Kristiana Pt. 02: Paradise Lost

I nodded. "But she is happy. I can see it in her eyes. Can you tell me about the name she chose for her son?"

"Isn't that obvious, Richard. She still thinks of you and even though the child is not yours, she wants something to help her remember you. She knows how much she hurt you. She cannot undo what she has done, but she will remember through her son."

"As long as she is happy, I can live with that," I said quietly. "I have forgiven her, even if she hasn't forgiven herself."

It was the truth. I had forgiven her. Not before this week, but after I saw her love for her son and how devoted she was to him. It made it easier for me to forgive.

I took to one of the big, comfortable chairs as Hedda and Jan went about their duties. I was close enough to the front desk that I could have a conversation with Victoria.

"I have been here almost two years. Just after you left, I was looking for a job and this one was available. I like it here. Jan and Hedda are very good people and I will always be grateful to them. I came here with nothing and now I have a job and a place to live."

"They are very fine people," I agreed. "I'm glad to see Kristiana has recovered from her bad time too."

"It was not easy for her, Richard. It wasn't until little Jan-Richard was born that she changed. Over time, she has become quite a good mother and her spirits are lifted. I think she will be all right now."

I had a feeling Victoria was right. I thought that while Kristiana was back to her old self, she was also showing signs of a maturity that wasn't there before. Caring for Jan-Richard had made her into a better person. She had responsibilities and she was taking them seriously. I could also see the approval in her parents' eyes.

We had dinner together and it was good to see Karl again. He hadn't changed other than to age a bit in the past two years. His hair was a little greyer and his skin a bit more weathered, if that was possible. It was also apparent that he and Victoria were close. I felt good about that. Karl had lost his wife to cancer almost fifteen years earlier. She was only thirty-nine and it seemed a terribly short life for someone. Victoria appeared to be a very nice woman and I hoped that they would be good for each other.

I stayed a little longer than I planned, but Friday, I felt it was time to go.

"You've been great to me, as always," I told Hedda. "I'll probably see you next year on my vacation. We'll stay in touch. If you have Skype, Kristiana, you can show me how Jan-Richard grows. He might get a kick out of seeing himself on the computer screen."

"Oh, yes, what a good idea. I will do that. I hope you will come again, Richard. We will always welcome you."

She was a bit teary-eyed, as was Hedda, when I stepped on board the train for Lusanne.

I came away from Bellwald with a very different perspective on Kristiana. She had changed for the better and she was happy ... at least on the surface. Underneath, I wondered about the guilt she carried. Naming her child as she did was both surprising and slightly unnerving. I couldn't see us getting together again. The pain, even two years later, was still there. But in fairness to her, she never once suggested or even hinted that she would welcome it. Perhaps she had moved on and I was no longer in her thoughts for her future. And yet, the name of her child affected me more than anything else.

I kept my promise to stay in touch with the Nordbergs via Skype, and Kristiana was happy to hear from me once a month. She always took the time to show me Jan-Richard and how much he had grown and how he was talking now. I was called "Itchat" as far as I could tell. He was such a happy kid and always glad to see me. He would point and me and look over his shoulder at his mother and say my name. It was great and I had some nice talks with Kristiana, Hedda and Jan.

The next year was just as full of interesting work as the past two. I was well ensconced in my job, rising to supervisor on my third annual review. I can't say it was the most exciting work I ever did, but I got the satisfaction of having our staff do a good job and get some recognition for it.

I chose not to travel to Bellwald on this vacation. I had made the decision to fly to Nevada and visit my father. I hadn't seen him in more than three years and I was overdue for a visit. He arranged some time off while I planned the flights. I know the Nordbergs were disappointed that I wouldn't be there, but they understood that I needed to reconnect with my father, especially after the breakup of his marriage.

I flew from Amsterdam to San Francisco, then on to Reno. My father met me at the airport with a hug and a handshake in greeting. He looked good, tanned and fit. This job seemed to agree with him. Later that evening, after our meal, we had a chance to talk.

"How are you doing, Dad? I mean, after the divorce."

"Fine, Son. I knew it was coming even when we were in Seville. Your mother and I had grown apart. We wanted different things out of our life and we couldn't seem to agree on them. You know she came from humble surroundings before we were married. With each success I had in business, she saw herself rising in status as well. By the time we were finished in Spain, you would have thought she was raised with a silver spoon in her mouth."

I nodded. "I know what you mean. That business about the translator job and her treatment of Kristiana said a lot about what she had become. But ... I know this is a touchy subject ... did she cheat on you?"

"Physically ... no. Mentally, emotionally ... yes. I guess she was auditioning him to be my replacement. There may not have been any sex, but she certainly withdrew from me and focussed on him. I could see it happening and thought there might be someone else and confronted her with my suspicions. She was honest enough to admit there was a man she was seeing, but it hadn't developed into a physical relationship ... yet. I asked her if she wanted a divorce and she said yes. That was that."

"Did she marry him?"

"As far as I know, yes. They live in San Francisco. He also has some kind of ranch near Lake Berryessa. I guess he's pretty well off."

"So ... have you found anyone new?" I asked.

He laughed. "Not so fast, Richard. I'm not some horny kid. Our divorce isn't that old and I'm pretty damn busy with my job. I have met one or two women whom I'm attracted to, but there's nothing serious going on."

"Yet?" I tried with a smile.

"Yet," he acknowledged.

"What about that young woman you were seeing? Kristiana? I was sorry you two broke up."

"Yes, unfortunately. I thought she might be the one, but a fast-talking Swede came along and stole her away from me. She ended up pregnant and alone. He took off the moment he found she was expecting. So now she has a two-year-old boy to care for. Luckily, her parents are wonderful people and have accepted the situation and made sure she knew their daughter and grandson would be safe in their care."

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Yes," I admitted immediately. "But that ship has sailed, as they say."

"Why? There are lots of single mothers out there that find husbands and marry and live happy lives. You don't have to be a martyr. If you love her ... I mean really love her, it shouldn't be a barrier unless she doesn't feel that way about you."

I looked at my father and blinked. "She named her son after me."

"Really!" I could see the look of astonishment on his face. "There's a message somewhere in there, Son."

"Yes ... I know. I thought the same thing when I first learned of it. But I'm not sure I want to open myself to more hurt. It took a long time to get over the pain."

"My recollection of her was that she was a pretty nice young lady. Is she?"

"Yes ... she was quite immature when you met her, but now ... with her child and going through her own trauma, she's more grown up."

"People change, Richard. Just look at your mother. She changed into someone I couldn't relate to. She didn't start out that way, but that's what happened. Her change wasn't an improvement ... in my opinion. Maybe Kristiana has made a change for the better. Maybe she wasn't ready for someone like you until she had to grow up. People do change."

"I owe her a call, so I'll reintroduce you to her and Jan-Richard on Skype. He is one cute kid. He's just getting around to talking and some of it even makes sense."

My father laughed. "That's about twenty-five years in the past, and I can honestly say I don't remember it. But I would like to see and talk to Kristiana."

"How about we do it tomorrow. We're nine hours behind them, so if we call about ten in the morning, we should catch them before she puts Jan-Richard down for the night."

"Great. I'll look forward to it," he smiled.

Despite the jet lag and the long day travelling west, I slept well and woke just before six the next morning. My father was always an early riser, even when it wasn't a work day, so it was no surprise when he followed me into the kitchen and showed me where the coffee maker and breakfast fixings were.

After breakfast, I showered, shaved and got myself ready for the day. Dad was on the telephone talking business by the sound of it. When you're the boss, you don't always get to escape from whatever crisis crops up. I'd seen it often enough in Seville and assumed it was the same here.

We had a chance to talk about his job and he was very clear that this was his best ever assignment and hoped it would last a few years. He wasn't in love with Reno, but did enjoy the Lake Tahoe area. He also liked Boise, I was surprised to discover. I couldn't remember much of Idaho and had no reference point. In any event, he was happy, doing a good job for his employers and was being very well rewarded.

Dad had Skype on his desktop computer with a twenty three inch monitor. We used that to chat with Kristiana. We did a quick search for their number and turned on the camera.

I let the phone alert ring for a minute before it was answered.

"Who is this?" Kristiana asked, not recognizing the caller.

"It's me, Kris. Richard. I'm with my father in Reno. Have you got a good picture?"

"Hi, Richard. Yes, it's fine. Hello, Mr. Barton. How are you?"

"Hi, Kristiana. So nice to see you again. How are you?"

"Fine thank you. We have just finished our supper and I was changing Jan-Richard, my son, when I heard your call."

"Can you see us both?" I asked.

"Yes ... it's a very good picture. Very clear."

"How is Jan-Richard?" I asked.

Kristiana laughed and held him up. "See for yourself. It's Richard, Jan-Richard. Say hello."

Typically, he immediately turned shy and gave only a small wave. I made a face and stuck out my tongue and he began to giggle. I had learned he would react to a funny face, so that was my conversation starter with him.

"Hi, Jan-Richard," I continued. "This is my papa. Say hello to Papa."

"Papa," he parroted. "Good!" I said in encouragement. "Now Papa will say hello to Jan-Richard."

"Hello, Jan-Richard," my father said right on cue.

"This is such a deep discussion," Kristiana said as she held the youngster up in front of the camera.

I could see that the little boy was losing interest and I said good night to him and he climbed down and I could see him scoot off somewhere on his two little legs.

"You've got to work on his conversation skills," I suggested.

"What were you expecting at two-and-a-half years?" she said, shaking her head.

"Sorry ... I guess I was rushing him," I admitted.

"Mr. Barton, how are you liking Reno?"

"I like it fine, but not as much as Seville. I'd like to see your town someday. High in the Alps in Switzerland sounds like a wonderful place to live."

"It is very nice. We like it here very much even though we are from Norway. We lived near the big city of Oslo, and we like the country life we have here."

"That's great," Dad said. "It's so important to like where you live. It sounds like a fine place to raise your young boy, too."

"It is. We have good schools and there are other children for him to play with. Someday, maybe he will have a Papa also," she said, pointedly looking in what I thought was my direction.

We talked for a few minutes more and I had a chance to say hello to Hedda and introduce my father. He was as impressed with her as I was. Unfortunately, Jan and Karl had gone over to the rental building for a while and weren't around for the call. We signed off, promising to call again soon. My father leaned back in his chair and stared at me with a strange look.

"What?" I asked, wondering what was on his mind.

"That girl is yours for the asking."

"What makes you say that?" I was pretty sure he was sending up a trial balloon.

"Just the way she talked to you. The body language. The shot about finding a 'Papa' for her son. Seemed pretty obvious to me."

"Dad, I don't know if I can put myself through all that again. Giving my heart to someone and then having it stomped on."

"No risk, no reward."

I didn't respond. I had to admit that Kristiana was a different woman than she was three years ago. The question remained, was I willing to stick my neck out again and have it chopped off.

~*~

My father and I spend a terrific two weeks on our own. We spent some time in Virginia City and Carson City, as well as driving around Lake Tahoe. We ate at some of the big Casinos and took in a few shows while we were at it. We even went to see a baseball game.

The Las Vegas 51s were playing the Reno Aces. It was triple A ball, and these were guys who were desperately trying to make it to the big leagues. It was a well-played ball game and Reno won to make the result that much better. I discovered that my father really enjoyed baseball and I tucked that information away for future reference.

When our two weeks was up, I felt we had really reconnected and I promised him and myself that it wouldn't be three years before he saw me again. We would stay in contact via Skype and it was a promise I was determined to keep.

To Be Continued