Lost & Found Ch. 02

Then, towards the end of my junior year, we started having a rough time of it, family pressure on both sides, pressure at school, everything, and we began arguing, fighting, really, and things were said, stupid things, just said to hurt, and it all blew up at a party at a friend's house. This girl, I hardly knew her, I just used to see her around the campus, told me she'd slept with Joe the week before, that he was her guy now, and she was leaving there now to go and be with him again that night, and I was so hurt, angry, furious with him for doing some tramp and letting her talk about it, I did something stupid; I decided what was good for him was equally good for me, so I picked up a guy at the party and went for a drive with him up to the bluffs, and we made out in his car, although we did more than make out.

A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. My mom was heartbroken; obviously I couldn't finish college. I was 20 and pregnant, no husband, no career waiting in the wings, the disgrace. My step-dad was more helpful, he asked the right questions, found out who the boy was from me, went to talk to him and got blown off by his family; they denied that he was the father, and refused to accept any responsibility for their son's actions.

The only person who stood by me was Joe; I told him what I'd done, and he refused to leave me floundering. He proposed to me, asked to be the father of my baby, and I said yes. Your father was the best man in the world; Joey, it's a cliché, I know, but truly, they broke the mould when they made him, and I loved him more than anything; he claimed you for his own, gave you his name; he brought you up without ever once thinking you were ever anything other than his son; he may not have been your father, but he was your daddy, and I will always love him for that."

"When he found out he had pancreatic cancer, that he was dying, his only thought was who was going to look after us, look after you, when he was gone, and his only regret and deepest sorrow was that he'd never get to play touch-football with you, or teach you how to throw a proper curve-ball, or teach you how to drive and fix cars, or watch the Cubs with him, or buy you a car as a graduation present. He died thinking he'd let you down, that he'd somehow abandoned you."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she stopped talking, Joey coming to kneel by her, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Mom, that's not so shameful. OK; it's something I needed to be told, but hardly earth-shattering. Why all the secrecy?"

Sarah lowered her voice even further. "It's about who your father is, Joey, the man who refused to acknowledge or accept any responsibility for his actions...."

Joey waited, eyes burning into her, suddenly not sure he wanted to know.

"Who was it Mom?" he whispered

"Oh Joey, I'm so sorry, you deserved so much better!" she said, tears pouring down her cheeks again, "It was Steven Dolan!"

Joey reared back in shock, falling backwards and scuttling crabwise away from his mother. "WHAT? That sack of shit, you...and him...Oh my Christ, I'm..!" He backed away as far as he could, fetching up with his back against the love-seat, his face twisted in shocked disgust.

"Joey, I'm sorry, I was never going to tell you, please, he was just there because I was angry with your father, and I did something stupid. There was never anything there, ever, I only ever loved your father!"

Joey suddenly thought of something, his head swivelling around to look at Robbie and Casey. "You mean, Robbie really IS my brother, and Casey is ...my sister?"

Sarah nodded miserably, Robbie and Casey staring in shock, mouths open as they processed what they'd just heard. Robbie was the first to recover.

"Joey, nothing's...changed between us, we're still bro's...right?" he whispered.

Joey looked puzzled for a second. "What...No, no, don't be ridiculous!" he said, "Nothing's changed between us, you're still a dopey butthead geek!"

Robbie grinned "and you're still a meathead jock!"

Casey slid onto the floor next to Joey, and took his hand in hers. "I have another big brother!" she said in wonder, tears welling up in her eyes, "Joey, you're my big brother too!"

He gathered her against him and grinned at her. "I guess I am, Case, yeah, I guess I am!" he said, holding her as her tears spilled over.

Sarah watched them all re-connect, hope uncoiling in her as Joey unhesitatingly accepted the biological reality of the role he'd filled emotionally for Robbie for years. Another thought occurred to Joey, and he looked up at Sarah, a lopsided grin on his face.

"So this is why you always made sure I looked out for Robbie, even when we were kids?"

Sarah nodded. "I heard, from everybody who knew, just how poorly the Dolan's treated Robbie, but no-one ever did anything about it; that's one of the things about small towns; even open secrets get brushed under the carpet if you've got enough money. I decided that if his father wasn't going to look out for him, maybe his big brother should. I had to do it; I couldn't leave that little boy alone and defenseless like that."

"I never thought you two would connect so deeply, but it did my heart good to see you take such good care of him, protecting him when he needed you most; you always were his big brother, in the best possible sense; what you just found out is just a little bit extra. I'm sorry I never told you before, I should have, and then when you two became such good friends, I thought I'd just let sleeping dogs lie. And now you have Casey, too; now at least she has someone to give her away when she and Robbie get married!"

All four heads snapped round at that. "Mom..." began Robbie, looking a little glassy-eyed, and Joey looked sandbagged. Karen spoke up. "Sarah, does this mean that you're ...OK with this, with Robbie and Casey's...relationship? That you're going to help them?"

Sarah snorted. "Of course I'm going to help them! My son's little brother and sister need help, what kind of a parent would I be if I left them out in the cold?"

Casey reached out to Sarah, took her hand. "Thank you Sarah, for being the best parent Robbie ever had; because of you I have him now, thank you for that!"

Sarah patted her hand. "It's OK Casey. After the last time, it took guts and backbone to walk back in here. I admire you for that, and for what you're giving up for my boy, so yes, I think you've redeemed yourself, I know Robbie thinks so, and Joey and Karen, so I think it's about time you started forgiving yourself too."

Casey's eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she hugged Sarah, finally letting-go of the nightmare of the last four years.

Sarah grinned. It looked like both her boys were getting married; she had some planning to do!

Joey stood up, indicated the kitchen with his chin, and Robbie got up, following him out. Casey made to go with him, but Karen put her hand on her arm. "No, Case, let them go, they probably have a few things to discuss, it's been a big day for Joey, and Robbie, too, they need to unbend a little."

++++

Robbie rummaged through the refrigerator, found two beers, and tossed one over to Joey, who popped it and swallowed gratefully.

"That was some scene in there, man!" grinned Robbie, Joey tipping his beer back at him.

"I heard that, bro; that was just so fucked-up, I mean, fucking Steve Dolan, Christ, I'll never live it down!"

Robbie grinned even wider. "I know, sucks, yeah? I mean, imagine having that shit-head for a parent as long as I did? You've only known for a couple of minutes and you're ready to retch! Makes your blood run cold, don't it!"

Joey grinned agreement. "Mom coming down on Casey's side like that was unexpected, I expected at least a few fireworks, but she just...slipped it in. She's like a...a genius. To Mom!"

"To Mom!" agreed Robbie, clinking cans with him, killing it and popping open another one.

"We'll rejoin the girls after this one" he observed, tossing another cold one to Joey. "Nah, let's wait awhile," said Joey, "they think we're in here cementing our new-found brotherly togetherness, why disappoint them? Dude, the beers are in here, they're cold, siddown!"

Robbie looked at Joey over the top of his glasses. "So bro, level with me, really, how freaked are you by this whole thing, this 'brother' business?"

Joey looked pensive. "On the How Fucked-Up Is That scale, this rates no more than 3/10; I was more freaked when Elvis Hood, the best goddamned defensive tackle in the history of Ellenbrook High tried to kiss me in the locker room; that was a fucking 8, believe me! Even now, I'm more freaked by what you're doing to my kid sister, you fucking sicko pervert, wait there while I find my shotgun!"

"Screw you, I saw her first!" grinned Robbie, "You're just jealous 'cause she makes me pancakes and sausage for breakfast, the Food of The Gods, and you just get muesli, The Food of The Goats!"

Joey looked back at Robbie. "Seriously dude, finding out you really are my brother was no big deal, Mom kind of defused that one over the years, so no biggie. Casey was more affected, if you want my opinion, so perhaps you should go easy on the 'I hate dad' thing for a while; she knew he was no prince, but this was just another slap she didn't need. Just saying. And with that, I think we should rejoin them, they probably think we're getting naked by now, so a good time to end this."

Robbie acquiesced, draining his beer and getting up. "One thing, Joey, I've been kicking around an idea, I want to talk about it with you tonight, show you some stuff, can you spare me an hour? I think it might be worth your while."

"Sure thing butthead; is 7 o'clock OK with you? "

"7 o'clock it is then, and we'll take mom and the girls to dinner at 8, make a night of it, OK?"

Joey grinned and nodded, as they trailed back into the sitting room, Casey and Karen looking at them expectantly. Joey burped reflectively, and Karen grinned.

"Nice beer, Joey?"

Joey looked guilty. "What beer? Robbie and I were discussing the bone-chilling horror of actually being related, but then we realised we love each other, in a very special, Man-Love way, so the engagement's off; however, now that you're both single, if you and Casey want to make out...?" He leered suggestively."

"You're disgusting; Sarah, tell him he's disgusting!" grinned Karen as she threw a cushion at him, Joey sidestepping it neatly to watch it smack into Robbie's surprised face.

Joey grinned "See, I warned you, long-term relationships can be so destructive!" he preached at Robbie, in his saddest and most sententious voice, "the first thing to go is any respect they might have had for you!"

He ducked as Karen picked up another cushion to lob at him, grinning that grin, the one that always made her grin back, no matter how mad she was.

Sarah was relieved to see that the revelations earlier hadn't rocked them; they were still like a pair of 12 year-olds when they got in the same room together, next thing they'd be digging out Joey's old telescope and looking up the street to see if the Hollister tramp still undressed with her shades up.

She smiled as she remembered the strip she'd torn off them when she found out about that, while laughing her ass off inside; it was such a very...boy thing to do, and they were nothing if not normal boys.

Lunch was a revelation to Casey. Joey and Robbie set the table and brought the dishes in like table staff in the best restaurants, every move telling of long practice under Sarah's watchful eye, but at the same time it was obvious they enjoyed doing it, that this really was their home, and the unconscious precision of their actions spoke volumes about the ease they felt when they were here. Casey hoped that one day she and Robbie would dance around each other like that, in their own home.

When the food was served, Casey couldn't help but notice the serious attention Robbie paid to it; again, it was obvious he missed having his mom cook for him (how strange now, that she could think of Sarah as Robbie's mom, not Angie!) and that coming back here was more than just a trip to tell Sarah about them, it was his chance to reconnect with his home, here. He'd left, but he'd never left it behind, and that was a good thing, Casey realised; this house, this family, these were his roots, and would always be an important part of him and his identity. Sarah had moulded the boy, and the man she had made was here now, and Casey was reminded of the old maxim; 'as the twig is bent, so grows the tree'.

Sarah watched Casey as she watched Robbie, understanding the insights Casey was having into his character, into what and who he really was, and Sarah noted with pleasure and reflected how much Casey had changed as she embraced his world and looked out through his eyes, seeing his family as he saw them. Sarah was pleased; now the old Casey really was gone forever, and the real Casey was left in her place.

Lunch over, Joey and Robbie washed up, their chore since boyhood, while the women talked about weddings and plans and life with their men. Once Robbie came back in, he took Casey to show her around his home, the little gym he and Joey had built-up over the years, finally lounging together on the porch to soak up some of the late afternoon sun. It was there that Sarah found them, Robbie stretched out on the lounger, Casey on his lap, her arms around his waist and her head on his chest as he absently toyed with a lock of her hair, the pair of them the picture of carefree relaxation.

Sarah sat down and cleared her throat.

"Casey, I wanted to ask you earlier; are you planning on seeing your parents while you're here? I'm guessing you've not been home for a while now, so are you planning on seeing them at all?

Casey blinked as she thought about it, then slowly shook her head.

"No Sarah, I don't think I want to see them again. I don't feel a part of them at all, and I can't find any real feelings for them except anger and contempt, for what they did to Robbie, and for what they turned me into. I've learned more in the last few days than a lifetime with them, and I don't think seeing them will do anything for me except remind me what they did. I guess I love them, and I'll always owe them for everything they did for me, but it was really for them, you know what I mean? Robbie didn't fit into that plan, so they did nothing for him at all, ever, just left him in free-fall, and that is the most contemptible thing, the one thing they should never be forgiven for. They warped me into some weird spin-off edition of them, and I can't forgive them for that. My reality is right here."

She slid her hand inside Robbie's shirt, to pat his muscular stomach and feel his warmth, her hand coming to rest against his side, her arm inside his shirt, wrapped around his midriff. Robbie stirred and kissed her forehead lightly.

"Are you sure, baby?" he murmured, "whatever their motives, everything they did was for you, which kind of lays a big obligation on you. Would it really be so traumatic to at least go see them, even if just to say goodbye? Be the bigger man, Case, go say your goodbyes, at least; you'll probably always regret it if you don't."

Sarah looked at him in astonishment. There really was no bitterness in his voice when he mentioned his parents, when he had every reason in the world to hate them like poison.

Casey also looked at him in surprise, indecision wavering in her eyes.

"Maybe you're right, but it feels...disloyal, walking back into that place where so much was done to you for so little reason. Let me think about it for a little, I need to give this some thought..."

She stood up , stretching and yawning luxuriously, Robbie watching her lithe form and grinning appreciatively.

At that moment, Angie Dolan, on her drive past the Anderson residence on her way back from doing the receipts, as she did every day at 4 pm, never once acknowledging, even in the privacy of her own head, that she came home this way every day hoping to see her son again one day, rationalising it instead as the better route home, looked on in stunned disbelief as a girl she could have sworn was Casey stretched out and yawned on Sarah Anderson's porch. Angie's first instinct was to dismiss the image. It couldn't be her daughter; she was in California, half a continent away, not standing and stretching on Sarah Anderson's porch!

She slowed to look again at this girl who'd reminded her so vividly of her daughter, and at that moment, a tall, boyishly handsome young man who looked somehow familiar, stood up from where he'd been sitting on a lounger and hugged her, the girl smiling and kissing him on the lips, like lovers would. As the girl pulled back from the kiss and turned her head to say something to Sarah, Angie looked directly into the face of her daughter, here, in Springfield, on Sarah Anderson's porch! Her head whirled with unanswerable questions; why was she here, and not at home; what was she doing here; how long had she been here, and why the Anderson residence, of all places? And just as troubling, who was that tall young man with her, where was he from, and what did he have to do with this, with Casey?

Her head spinning in shock, Angie drove on past, trying to find an explanation that fitted what she'd seen, her mind turning the image of Casey hugging that boy so closely, standing there so completely at ease with Sarah, over and over in her mind, trying to tell herself there was a simple explanation but unable to believe it for one second. She decided that she had to tell Steve; he was at home today, it was Monday, golf day, so he should be back by now. They had to go over there, find out what the hell was going on.

Angie drove through downtown (such as it was) remembering the look of happy relaxation on Casey's face, a look she'd almost forgotten, it was as though whatever had been troubling her these last few years had finally dropped away. Then the image of that young man dropped into place, overlaid with memory and recognition, and she gasped in horror as she screeched to a halt, earning her an angry blare from the beat-up F150 behind as he swerved to avoid her.

Robbie! Oh my God, she'd been kissing Robbie! In public, like two lovers! What the hell was she doing kissing Robbie, and where had he been all these years? Her eyes blurred as she thought of her son and daughter being ...like that...with each other. Steve had to know about this, she had to tell him, get him up here and get some answers; this was just wrong, so utterly, disgustingly wrong!