All Comments on 'Law of the Heart Ch. 01'

Nobody will be satisfied then. You cant please everyone so just write what you want. Im not saying that you cant listen to critisizm and incorporate it into your stories but please dont go trying to make everyone happy with one story because it will never work.

Your stories are good and you should write what you want. It will find an audience. Tryiing to be all things to all readers will lose you whatever audience you would have had with your prefered ending though.

My vote is usually not to forgive the cheater unless you can come up with an angle that allows them to be somewhat sympathetic.

Im also not really into violent physical revenge but if thats what you want, write that. I suppose that I find loving wives that suddenly become evil sluts who dont give a shit for their husbands or kids unrealistic too though. If thats what you make the wife out to be in this story, I vote that you have the husband leave her then go on to find true love and happiness while the wife is sorry for what she lost.

This is just what I like in these fiction stories since a happy ending is so much easier to achieve here than irl. Having the guy fuck up his life (going to jail etc), or even if he gets away with violent revenge, having him become a bitter, vengeful asshole, is not my idea of a happy ending any more than having him stay with a wife that doesnt give a shit about him or their kids.

As I said earlier though, write what you want no matter what I or anyone else says. Please consider my advice about one ending though since I really think its in your best interest. You can always write more stories if you want to explore different concepts & conclusions.

Ditto to Average Joe's suggestions.

I agree with Average Joe about writing what you want to write. What I don't agree with is his approach of apparently pegging his vote on the sexual and marital choices of the characters rather than the quality of writing.

I had a story at another site that drew a comment absolutely drooling over what a wonderful chapter I'd written and how amazing a writer I was, etc., but that reader's vote on the chapter was 7 out of 10. I wrote to ask why. He responded that he likes threesomes and voted me down because the three main characters didn't fuck in that chapter.

There is a determined effort by some Literotica readers to drive authors to make particular plot choices consistent with a narrow view of how people should behave sexually. I say screw them. Let them curse you out and vote you down all they want, based on theme and plot rather than writing quality, but write your own story your way. If you want to write a story about a vengeful husband, fine, but if your vision for a story is the husband gets off on his wife's sexual adventures, then write the story that way.

This sounds like a good start. A little short but sounds good. You are a good writer.

I personally care not for violent or BDSM stories. Not a bit crazy about couples maintaing a 3 or more lifestyle. That marriage will last an average of 5 years. If kids are involved, it strikes me even less acceptable.

I personally would appreciate some advance warning if the story is going to come under one of those categories. I jump to the end of stories to see what the ending is like and then read it if I like it. With multiple chapters you can spend a lot of time reading the story only to find you don't like the story at all. That has nothing to do with writer ability. I just don't want to read certain story types. I'm old. And I'm a male, chauvinist pig. But I do love women! They're really high on my approval list!!

i agree with most other comments here: if you are going multi ending, well a reader can do that in their own mind by leaving no ending.

better would be an ending like that famous cheating story "the Lady and the Tiger", where one writes the choice point, but no further, and then discusses some of the factors of the choice to make all readers aware.

like right now, we see the overused cliche of the reunion, we know there is going to be cheating, and you have introduced us to the boat and the hotel.

at this point all that is left is: how cheating(gang/single, old/new lover, drunk/drug or sober, one time/long term, fem/male), how discovered, and how will the betrayed react.

i once heard that god created the world round so that we couln't see too far down the road. half the fun of everyday life is not knowing what's going to happen next. the other half is the misery of what does happen. i liked the first chapter of your story. you are the god that's creating there, we are just guest visiting. so create on, end your creation the way you see fit, but now that you have us hooked. please, don't waste time and leave us hanging, give us chapter 2.

so far i have found it very well written,not to much rambling on,just enough to give us a good picture of life.i love these kinds of stories,when well written i can feel thier pain.it's off to a great start with a hint of what is to come.eagerly looking forward to the "rest of the story"....lol.i will now have to check back every day till it is done.thanks........meghan

Good start well written you did a good job of setting things up in the first chapter. I am looking forward to see where you go with this story. Hope the next chapters follow soon

Good start well written you did a good job of setting things up in the first chapter. I am looking forward to see where you go with this story. Hope the next chapters follow soon

These are stories Headhuntertales posted at ASSTR over the years. They are already written and done.

I hate to disagree with the other readers ,but I forund chapter one too short and irrititating. With ten years of law experience, dumbo Jake has to save $10 by stopping at a discount store before he gets to hotel, can not call wife or hotel from airport to make sure of room., cannot convince hotel clerk that his wife is registered etc.I'm sorry I know Literotica is fantasy, but this plot is so predictible it's painful. Dumbo Jake I'm sure borrows binoculars at some point and sees loving wife having hot time with one of the sexy twins on the boat etc,etc, Sorry to be so critical but I get tired of reading about incredibly dumb husbands. 60 year old George

and you still make far too many mistakes with tenses and word usage. "Your right" sounds good if the lawyer is speaking about his client's rights, but stinks when you mean "you are right", or "you're right". If you want to move to the next level, get an editor.

I EMAILED THE WRITER, NOW I ASK YOU...WHERE DID THIS "REVIEW" COME FROM? I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN

CHAPTER ONE, BUT I DON'T CLAIM TO BE THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN

THE DRAWER. IS THERE A CHAPTER TWO I HAVEN'T SEEN?

WHERE IS THIS STORY IN ASSTR? I LOOKED, DID NOT SEE IT,

DOES ANYONE KNOW? Thanks, Dave

"Some people may think its fiction but your story sounds too real to be fake - in other words, partner(in this case husband) "finds out" his wife is cheating and over reacts.

This is where I get to explain what I mean by my title. You say all you - yes YOU - were told by the bus boy that your wife was in the jacuzzi every time he was called up. He did not say he saw them having sex.

Even though he made suggetsions to that effect he did not say he saw them having sex - he just said what he assumed took place. On your part all you heard were sounds...

"Take it off... . ... mmmm... ... ... that's nice... ... ... .harder, harder... ... thattt's iiittt... oh god! Oh god! Oh god!... Arrgggggggg!!... ...

...nothing from your writing about was said during actual sex implies intercourse - hmmmm, now who is leing? Thats why some comments even think this sounds too fake - no real proof of "cheating", husbands "cuckold" imagination run wild,etc."

Is this "review" or posting from another story????????

chp2 of this story is already in the folder for headhuntertales here. is this a repost or a rewrite?

mind your chp3+ is not yet.

for more heathuntertales at ASSTR goto:

http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/Headhunter/

There was no ending--she is a skank cheating whore slut--he should dump the slut and move on with his life.---ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT

He alteady sounds naive....and way too trusting

a story starts soon.

Congrats. Well written. Four out of five. Hard to tell yet where this is going, but I enjoy finding a new author with potential. Cheer, Steve.

So I can save you readers from more torture, please know in advance that this is another one of those psyop type of stories where the guy stands there the whole fucking time and watches everything unfold and never does a fucking thing to stop the inevitable from occurring: his very own wife getting long, hard and hot uncircumcised cock over and over.

At the behest of this author's sick mind, the husband never does a damn thing to stop the wholesale destruction of his own life, his wife's, and his very own son's life.

The obvious was playing out right before his own eyes and the husband NEVER once does what any sane man would do. He only had to step in and say, Honey, I didn't mean to sneak up on you, I love you so much, but you have had too much to drink, let's go to your hotel room and I will tuck you in. Instead, with a sordid plan to dirty-fuck his wife absolutely obvious to all present, what does the husband do? He sits shivering in a reverie on the sidelines, babbling nonsense to himself that no man with two balls between his legs would waste two seconds on as his wife is being sent to the slaughter house.

Ok, fine, it's a story. A story is a story, bla bla bla. But this is more of an incremental mindfuck than a story. You don't sit by and watch your scintillating beauty of a wife get seduced while you grind down your teeth enamel. You don't sit there incoherently babbling marital theory while your wife is plied with alcohol and pawed halfway to orgasm while everyone watches and then later when everything comes out start grilling your wife like a pedantic lawyer sissy while she wallows in her degradation.

Any woman can slip. If a woman feels pretty; if she has a swing in her step; then she can be seduced. It can happen - especially if her husband doesn't have enough respect for her and the marriage to keep her close at hand. She will feel the distance. What she really needs is to feel her husband next to her, even if he is not actually with her at any one time. She needs a husband who is not lost in his bullshit abstractions.

The author tortures his readers with the inexplicable inaction of the husband to carry on his cheap psychological thrill of watching men suffer. Men must suffer in his stories because they are not chiseled, swarthy, and latino. Does he also write bbc stories as well? There is simply no reason woven into the story that supports the wife's cheating episode. Apparently she dated the guy years back, but it is not explored at all. Nothing.

When the wife cheats, I still want to see a believable story unfold, not this simpering, poor excuse for a husband sitting there masturbating in his abstractions. This man is more of a cuck in his chrysalis than anything else. I love a well written cheating wife story, but I don't appreciate this type of bullshit.

Continues to be one of the best stories on this site. Still five stars. Still love it. Still a favorite.

I might have liked them but, in principle, I don't read them or otherwise participate. I like most of your other stories except the one about poor Susan.

Another heartless cheating Cunt wife and a sissy loser husband story. Pathetic!

Need to post this to read old comments!

Read this somewhere else, but will check this one out. Don't.know who did original.

I checked the Submissions List so I’m warned in advance; now I want to see how you make the multiple ending interesting. Looking forward to several good stories and maybe a few that leave me with a WTF feeling.

Holding pattern

Turned off allowing any comments to that version, all I'll say is I understand. The responses would have been scathing. Half of the story was simply copied from the original and the rest was another version that her cheating was his fault. Signed: BTW

Weird, this guy whole introduction puts him in crahsing course, from the 'feelings' he feels at home, to his life goal, or even how much he descrived those twins. I can see where this is going and why, it just feel forced. He was concieved to be put in the situation that comes.

Alright

Ch. 1. Good start. Next?

Sorry as it’s so short so far, it’s coming over as average, I hope it gets better soon, I like the plot,