Modern Day Cavegirls - Dirty Love

Do you know her? You know everybody in this burg, right?"

Jane nodded, "That's Suzi, my oldest friend. We were tykes together and I owe her a lot, just for being my friend back then." She smiled and leaned over, "Here she comes. Watch her walk."

Max looked and groaned, "Holy ...

Does she even know she's doing that?"

"Nope," Jane smiled, "that's just how she is."

She heaved a deep sigh, "I've been secretly in love with her for probably forever. That girl there is the one crush that I've never gotten over since I went to school and came back crying every day for the way that all of the kids treated me. Her house is where the bus dropped us, since my dad could have been anywhere and Bobbi wasn't home from school yet herself. Until I was over it, I used to stand in her yard in her arms as I bawled my eyes out every fucking day. She was the only one who never teased me and always cared. We were five years old.

Since I knew about myself, I've always had a few dirty little dreams about her, but I never dared to show how I felt and her friendship was never anything that I'd ever want to lose. We don't get to see each other anywhere near like what I think we deserve anymore.

She's why we're here, actually. I saw her last week at the grocery store there across the street where she works and I promised to meet up with her this week.

And it's this week, so that works out."

Susan walked over and stared, "Hey Janey. Is this yours?"

Jane nodded, "Hi Suzi. Yeah, this is my new baby. You like?"

Susan grinned, "I love it!

Holy crap, it looks like an orange fireball standing still." She stared a little longer, "Is there actually one painted part anywhere on it that DOESN'T have flames on it?"

"I dunno honestly," Jane shrugged, "I haven't had to wash it yet. I won't really know until then, I guess.

Oh, I'm being rude. This is Max.

Max, meet Suzi. We go way back, almost to our Pampers days."

Susan had been aware of Max and was about to ask anyway, but now she didn't have to. "Hey Max," she smiled, "good to meet you."

Max nodded with a sigh, "Likewise.

I'm here doing the faithful sidekick thing, flying in support of Jane, All-American superhero and devil-may-care-flying fool. It's a hell of a job, but it pays the rent."

Jane almost spilled the last of her coffee from laughing, "What she means is – that we work together."

"Crap," Max muttered, "I like it my way better.

Look, I'm gonna go get another coffee. Can I get you one Suzi? Boss?"

They both nodded and Suzi smiled, "I'll have a small regular please, Max."

As Max went in through the doors, Susan smiled at Jane. "Whoa, we actually get to see each other. Hasn't happened in a while, but for last week."

Jane nodded, "That's something that I want to change, Suzi. I was thinking about it after seeing you last week and it just feels wrong to me. We've been friends forever. I don't want to wake up suddenly one day and realize that I don't even know where you are anymore. It's probably my fault, but I think we deserve better and I'm sorry for not keeping up like I should."

"It's ok," Susan smiled, "It's not like when we were kids. There's always something pulling you when you're grown up. I guess it must be obvious that I really miss you these days. I don't think that I can remember when I've needed a friend more."

Susan looked at Jane for a moment in hesitation and then she just blurted out, "Listen. I know I was stupid back when we were kids and I lost you for a long time over what I said. I've always been afraid to lose you again and whenever I don't see you in a while, I worry so much that it's finally happened."

Jane shook her head, "Hasn't happened yet so stop worrying.

So what's new with you? I haven't seen you in a long while other than just that little while last week." She sighed with a soft smile, "Translation: something's bothering my old friend, so I need to know what it is and if I can help at all."

Suzi shrugged, "You're never around much anymore. I started going out with Brett about a year and a half ago. It only took me a little while to know that it was a mistake and after that, it took almost a year to get the idea into his thick skull that we were done. I actually think that he believes that I'll come to my senses any day now.

He's at my house now more than I am. I've been taking every shift that I can get so that I can move out. He comes to pick me up from work and for the last month straight, I don't even look at him and just walk all the way. Him being the possessive jerk that he is, he keeps idling along beside me – unless a cop shows up and then he's gone, but he comes back after.

The one time that he got any kind of hint, it took me flagging the cop down to tell him that I did NOT want to be stalked all the way home from work and then followed inside my own home. Brett got a talking to, but he was back the next night."

She looked into Janey's eyes with a pleading expression. "Janey? If I mean anything to you at all, please, please take me home with you? Let me stay the night at least? All I ever hear about at home is that I should get back together with Brett and how I ought to be making my life in a better way that to just work as a part-time cashier. They've been leaning on me for like six months solid.

I tell them that I can't really support myself, so I'm not gonna ever support Brett – and I don't intend to. But they aren't listening to me.

If I could get better work, I'd do it of course and the whole Brett thing just makes me want to vomit. It took me so long to get rid of him – and I only tried to be polite, like I only said 'Fuck off and die' every single time, you know, not wanting to be rude or anything.

It really hurts, the way that he has my folks wrapped around his pinky. My dad loves him since he used to play 'foop'baw'.

Well if there's anybody with a severe lack of ambition, it's that tub of lard."

"You mean the football star from back in high school?" Jane asked, "I haven't seen him since then, I guess."

Susan rolled her eyes, "You wouldn't since he never gets up off his ass. He glommed onto my parents and just about lives with us now. He also looks way different now since he got his Budweiser face. He lost his 'foop'baw' scholarship at State and they threw him out since he couldn't meet their minimums anymore because he doesn't train and only showed up IF he felt like it.

Now he's leeching off my folks. He just watches our TV and eats our food."

Jane chuckled, "You know, I like the way that you say that. Foop'baw."

"Yeah well, I've grown an allergy to the whole fucking thing," Susan scowled.

She looked down, "Hard to believe that I gave my virginity to that lump. When we were together, he must have lasted a good ... oh, ninety whole seconds or so and I never felt a thing. I just got crushed and got to smell beer breath until he groaned. Then I had him leaking out of me after that.

It might have meant something if he was worth anything at all. I could see myself liking it then. As it was, it was just a rude reminder that something unpleasant actually happened.

These days, I work every shift I can get just to save up some money to move out. If my idiot parents want him so bad over me, let them have him.

I just want to get away from there for a few days at least – before I do the whole Lizzie Borden thing one night and hack them all to pieces while laughing maniacally the whole fucking time. I've already caught myself looking at sound ratings – shopping for my Stealth chainsaw.

Please?"

Jane nodded, "Ok, you can stay with me for a little while. If you're willing to do about any kind of work, I'll talk to Bobbi and see if she's got anything for you. Is that bag something that's gotta get to your parent's house?"

Susan shook her head, "Not really. About all that's in here is a frozen chicken casserole I was gonna have for dinner when I got home. That and some Italian loaf bread.

I bought one of those tiny fridges and a microwave, so I don't really ever need to leave my room much unless it's to go to the john. About half the time when I get back, old Beerbreath is in there waiting for me with lovesick eyes and I have to almost threaten his life to get him outta there."

She sighed, "I just gotta get away."

Max came back and handed out the coffees before she sat down on a parking curb.

"Suzi's going to be staying for a few days," Jane said with a smile, "Could she put her frozen dinner in the trunk of your piggy?"

"Sure," Max smiled as she got up to take the bag from Suzi, "All donations gratefully accepted. We take all major credit cards too."

Suzi smiled, "Is she always like this?"

"Pretty much," Jane chuckled, "Lately anyway."

Suzi looked back and forth, "Um, are you two ... uh...?"

Max shrugged, "Kinda-sorta, you know ... sometimes."

"Unless we're not," Jane added.

Max nodded, "Unless we're not."

She sighed like it was a bad thing, "Once in a while, anyway."

Jane grinned, since it was the game, "'A while' being a fairly short interval, of course. So it happens ..."

"A fair bit," Max smiled a little challengingly.

Jane leaned her head against Suzi's shoulder, "All the fucking time. Please come to our house, Suzi. I need you to save me – really!"

Susan laughed, "You guys are nuts!"

Jane groaned, "Yeah – but don't ask us what kind. We just get into fist fights then."

She looked up, "You don't mind?"

Susan shook her head, "No, not at all. At least you get to have fun and I'd love to just be with you for that!"

She looked at the trike, "That looks like it would be fun to ride too."

Max shrugged, "It's really old, but it's mine and it's paid for. It used to be not much more than a pile of parts on the floor. I built it back up with my father before he died and it got me all the way here from Pittsburgh in the dead of winter. I nearly froze to death, but I made it here.

It's not fast at all and it's only got a three-speed hand shift with a suicide clutch, but it means a lot to me."

She looked at Jane, "I was thinking that if Maya gives me very much for the Yamaha, maybe I could use it for her to do something about fixing up my trike."

Jane nodded, "Dangerous thinking, but I kind of like it. Maybe once it's all over with, we could ride together and I might be able to get to a higher gear than third now and then."

"Probably," Max said before she stuck her tongue out at Jane.

It went like that until they were done their coffees.

"Time to saddle up," Jane smiled, "Max has my spare helmet in the trunk, Suzi. You can wear that. Which one do you want to ride on?"

Susan grinned, "Tough choice really. I'll go with you Janey. Maybe I can get a ride with Max sometime."

"That sounds a little like you might be with us for a time," Jane smiled softly.

Before Susan could say anything, Max muttered, "Please God, just this once and I promise I'll be good forEVer."

Susan laughed, "What did you say?"

Max looked startled, "Me? Oh, nothing really.

I only said 'God I don't know the way home from here', that's all."

"Are you sure that you want to come home with us?" Jane asked.

Suzi nodded and leaned in a little, "I've been thinking about making a change for the longest time – well trying to and hoping that it might be the right thing for me. I just know that in this town, it's gotta be better for me than what I've been doing."

She looked around, "What choice is there? Sir Belchalot or some broken-down cowboy wannabe. I'd rather try it with you and your faithful sidekick. I like the thought a hell of a lot better, just saying. At least you guys laugh a lot together and ... and you've been on my mind a lot lately."

Max snapped her head around. "Suzi? Could you uh ... repeat that part about ... you know, 'and your faithful sidekick'? I think I'd really like to hear – "

"And your CUTE and faithful sidekick," Susan grinned. She looked at Jane, "I'm being silly, but I think I'd like that, if I had a clue about what to do."

"Hey," Max grinned, "I give lessons!"

She looked down for a moment, "Or ... I'd love to give lessons! The first one's free – kind of an introductory thing, y'know?"

Jane looked down, "I am so glad that there's nobody around to hear any of this."

Max folded out her kickstarter and jumped the Harley back to life before sitting to do up her helmet straps. Jane unfolded the passenger pegs, got on her bike and lifted the sidestand, holding it still so that Susan could get on.

Her thumb was just heading for the starter button when she noticed the car sidling toward them from the grocery store lot with the driver's window sliding down. Jane had trouble for a second until she recognised the driver, but she motioned to Max to get going and Max pulled out.

"Where are you going?" Brett asked Susan pointedly.

Susan said, "Get lost. Where I'm going is none of your concern. Leave me alone and go watch a game on the couch with my dad. He won't even notice when you jerk off to your locker room memories. Should only take a minute."

He looked argumentative, so Jane reached for Suzi's hand and put it over her own breast. "We're gonna fuck our little minds away, all night long.

Jane leaned a little, "I think that unless you're really as thick as horse shit, there might be a clue in there for you.

If I gotta spell it out for you, you had your chance. Suzi's mine now. So, why don't you go try something a little different? Go fuck a football."

She punched the starter and there was no point trying to even talk anymore. Jane hit first gear and they were gone.

Knowing a little about possessiveness in some people, Jane kept glancing at her mirrors. She ducked into an alley and rode to the other end, watching both ways to see if they were being followed.

Suzi tapped Jane's shoulder, "Did you really mean that? What you said?"

Jane smiled in her helmet, wishing for once that Suzi could see her face, "Not if it's not what you'd want."

She felt Suzi's hand, still where she'd put it as it squeezed just a little, "It's what I'd at least like to know about."

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Nobody said a word about it as they ate the casserole and the bread. They had a great time, laughing about just about anything. But at last, things grew quiet and Max stood up.

"I think that I'll go head out for a bit of a walk to let you guys find your way alone first." She looked at Suzi, "I'm probably being selfishly hopeful, but thank you for what you said."

"Will you come back later?" Suzi asked and Max nodded, "Sure. I just think that you need to talk with Jane some more first, that's all."

Max left and went to stand outside, wondering about where to go for this fabled walk while the two inside sorted it out. She liked Suzi a lot, but she didn't think that a threesome right out of the gate could be anything but a little unsettling if you've never even done it before.

She smiled to herself.

It was a nice thought, though.

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Suzi looked at Jane and smiled as she got up to sit next to her, "I really have had thoughts of being with you a lot lately."

"Suzi," Jane sighed, "I've wanted to be alone with you like this forever, since at least the end of 6th grade and probably before. I had no idea about it other than kissing, but it's what I've always wanted and was afraid to have. I don't want to reopen anything, but when we were apart, it was really because I was frightened over telling you how I felt inside and you – well, you didn't react well.

The only thing that I knew to do was to withdraw and hide.

And cry a lot over losing my best friend."

Susan put her arms around Jane and pulled herself close, "Janey honey, you didn't lose me. You never lost me. I just knew that in that one moment, that I'd hurt you so deep by blurting out what needed to be kept tight by your closest friend – but I failed the test because I was an idiot. I couldn't find you and whenever I called, they told me that you'd gone out. You wouldn't come near me at school and I was miserable.

I was sorry.

Janey, I've been sorry for over ten years, but we've never been the way that we used to be ever since.

Look, I've known about you since you told me, right? I'm here now because I want to be with you and not just once in a while. I want to be in your life again as a main character. I just don't know the way that it's done, that's all. I don't have any trouble over it. I want to do that with you.

I'm willing to learn because I know that it has to be good and I want to be against you and never let you go

The whole Brett thing is just what's going on in my shitty life right now and it can't last forever.

But I can. We can. This – whatever it is – it can last at least a long time."

She kissed Jane softly for a moment and pulled back to look into Jane's eyes, "I want you. I think that I've always wanted you – I just didn't know what that meant back then and once I did finally know, we weren't the same anymore, so I've always thought that I broke us somehow."

She reached up and touched Jane's cheek softly. "I look at you and I see someone so strong – so much stronger than I am.

Look at you. You've got this thing inside of you that you keep hidden from most of the world because it's how things are for you.

You were a pilot before either one of us could drive a car legally.

That wasn't good enough for you and look at you now. You're almost half of a company. You own that rocket outside and if I know anything about you, you bought it cash. I've paid attention, Janey.

How could I not? You've always been really important to me.

I know that you own your own plane. At nineteen years of age.

Goddammit, that takes singular determination and courage, things that I've always known that you have one hell of a lot of.

Me? I've done everything right, just like I was supposed to. It hasn't gotten me very far at all.

Janey, I'm here now and I've just given up. I'd do anything to be with you much more than only saying hi when you come in to pick up some deodorant and a little food. That's not good enough for me anymore.

Please tell me that there's at least a little room left in your life for me. That's all that I'd ever want anymore."

Jane smiled softly, "You know, I keep seeing us back before we knew anything. I used to love it when we did what we weren't supposed to."

She snorted softly, "Such horror, huh?

We never did a thing during our sleepovers as kids. But I've never been able to forget how we'd lie in one bed, holding on to each other, talking in whispers and kissing a little sometimes until there was a danger of falling asleep, so we'd split up so we wouldn't be found together in the morning.

I've had daydreams about it for years. I was always cognizant that we didn't do anything but what we did – lie there holding on and whispering about anything.

It wasn't about what we whispered about, it was the whispering itself. Though in my daydreams, we weren't wearing anything and we were grown to the point in time that I was having that particular daydream. I think it was like that because it was what I wanted all the way as I was growing up."

She chuckled, "And I don't think that I've grown up about that one thing even yet."

"Do you remember the last time that you had that daydream?" Suzi asked, "When was it? I'd at least like to know when I had my last chance to make things right. If I can't have anything else, that's still what I'd like to do with you."

Jane hugged Suzi a little tighter, "I have that little daydream at least once a day, not matter what I'm doing."

She kissed Suzi softly, "So if that's your measuring stick, you haven't lost me yet. I had that daydream this morning – as I was calculating the rate of application that I'd need. But ... do you think that you'd like to do that now?"