All Comments on 'Mastering Bella Ch. 06'

Wow, I never thought upscale BDSM could be so heavily made out as trailer trash. He demands her absolute undying trust at the price of punishment, yet violates her trust and that of her father repeatedly, interfering in her life in ways she never agreed to, cheating on his wife with her, and making himself part of a community of men who claim to treasure these women but treat them like trash. Why is this being presented as a game? He's blatantly cheating and she can't be stupid enough that she doesn't know it, so stupid that she has a problem with hurting him but not with allowing him to hurt her.

Without criticism one cannot grow and I enjoy all comments good or bad, I wish more people left them. I feel perhaps either I write with the assumed knowledge of previous chapters or perhaps you have misinterpreted some of the intent here. Either way I hope you find something more satisfying, there are some incredible writers on this site and I feel lucky they let me submit the ideas that frolic through my mind.

Love this story alot. His wife is happy or she would be long gone. Ignore the others.

I have only today discovered this wonderful and lengthy story, elliebabe, and have only scored it on reading it in its entirety, which was a delight.

You write so very well and create a realism that is so often lacking in stories of this type; you have every reason to be proud of this piece of work and I hope we haven't seen the last of these fascinating characters you have created.

Five stars, thanks and congratulations on a fine story.

I enjoyed this chapter as it gave a deeper insight into what Mel was feeling and would like to hear more of that, maybe a little bit of vunerability on his part (only because he hit her so hard) or maybe Bella should take a time out at the end of the 7 days and see the old boyfriend, even if its to finish with him! I think he definately needs to share his feelings with her as it seems ( I know its supposed to i guess) all one sided and he is asking her to give up alot in terms of her family and the lies and his son being her age and maybe kids? I love this story in so much that i am almost scared when i change the page as to what he will do to her next! Was really pleased that you had posted another chapter. Can't wait to see what happens at the party. Thank you

This is very well written and structured but I'm afraid I won't be reading any more. Mel is a horrible, manipulative hypocrite and abuser of the highest order. He demands truth and obedience from Bella but he is, (and has always been), lying and manipulating her from the very beginning.

His goal is to take a very young and inexperienced girl and make her into a brainless sex toy - and you hint here that he will do this against her will if she tries to get away from him. This girl is young enough to be his daughter, he has totally betrayed both her and her parents, (who are supposed to be close friends), who trusted him with their child. He manipulates and abuses a position of authority over her life and forces her into Stockholm syndrome 'games'. This is not sane or consensual, it is sordid bordering on paedophilic. I don't find this sexy or erotic, just grubby and a bit depressing.

You have real talent as a writer but I am not interested in continuing to read what is basically a sadist's wet dream.

thanks for this latest as it been a while since your last post and i would like to say it is brilliant and very enjoyable form a woman's point of view

I have just finished all 6 chapters and really like this. I do have one little nit to pick. The dialogue isnt coming off as normal conversation because people do not speak in the formal, as in no contractions, speech pattern. For instance, Mel says, "I have called your father and...." Normal speech pattern would be, "I've called your father..." I know a lot of authors on this site tend to make a master use this forced version of formal speech pattern, I guess as a means of sounding authoritative. But it just comes off as sounding pompous and overly puffed up... Not to mention annoying.

I find the age disparity also plays into my annoyance with the formal language in dialogue. The use of formal speech denotes the lack of commonality between the people talking. Within the confines of a D/s relationship, the formality serves to keep a boundary line between them that only works if the relationship is not based on mutual feelings of regard. But Mel has strong feelings for Bella and is steamrolling her into accepting her place as his submissive. So his age as a natural boundary, combined with his power discrepancy and his constant use of formal language constructs not an exchange situation but one of overpowering control and aloofness. A girl may deeply desire being controlled and under another's power, but she'd never feel comfortable with such aloofness.

In other words, if you want your reader to feel Mel's genuine regard for Bella, he needs to SOUND real, not aloof, pompous or phony.

If you read your dialogue out loud you will hear it and you'll hear how phony it sounds. I admit, this is a pet peeve of mine and it may not bother anyone else. was on a jury once and had to listen to a ballistics expert drone on for HOURS using this annoying speech pattern and I wanted to shoot him in the mouth by the time it was over! As if not using contractions would make his explanations simpler to understand to us laymen idiots!

Thank you so much everyone who posted even you anonymous, I appreciate the support and helpful criticisms immensely. It is odd, LadyParts that in the first draft my writing is full of contractions and as I edit I correct most feeling that is what is expected of authors, so I will certainly take on board what you have said. Writing my first story albeit a long one has been a challenge on many levels, and often I feel the story is going off track to my original plan and put it aside for a while. I have submitted ch 7, for approval but perhaps it is time to try and spread my wings with a different story...

I love this story, but there are a couple problems. Problem 1, editing. I strongly suggest an editor to remedy major run-ons throughout the series. I am not some hoity-toity know-it-all that goes around critiquing everyone's grammar, spelling, and choice of phrasing. However, the excessive run-ons in this story make it a little difficult to interpret. It is as if your thoughts are flowing onto the keyboard without attention to punctuation. I suggest reading your story aloud prior to submittal. I will review my work repeatedly, but catch a problem only after reading it ALOUD. Problem 2, the Heroine. I recall someone commenting after the first or second chapter that Bella seemed, essentially, like a puppet. At first I didn't agree, but when I look at all of her "lines" over the past 6 chapters, all I see is "Yes Master". It is good that you are conveying her thoughts, otherwise Bella would be extremely uninteresting and therefore not a significant pursuit on the part of a desirable Dom. Anybody can find an air-head. I hope that in the next chapters you give a little more on the Bella side. It is quite obvious now how Mel thinks and what he wants. I am submissive by nature, so I appreciate his dominating the story, but the someone Mel is dominating needs more substance! I look forward to what treasures you have in store for this and your other works.

I think you will find by the dates that this was the very first story/series I had ever written for this or any site. I agree my grammar and punctuation need a lot of attention but I have not gone back to re edit them to remind myself how far I have grown as a writer over time. While as an amateur my work will always be in need of improvement but I hope you find with my later work, should you continue to labor through this early stuff, have greatly improved. Thank you for your insightful comments as always they mean the world to me!

Yet I' haven't noticed any glaring errors .I love the fact that Bella/Ellie is so sweetly submissive and don't find her uninteresting in the slightest .Not all subs have to be bratty and I'm enjoying her discovering her self and he lack of limits.

Was beginning to wonder if anyone was ever going to explain some things to this girl. Shessh.

Your writing is progressing very nicely. The flow of the story is getting better, and the story line is improving. Too much of the story so far has been single-room stage like setting. Gives it the feel of something you could see set up as a play. (be an interesting one) His office needs more description or less use.

MST