All Comments on 'Mine'

It's short and sweet, but lacking and real description. I know leaving somethings to the imagination can make your story hotter, but this was all the readers imagination. I would love for you to rewrite and give some background, give a reasonable amount of personality to flat characters.

You have a good platform and storyline to build from, now give it depth. Instead of seeing a picture of the Grand Canyon, help the reader look over the edge of it.

I really hope you don't stop writing; practice, post again, and learn from constructive criticisms.

Very erotic and sweet, and I would really like to read more of their three months together.

The only thing that didn't ring true was the exaggerated cock size, especially with her being a virgin.

I like that they fucked all day, and they were probably really messy and tired. Her little pussy was probably very sore from him pushing his cock in her for such a long time.

Will she become pregnant before the three months are over, or is she on birth control?

A great story and hope that you will continue with it.

Well i thought it was great,,loved it,,, plenty of room for ch 2 though

Wow i really enjoyed this it was great & yes can't wait for u to write #2

Thanks for all the comments and criticism. But I really just wrote this for fun. :) I never really aimed to be an author or anything. Lol. I just love to write.

i stopped at the typical porn sized dick keep it realistic and believable there is nothing wrong with NORMAL sized equipmnet. if you have done any reading on this site you should know that the readers do not like over sized tits and cocks. by using them you are basicly telling the readers you don't care about them or how they feel so we have no reason to care about your sucky ass story.

and she did not care to ask where to? Are they rich? Were the kids raised by nannies?

By kids, we love you; but not enough to spend time with you!

i really like this story...i just signed up for this website and i just turned 18 a few months ago and im addicted to these stories...this is the first one i looked up and i absolutely love it...please keep writing more...maybe one day ill write one but im too busy with college and work to actually sit down and write one myself

Really enjoyed your first story, Princess! Especially liked it that you are literate, know the rules of spelling and grammar. Next story, take a little more time on the buildup - the foreplay, and use your imagination about how you can entice, excite, and please those of us with the average 6" to 7" equipment - and how we can please you. All-in-all, a really good story. Just think about how much better you can make you and us feel by drawing it out a bit more. Thanks.

thank you for sharing us your storie , hope can have more stories .

sam & jojo

You switched through the tenses, and used words to often like 'I', which was in one sentence three times at one point. Also, there was a good idea for the story but draw it out, you need to make them gradually into lovers, not shoot right into it.

Great first story. Looking forward to more work from you.

Most of what I see in here looks like pure fantasy. Yours actually sounds genuine and believable

but... you started in present tense. Stick to it. You wandered into past tense a few times.

easily one of the best stories I've read here, though you did mix tenses a few times and you mentioned their cum mixing when he was wearing a condom. even with that tough definitely a keeper. I hope to see more stories from you.

you say they were 14+15 when the parents died SO WHO TOOK CARE OF THEM? no way in any civilized country would they be allowed to live alone. they would need a relative or guardian until they were both over 18. there were also way to many stupid errors get a good editor and do a total rewrite as is it sucks.

i loved it you should totally write more stories like this one i loved it....it had sooo much passion it was amazing :)

Enjoyed the story, it was pretty good! However I only gave it a 4 out of 5. Why? (I'm going to be mildly rude here so just roll with the punches;). Because the author was fucking lazy!! Everyone who has ever seen a hymen knows it's on the outside, not burried inches down inside. The author should have bothered to do some research on the topic before writing about something unknown! Google and Bing work well, and they both have picture options if you don't believe what is written in documents! Sigh...

...anyway, other than that the story was great! :). I'll look forward to reading more of the authors stuff!