My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 03

Doing Some Late-Night Swotting with Mark

By the evening I was feeling so horny I could have burst. The sessions that day had been very arousing and left me wanting more. At dinner I sat with Mark who of course I knew anyway from the first retreat. I am only reminding you of this dear reader because of what followed. We had also, of course, had that intimate naked cuddle the previous afternoon during the session on not always wanting more sexually. I thought it a bit ironic that maybe I had managed to settle for just the cuddle at the time but that did not stop me wanting more from Mark now. A delayed reaction I thought. You cannot fight attraction and desire! I walked to the evening meditation with him and laid next to him. We held hands when we could during the meditation. Afterwards we walked back to the main building and it felt right to continue to hold hands.

I said to Mark, "I've got to tell you I absolutely love this place. I am having so much fun. This is my spiritual home, I think. I want to live here! Maybe work here. I never want this week to end."

Mark replied, "I know. I can see how much you love it and fit in. I love it too to be honest. I'm having a great time."

In this PC world it has become very difficult if not impossible for guys to make the first move, but thankfully us girls still can. In the relative privacy of the garden near the hot tubs I leaned in towards Mark and whispered in his ear, "Do you think we should do some homework and practice some of those tantric techniques?"

Mark looked a little surprised and replied, "Well she did say that we needed to put them into practice, and the more practice the better! I am up for some swotting if you are."

So, with our pact agreed we sneaked away into my bedroom like a couple of naughty school children. I shut the door and smirking said, "You do know I am a married woman?"

Mark replied, "Well that makes two of us! Well the married part anyway."

I said, "You have already had one orgasm today. I saw it happen. We all did. You were attended to by the sacred goddess Soraya!"

But I know I was making fun of it all. I was only trying to be amusing because really, I was and am a disciple-a believer, a convert. I had become one of their followers.

To be honest when we went back to my bedroom, I thought we would be shagging within five minutes of going in. But actually, what happened was, we both realised how physically and emotionally shattered we both were! This week was such a roller coaster that the first two days had seemed like two weeks. I could not believe we had only arrived on Sunday evening. At first, we collapsed into the two easy chairs in my bedroom. I found that I liked just chatting to Mark and vice versa apparently. I asked Mark what he was doing on this retreat and what had led him here.

He said that, the same as me really, he found the idea of a spiritual tantric retreat intriguing and fun. He reminded me that he had been on the first retreat (the naturist meditation retreat) twice and now he felt ready to try this one. Originally the first retreat, ( i.e. the naturist meditation retreat) had been recommended to him by someone at a naturist sun club local to him that he went to occasionally. He was on his own spiritual journey of course. Everybody here was on one journey of exploration or another.

Mark told me his story. Although he did not say so it was obvious that rather than shagging, what he actually needed was someone to talk to intimately. Someone who would just listen. I was more than happy to oblige. Flattered actually.

Late in the evening and tired Mark now looked a little sad and like he had lost his mojo. Mark began by apologising that although he had said he was married, in fact he was a widower. Mark was no longer married as he was bereaved three years ago. His wife of thirty years had been the love of his life. I felt awful because I felt I should have known all this and remembered it from the first retreat. I felt sure he must have told us something as important as this during the first retreat where we met but I just had not remembered. I apologised profusely if I should have already known this. He let me off though and reminded me that I was not there when he did his grounding because he had done the first retreat twice and he did not repeat his grounding when I had first met him on his second go at it. He did not think he had ever told me he was bereaved.

Mark wanted to talk about what had happened to him. He had originally got into naturism with his wife and they used to go to the local naturist sun club together and swim and socialise there. After his wife had passed away, he had become depressed and began asking what was the point in it all? He retreated within himself and got into a dark place. Then a friend at work had given him a self-help book on spiritual intelligence that had inspired him to explore such things further. I knew this particular book and had read it myself and also liked it. This book had also had a big influence on me in the early days of my journey. He also had attended a Buddhist meditation group. It was clear that we were kindred spirits and were on similar journeys.

Mark then grinned and declared that he had smuggled in some bottles of wine that were stored in his bedroom. He asked me whether he should go and get one. I replied that that sounded like a brilliant idea and so he slipped out and came back with one concealed under his robe.

I got the two glasses from the en-suite and Mark poured some white wine into them.

"Chardonnay OK?"

I said that that was absolutely great. That I was glad he had brought anything. So as ever the wine oiled the wheels and our tongues and we relaxed and enjoyed chatting to each other at first about spiritual intelligence stuff and what had helped us, and what we believed. Before we knew it we had demolished the bottle in about 15 minutes! So, Mark disappeared again and was quickly back with a second.

I laughed and asked, "How many more bloody bottles have you got stashed in your room Mark?"

Mark said that was all he had. He had no more. That was probably a very good thing.

Half way through the second bottle the conversation was getting very deep and meaningful and intimate about life, the universe and everything. You know the sort of thing. I remember Mark getting tearful trying to articulate stuff about how life can be both wonderful but cruel and hard. He said that you never know what is coming and perhaps that was a good thing. I responded that I did realise how lucky I had been in my life (so far) to avoid such tragedy and grief. I assured him that I did not take it for granted and sympathised with how tough it had been for him. I did however bring up again my emotional baggage-my big demon of what had happened to me on that island in Greece that night. How that has always made me feel cheap since then. How I feel disgusted with myself that I allowed that to happen. How that changed me. I became tearful myself, but it was that sort of night. Mark remembered this about me from my grounding session at the first retreat. He asked me to remind him when this had happened, and I told him that it was nearly ten years ago now. He told me that what happened was not my fault and I should stop beating myself up about it. That it was practically rape and that I am not cheap. He told me that the time had come to let it go now.

He then said, "You have got to ask yourself Rachel what was the point of going through the ordeal of that traumatic grounding process at the first retreat if you still keep harbouring this guilt. You were supposed to let it all go. That was the whole point. To free yourself from these negative self-critical beliefs that have a hold over you."

I thought, 'Hmmm! He has a point. The grounding process was never going to work unless I chose to let it. I vowed at that moment to really try to never bring the episode up again with anybody especially as it had happened so long ago.'

It was getting ridiculously late. I glanced at my watch and realised that two hours had flown by. I reflected with some pleasure that we were getting on so well and that I was making and cementing a new friendship that would be important to me in the future. But we had now done enough talking. I reached out and put my hand on his knee. It seemed appropriate. I then slid it up onto his upper thigh and squeezed it. His robe began to fall open. Mark reciprocated and put a hand on my thigh. I smiled at him and stood up and slipped off my robe.

I stood naked before him and said, "Right, I think it is now time for that practice session."

Mark smiled at me and said, "You look so beautiful like that. You are so sexy."

I believed at that moment that Mark was being truthful and really felt that. That he was not just saying it. It was a nice moment. I reached over to his belt, undid it, and slid his robe off his shoulders. I was glad to find he was not wearing any pants under his robe. Some of the other guys keep donning pants under their robes this week. I have absolutely no idea why.

Mark then said, "I have to tell you something. More of a confession actually."

I told him to go for it.

"Well the truth is, I have not had sex for three years. Not since my wife died. I have never had sex with anyone else."

I immediately wanted to mother him. Once he had told me that, even though I wanted to fuck him anyway, I felt honour bound to give him a sympathy fuck! I liked him a lot and was sure that we were kindred spirits who were going to be good friends, hopefully with benefits.

I gave him a cuddle and slid my hands over his back and arse. He did the same to me. Things were warming up nicely. I then reached down and held his already semi-erect cock. It jumped to attention.

I said, "I am surprised you are still interested after Soraya was finished with you. How can I follow the goddess Soraya? We all saw how she had you under her spell. Have you got any of your sacred juices left for me Mark or did you squirt them all over Soraya?"

Mark laughed and replied, " It is worse than that because you did not see that when we broke into groups, I was supposed to take my turn again on the massage table for my group to practice on me. But I couldn't! I was spent. Sucked dry by Soraya. So, they let me off. I was with Carol, and Gabriella in my group with Andrew and Brian. They all had a nice time though. No complaints that I heard."

I said, "I had forgotten that after the demonstration with Soraya you still had to take part in the group exercise. That must have been a bit much. How funny. I like Carol actually. She is nice. OK then Mark let's see what you have learned. Let's see you put your new skills into practice."

I laid down on my bed with my legs apart, lifted my knees up, and closed my eyes. After what seemed an age but was probably no more than half a minute, Mark was kneeled between my knees gearing up. He began with a long kiss on the lips of my pussy. His tongue was probing me. I was so up for this and started purring immediately. I put a hand behind his head to hold him close. He pulled back and began work with his fingers. I started to writhe around and might have had an orgasm that way, but it was so late, and we were tired. I also felt lazy myself and wanted to get some sleep.

I just said to him quietly and matter of factly, "I am so tired Mark, would you like to just come in?"

He needed no persuasion. He just replied, "Well I'm not going to refuse an invitation like that."

I was very wet and within seconds he was sliding in to me in the missionary position with no further ado.

He started to thrust and grunt a little quietly whilst smiling at me and looking apologetic for some reason. Within less than a minute he was coming. I suppose after three years that was inevitable even though he had had an orgasm earlier that day in the hands of Soraya. That is not the same as having your cock buried deep in a nice warm wet welcoming uncomplicated vagina. I never got to cum that night.

We cuddled up and were asleep in seconds.

The next day, Wednesday, began as ever with the meditation in the temple. One cosmetic difference was that suddenly we were all walking to the temple dressed in new fluffy dark maroon robes instead of the white ones. Apparently, they have introduced a new policy in the interests of hygiene that the robes get changed mid-week. You do everything in these robes; live in them really and usually you are wearing nothing else. And given what goes on in these retreats you now get a new one delivered to your bedroom for the Wednesday onwards. They can easily spot someone who has not changed their robe as they would be in a white one! Also, I had got into the habit of showering three times per day including after lunch. You just never know what is coming next at these retreats and how up close and personal other people may get. Of course, Mark had to sneak back to his room in his white one to retrieve the replacement maroon one left hanging in his bedroom.

Sadomasochism

After the morning meditation and breakfast, the first session was to cover Sadomasochism. I had really looked forward to this session. I have never been much into this stuff and was all agog.

Soraya began, "Sadomasochism or 'S & M' is simply the giving or receiving of pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation. Practitioners of sadomasochism may seek sexual gratification from their acts. S & M is any interactions, especially sexual activity, in which one person enjoys inflicting physical or mental suffering on another person, who derives pleasure from experiencing that pain. S & M is sometimes more completely referred to as BDSM to include bondage and discipline.

"The Fifty Shades of Grey series of books and films have taken S&M mainstream. A few years ago, we couldn't have spoken freely about such things as nipple clamps, bondage and spanking. Now, however, it seems like for example a little light bondage is commonplace. Now I should warn you that this session only aims to give you an introduction. It will only cover light playing at it. It will not cover anything hard core or controversial."

I could see they could not go too far with this. I remember drifting away a bit and day dreaming. I was tired after my late night with Mark. I began to resurrect my childhood fascination with being tied down and restrained. I saw it in the westerns of those days several times. You know where the Red Indians used to tie down someone they had captured by staking them out spread eagled in the desert heat. Well I always fantasised about having that done to me, but I did not know why. When I grew up, I realised this was a sexual thing. I expect when the Red Indians did it, in reality, a female victim was stripped naked first, and in all probability gang raped. I have carried that fantasy forward through my life and always fantasised about being tied down and powerless at the mercy of men but never actually been tied up at all. Of course, in reality I would have hated being taken by strangers, but fantasies are often something we would not really like in reality, aren't they? Come to think of it, I would also not have been that keen on being left out to fry to death in the desert!

I resurfaced back into this session from my day dream. Soraya said that S & M was not strictly part of tantra, but they give an introduction to it anyway as they felt arguably it should be. Their argument was that even experiencing pain, and restraint, were all aspects of being awake, living in the moment and accepting the moment. I thought, 'Hmmm. Not sure about that one'.

Soraya went on, "Practitioners of S & M find it fun because they find it sexually arousing to be submissive and dominated. It means allowing a loving person to tell you exactly what to do and letting them take responsibility and choice away from you. People new to it find great delight in finally being allowed to reveal their secret desires from within the safety of a secure relationship. It strengthens relationships and the bond between a couple when our lover responds with approval and encouragement when we reveal our secret desires".

Anyway S & M looked fun to me and a novelty and Soraya wanted a couple of volunteers for some demonstrations. About four us coyly said that we were willing. As luck would have it, she picked Ralph and me.

Soon I was lying on my front on the massage table with the whole class gathered around me. I took no persuasion to remove my robe before being asked. I suspect it was no accident that Soraya chose me. She had my measure by now. She knew this would be right up my street. Soraya tipped out a box of goodies onto a yoga mat. It was all there. Blindfolds, ear muffs, ropes, chains, a riding crop whip, what looked like they might be nipple clamps, gags plus a ton of other stuff that could have been used for anything.

Soraya then proceeded to put one of the blindfolds on me.

She said, "Being blind folded is frequently part of S & M play. As is being tied up and restrained of course. Are you OK if we restrain you a little Rachel?"

The group emitted a little snigger. I just said, "I suppose so, go for it."

"Right Mark you have Rachel's permission to restrain her. Here's some rope. What are you going to do?" Soraya tossed some coils of rope at Ralph.

"Obviously getting permission at each step of the way from your victim is important unless as part of the game they tell you that they do want to give permission. They just want to be dominated and that again is common S & M practice."

Anyway, to jump a head a little Ralph tied my wrists together behind my back and tied a rope between my ankles under the massage table such that it held my legs as wide apart as the massage table permitted. Soraya was happy with the job he did making sure he had not tied me so tight that it was stopping the blood flowing. It had only been the previous day that Ralph had been bringing me off on one of these tables when we were working as a group of six. I imagine Ralph thought by now he knew his way around my body pretty well and was familiar with all my charms. Maybe Soraya thought we worked well together yesterday and so would be a good combination for this S & M demo. It is so bizarre just how all this weird stuff had become so normal in such a short time.

Would you believe she then asked me, "So Rachel have you ever been whipped before?"

I laughed, "Of course. All the time. Daily!" Everyone else chuckled as well.

"Oh well them Ralph. Go for it!"

Ralph must have taken the riding crop from the pile of aids and I felt the first stroke across my bare bottom. It was pretty gentle actually. Barely stung at all.

Ralph asked if that was OK or whether it was too hard.

I assured him it was not, so he duly did it a bit harder. As he got more confident the strokes really did start to hurt and I was lifting my poor defenceless soft fleshy white bottom up to receive them. I do not know why but it is a sort of instinctive reaction. The worst part was the anticipation and hearing the whistle of the whip through the air. After a lash that really was a bit over the top, I let out a genuine cry of pain.

Soraya asked him to stop for a moment.

Soraya then said, "Right now in S & M play you have a choice. You can either make it all pretend play and never really hurt each other at all and that is fine if that is your mutual choice. Or you can decide that within limits you actually do want to experience some pain and discomfort. The reason is that firstly the pain is offset by and counteracted by the simultaneous pleasure you get from the sexual arousal of S & M play. It is the fine balance between pain and pleasure, and how they cancel each other out, that makes the experience so interesting. The second reason is that you need to see pain and discomfort as yet another opportunity to be in the moment, and actually experience and feel the pain as part of being alive and mindful in exactly the same way as you embrace pleasure. Rachel could in her mind make the choice to welcome the controlled level of pain because of the way it makes her feel alive and present for it. She my also find it arousing. It is like everything else a question of how you think about it."