Mixed Emotions

I knew she was lying. I heard a man's voice in the background. She didn't even ask how me or the kids were doing. I'd probably have pictures of her later.

As I was sitting and playing with the kids there was a knock at the door. I answered it and it was Charly. "Hi, thought you might like some company," said Charly.

She came in and we talked. She was the one person that I could always talk to. She asked me why I was so gloomy and I told her that she was right. Candy was cheating on me and I was going to divorce her when she came home.

"How do you know for sure, Jeff? I was out of place telling you about her possible affair at her work place. You can hardly divorce her over rumors."

"I'm having a PI following her in Atlantic City. I know it was wrong but I had to know for sure. He sent me some files on her and a Bill Akers having sex."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. That fucking bitch! I ought to kick her ass," replied Charly.

"I'm worried about the kids. I told her if she went to Atlantic City, I might divorce her when she gets back. She laughed at me and said she would tell a judge about me and you."

"But we've never done anything wrong, only talked. She doesn't have anything against us. I almost wish she did," responded Charly.

"What?"

"Keep your shirt on Jeff. It means I always cared for you and sometimes wondered what if we were together. Haven't you ever thought about me like that?"

"Many, many times, but I was stupid and went after your cousin. The rest is history."

The kids were in bed and we talked of what could have been. As much as I wanted to hold her and kiss her, I was a married man. I was going to honor my vows. If I didn't I would be no better than Candy.

"Jeff, if you get divorced, I'll be here to help you through it. I'd never abandon you. You'll always be my best Bud." I did give her a hug.

It was near midnight and I didn't even want to check the emails. I had seen enough that morning. There was a knock on the door and it startled Charly and me. "Who could it be at this hour?" I wondered.

I heard the rap again and got up to answer it. There were two highway patrolmen standing there.

"Are you Jeffery Holder?" asked the officer.

"Yes Sir, but what... why are you here? Especially at this time of night?"

"May we come in? We have some very sad news to tell you."

"Sorry, yes please come in." They saw Charly sitting there, I figured they were wondering who she was. "Mr. Holder, please sit down."

"What's this all about? I've been home all evening," I said as I sat down. Charly hadn't said a word.

"Mr. Holder, are you married to Candy Holder?"

"Yes I am. She's in Atlantic City. What did she do?"

"She was killed in an auto accident, Mr. Holder. It happened a couple of hours ago."

I was stunned; I couldn't speak. I sat there stunned.

Charly spoke. " Officer, Candy is my cousin. I'm here to help Jeff with the kids. Can you tell us what exactly happened?

"We got a call from Atlantic City where an accident occurred. We were asked to notify the next of kin. She had her purse and drivers license and we were asked to contact Mr. Holder. We're very sorry for your loss."

"I talked to her a few hours ago. She said she was going to take a shower and go to bed. She never drove while drinking. I was always the designated driver."

"She wasn't alone Mr. Holder. She was a passenger, but it was her vehicle. Are you familiar with a Bill Akers? He was driving her vehicle and was driving under the influence."

"I've met him a couple of times. Why was she with him? Did he die also?"

"No, he's in critical condition in the hospital. That's all we can tell you for now. If you need more information you can contact the Atlantic City police tomorrow. Again we're sorry for your loss."

Chapter 3

After the officers left, I broke down and cried. Thank God, Charly was there, she cried with me. My thoughts were coming way too fast. 'What should I do now? Her parents deserve to know, my parents need to know also.' I wondered if I should wait till morning to call anyone. What was to gain to interrupt their sleep?

Charly said she would stay with me tonight. I shouldn't be alone.

"What will people think? My wife was killed and you are in my apartment?" I asked Charly.

"I don't care what people think. I'm not leaving you here alone. Besides, tomorrow is Saturday and I can help by watching the kids while you notify people. Jeff, we'll get through this, I promise."

I told Charly to take the bed and I'd sleep on the couch. I wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway. It was after two in the morning when Charly went to try and get some sleep. I went over to the computer to see if Joe knew what happened.

First, I got some files of her and Bill kissing. Then she was undressing in front of him. The phone rang and she was talking to me. All the while Bill was fingering her and rubbing her tits. After she hung up she finished her drink and got dressed. She and Bill left the apartment.

After that I had a long e-mail from Joe but no audio or visual files. "Jeff, if you're reading this you must have been told of Candy's death. I'm getting off the case now. No use wasting your money. I'll be back in town tomorrow if you want to see me. We'll just call it even for the advance. I was able to take the bugs and camera out of Candy's room. I know the police will be searching it. Sorry for your loss."

At seven, I called my parents and told them about Candy's death. I did mention I didn't know the whole story but that she was a passenger in her car. An agent where she works was driving her vehicle. I didn't know any more than that but I would find out more today.

Mom was crying and told me she would be there for me. I told her I would see her later and now had to call Candy's parents. Bob, Candy's father answered the phone. "Jeff, is something wrong with one of the kids? It's only seven."

"Bob, I got a call early this morning and Candy was killed in an auto accident in Atlantic City. The police stopped here and told me." I heard Bob break down. He told his wife Alice and I heard her scream in the background.

"Are they sure it's Candy?" asked Bob.

"Yes, they had her purse and it was her car. She was with a fellow employee who was driving. I think they hit a post but I don't know. I'll find out later today. I'm calling the Atlantic City police department."

They asked me to keep them informed and if I needed anything to give them a call. I made a pot of coffee and tried to figure out what I would do today. Charly had gotten up and came in the kitchen and just gave me a hug. We held each other for what seemed like a couple of minutes. She had tears in her eyes.

After the kids got up, we fed them and Charly got them dressed. I dropped them off at Mom's. Charly told me she would tell her parents about Candy.

Mom said she would keep the kids all day so I could do what I had to do. I had to contact the Atlantic City police department. I also wanted to talk to Joe Miller.

I contacted the police first. I explained to them who I was. They asked a lot of personal questions verifying I was Jeff Holder.

"We're sorry for your loss, Mr. Holder. I'm guessing you want some particulars in your wife's death. She was a passenger in her vehicle driven by Bill Akers. Preliminary tests showed both had consumed enough alcohol so that they were drunk.

"Mr. Akers hit a light pole at a high rate of speed. Your wife didn't have on her seatbelt and was found pinned under the dashboard. The impact had broken her neck. The medical examiner said she died very quickly."

"What about Bill Akers? Is he still alive?" I asked.

"Yes, he is in very critical condition. He is in surgery as we speak. He sustained major damage to his lower extremities. His chest was crushed against the steering column. He will be going through more surgeries. He has a fifty-fifty chance of survival at this point."

"He isn't going to be able to go scot-free if he survives, will he?"

"No Mr. Holder. He will be charged with vehicular homicide in the death of your wife. He was drunk well beyond the legal limit."

"Sir, what do I do now? You know, my wife's body and all."

"I would suggest you get a lawyer and he will handle having the body sent to a mortuary of your choosing. We will also send her personal belongings with her body. I'll fax an accident report to your lawyer for all your insurance purposes. Again Mr. Holder, I'm very sorry for your loss."

After speaking with the police department, I got hold of the lawyer I had talked to a week before. He was surprised to hear from me so soon. I told him about the death of my wife and asked if he could help me out. He said he would meet me in a couple of hours at his office.

He received the fax about the accident and they would be sending my wife's body to the funeral home that I had chosen. They said it would be a couple of days. The lawyer said he would take care of all the legal matters. We had our insurance company to deal with, plus my wife's life insurance where she worked and God knows what else I might need to do.

Later he would deal with any other legal matters that arose. I was thankful to have a caring lawyer.

The next person I talked to was Joe Miller. He was very sympathetic with my situation. He told me he stopped sending files when he heard about the accident. He said he was with Julie at the time. He wasn't aware that Bill and Candy had left the hotel until he didn't see them on the visual.

I asked him if there was anything he could add about the accident? Why wasn't Candy wearing a seatbelt? What did the police mean when they said Bill was having surgery on his lower extremities?

"Jeff, I talked to a friend at the police station. Are you sure you want to know these things? The press got the same story that you were told."

"So, what wasn't I told, Joe?"

"Candy wasn't wearing a seatbelt because she was giving Bill oral sex. When he came in her mouth she went to get up quickly and hit the steering wheel. He lost control and she fell forward under the dashboard as he hit a light post. She literally bit off his cock. It was in her mouth when they found her. I'm not sure if she choked on his cock or broke her neck first."

"What a horrible way to die."

"According to the report she didn't suffer long. As for Bill Akers, he will be suffering for a very long time. He did get his cock sewed back on but he'll be lucky to piss out of it. He collapsed a lung, broke a number of ribs and damaged his spleen. They might find more damage while they are operating. If he makes it through all of that, he will face vehicular homicide charges."

I thanked Joe and needed to talk to Charly. I called her and she met me for coffee. "What is it Jeff? What did you find out?"

"I don't know how much I should tell everyone." I told her the whole story that Joe had told me.

"Don't tell it to anyone, Jeff. Don't ruin the memories that everyone has of her. Just go along with the printed story that says they hit a post and she was killed. You can say they were coming back from a dinner. You have no reason to get even with her. She is the mother of your kids and you want her parents in the kids' lives. Nothing would be gained by spewing insults about her. You're much better than that."

Charly was so much more level-headed than I was. I had a copy of the police report and that's what I told people.

Candy's parents help me pick out the funeral arrangements. I felt they needed a way to mourn. Charly suggested it. She also said she would stay in the background during the services. We had a nice service and it was well attended by my friends and by Candy's friends and fellow employees. I knew that some of them were aware of her cheating on me by the way they talked to each other.

I stood there with Candy's parents and greeted everyone. Mom and Dad paid their respects and went home to watch the kids so Charly could come to the funeral home. I wished I could have hugged her longer and sat beside her but it might not have seemed appropriate.

After the funeral I had a long talk with Mom and Dad. It would just be too hard for me to care for the kids myself. We all agreed that I would move back home to my parents' house. I could have my old room back and the twins could share the spare room.

I started back to work after taking time off for the funeral. I didn't work any overtime. I really didn't have a need to. One day I got a call from my lawyer and he told me to stop by Candy's employer. It was to pick up her personal things and they had the life insurance check as well as money from Candy's savings plan.

Most of the employees paid their respects again but I could see that some, like Julie, did their best to avoid me. I wanted to yell at them and tell them that I knew about Candy's cheating and how two-faced they all were but like Charly said, "Let it go."

Because it was considered an accidental death I received a hundred thousand dollars, plus a few thousand from her savings. I took the money and put it in the bank for now. I figured I would invest it later for the kids' education.

I also got a large payment from the auto insurance company. They paid for accidental death and for Candy's car. My lawyer had talked to Bill Akers insurance company also. I actually collected more money from his insurance company since he was driving Candy's car.

I paid my lawyer his fees and thanked him for not bringing up the possible divorce. He just smiled and shook my hand.

****

Life was back to some thing like normal. To say I didn't miss Candy would be a lie. She was my wife and the mother of my kids. I cared for her but I guess she just wanted more than I had to offer.

The kids were growing and speaking a few words. They was funny how they began calling the older women in their life, Nana. That would be their Grandparents and also Charly's mom. The younger women like my sister and Charly they called Mama. How they knew any difference I didn't know. I did know I was Dada.

I wish I knew what was a normal period of morning. I wanted to get serious with Charly but I wanted to wait the proper time. I was still mixed up and doing the best I could. My parents were wonderful in helping me. They treated Charly like another daughter but they have always done that.

Candy's parents would come and see the kids or I would take them over to see them every week. They treated me ok but I doubt I was ever on their favorites list. A few months had gone by and they asked if they could throw a birthday party for the kids at their house.

Everyone showed up, my parents along with my sisters family. Charly and her parents were there also, seeing they were relatives. Bob had asked to talk to me alone and we went in the other room.

"Jeff, I guess you know that we didn't want Candy to marry you. Everyone wants the best for their kids. I now know that you are a good person and the truth about Candy. I did a little investigating and found out that Candy had been cheating on you.

"I know you knew about it but did all you could to keep anyone from knowing. It could have really ruined her image as well as our family's. I want to thank you for that. Alice and I both want to see you go on with your life. You have mourned enough for such a young man.

"We feel you should get back into dating and maybe find a wonderful wife for our grandbabies. Again we want to thank you for the respect you showed our family."

I had tears in my eyes and hugged the big military guy. I knew it was hard for him to say. I didn't ask where he got his information but didn't disagree with it either.

We had a great party for the kids. Before I left I told Bob and Alice that they would always be in the kids' life no matter what my future brings.

One weekend Charly came over all dressed up and asked to see Mom. She looked beautiful.

"Why are you all dressed up?" I asked.

"I'm going to a party next weekend and wanted your mother's opinion on my outfit." Before I could say anything else Mom came into the room.

"You look gorgeous, you'll have all the boys chasing after you. Doesn't she look beautiful Jeff?" asked Mom.

"Yes she does." I wasn't sure what to say. I was about to ask her out on a real date this weekend and here she was all dressed up and finding the right clothes for a date. I was afraid to ask who she was going with.

"Thanks Mom, I better go home and change. Talk at you later, Jeff." She walked out smiling.

"Mom, has Charly been dating?" I asked.

"My Lord, of course she has. She doesn't go out very often because of school, homework and watching after you and the kids, but yes she's been on a few dates. Why do you ask?"

"No reason in particular. I just never knew it. She usually tells me everything."

"Do you really want her to tell you about her dating? I don't think so. She's a wonderful person and I want the best for her just like I want the best for you."

Charly came back over later and we sat on the porch and talked.

"You looked beautiful earlier," I said.

She kind of laughed and said, "What do I usually look like?" I knew she was joking.

"Charly, how come you never told me you dated?"

"Jeff, you were going out with Candy and before I knew it you two got married. That pretty much took me out of the picture."

"Where's the party at that you're going to?"

"It's not actually a party but a wedding of one of my classmates. It's in Columbus so we have a room for the night."

I heard the word 'we' and my stomach tightened up. I felt sad and wasn't sure what to say.

"Good thing he has more money than me because I couldn't afford to stay at the hotel," said Charly. I was so mixed up. I thought we could finally get together and now this.

"Who are you going with Charly?' I asked.

She stared at me before answering. It seemed like minutes but was only a couple of seconds.

"You, Jeff. I want you to go with me to the wedding." Now I was really confused.

"Are you saying you want me to take you to the wedding? What about this other guy?"

"There isn't another guy. I want a real date with you not just a buddies' night out. I talked with your mother and she told me to do it this way. You needed to be shaken up a little. So are you going to take me? Your Mom said she would watch the twins."

Mom walked out on the porch. "Did you ask him yet, Charly?"

"Yes, I'm waiting for his answer," replied Charly.

"Of course I'll take you. All you had to do was ask."

"This is an important date Jeff. I'm really sticking my neck out here. I'll be introducing you to all my friends at school and not as my buddy."

Saturday came and I picked up Charly. She looked so beautiful. I wished it was us getting married. I cared for her so much. We checked into the hotel and she did have the room in my name. I had to laugh when they asked me for my credit card. Charly stood there and was almost laughing.

We went to our room and I realized that Charly and I would be spending the night together. Of course I knew it but didn't give it much thought. We freshened up a little and headed to the wedding.

After the wedding we headed to the reception. Charly introduced me as Jeff, her boyfriend. I loved the sound of that. We sat at a table with some of her friends and it was like seeing another side of Charly. We danced and I held her close.

I watched her dance with some of her friends. She kept looking at me while she danced. I think she knew I was feeling jealous. Finally I was with her again. I kissed her, it just happened. It was sweet yet passionate.

"Was it like kissing your sister?" She laughed at me because that's what I said to her when I was eleven. I just kissed her again.

At the end of the evening we went back to our room. Charly asked me to unfasten the back of her dress. She slipped it off and went into the bathroom. I took off my suit and shirt.