annoying.

Obviously, that was supposed to be "By any chance, would your mother's name be Jennifer?"

Jennifer just who is Jennifer anyway lololol

It qualifies as adult fiction but so many redundant and poorly chosen words that after five paragraphs I jumped to the end. No reason to stop writing for your own enjoyment, and ours but maybe use the services of an editor before having it uploaded. Good luck with those stories yet to come.

Keep at it it if you enjoy doing the work!

Obviously you got the my mom Jennifer coments so no need to add to them here. Story seemed to repeat and at some point either had to get to the ending or moved past that first night to include later in the week sneaking one in or something extra

Not a bad first effort.

For a first effort this was outstanding, not perfect, but pretty good all the same. The sex was well written and very horny, I could almost believe the Milf Mum was being seduced by her own body, as well as her son's efforts.

One thing though, why was it necessary to keep repeating his mother's name in full at the start of every other paragraph?

Let's see some more stories of this quality please.

great story write another chapter and not so much usage of his mother's name

Mom needs to slip up and get herself knocked up by her son.

They need to find a place in the house where they can fuck every day even when the two other kids age in the house.

It was a decent first time story, but you should lay off using her name so much and constantly saying how long the dick is. Its over-kill and made me not want to read all of it.

Ok so ummm whats his mom's name again? Was it Jackie or Janie errrr what was it again?

Do a second chapter with him overcoming mom's objection to fucking when the kids are there. Have her come and wake him with a cock sucking in the morning. I know at 18 I could fuck everyday, all day long. I miss that.

Rating it,, by the time she found out eric was married ,, i had heard her name so fucking many times i am scared i will start calling my mother Jennifer Bach

Trash

I liked your story it was written well. I like the way he slowly lusted over her more and more. For a more realistic feel add a bit more reluctance on the mothers part. You never mentioned her having any lust for him so there should be resistance of some sort. Your sex scene was fine good detail pretty well rounded.Last thing constantly saying "32c" tits and "7inch" cock is not needed constantly. sometimes for extra measure.

All and all was written good just need more experience and you be writing Luke a champ

I think you can stop beating the horse now. It's not just dead, it's been dead since the first few paragraphs. (And in case you're too dense to get the reference: Beating a dead horse is a phrase that means you're repeatedly trying to achieve a result from something that is simply incapable of, or unwilling to provide that result. In this case: a person would have to be suffering from some form of mental retardation to not understand THAT YOUR MOM'S NAME IS JENNIFER. WE GET IT. WE "GOT" IT. WE GOT IT AFTER THE FIRST TIME YOU WROTE IT. WE GOT IT AFTER THE TWENTIETH TIME YOU WROTE IT. WE GOT IT EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU WROTE IT. In other words: YOU ARE BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF A DEAD HORSE!)

A quick Google search would have told you the average height for a woman in the US & UK is about 5’4, meaning she’s about average height. 5’3” is considered the upper level for petite. This wouldn’t be a problem if you hadn’t repeatedly written how small/petite she was or the size of her breasts, at least compared to her height.

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Someone remarked on the “Melon-sized 32Cs”. On a 5’5” woman, 32Cs are really melon sized, but on a woman around 5’1”, yeah I can see that.

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This is another example of you (for some reason) driving home a point to the point of annoyance. The story was good, but the constant “My Mom Jennifer” became similar to a fly that keeps buzzing around and that you just can’t seem to catch.

what the hell is My Mom Jennifer. Do you know what a pronoun is? This story lacked any creativity and it was not erotic. It was just a lame sex story with a weak plot.

What was your moms name again ???

Every noun does not have to have multiple adjectives. ".......... big teenage cock.." have you every heard anyone actually say that phrase??? ".........tight little blond cunt......." ".....small spice drop size nipples......" "....lilly white quarter sized dark pink circles ........" , "........big soft heavy full 32c tits...." "........

Oh Yeah, you could try using some commas.

Bottom line....... Get an Editor .

I'm amazed at how many times I've clicked on this lame story. I haven't clicked on it to reread the story. I've clicked on it to read the imaginative and hilariously funny comments. The comments are ten times better than the story.

I skipped Chapters two and three. "My Mom Jennifer" was so repetitive.

BTW: a female is blonde, a male blond.

I didn't vote, but as a new author....keep submitting and learning.

Thanks Don

To repetitive. We got the name and relationship of the mother over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. No plot terrible narrative weak and unfulfilling. Try again

My mother Jennifer Bach

My mother Jennifer

My mother Jennifer Bach

My 34-year-old mother Jennifer

My mother Jennifer

etc

Do you realize how ridiculous this sounds?

It's a creditable effort, and while there may be a few problems...no, wait, stop...; even I can't lie that well, and I've been married 29 years; it was terrible, so terrible it clicked all my "Crap Alert" warning lights on at once; I can only hope that English is not your mother-tongue, because if it is, then your parents should be dragged into the public square and pelted with copies of Webster's Abridged Dictionary for sending you out into the world so woefully unprepared. Please promise that before you post another word, you'll poke hot needles into your eyes, to give you a feel for what you've subjected the rest of us to. Knitting, there's a good alternative pastime, and if you knit something horrible (what are the the chances...?) at least you can unravel it and start again...

we have all been there, don't, give up keep on trucking. tenbears

...to the worst thing I've ever read on Lit!

This was appalling - virtually unreadable. How old are - 14?

I have to agree with the others. How big were her tits? I don't think you told us enough times.

Was it your mom you were fucking? Again, I don't think you told us enough times who it was.

Drinks all day and is a tiny little thing with huge tits? Really? Don't think so and that goes for you, oh yeah, how big was your cock? Again, you didn't tell enough times it was 7 inches.

In the future, try to be realistic. It's ok if you mom has B sized tits and you have an average 6 incher. Actually, I might have been able to finish reading is you had been more truthful.

Next attempt, get an editor. Their free and they understand how to tell a story.

Actually, Southern, you have the basis for a good read, but you do need some help. I would not want you to stop trying. Just ask one of the free editors to give you some pointers. I know most of us would be happy to do so, because I am but one of many.

Keep trying. you'll get there.

OH and ignore thejuveniles, like the idiot that suggested you were 14. They always crop up and have a penchant for bad reviews and none for constructive thoughts

And couldn't tollerate any more. "my Mom Jennifer" no shit kung fu she's your mom and her name is Jennifer, use one or the other for fuck's sake. 32C tits....ALL THE TIME, come on man, tell the reader once and be done, it's a three page story not a Steven King novel, we'll remember details. Good set-up, horrid delivery. Take this story down, edit it, and repost. Editing out some of the useless and redundant items would allow you to put in more details and set a better plot in the same amount of space.

Where did you go to school?

Your writing is juvenile. I hated it!! How many times do you have to refer to the mom as 'mom Jennifer' How often must you tell us about her size tits and cup.

You really need to polish up on your writing before you submit again to Literotica.

Grow up and read other submissions to get ideas on how to improve.

Repetition of 'My mom, Jennifer' is a typical new author's error, but all writer's first attempts are full of errors. It's how one learns to write. Keep trying Mr S, but take note of your mistakes and learn.

Every noun Does Not need an adjective or worse, multiple adjectives. It's OK to say I put my cock into her cunt. You don't need 7" big hairy cock, or tight, blond, bearded, clam.

You have already heard about you repeated references to your "Mom Jennifer".

You have the makings of a good story, you just need some help. Read the comments, and apply them to you next attempt. Ignore the haters, some folks just bash rather them make suggestions for improvement.

I knew for sure

she

was 34

a 32C

and Blond, top and bottom

he

was 7"

Piss off.

After you give you mother's name, either say "mom" or "Jennifer" not "my mom Jennifer." Is her name going to change in the middle of the story? It gets tedious and repetitive.

I'm still not clear... Is mom's name Jennifer? What size are her breasts - 32C? Spice drop nipples?

I don't think you've mentioned these details enough times.

The phrasing and flow of this story make me think it was created with story line software typically used for tracking multiple characters and threads. Even MS Word allows writers to autocomplete inserted tags.

The trick is to use multiple identifiers - Mom1, Mom2, etc.- with varied phrases, to enhance originality and enjoyment for readers.

That obviously did not happen here, but you can easily edit and re-post. And now you know for the future. Nice try.

Looked at comments and I see I am not alone.

Never ever thought of a writing program but as soon as I read the comment my brain flashed,"Damn, why didn't think of that" Mom Jennifer etc.

Still good stories.

Looking at the history I suspect there will not be more stories, but if there were more I would be happy.

I don't think the phrase "my mom" needs to be repeated every 3 or 4 sentences, however, I'm sure that it takes a lot of effort to write a story so definite props for that.

quick question, was the moms name jennifer?

I THINK HIS MOMS NAME WAS J E N N I F E R ????

AND HE ONLY GETS 3***.

USAF

Yeah we got it after the first 12 times, your moms name is Jennifer. One star seems too many

OH is your moms name Jennifer is it?too much repertition in this

My Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom JenniferMy Mom Jennifer...

You see how fricken annoying that is?

WE ONLY NEEDEHER NAME AND AGE ONCE the stor was good but the constant repetition of her age and name was why i begrugingly gave you five stars when 4 would have been generous less repetition more story

How much copy & paste can you fit into one story.....???? And as for "my mom Jennifer"..... I gave up reading the rest after 3 paragraphs into page 2. Absolutely terrible, maybe a decent plot but completely spoilt by so many repeated statements. A good proof reader would have helped- perhaps ?

ok so mom is jennifer 34 with 32c tits your Toby 18 with a 7" cock. You only have to tell us once. Seems like I am not the only one to mention this. Storyline is ok so if you write more please correct this

I think its a lovely little story. But I realize she's blond and 34 yrs. Old and her name is Jennifer. I got it the first time now get on with the fucking. She's a hot little bitch.