Love Free or Die

Erin threw her head back and said, "Oh, great! So now I've gotta compete with a dead woman who was perfect. No pressure here, Erin."

Kirk didn't reply and after a few seconds Erin looked over at him and realized that what she'd said had cut deep. She jumped up from her side of the couch and moved over next to him and said, "Oh, my God. I am SO sorry, Kirk. That was really horrible. I didn't mean it like that."

Kirk didn't look at her. He was staring at the floor. Erin tried to lighten the mood by making some self-deprecating remarks but it was obvious this guy REALLY loved her.

Finally, she reached out and put her hand on his and said, "Kirk? I am really, truly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She took his hand in both of hers and said earnestly, "Will you please forgive me? Please?"

Kirk finally turned to look at her and when he did, he noticed her eyes were glistening. The feelings of hurt washed away and he now felt something entirely different—empathy. He put his other hand on hers and told her, "Erin. Anne was the love of my life. She was everything to me. I'm not overly emotional except where she's concerned. If you ever want to hurt me—I mean really hurt me—that's the place to go."

A tear fell on her cheek and Kirk heard her sniffle. "God, I am so, so sorry. I'm not normally such a bitch. Or at least I didn't used to be. What I said...about Anne? That was really awful. I hope you can forgive me."

Kirk let go with his right hand and brushed away the tear from her cheek. "Of course I forgive you, Erin. You didn't mean to be hurtful. And it's often true that people do embellish a spouse that's passed away. They become even more wonderful in death than they were in life. But with Anne, that's just not true. She was simply...amazing."

Kirk noticed a box of tissues on the coffee table and handed it to Erin. As she took it, she said sincerely, "Thank you. And thank you for forgiving me. I can be a real ass lately. It's just...it's this trust thing with men. I've had issues before but my relationship really pushed me over the edge. I haven't given up on men and I guess that's why I agreed to try this, but these feelings are really deep and changing them isn't gonna be easy. But I am willing to at least try. I can't make any promises but you do seem like a decent guy and I really am sorry about your wife."

Just then they heard the chime and the steel panels raise up. Each side had a small plate in it with a chicken breast, mashed potatoes and gravy, and mixed vegetables. There was also a glass of white wine in each.

Erin took Kirk's hand as he led her back into the kitchen. The smell of the food was overwhelming. "Oh my fucking God. Are you kidding? I'm starving! This is SO amazing!" Erin shrieked. "Oh, Kirk, I am so happy!"

She let go of his hand and threw her arms around his neck. Kirk was caught off guard and didn't initially hug her back. It was more of an air hug than an actually hug but he couldn't help but notice the smell of her perfume and as hungry as he was, he felt himself getting hard just as Erin released him. He let go of her and said, "I'm starving, too. Let's eat!"

Neither of them could remember food tasting so good before. But Erin's happiness was very short lived after they'd finished eating and put their dishes in the dishwasher.

"So now what? They—whoever 'they' are—allowed us to eat. But it's nearly midnight and time for bed. They cannot possibly expect me to sleep in the same bed with you. As good as that meal was there are lines I'm just not going to cross. Not tonight, not ever. So you can go to the bedroom with the men's stuff and I'll go to the one we woke up in but we are NOT sleeping together. Is that clear?"

Neither of them had noticed another LED panel above what would have been the front door in a normal house. Kirk had tried opening it as he looked around earlier but his head was still hurting so bad he hadn't bothered looking above it. Erin noticed it first.

"Did you see what just happened?" she said pointing toward the door.

Kirk turned around and saw the display which read 45 days 23 hours 59 minutes 42 seconds. "Oh, shit," Kirk said when he saw it. "My therapist said this could take up to six weeks but I had no idea he meant..."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!" Erin screamed. "I saw the red numbers as I was telling you I wouldn't sleep in the same bed and as soon as I finished talking, the thing reset! It went to 45 days without any warning! I mean, it was at 29 days when I noticed it and then it just—jumped! I can't do this for six fucking weeks. I can't. I won't!" Erin began to cry again.

Kirk decided not to say anything just yet. He let her vent for several minutes before she calmed down and turned toward him, her eyes filled with tears and wide with fear. "Can't you DO something? Didn't they give you some kind of like 'safe' word to end this if it got too crazy? We can't just stay here for SIX FUCKING WEEKS! I'm NOT going to do that. Do you understand?" Erin was sobbing. She then looked up at the walls and the ceiling and pointed wildly around the room. "Do YOU fucking understand? I am NOT going to play your game. I am NOT doing this. I want to go...HOME!!"

Erin collapsed on the couch. She was crying uncontrollably. After about 15 minutes, her cries subsided and around 1am she fell asleep. Kirk covered her with a blanket and went to his room. On the way, he checked to see if the shower might possibly be working. Nothing would have felt better than a long, hot shower. Hell, just two minutes under lukewarm water would have been great. No luck. Not a drop. He peeled off the clothes he'd been wearing just since that morning but it felt like he'd been them for several days. In spite of the nasty feeling of being clammy and dirty, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Chapter 3

When he awoke the next morning, he momentarily forgot where he was. He hadn't slept that soundly in a very long time. Not since...Anne was alive. He desperately wanted to brush his teeth but there was still no water. The only thing that worked was the toilet. He didn't even want to think what it would smell like if they couldn't at least flush the commode. Well, thank god for small favors, eh?

Erin was still asleep when he walked into the kitchen. He was hoping against hope there might be a cup of coffee or at least a glass of water. No such luck.

At around 10am, Erin finally woke up. She was in a real mood; one that made last night seem like she was happy to be there. "You've got to be fucking shitting me!" she growled as she flung the blanket off of herself. "I was hoping this all was just some kind of bad dream but nope. Still here. In this fucked up place with YOU. Jesus, this is fucked up."

"Good morning to you, too," Kirk said. "Did you sleep okay?"

Erin sat up, turned toward him and then toward the walls again and said, "I'm done, okay? I'm not doing this anymore. I refuse to play. 'They' can go FUCK themselves because I'm done. Do you HEAR me?" she screamed at the walls.

She shuffled into the kitchen and tried the faucet. Kirk tried to tell her nothing was working but that just sent her into another tirade. "I didn't fucking ASK you, did I? Do I look fucking helpless to you or something? Do you think I NEED you or any man for that matter, to tell me what is or isn't working around here? You're fucking all alike. You have to be in control of everything. You have to be in charge. Well, you're NOT in charge around here. Not of this house, not of this situation, and most definitely not of me. Do you understand?"

Kirk simply nodded his head and said, "I understand." He paused and then added, "But if we hope to get even a glass of water then we're going to have to try and..."

"SHUT UP! Shut the fuck UP! I said I'm done. I'm not playing this game." Erin turned toward the center of the room again and screamed, "You can fucking KILL me if you want, but I'm NOT doing this anymore. FUCK YOU!!" Her entire body was trembling as she stormed back over to the couch, flopped down, and pulled the blanket back over her body.

Neither of them said a word the rest of the day. Kirk was thirstier than he could ever remember being in his entire life. He knew Erin had to be just as thirsty and he knew their only hope of getting anything to drink was getting her to start cooperating.

Around midnight, Erin finally spoke. "Kirk?"

Kirk had nodded off in the recliner. "Huh? What?"

Erin tried to sit up. "I don't feel well. I think I'm getting sick. I feel dizzy."

He got up and sat down next to the couch. "Erin. You need water. You're severely dehydrated. The alcohol last night didn't help, either. You've got to at least try. We need each other to get through this. You might hate me but you know you need me and I need you. So if there's any way you can even just force yourself to try..."

"Okay. Okay, I'll try." Her voice was weak and frail. "Can you help me sit up? Please?"

Kirk took her hand and assisted her in lifting herself up. While essentially staring into space Erin said quietly, "I apologize. I will try. Just please let me have some water."

Immediately, the now-familiar sound of the panels opening filled the room. Erin tried to stand up but was too wobbly to walk. Kirk stopped her and said, "You need to rest. Just stay there. I'll get it for you."

There was only one glass this time and Kirk wanted nothing more than to chug every last drop in it but he willed himself to take it back to Erin. "Here. Go ahead. Drink it all. It's okay. I'm not really that thirsty anyway."

Erin's hand was shaky as she took the glass. Some of the precious liquid spilled causing Erin to panic and nearly drop the glass. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!" she said.

"It's fine. Drink up. All of it."

Erin took a very long drink and nearly finished the glass before she stopped and looked at Kirk. "You've got to be just as thirsty as me. Here. You finish it. And thank you for getting it for me."

Kirk drank the last two inches in the glass and as he finished they were again rewarded with that most wonderful of sounds. This time, there were two plates of food. Scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with another glass of water and a cup of coffee.

"You've got to be freaking kidding?" Erin said as she threw off her blanket and ran to the kitchen. "Oh, my God! It's breakfast at midnight!"

Kirk was standing next to her as he removed the plates. "It's a little after midnight but I won't quibble. I thought I was hungry when the chicken appeared. I feel like I could eat the plate and the glass!"

After they'd eaten, Erin said. "This was all my fault. My stubbornness caused this. If I hadn't..."

Kirk stopped her in mid-sentence. "No. You can't blame yourself. It's human nature to resist change." He paused and then smiled for the first time that day. "Especially when you're strong willed and have trust issues to boot. For all we know, there could be men behind those cameras. And we all know how they are."

"Ha, ha. Very funny." Erin smiled back as she picked up her linen napkin and threw at him. It hit him square in the face. "You see! I have no issues with control. That napkin went exactly where I threw it."

Kirk handed it back to her and Erin who said, "Listen. I don't know exactly what's expected of me...of...us...but I don't want to go through another day like today. You seem to have a much better idea of how to get through this so I'll do my best to make this easier on both of us."

Kirk thanked her and then he stopped as he heard a new sound. "Do you hear that?"

Erin's ears perked up and she said, "Holy shit! That's running water!"

Both of them jumped up from the table and headed toward the sound. As they entered the only bathroom, they saw steam rising out of the open shower. "Hot fucking water!" Erin squealed. "I'm taking a shower!" she said as she started taking off her clothes.

Before she could get her blouse off, the water shut off. "What the fuck?" Erin said with emptiness in her voice. "Oh, I get it!" Erin said in a loud, magnanimous tone of voice, "Kirk, why don't you go ahead and shower first, okay?" Immediately, they were treated to the sound of running water.

They looked at one another and both of them laughed. "Why thank you, Erin. How nice of you! I believe I will shower first."

Kirk could have stood in there for an hour but he had the feeling 'they' wouldn't permit anything more than a Navy shower. Get wet, soap up, and rinse off. He was in and out in less than two minutes which was smart because as soon as the last bit of soap was rinsed off, the water stopped running. But that didn't bother him at all. The water was nice and hot and he felt like he'd just taken the best shower of his life. He stepped out of the shower and reached for the towel on the rack when it just appeared in his hand. Erin was standing there with a towel wrapped around her body waiting for him to finish.

"Uh...thank you?" Kirk said as he took the towel to wrap around his body. Before he could, he was aware of Erin staring at him—down there. He pulled the towel around his waist and told her, "Better hurry. We might not get a lot of water."

Erin's eyes were wide open as she traded places with him. "Holy shit," he heard her mumble. As she closed the glass door behind him he thought he heard her say, "That's the biggest fucking cock I've ever seen."

Kirk smiled again as he unwrapped the towel to dry himself off. He couldn't help but notice that he was indeed well hung and that his previously flaccid member was no longer quite so flaccid.

After about five minutes, Kirk heard the water cut off followed by another outburst from Erin. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! I barely got rinsed off and you shut off the goddamned water?" She flung open the shower stall door and snatched her towel from the hook. She toweled off with it then found a smaller one to use to dry her hair. She coiled it around her head before walking out into the living room.

"Feel better?" Kirk asked.

"Better? Definitely. But that was the shortest shower I've taken in my life. I mean, I can't really even call that a shower." This time she caught herself, stopped then said, "Okay. That was actually pretty great. And so was the breakfast-slash-dinner-slash meal."

As they headed back into the kitchen still wearing only towels, both of their heads turned at the same time as the compartments behind the steel doors revealed another glass of water and what looked like a glass of Scotch.

As they lifted their glasses both of them took a long, slow whiff from it and their eyes said it all. "That's single malt!" Kirk said. "I don't even have to taste it. This is top shelf stuff right here."

They carried their glasses back to the large sofa and sat down. This time, Erin offered a toast. "To cooperating and graduating!" The clinked glasses then took a sip of the golden liquid that left beautiful fingers on the crystal glasses. "Oh! That is SO good," Erin said.

She finished the rest in one large gulp, sat the glass on the coffee table, then looked over at Kirk. "Mind if I sit closer?" she said coyly.

"Really? You? Are you sure you can trust me? After all, I am a man, you know," he teased.

"Oh, I definitely noticed that," Erin said.

"In that case, not at all." He lifted up his arm to allow Erin to slide in and under it.

He finished his drink and they both sat there quietly for a few moments before Erin asked, "This is kinda nice." Another minute or two passed before she asked, "So what do you propose we do next?"

Kirk said, "I honestly don't know, but I know I'm exhausted and getting some sleep may help us figure this out."

"Sounds good to me," Erin said.

As they approached Kirk's bedroom Erin put her hand on his arm and said, "I'm not suggesting anything is going to happen tonight—or any night—but I don't want to sleep alone. Would you mind staying with me?"

Kirk turned toward her and their eyes met. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure nothing is going to happen, if that's what you mean. I just don't think I can stand to be alone here. So you stay on your side of the bed and I stay on mine. Deal?"

As Kirk replied, "Deal," they heard water running again. This time it was in the bathroom sink.

"Hell, yeah! We can brush our teeth!" Erin exclaimed. Two minutes later they had both finished brushing their teeth for the first time since they arrived. Moments later, both of them were sound asleep on separate sides of the king-sized bed in Erin's room.

Erin was up first. She stopped in the bathroom to pee before heading into the kitchen. To her pleasant surprise, the panels were opening up as she walked in and they were stuffed with food, juice, and coffee. Before realizing she didn't "do homemaker" Erin had set the table and fixed them both plates before waking up Kirk.

"This is amazing," Kirk said as he yawned while looking at the spread in front of them. "I didn't think that much food could fit in there," he said as he pointed toward the steel panels.

As they ate, Erin finally spoke. "I see how this works now. I understand why all this food was here this morning. We slept together in the same bed so this has to be a reward. But whoever's doing the eavesdropping has to know I'm not sleeping with you." She paused before saying, "Ever." Her look wasn't as defiant as it had been and Kirk thought there was almost an apologetic look on her face.

"I had a dream about being in my therapist's office. It was as though my brain was reliving the experience."

"So?" Erin asked as she finished off the last of her food.

"I specifically remember Dr. Dennison saying something very close to this: forcing changes in behavior can eventually bring about changes in attitudes."

Again, Erin asked, "So?"

"So...it seems to me that behavior is the thing that's rewarded. It doesn't matter about our attitude—for now anyway."

Erin was paying close attention now. "That's good, right? All we have to do is play the game. I do what you like, you do what I like and we're outta here! The only question is how long that will take."

Kirk didn't respond and that concerned Erin. "Nothing to say? Do you disagree with me or something?"

Kirk finished his coffee and said, "Yes and no. No in that for now, at least, I think you're correct. Behavior is the key."

"So what's the 'yes' part? Where am I wrong?"

"I can't know for sure but it would make sense that at some point, attitude IS going to play a role. I don't know how 'they' will be able to assess what we're thinking and feeling, but something tells me they've taken care of that along with everything else."

Erin looked crestfallen. "Are you fucking shitting me? If that's the case..."

Before Erin could finish her thought, they heard another familiar sound. "Hey! The TV is working!" Erin said as she pushed away from the table and headed toward the living room. "Come here! The news is on. Oh, my God. I've never been so happy to hear another human voice!"

Kirk came in just in time to see something about a tropical storm brewing in the Atlantic before the channel cut to commercial. Erin patted the seat next to her. "Sit down. Let's watch the news."

Kirk sat next to her and they endured a few commercials pitching supplemental insurance for Medicare recipients. "Geez, I hope we're out of here before we're that old." Before he could even react, Erin added, "Sorry, dude. You're already there, aren't you?"

Kirk managed a laugh before saying, "Very funny. So what do you think? Is this a reward for 'learning' that changing behavior first is what's important?"

"It looks that way. For now, I don't really care, though. I'm just glad to have some noise in this house. You know what I'd really like? I'd LOVE to hear some music! And nothing from Benny Goodman or whatever people your age listen to, okay?" Erin smiled playfully this time before saying, "I just hope they understand that I'll play the game but they'll never get inside my head. Change my behavior? Sure. Change my attitude? No fucking way."