All Comments on 'Justin Thyme Ch. 13'

You have done good with this chapter of the story. I am hooked on this story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Keep up the great work!!!!!

I don't know what to say other than "Another great Chapter!" I wait anxiously for each new installment to be published. A great story. I can't say enough great things about it. Keep it coming..

I love this story and I can not get enough of it and look for more chapter of it every day

Another Great Chapter. I can hardly wait to read what is going to happen next . Please keep up the good work .

Fantastic story,this story is in my top 10 stories I have been following as number 1 been thinking of printing out the whole story so i can read it again and again. Keep up the good work. Have you considered sending it in to a publisher like Smashwords after it is compleated I think you should

I've enjoy reading this. Will be waiting for the next chapter.

Great Story. cant wait to see what happens next. and Does Janell become a problem for Justin after moving into the house.

I hope you appreciate creative criticism as I'm not the type of person to just lavish praise.

It's still a good story but you've lost a lot of what you had from the beginning. You first wrote this as a story about a boy spying on his sister and her two friends and now its about lost gold? While an interesting plot I'm finding myself skimming through a lot of it and, while maybe I'm missing the points I'm looking for in doing this, that is a sign that you are loosing your reader's attention.

One thing I would strongly recommend you fixing is the scenes involving the twin's parents and Michael's parents. They just have no place in the story. If you are going to include them as additional sexual adventurers then you need to make them more important. To use an example, if you've seen Pirate's of the Caribean 4, these scenes are similar to Disney using the Priest and the Mermaid as an attempt at romance in the movie. The theory was valid but the development just didn't work. They were pointless to the movie and at this point, so are all these cutaways to the parents having sex pointless to your story. The only way these will fit in is if you have the kids starting to have sex with the parents (either their own or with the others, i.e. Steph having sex with the twin's parents, Michael having sex with Susie's parents) but I don't see your writing going that way.

Also, all of your characters are to "nice" and "goody-goody". You need a villain or some conflict. I'm at the point that I want to kidney punch Michael. Even Justyn is getting to that point.

I think you need to go back to your first chapters and re-read them and find that spark that first gave you this idea. How Susie openly flirted with Justyn while Steph pined after him and his sister secretly lusted. You've lost that.

One more suggestion, and this is one that my prof. always stressed with me. More physical descriptions; their clothes, their hair, their features, the scenery. You might have the image in your mind of what is going on but if you don't describe it to us, your readers won't know. One idea, remind us in each new chapter what the characters look like in subtle ways. Especially the girl's hair colors and shapes. In erotica that is just as important as the clothes their wearing. Remember all of Susie's and Stephs scars, the lack of body hair, the color of their nail polish. This should be done upon introducing each character in each chapter but not necessarily to carry on in excess through out the chapter. But every now and then remind us that the twin sister has red-gold hair and that Steph is blonde.

Also, since you said you like to be accurate with facts, while you have translated the value of the gold from $50,000 to over $3M, what would the historic value of the coins be worth? Google the news report of the couple that recently found old coins on their property. I don't think they found as much as you have in the story but it was reported that those coins are worth much much more because they are old and valuable to collectors.

Also, change the f'ing description for each chapter!! "Fun with a twin sister and two of her friends." should never have been used to summarize each chapter in the first place but it really doesn't fit anymore since Susie is with Michael and you're introducing a lot more people. That's just lazy writing.

I agree with the comment below. The storyline is beginning to show to many distractions. Back to the way you started.

Is Al's based on a real place? I'm a southern Arizonan and am curious. You make it sound so good. Haha

I agree with the last two posts. We are interested in the four (now five) main characters. Adding the parents in is just making things more complicated and makes the reader lose focus. I'm half expecting to read about grandpa and grandma in a future story which does not interest me at all. It's also annoying that Michael and Justin agree on everything. You need some sort of conflict to split the group and then bring them together again. It does seem like the story has strayed from it's original path. Is there any way to return it to the way it was with three girls teasing one boy and his pursuit to satisfy his curiosity with each of them?

this series is so well written let I could read 100 ch of this series thanks for all your hard work

I'm enjoying this story tremendously, but I have to agree in part with the creatively critical anonymous. The railroad people might not be so nicely cooperative, for example. Tom might have some competition for Mary's interest. A TV reporter might have come early enough to follow everyone to Bills, and cause a ruckus. I'm OK with the mystery around the house, though. It could even be developed more. Tone down the explicit sex and leave out the love of Justin and Rosemary, unfortunately, and this could well be developed into a mainstream novel. Meanwhile, please keep it cuming.

I keep checking every day for the next installments. One note... keep it your own story as you want to write it. Don't let the others influence you too much. If others find it complicated or too varied, they don't have to read it. I enjoy reading where you want to take the story, not where I think it should go.

you could turn this story into a novel!!

One of the best I have read here keep it going love you writing

Michael Borden is Nineteen in chapter 9:

"That's not a problem, sir. I'm nineteen. I turn twenty in a week and a half."

Now in chapter 13 he is twenty-two.

Like the story, please continue.

please never stop writing, I love your stories

if this became i novel i would love to buy it, also i could read this story millions of time

When is the next chapter coming out. I look forward to it. The only problem that I have found out reading stories in LIT is that all a sudden the writer just quits the story and never picks it back up and leaves the reader hanging. I have been turned off by so many writers here for doing that. After a while I give up looking for the next chapter because it never comes out. Please do not do this until you have finished the story or let everyone know now that the story is not going to be completed so that we can go on to fine another writer to follow.

Thanks for your story and keep the chapters coming or let the followers know it is done.

Having withdraws..... lol

it is a dynamic story!! but u shud not include sex b/w people other than those 5

Keep adding more chapters

I am enjoying this story. Although a little too perfect to be believable, your characters mesh well together and make a great tale. I vote for this to be made into a movie or an HBO series. Please keep writing and for goodness sake, have Justin remove that camera from the Koala bear before it is discovered and he loses credibility with the other characters.... See how wrapped up you have me?

.... will you be Posting "14"?

will you be Posting "14"?

When is 14 coming out? I check at least once a day and my patience is wearing thin. I am totally hooked on the story and read the first 12 chapters in 8 days. Chapter 13 came justin thyme (see what I did there) as I finished 12. Now I have been patiently waiting for 14 for 3 weeks. What gives?

Been reading on my free time and I am living this story so far. I was so scared to think that some how step and Susie were going to find the camera when alone at the house that I didn't know what to do with myself if him and steph didn't get together because of it

I need not say more. Secrets are never a good idea.

Loving it, second time around.

It's getting ten stars from me, because Literotica now makes it a hassle to stay logged in and vote as myself, so it's got five from me as my username, and five more as Anonymous. It deserves the extra votes, even though it's popular enough that it doesn't need them from me. I'm just sorry that Callicious is dead, so he can't enjoy all the praise and votes.

On a side note, I'm not sure that Joanne's teasing of the anonymous gentleman at the hotel pool is consistent with Jeff and Joanne's religious beliefs.

Re @Thelvyner's comment that "Secrets from those you love are fucking stupid

I need not say more. Secrets are never a good idea."

While this may be true in general, it's not that black-and-white. In this case, the secret is not just the boys and Rosemary's to keep or share, doesn't hurt them, and is not being kept long term.

Also, what's wrong with Michael keeping it secret from Susie that he's planning to propose at the prom? Would you prefer for him to spoil the surprise? It's not as though she doesn't know that he loves her.

Re @OldManoftheSky's comment "for goodness sake, have Justin remove that camera from the Koala bear before it is discovered and he loses credibility with the other characters", Justin is in a bit of a bind, because he hasno excuse to borrow the koala, and doesn't seem to get guaranteed time when he's home and Rosemary's out. Callicious could set things up so that he gets a chance while Rosemary's at Stephanie's place getting ready for the prom, but having read the whole story I know that he doesn't.

I've thought about how Justin could fix the koala issue, and come up with three hypothetical possibilities:

1. Wirelessly interfere with the koala's radio, so it seems to need repair.

2. When they're moving in to the house, the koala could be temporarily misplaced, although this would be distressing to Rosemary, so I don't think he'd do it.

3. Buy another Koala, set it up like the first, but without the camera, and do a sneaky swap. The first koala could then be fixed and given to Susie as a present, so it wouldn't be wasted. I initially thought of it being given to Stephanie, but with Rosemary and Stephanie going to be sharing a room that wouldn't make sense, and Susie has engagement and wedding presents coming up soon. The cost of another koala is a non-issue, with Justin's new-found wealth, and is not big enough to be "going crazy with the money".

Anyway,

1. The koala is set up so that the camera won't be discovered, and any accidental discovery is just as likely when Justin's home as when he's away.

2. If the camera was discovered, Justin has the defences that a) their merciless teasing caused it, and b) it's not as bad as them sneaking into his room while he was asleep and molesting him. While the girls would be angry initially, with a bit of humor he could get the girls to laugh it off as them all being pervs.

Justin needs to take the Koala and “add” that is leave a camera to it and show Rosemary how to access and using codes lock out access to ones she doesn’t want to see. She’ll probably give him the codes back. He can tell her the camera was inspired by her thoughts that the bear could see her anyway.

Michael is over involved in the partnership of the house. It belongs to the twins their parents and grandparents. Cutting him in for a share of the railroad money was generous. And the grandfather is treating it all like it belongs to Justin alone not the six of them