Kristiana Pt. 02: Paradise Lost

His personal life was interesting as well. He had been married and divorced twice. He was currently single, but the tabloids I researched had a number of stories about his antics. He apparently was the "other man" in a couple of divorce cases. It seemed that Mr. Halvorsen was quite the Casanova. It gave me shivers that he might have his eye on Kristiana. I had no idea what to do about it either.

It turned out Lars was working for one of the lift operators and holding lessons for adults on a nearby hill. The lessons were listed as "advanced" and the fees he charged were substantial. I guess the cachet of being taught by a former Olympian was worth more.

As the next five days passed, Lars demonstrated that his confidence was indeed arrogance. He was rude to some of the serving staff and was loud and demanding of almost everyone. Everyone except Kristiana. He was particularly attentive to her. I was getting an uneasy feeling that she was falling under his spell. I had little doubt he would take advantage of her if he got the opportunity.

I kept my distance for the first two days, but called a brief meeting with Jan and Karl one afternoon.

"What should we do about this guy?" I asked. "He's upsetting some of the girls in the dining room and generally makes himself unpleasant to almost everyone."

"Almost?" Karl asked with a sly look.

"Kristiana seems quite taken with him," I said. "His history says he has broken up a couple of marriages, including two of his own. His so-called skiing career isn't quite as glorious as he would make out and as a movie actor, he's unemployed. I don't want Kristiana hurt and this guy is just the kind who would hurt her."

Jan was nodding agreement solemnly. "I have already mentioned to her that he is not for her, but I do not think she is listening."

"Someone has to tell her the truth about Lars Halvorsen," I suggested.

"You are her best friend, Richard," Jan said. "Perhaps she will listen to you."

This was dangerous territory. It could easily backfire on me and whatever our relationship was could implode. That was the last thing I wanted. Yes, I wanted to save her from the clutches of this guy, but how to do it without alienating her.

"I know someone has to talk to her. Perhaps Hedda would be a better choice," I said hopefully.

"I will speak to her," Jan volunteered. "I am very worried about Kristiana. She can be taken advantage of by a man like Halvorsen. I do not want her hurt."

I almost sighed with relief that he agreed to talk to Hedda. It took a very big monkey off my back.

It was later that night that I realized whatever had happened, it had not turned out well. I went to Kristiana's room and there was no answer when I knocked. A second attempt brought no response either. I returned to my room.

The next morning, Kristiana avoided me. She was once again on the welcome desk and while it was occasionally busy, she seemed to have business in the office whenever I was around and no one required her services. I was getting a sinking feeling.

I summoned up my courage and asked her where she was last night.

"I was out."

"By yourself?" I asked.

"No."

"Kristiana, is there something you want to tell me?" I asked, now getting a bit irritated.

"No."

"Who were you with last night," I persisted.

"A friend."

"And the friend was?"

"Just a friend."

"Do you mean Lars Halvorsen?"

I could tell by her reaction that I had hit the right question.

"It is not your business," she said angrily.

"If you say so. I thought we were friends, but friends don't sneak around at night," I said in a low angry voice.

"I was not sneaking around. If I want to go out with Lars, I will. We are not married."

I sighed in resignation. There is was. "I hope you know what kind of a snake he is. You should read some of the stories about him."

"Why should I believe them? They are just stories made up to sell magazines."

Christ, she even knew what the media said about him and she still went out with him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Kristiana. I thought we had something together, but I guess I was wrong."

"Yes," she said, unable to look me in the eye. "I guess you were."

And that was the end of that. My first genuine love affair ended when she became star-struck by an aging former athlete with a sleazy reputation. It didn't leave me feeling very good about my judgement or my powers of persuasion.

~*~

The next three months were the loneliest I can ever remember. As much as I had the support and friendship of Lars, Hedda and Karl, I had lost the one person that I really thought I might have a future with. I did my job and did it to the best of my ability. I owed Jan and Hedda that much. But the joy was gone and I knew when the season ended, I would be gone.

Kristiana and Lars became a public "item," as they say. They were seen everywhere at night and there were times when it looked like she hadn't had any sleep the night before. I don't know what her parents might have said to her, but they were visibly distressed with her behaviour. Lars had rented a small cottage outside of town and it was there that Kristiana was spending her time.

I was spending my time learning Swedish, surfing the net, and generally staying in my room. I was in no mood to watch their antics. I felt sick that our relationship had vanished so suddenly. I really thought we might make it, but it was not to be. I was sure Lars wasn't going to be her long term lover, but I doubt she would want to hear that from anyone, least of all me. She was going to get hurt and it was just a matter of when.

"When" turned out to be April 1st, April Fools Day. I was two weeks away from handing in my resignation and heading for Utrecht in the Netherlands and a job with Rail Europe. I was willing to try anything to get away from the source of my pain. It wasn't my dream job. I had that in Bellwald. It was simply an alternative.

It was Sunday and when I left the dining room after having my breakfast, I noticed Hedda was on the welcome desk. It should have been Kristiana according to the schedule. I approached her.

"Where is Kristiana?"

"She is not feeling well. She's in her room."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Will she see a doctor?"

Hedda shook her head. "It is not an illness. Lars has left without saying goodbye. I think Kristiana was expecting more from him than he was going to give. But that is not all, Richard. She is pregnant," she said sadly, tears forming in her eyes.

I slumped against the desk in despair. How could it be any worse than this?

"I'm sorry, Hedda. I knew it wouldn't end well, but I never expected this."

"We all tried to warn her, but she would not listen to us. Now she knows the truth about him."

"Does he know about the pregnancy?"

She nodded. "Yes, she told him last night. He ran like a frightened rabbit, Richard. The hero of the skiing world ran from his mistake."

"He was never a hero, Hedda. He was a flawed man with a big ego and no respect for anyone, including himself. I don't know the law, but can you sue him for child support?"

"I don't know. I doubt it, but I think Jan will find out. He is very angry, as is Karl. I think they would seriously hurt Lars if they caught up to him."

"I'd join them," I snapped.

"She treated you so badly, Richard. I am so ashamed of my daughter. She had the man for her future and she threw you away for some Romeo with no soul."

"Don't be too hard on her, Hedda. She has made a mistake and she will have to live with it. That's going to change her life and she will have plenty of time to think about her mistake."

"You are very generous for a man who has been hurt so much," she said, coming out from behind the desk and hugging me. "I wanted so much for you and Kristiana to be together as man and wife. I think you wanted that too."

"Yes ... that was my hope. But ... it didn't work out that way."

She dried her eyes with a tissue and tried to smile at me. "You are going, aren't you."

It wasn't a question. "Yes. I have a job with Rail Europe. It won't be as good as this, but I'm sure you understand why I cannot stay."

She nodded. "When?"

"Two weeks."

"I feel as if I am losing a son," she said, the tears coming once more.

"I feel as if I am losing a mother," I replied.

She was, in many ways, more of a mother than my own. I loved her as a mother and I wouldn't forget her or Jan. Kristiana was another matter. I was sure I would never get her out of my mind as long as I lived. I was going to be haunted by her.

I went to see her before I left two weeks later. It was a very uncomfortable meeting.

"I'm leaving now, Kristiana. I just wanted to say goodbye."

She nodded, the look on her face one of shame and sorrow.

"I am sorry, Richard," she said almost inaudibly. "You did not deserve what I did to you. I will always regret what I did."

"Your mother said you will keep the child. You will have the chance to enjoy watching her or him grow. You will love it, no matter who the father was."

"There is no father," she snapped. "He is just ... just ...." She couldn't finish. She broke down in tears and I sat with her and held her gently.

"You will be all right, Kristiana. Your parents and Karl will be here for you and look after you. They love you and the will love your child. You know that, don't you?"

She nodded silently.

"Take care of yourself. I will see you again someday. I want to see how your baby grows."

She nodded once more through her tears as I rose to go. I bent down and kissed her forehead, turned and walked out of her room.

~*~

The job in Utrecht proved to be better than my experience in government. At least we had a real product and a very necessary service. I was to assist in organizing a department to handle translations into a number of languages for the website and printed materials. Previously, they had been sending this out to outside contractors, but the costs were rising and the results were not always satisfactory. My job was to work with one of the senior managers to bring it in-house and fix the problems.

It turned out to be a monumental task. As the old joke went: "How do you eat an elephant? A little bit at a time." That was how we had to attack this project. I was fortunate that I had a knowledgeable and patient boss and some talented colleagues. By the end of my first six months, I had received a raise along with my staff rail pass. I could go anywhere on the system, paying only for upgrades over "Comfort class", the mid-range class.

I had rented a small apartment in the city and had parked my car in the office lot instead of paying the punitive parking costs in Utrecht. I used it so seldom that I bought a bicycle and became one of the many thousands who chose that form of transportation. My little Mazda ceased to be my daily transport.

I was obliged to learn Dutch, although I already had a head start. My Swedish language comprehension was improving. I found I was being consulted by a number of other staff people to have me check their work as we developed new copy for the brochures and the website. By the end of my first year, I was fairly conversant in both Dutch and Swedish. When my vacation came due in May, I would use the rail pass to travel to Sweden and test my new knowledge.

It spent the first half of my three week vacation in Sweden, with a side trip to Norway and Sandvika, the Nordbergs' original home town. I had a long way to go before I could have a useful conversation in either Swedish or Norwegian, although I could read signs and follow written instructions reasonably well. As I learned early on, the mixture of dialects for any given language combined with the speed of delivery could baffle even a native. I would have to continue to expose my ear to either language to be able to comfortably converse in it.

I had no permanent girlfriend and no desire to find one. I did date and did have sex with some of those women, but nothing ever came of them in terms of a relationship. If nothing else, it at least relieved me of the sexual tension that would accumulate over time. I was reasonably happy though. I had a worthwhile job I liked and worked with people I respected. I had a nice place to live and my bank account continued to grow as I lived my modest lifestyle. Now and then I would use my pass to travel on the weekend, especially if it occurred on a national holiday, but otherwise I was satisfied with my life in Utrecht.

I got a very unpleasant phone call from my father just before my 27th birthday. He had filed for divorce from my mother. He didn't say much about his reasons, but reading between the lines, I thought perhaps she had cheated and got caught. He sounded surprisingly unmoved by his decision. I knew their relationship had changed over the past few years, but I wouldn't have guessed for a moment that they would divorce, let alone that one of them might cheat.

My father had an established residence in Reno, so divorce was a simple matter of filing and working out the separation agreement. It sounded so mechanical when he explained it, but I knew it had to be an emotional event for him. He wasn't a robot or some heartless, cold being. He was my father and he had always been my friend. I didn't know how to tell him how sorry I was, other than to just say that.

I tried to contact my mother, but her cell phone was no longer in service. Either she had changed carriers or given it up. She never was a regular user of the device. I finally heard from her at Christmas. It was a long, hand-written letter and it explained a lot. She had in fact found someone else and was living with him until the divorce was final when they would marry. She would be living in San Francisco and I thought that would suit her just fine. Perhaps she had found a man who could live up to her dreams of status. My father was never very good at playing that game.

The months slipped by and soon it was vacation time again. I had two years under my belt at Rail Europe and had been promoted once again on my annual review. It was almost inevitable since we were still hiring and someone had to look after all the people we were tasking. The project had passed the original stages and was now a matter of keeping our work current. New rail services were being added or upgraded all the time. It was important to make sure our clients knew about these changes. The era of the high-speed train was firmly established and still expanding in Europe.

I'm not sure why, but I decided my first destination would be Bellwald. I wanted to see the Nordbergs and keep my promise to visit. We communicated by e-mail irregularly, but we did stay in touch. I hadn't seen Kristiana or her child since I left and I only knew she had a boy and named him Jan, after her father. I hoped Jan, senior, would be pleased.

I let them know when I would arrive, suffering the stop-and-go trip to Fiesch. Jan assured me that someone would be there to pick me up. I missed the Alps and Switzerland. I hadn't been back since I left and I was reminded about the wonderful scenery that wasn't to be found in the Lowlands. As usual, I travelled light, with just a backpack and my laptop. I felt almost like a student-tourist again, but I was now twenty-seven and ten years out of high school. Ten years out of Canada, in fact. Like the Nordbergs, I was a visitor, here with Swiss permission.

When I stepped off the train, I was surprised to see both Jan and Hedda waiting for me. Hedda almost ran to me and embraced me. Her eyes glistened and she welcomed me with a kiss.

"Oh, Richard. It is so good to see you again. I am so glad you have come. We have missed you," she gushed, stepping back to inspect me. "You are even more handsome today."

Jan approached now that Hedda had calmed down and we shook hands with our left hands on each other's shoulder. I felt truly welcome. The short trip up to Bellwald was full of Hedda's talk about the hotel and their grandson and the changes I would see.

As we walked into the lobby, I saw a strange face behind the desk. A woman, in her forties I guessed, was looking at us with a nice smile.

"You must be Richard," she said, passing me a key. "Will you be all right with Karl again?" she asked.

"Oh ... yes ... of course. How did you know about that?"

"All I have heard for the last week was that Richard was coming and Hedda wanted everything to be perfect for your arrival. I am Victoria Belanger. It's nice to meet you at last, Richard."

"Thank you, Victoria, it's nice to meet you too. I think I will put my things in my old room if I'm not disturbing Karl, then join you in the lobby when I've washed up."

"Take your time, Richard," Hedda said, "We will have time to talk when you are comfortable."

I was back in twenty minutes after unpacking and giving my face a quick wash.

"Where is Kristiana and your grandson?" I asked as I returned.

"They have gone shopping for some supplies for the dining room. They will be back soon," Hedda assured me.

"And how is your business?" I asked Jan.

"It is fine, but there have been changes as you have already seen. There are two new restaurants in Bellwald and that has affected our dining room. It's not a problem because it was never a profitable operation. We have cut back from three cooks to two and we still break even. The bar does very well, however," Jan grinned.

"Good! I'm glad to hear you are still doing well."

I heard them before I saw them. The door swung open and Kristiana pushed a stroller ahead of her while a big black dog followed her in. I stood in silence as I saw her once more. She didn't seem to have changed at all, except that she was smiling as she ushered her charges into the lobby.

The little boy in the stroller was talking some sort of childish gibberish as he played with a plastic toy and the dog looked around before flopping itself on a rug in front of the fireplace. It took a few seconds before Kristiana saw me and I saw her smile widen.

"Richard! You are here," she exclaimed as she rushed toward me.

I hadn't expected quite this enthusiastic a reception. In fact, I didn't know what kind of reception I would get after our parting two years earlier. She left no doubt that she was happy to see me with a big hug and a big kiss. None of this quick peck on the cheek stuff. This was a real kiss. I swear I felt my knees wobble.

"Hello, Kristiana. It's so good to see you again. Will you introduce me to your son?"

"Yes, of course," she said, picking him up out of the stroller and putting him on her hip. "Richard, I want you to meet Jan-Richard Nordberg," she grinned.

"Jan-Richard?" I asked in surprise.

"Yes," she said without a hint of embarrassment. "Jan-Richard."

"May I?" I asked, reaching for the child.

She smiled as she passed the boy to me and I took him in my arms. He was a cute little guy, blonde-haired and blue-eyed, as I expected. He was also happy in my arms. There was no making-strange about him.

"He is walking, now," Hedda volunteered.

"Indeed," Jan said quickly. "He is walking everywhere. We really have to keep watch over him."

"He is a beautiful child," I said, almost to myself. I wondered for a moment if this was what it would be like if it were my child.

Jan-Richard took that moment to reach for his mother and I passed him over.

"Euuuuwww!" Kristiana said, screwing up her face. "I have to clean him." She walked down the hall with Jan-Richard looking over her shoulder, waving goodbye to everyone.

I looked at Hedda and she was smiling and waving back at her grandson.

"He is a beautiful child," I said, repeating myself.

"We are very proud of him. And we are proud of Kristiana, as well. She has changed her life, Richard. She is a woman and a mother now and she is very different from her past. She goes to church each Sunday to ask for forgiveness."