All Comments on 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer'

OK then , that was pretty subtle , in a Bull in a China shop way . ( pun intended )

I guess in the land of fiction , one may encounter just about everything once or twice . Might have just been a moldy Mushroom though ! * chuckle * .

I just hope that no Axe Handles were hurt in the production . Speaking of which , What is the world coming to with this proliferation of plastic pickaxe handles ? This is the kind of thing that leads to oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska ! Well , now I'm pissed just thinking about the rising cost of Shrimp and Salmon !

Oh well , at least the Patriots lost . ( sorry Sbrooks103x ) .

And people think I have a sharp pixel.

I was wondering how long it would take you to get to that song? Lol. Have a great day. How about a Wings song or two?

It's true: "flash with humor"...Using again a Beatles's song title. The problem with humor stories is: once you write a real masterpiece ("Not Guilty") it's very difficult to achieve another one...That´s why this one is funny, yes, but don't make us fall to the ground with so much laughter...However thank you for it...3*

Even the minor miner joke!

"Do you actually believe that your cousin drove to Mexico from Tasmania?"

"Ah, different cousin, love. You're thinking of cousin Bill and his cheating skank. I was talking about cousin Samuel, whose family emigrated to the US after WW2."

Thanks for brightening up my morning!

This is almost a brilliant satire. Missed it by a hare. Or maybe a dingo. Thank god for Aussie manly men to show the rest of the wimpy world how to deal with cheating cunts, and the defenseless women who give bad advice to cheating cunts.

Your usual brilliance. You are the master of short humor. Whether just a flash or several pages, this is what humor was meant to be. Five stars, of course. Thank you, Randi.

It's always a good day when I see a new post from Harddaysknight, so thanks for helping start my week off right. Also, sorry SBrooks but yeah I agree with Crkcppr, I'm glad that the Eagles won. I think they were due, eh?

RNebular

Any day there's a new story from HDK is a great day. This was hilarious as only HDK can create!

Grrr!!

With all due respect to the Eagles, who fully earned the win, the failure of the Pats D to make a key stop or two frustrates the crap out of me!

when you ship a lot of round heeled sluts and men with anger issues to one island as breeding stock?

I guess a bunch of interesting wedding vows and accoutrements

I guess the infidelity got so bad that the women voted to take the guns from all the men out of self preservation.

This is not only preserving the infestation of mice on the island, but also the infestation of sluts. One of the sad consequences of gun control.

Keep Swinging Van!

This is the single greatest piece of literature I've ever seen.

I agree with the previous comments......and it is always good to see a new posting from HDK. I am ready for a new episode of LnR. So...........

This is yuuuuge.

I must concur with Stev2244. This is the single greatest piece of literature in the English language. The coruscating brilliance of the plot, the wittiness of the dialogue, the flawless execution of the new and improved vows. All worthless cunts are now on notice. Our flagrant infidelities, and encouragement of other's flagrant infidelities, have been exposed in all their tawdriness. These vows should be replicated in other countries, as well, particularly the UK. Henceforth they shall be known as the "Pick-handle vows." I suspect they will soon be adopted by all major religious denominations.

My only source of disappointment was that there were no actual beatings or murders. A sad lack, but I am sure you will rectify this omission in your next.

The top five things HDK did right and wrong, in my oh-so-humble, but august opinion:

RIght: The incipient and forthcoming peregrination to the nether regions, having been imparted to all potential cozeners presuming to trespass on the periphery of conjugal privilege are sonorously amplified, along with the circumscribed mulct, as if in some Lilliputian water making drama.

Maybe we will just forgo the rest. Yes, that would be best.

Between you and whatdreamsmaycome, there won't be a single sacred cow left unslaghtered and cooked to perfection. That was funny!

The history of Australia makes for an interesting read, much like HDK’s latest satire. Funny, witty, well-written, yes, it’s all those things. Absolutely the BEST, 5*, in fact 10* if they’d allow it? Well, IMO, sorry but no! It just reinforces the conclusion I’ve slowly been coming to reading various OTHER topic areas on this site: LW has become FAR TO INBRED. The SAME people write the SAME kinds of stories, edited by the SAME few star editors. As they say on TV “for that reason, I’m out!” I’ve discovered the big wide world of OTHER excellent writers on this site, so I think I’ll spend my valuable time outside of LW for the foreseeable future (yes, even on other sites!). But, y’all have happy lives wrangling your acronyms (BTB, RAAC, cuck, ad nausea...).

I am humbled by this historic piece of writing. Well, it's not telling much as I am humbled by any pieces of writing, but I am more plus humbled than usual.

The master of humor and satire, is also a master of the mysterious! A mystery story by HDK? Yes, it is coming soon. Along with many other great writers from across the categories. Maybe we will even avoid being "inbred!" How about a mystery from Texasfarmboy in novels, BurntRedstone in romance and Etaski in Sci/fi? Jezzaz, Stev2244 or Todd172 in LW? Girlinthemoon, Markelly or Xelliebebex? The list is as mysterious as the stories. Come on, St. Paddy's Day.

Sorry, I'm not impressed with you're tongue in cheek.

There should be more genuine autobiographies like this in the Loving Wives category.

The only question I would ask is whether it is appropriate to use the words "worthless cunt" in the presence of the Padre.

And for those who fear that the Pacific Ocean may present an obstacle when driving from Tasmania to Mexico, you don't go that way.

Lue

It was at least 4stars, but I laughed out loud at the piano joke, so 5 stars it is! No one on this site does satire like HDK. I await the coming mysteries but would rather read another LiR or a short satire. Either way, thanks for writing. JPR

Why do you even bother ya cucky fag . We both know you are munching on my used condoms right this very moment . You just a shit writer . Give it up ya cucky loser !

I had a side bet that my friend, the wonderfully erudite commenter known to us writers by several monikers, such as the rubber man, the condom conundrum, and even the munchie munchkin would make an appearance, and he did! The guy generously leaves six of his well used, magnum sized, jizz filled condoms in my mail box every day. I don't know it he leaves six because he only achieves six screaming orgasms daily, or if it's because that's all that will fit in my mail box. Either way, I raise a splooge filled condom in your honor, thank you for your brilliantly diverse comments and clever witticisms and toast you. Here's to you, my Munchie Munchkin, and to the fruit of your loins!

You've written several very entertaining stories. And some real turds (since we seem to be calling a spade a spade). And while there was a little humor in this flash out lash, you're better than this, usually. I'll wait for your mystery story. This was a solid 3 with a tiny guffaw.

That I am living rent free in your head . Kinda of dim in here . I guess it is because you are not very bright ! While in here . I did open the door to the room you put all your secrets in . What's with the dildo collection ya cucky freaky bitch !

even longer than it takes to read the story.

Thanks

Who will dish out what punishment to the manly man if he mistep?

Our narrator groom is clearly a blow-in, not a native Taswegian. We shove pickaxe handles up the arses of nasty skanks in the Antipodes. (A pickaxe handle up the nether end of an ass could lead to a very nasty kick to a sensitive part of the anatomy.)

Lue (In the interests of cultural correctness.)

I see what you did there😀

5*

I believe that the text of the weeding ceremony should be amended to include all the points in this fine tale. Also, as a lifetime resident of Philly I am happy to proclaim the Eagles as Super Bowl Champs!!!

FiveStars

Yes I said it. The weeding ceremony.

wedding

You might be right about the stories when you say "LW has become FAR TOO INBRED. The SAME people write the SAME kinds of stories, edited by the SAME few star editors".

But where else can you find comments as entertaining as these?

With LW, you can ignore most of the stories, but you can't ignore the comments.

And occasionally a gem like 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' may brighten your day.

Lue

The main target of this satire hasn’t chimed in. Dishes it out but can’t take it?

Total piece of shit.

Thanks for the satire.

and one hell of way to end the wedding, TK U MLJ LV NV

I almost always give you 5 stars but I'm struggling to give you 3 for this.

OK, I liked it and had a giggle. As always, looking forward to the next installment of Lady in Red.

Awaiting Van's response.

I'd go for a satire of No Reply , that seems to be the constant burr under HDK's saddle . Ax handle right to the fruit trees.

Instigating is such fun .

being mostly amused by Kimi's slam on LSD...

Ah well, I think I maintain my virtue by not getting all of the jokes...

Green-something

now I usually like ya stories but I dont remember reading this one so i read it. sorry dont live up to ya past.

A Chaucer Knight's Tale it ain't, a Midsummer Night's Dream it'll never be. All it'll ever make will be a crappy 1*

I’m not normally a fan of the axe handle stories, but this was so over the top that it was funny.

I had heard a rumor that both the Eagles and Patriots had great defenses, but that rumor must have been false. I used to live in PA and hate the Eagles, so I was disgusted at the outcome. All the Patriots needed was that one stop on 4th and 1, and they didn’t get it.

What a cheap story with satire at it's whimsical attempt to recover. I love Satire, I hated this thing you feigned as a story...I can't even bring my fingers to the number one without it hurting my sense of guilt.

Usually I don't bother reading anything with less than a 4 star rating, but one of my favorite authors wrote this. What I don't understand is what the silver hammer has to do with it. You used an ax handle in the story.

Good on ya, mate! 5 Stars.

This was a hit job on another person who's stories seem to rub the 'knight the wrong way .

The other writer has no qualms about dishing out some justice in his stories and this has hairlipped the ' knight to no end .

You see how most of the comments are so pro 'knight , but the score tells a different tale .

'Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a more serious version of the little rant the groom have here.

Too many people don't take their vows seriously, nowadays... might as well be very clear that something will happen if someone in their union ended up straying.

Got no problem with that. Actually support it. Good on you, Knight.

This is nothing more than a cheap shot at an excellent writer - and not even a well executed cheap shot.

Go back to writing school, HDK. You failed miserably with this one as your mediocre score shows. Satire, my ass. This is little more than a fart in the wind.

I hope the readers continue to score it low because it deserves a trashing, not only for the heavy-handed, lousy writing but for its cowardly insult to a fellow author.

Dude, you need to get yourself a new sense of humor. Taking a dump is funnier than this shit.

This wasn't brilliant. It wasn't funny. It was simply a cheap hatchet job on Van, who apparently pissed in your Cheerios at some point recently. This was beneath you.

Have we really reached the point that our legendary authors are going to only release new stories to take potshots at each other? I know it probably means nothing to you, but I am disappointed in you over this.

Van should write a third chapter to Eleanor Rigby, where she cheats again, but goes on a hunger strike at the same time, so her husband doesn't get upset about it.

When Swingerjoe took his little cheap shot at Vandemonium1 and Blackrandle, everyone booed and hissed. When they fired back, everybody cheered. I'm not saying they weren't justified, but it was great, right? When someone writes stupid stories about beating women to death with pickax handles, all you fuckwads stand up and cheer. When it's your mate getting the jun poked at them, that's all fucked up. Take it like a man and quit whining. You got roasted. Smile and shut the fuck up.

That all California needs to do is to strip mine ?

Fuk'n genius ! No , wait , Super genius !

Oh , wait , those hippie tree huggers will never go for it . Damn , could have really saved their environment if they only would .

Fuk'n Cuck's deserve what they get then . Yayyy Forrest fires , yayyy mudslides .

That rant made more sense than this POS .

My how far the mighty have fallen . SMH .

I agree with the last two anonies. If you can’t laugh at yourself, then how can you laugh at anyone else? My only beef with the amateurish attempts by Vandy and Randi to poke fun at me was that they weren’t particularly clever. I was disappointed that their attempt at satire was so ham-fisted and unoriginal. I expected better from both of them.

For satire to succeed it has to strike right where it hurts. That’s why this one mostly succeeded. It highlights a worn-to-death Loving Wives trope about manly Aussies using pickaxe handles and other weapons to keep their women in line. The readers who didn’t get this joke aren’t laughing because it hits a little too close to home. They recognize the absurdity of this premise that they have applauded time and again. Ouch.

My “cheap shot” at Vandy hit home because it was a story about a guy who tells the same story over and over and over again, and his last name began with the letters “Vand.” That, apparently, was enough for readers to associate this character with the writer. Of course, the great irony was that the story wasn’t actually about the writer. The decision to name him “Vand”-something was a last-minute editorial decision.

Ditto, by the way, the cameo appearance of a character named Randy who needs a team of six or seven people to create a painting. That throwaway cameo caused an uproar because apparently it hit a little too close to home.

But back to this story, have we now satirized every Loving Wives trope? The Bull, the Aussie pickaxe-wielding he-man, the corporate whore, the strange car in the driveway, etc., have all been covered. I only hope that if/when Vandy writes his next “satire” of HDK, it’s a little more clever than his “satire” of me.

I liked some of your other stuff but this one didn’t do it for me. Actually, I was kinda disappointed. When that wife watcher swingerjoe took a swipe at Vandy and Randi I wasn’t surprised. Kinda seemed his low-life style, but I would have thought that someone with your rep would have been above this sort of stuff. Maybe its time to hang up your keyboard.

I read another commenter on this story who reminded me how much you get inspired by song titles. So while we’re all in the mood for parody and satire I thought I’d give it a go. Sorry, HDK, but I’ve never been a big Beatles fan and so my inspiration comes from a Meatloaf classic: Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad. (Please forgive me Meatloaf for my crappy rhyming)

Baby we can write all night

But that ain't gettin you nowhere

You wrote everything you possibly can

There's nothing left inside of you

And maybe you can whine all night

But that'll never change the way things are

The shit is really piling up in here

I wish you wouldn't crap on so much

You’ve poured it on and you’ve poured it out

I’ve tried to show how little I care

I'm tired of words and too lazy to shout

But you've been boring me so long

I'm commenting instead of drinking beer

And all I can do

Is keep on telling you

I don’t care (I don’t care)

Get a life (You need a life)

There ain't no way I'm ever gonna admire you

Now don't be sad (Don't be sad)

'Cause 3.74 stars out of five ain't bad

Now don't be sad (Cause)

'Cause 3.74 stars out of five ain't bad

Never find another story in your empty mind

Never be a hero; you’re too fucking blind

I know you're thinking you’re a legend in a mountain of dross

But you’re running out of songs

Won’t be sorry to see their end; ain’t no big loss

I can't lie

I can't tell you that you’re something you’re not

No matter how I try

I'll never be able

To tell you you’re something

Something that you simply are not

There's more than one writer we will always love

And that is simply the truth

So get your fat bloated head out of your hairy ass

You aren’t all fucking that

Ooh I know

Sycophants kiss your ass and tell you you’re the write god

Fawning over your cloven feet

And though I beg to differ you keep offering up more tripe

Can’t you please pack your bags and exit this site?

And I’ll keep on telling you

I’ll keep on telling you

I’ll keep on telling you

I don’t care (I don’t care)

Get a life (You need a life)

There ain't no way I'm ever gonna admire you

Now don't be sad (Don't be sad)

'Cause 3.74 stars out of five ain't bad

You are brilliant and hilarious, as is this story! I wish I could write like you.

Sometimes we writers don't tell the readers how much we appreciate that they take the time to read and comment on our stories. All comments are welcome, or should be, by writers. If a story causes enough emotion to cause a reader to complain, to swear, to even go so far as to circumvent the one comment per anonymous rule and post six or seven witty comments and still stew over it long and hard enough to actually write a sonnet for me, well, that is special!

I suspect that many writers still concern themselves about scores, but for many of us veterans, it's the comments that indicate the success of the story. It matters not if they are positive, or negative fag cuck shit comments, as long as they are seen and read by others. It helps get a writer more views and writers need readers. It is an indicator of a successful story, as much as that may bother a story's detractors. So, to my clever used condom fetish friend and his many comments, I say Dilly, Dilly! To everyone else that read my little parody and posted a comment, a sincere thank you. I appreciate that you felt moved enough to comment. That's the way the game is played and in the end, it is only a game.

And the rest of us wish we could write like the Girl in the Moon.

Lue

HDK, as you say, "All comments are welcome, or should be, by writers."

Well, not by Randi.

Have a look at her latest comment on her own story 'Black Market'. Maybe her next story will be "Black Book" in which she lists all those who have upset her delicate sensitivities.

Lue

i am a fan, but I must say this is plain terrible; almost immature and written in a haste even for a flash story. Characters have no personality, just a single agenda and single speech doesn't speak much of/for a story here. Sorry to say this.

please consider and write one out in Matt Moreau style just to showcase your writing talents.

MATT MOREAU'S MALES, UNLIKE POPULAR PERCEPTIONS, DON'T TAKE SHIT LYING DOWN, ESPECIALLY FROM A CHEATING WIFE, BUT HE SIMPLY FOCUSES MORE ON THE PAIN AND HUMILIATION, AND A RATHER DRAB ENDING TO BRING MORE PAIN TO READERS; IT IS A DELIBERATE PLOY USED BY HIM TO KEEP READERS COMING BACK.

. . . and don’t worry about scores, especially not in this section.

LW seems to draw the most comments and readers, and the comments keep bringing me back.

Just when you think no one can top Just Plain Bob. I'm eating asparagus tonight!

Thanks HDK. You're so full of shit...

Always a five for one of the great ones.

Jedd Clampett

I gave it a five. Write more. Just the tags are hilarious.

@Luedon. I doubt Randi is the only one who doesn't appreciate your comments. I'm pretty sure a lot of other authors delete them. I would if I was a writer.

You have your little diversion. Now get back to writing the next volume of LIR. =D

yet is Carry That Weight; I don't think you can do better than that even if you tried, well may be not given your writing prowess, and I am sure you will have more surprises coming. I have yet to come across a story with so much intrigue and interplay of emotions or ethical/moral dilemma and the eventual trick the husband pulls on the wife, giving carte blanche permission; fabulous trick and wife's response to that, weighed down by guilt, is the quintessence of your writing talents. You understand and express the 'grey' in a way that is seldom matched in LW/Lit. Keep writing brother. A fan's request.

a confirmed addict of the crazy band across the Atlantic, the greatest band ever to have existed on both sides of Atlantic. And I love the song too Carry That Weight, what the hell I love all their songs, especially Lennon, and Fool on the Hill.

Or was it a scratch in the last race? OK story, so yeah you get my endorsement Thanks ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Enjoyed it

This story seemed like an inside joke. I've enjoyed the contributions from Australians. Anyone reading LW would see a range from Australian contributors. This seemed like an axe to grind. Way to throw all Australians under the bus to curry favor with the "in" crowd. You're better than that, HDK.

That was lame. You guys praising the story need a better sense of humor.

I guess you had to have been there. I suppose this is what happens when someone's reach exceeds his grasp.

Despite your many good stories,this one turned out to be a turd in the punch bowl.

Without Merit no stars worst story I've seen on Literotica.

How can a writer appear to be indifferent to nasty comments? How can a writer appear to not care about the annoying things others say? Here is an idea. Don't pay any attention to them if they bother you!

The jokes at the end were the best part of the story. And they weren’t very funny.

Not my favorite HDK story. A.little.heavy handed for me. I find an axe handle works better. It is lighter and has better balance.

Enjoyed it but didn't rate it. I just can't compare it fairly to traditional LW stories or to the author's previous works.

I see all the cockles get angry at there because he brought a pick ax to a wedding .

You do know that mushrooms are hallucinogens don't you, and that you should have them identified correctly before ingestion? If you aren't careful enough, people start treating you like a mushroom and feeding you shit, but you don't realise it because you're in the dark! Somehow you must have eaten a bad one cobber!

Try detoxing on a bit of reality and resume your normal competent stance when writing - good luck!

A second reading and I can see who and what you're making of. Still a little heavy handed, and obvious.

And that's your joke? That and driving from Tasmania to Mexico? WTF? Do you really view Australians as being this stupid? Did you not think this belonged in humor/satire (or the junk bin) rather than loving wives since Jake and Nancy aren't married and don't appear likely to get married as Jake is clearly a psychotic nut job? I did appreciate the shot across the bow to MM. But other than that? This was a poor excuse for a story.

Four stars for the satire, five for the jokes.

I'm going to think about this for a time before I can say I understand it. It was funny, but so very odd.

I wonder if i can ever listen to The White Album again without these characters popping up in my mind.

OK

Most aussies call our southern state Victoria mexico

Your thoughts and writing are why I continue to read.

Thank you

Norman_Sands

Wrong album, Maxwell's Silver Hammer was on Anonymous.

After being around LW for a couple of years now, I finally understand who you were trashing with your little parody here. Not your best work.

Second time through this one, still laughing!

a bit silly !!!

I thought it was pretty good. Funny too. A good Loving Wives story. Thanks I needed a "pick me up", as I had to quit drinking for health reasons. ;-)

Love the short and sweet ones. Can't say that they weren't warned.

Mushrooms huh, personally I prefer licking toad bellies. Please note I said bellies not balls.