My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 03

12. Mark: After the first retreat I had written down the question of whether there was a relationship with Joshua and where would it lead? Well since the first retreat it had not led anywhere. I have been disappointed that he has not been in touch. This time I was writing the same thing but not about Joshua but about Mark! I felt like a mixed-up teenager.

13. Joshua : I am disappointed that Joshua did not follow up after we slept together at the first retreat. And obviously I have not contacted him for a massage in his professional capacity. I thought we might have had something going. I am puzzled by why he has not sought me out for a repeat performance. You have to wonder sometimes with blokes whether they actually enjoyed it, and like you, and what makes them tick. It is bound to threaten my confidence and make me needy. Maybe I will take the initiative and reach out to him. He probably just does not know how to take me, and know me well enough. Yet! I have NOT given up on Joshua...

14. Girls! Yum yum! Also of course there may or may not be Shakti (very likely) and I am optimistic about Amy and even Carol. I so so want to keep in touch with Shakti and repeat what happened last night.

Conclusion-a very illuminating and inciteful week that has caused me to do a lot of radical revaluation. I have a new direction to go in and explore but I am still a mixed-up mess-but a different mess to the one that arrived a week ago!

The Morning After (Shakti)

When I went along to the morning meditation in the temple luckily I bumped into Shakti on the way in the garden. Thankfully we were alone. She immediately kissed me and gave me a reassuring hug. She asked me if I was OK about what had happened. Whether I was alright.

I told her that I was in shock and bewildered but had enjoyed it more than I ever thought possible. That I had been truly touched in ways I would not have believed possible. I meant of course emotionally and spiritually as well as the obvious. Shakti laughed and said that I did not need to go overboard. That she was sure it had not been that good. But it had and I meant it.

"I was sorry that you left. That when I woke up you were gone. I would have loved it if you had stayed all night."

Shakti replied, "Well maybe we can sleep together next time."

That sounds promising I thought. Something to really look forward to. There is going to be a next time I thought. My spiritual community is growing.

I added, "I also feel guilty that you did all the work. That I had all the pleasure. I just laid there. I was completely selfish. I did nothing for your you."

Shakti replied, "Trust me I had a lovely time. I also really enjoyed myself. It's not true to say that you did nothing at all. And next time you can be more adventurous with me."

That confirms it then; not only am I now bi but I have a female partner! My cup runneth over!

Shakti then suggested, "Why don't you lie next to me at the meditation?"

I replied, "That is a lovely idea."

We held hands walking to the temple. We did not care what anyone saw or thought. That was a perfectly normal thing to do here anyway. Shiva was already sat in the lotus position in front of the shrine. He was welcoming us to the Sunrise meditation Service as he did every day. We put two yoga mats and towels out for us side by side. We took off our robes as everyone did by now and laid down holding hands with Shakti to my left. Shortly afterwards Amy joined us to my right and I held her hand on the other side. I was now connected to these two beautiful special women ready for the meditation to commence. Life felt perfect at that moment and indeed perfectly set up and poised for the future. Shiva was ready to commence and turned on the usual soft music. I felt so at home I really did not want this retreat to ever end. I would be back as soon as I could.

The Tantric Spiritual Retreat Last Night party

On the last evening there was the inevitable buzz of excitement around the place as the retreat built towards its finale. We had our last meditation in the temple and then we all went back to our rooms to dress for the last group dinner and 'party'. I say 'party' because obviously there were not that many of us and you sort of dread that it could be a bit like one of those stilted awkward office Christmas parties where a small group of you suddenly have to switch from working to standing around with a silly hat pretending you are having a great time. But I would have to admit that the party at the end of the first retreat had been surprisingly good and there had been rumours that the one at the end of the Tantric Spiritual Retreat had in the past turned out pretty wild. And knowing this place of course anything could happen.

When I say dress for the party of course being here it was more like undress for the party. Given that this was a naturist centre and event and that we had all been naked or nearly naked for most of the week there would seem little point in protecting our modesty now. Of course, there was a need to make an effort and wear something a bit glam if only to make this 'party' a bit special. And I knew I had tough competition and would be up against the likes of Soraya and Shakti for starters who I could guarantee would be looking drop dead gorgeous. But going by everything else that has happened here I suspected (and hoped) that whatever I wore would not be on for long! After the first retreat I had foreseen the need to pack something for just this occasion and after a long shower donned my battle dress. I had chosen a shear see through chiffon kaftan kimono type dress in exotic vibrant colours of the rainbow. It was a loose flowing fit with loose sleeves and finished just above the knee. Imagine a sort of throw on beach robe that ties up round the middle with a matching sash and you have it. I tried it with a bra but in the end decided that I looked absolutely delicious without one. The question was whether to wear any panties? As it was just so revealing I went for a soft cotton red thong! I stood and looked in the mirror and felt satisfied with my choice. I looked sexy, and very little was left to the imagination. But at the same time, I had struck a chilled alternative casual vibe. Us girls have to think about such things! To complete the look, inspired by Shakti I slung on the longest silver spiritual looking chain I had, around my neck, and vowed to buy some much longer and exotic ones when I got home.

I sat next to Mark and Amy at dinner. Unusually they had wine available tonight. It was the first time I had seen alcohol at this retreat this week (except what Mark had smuggled it in). It was just a choice of red or white but as we had not officially had a drink all week most of us were embracing it with some enthusiasm! They just kept coming round and topping us up which is always a dangerous arrangement! Impossible to keep track! Very quickly I was feeling pretty happy and enjoying the buzz of the excited demob happy group.

Mark told me that unfortunately for some family reason that he was not staying for the party but heading off home early after dinner. He was not drinking of course. I say early because by the time he was home it would have been far too late to see anyone that evening. So, I never really knew what his reasons were, and I was disappointed.

After dinner we all migrated to the temple. Whilst we had been eating it had been furnished with what looked like enormous bean bags around the edge. The lights were dimmed down to the minimum and there were many candles burning. Shiva was playing music, but it was not dance music -more sort of Indian meditation music again. We chatted in groups standing around wondering if this was all going to be a bit awkward and a bit of a damp squib just like we had at the first naturist retreat. Thankfully two of the young waitresses appeared carrying several more bottles of wine. I noticed then that there were glasses here already on the tables.

It did not take long for all of us to have a glass in our hands and things loosened up again very quickly. I was sorry that Mark was not here as we had had a nice time together earlier in the week and spent a night together and it was a shame that we were not able to relax together here this evening. Anyway, I was having a discussion with Daniella and Gabriella when Joshua appeared in the temple and came over to join our group. Joshua was looking fit and trim and was wearing something similar to me actually that is a colourful Hawaiian looking kimono. It was easy for Joshua as he was a regular and knew to pack something to wear for this evening, but we congratulated him anyway on looking the part. I could not tell if he was wearing anything underneath this time! We must have chatted for about ten minutes when Daniella and Gabriella went off to the loo. There were no loos near the temple and you always had to walk back to the main building,

So, Joshua and I were left alone. Joshua then joked, "You are a bit over dressed by your standards Rachel. You are usually one of the first to get into the altogether! Shakti and Soraya are already as nature intended. What is wrong with you tonight?" With that he deftly opened up my kimono to reveal my thong. He carefully surveyed my body with an unusual amount of lascivious satisfaction and a cheeky grin.

I chuckled and said, "Well you had better do something about it then."

I was very happy to let Joshua take the initiative. And so he did. He slipped my kimono off my shoulders and it fell to the floor. The he bent down to pull my thong down my legs and over my feet one at a time. Joshua stood back up and admired his handiwork and then was suddenly shocked when he saw my bottom. I had forgotten all about it.

He said. "Jesus I cannot believe how red your bottom still is. Your bum and thighs have purple weals across them. I laughed and said it looks worse than it is. It does not hurt much, I am quite proud of my battle scars actually." I meant it-I really was proud of my wounds from the beating I had been given during the S & M session.

I had unfinished business with Joshua and needed to find out where I stood and how he felt. I bit the bullet and was very open and honest with him; I knew it made me vulnerable, but I had to know. I said, "I have to be honest that I had hoped you might call me after that night at the first retreat. I thought maybe we had something. I can't pretend I have not been disappointed."

Joshua cast a glance around and then suggested that we sit down for a bit on one of the bean bags. I hoped this was because he wanted some privacy and to talk to me alone before anyone else joined us. Actually, you cannot just sit down in a bean bag. You have to sort of squat down, then kneel, and then manoeuvre your butt over into the bag. We both did that making lots of suitable grunts and wondered if we would ever be able to get up again.

Joshua looked awkward for a moment, and then devastated that he had hurt me. He said, "Really? I am so sorry Rachel. I wanted to call; I thought about it so many times but was not sure how you regarded what happened."

I reached out and held his hand and squeezed it.

He continued, "I did not want to be presumptuous and take you for granted. I was worried you might just tell me not to be silly and that it did not mean anything special to you. I also did not want to abuse my role as a bit of a spiritual mentor to you. In fact, I felt I already had by sleeping with you."

I smiled and after a pause said, "Joshua you do not have to worry. I see you as a dear friend nowadays and someone who understands me and is on my wavelength. I just want us to be friends, and hopefully intimate friends and see where it leads. I thought we had sorted all this out at the party on the last night at the first retreat to be honest."

Joshua replied, "Well I can go with that. It's a deal. Shake."

I said, "Good that is that settled."

We were both silent for a moment and surveyed what was going on in the temple. Some others had followed our lead and collapsed into bean bags. Joshua realised we had left our glasses of wine on a table near us. He got himself to his feet with some difficulty and went and retrieved them. When he was back sharing the bean bag with me, I asked him, "Joshua-you do not have to answer this. You can tell me to mind my own business. I have never known. But do you have a special other?"

Joshua chuckled and replied, "That is fine. I don't mind you asking at all. But no, I do not. But I am lucky enough to have a group of a few special likeminded friends who I meet up with at their place or mine and enjoy spending time with. Sometimes they might stay for a few nights. So, no I am definitely not monogamous and could never be. But for now, I am lucky enough to have these friends who I love and enjoy having intimate times with."

I Thought, 'Hmmm. That is where I now want to be. How does Joshua handle this with such confidence? He was his own man that was for sure.'

I have always wondered about Joshua's sexuality to be honest. I thought now we were being honest with each other was as good a time as any to ask.

"Joshua. Last question. Do you also mind me asking...are you gay?"

Joshua laughed again." Well yes and no! I am bisexual. I thought you knew".

I felt stupid. I certainly should have known. Of course, he was. A thoroughly modern spiritual free-thinking free spirit embracing his sexuality. A man very comfortable in his own skin. I wondered if I would be identifying myself as bi sexual any time soon. Maybe. It certainly sounded like the enlightened free-thinking unconstrained path I was now resolving to pursue for myself.

"So, do you have a preference?" I chuckled. I felt I could get away with anything at that moment.

Joshua's reply was typically wise and not the predictable.

He said, "Well it is much more about the person. I am seeking kindred spirits who I find connection with and can play with occasionally. It is the exchange of energy and loving connection that is important. The gender of the person I am bonding with is immaterial."

Hmmm I thought again. The perfect answer, I have so much to learn before all this come naturally.

After a while they did put on some dancing music, but nobody seemed much in the mood. They were demob happy and excited -yes but were enjoying chatting too much. The buzz in the temple was very noisy. It was very interesting as various new prospective pairings and couples started to reveal themselves. For example, the good-looking Ralph and Gabriella -I would not have predicted that one.

Shiva changed to playing more spa relaxing like music and what developed was more of a ceremony of sharing love and connection. The new couple Ralph and Gabriella were soon canoodling and embracing on a bean bag. Anything goes here and nothing should surprise. Joshua and I eventually got back on our feet and became part of a larger circle that included Amy, Shakti, Daniella and Carol. All my favourite lovely people all briefly together. I thought how strange that in just a few hours we will all be apart back in our own worlds. We were all doing lots of laughing, hugging and cuddling in this fest of sharing the love. The others were all gradually undressing and more and more nudity was on display. This was after all a naturist retreat. The lights were turned off completely to leave just a soft dim candle light.

Later I collapsed back onto a bean bag again with Joshua. We quickly proceeded to a passionate full on and much overdue embrace, and tongues down the throat kissing. He still had his kimono on! I removed it quite forcefully telling him off for being a prude. He protested that he worked here. Was working tonight. That he was part of the management. I said that was just an excuse. That he was shy!

I spent the next forty-five minutes or so just with Joshua lying on that bean bag. I had had hopes and fantasies that this evening might be an opportunity for me to actually have sex in front of the group even if it was in a corner in dim light! At first when we started intimate canoodling I even contemplated the idea that Joshua might be up for that this evening. I had heard rumours that this party often did degenerate into a bit of an orgy. But if that was true it did not happen this week. Most people were naked by the end and there was certainly a lot of intimate fondling and cuddling but that was as far as it went. In reality people do not have sex in public very often do they? Maybe on some naturist beaches and of course in some sex clubs and naturist spas but not at a proper professional retreat in the UK. Although everything else had occurred there had not actually been any public full sex at either of the retreats. I was being a bit hopeful I concluded. Tonight, was not going to the night. But Joshua did have his hand between my legs, and I had my hand around his erect penis, so we were still having some fun. But before much longer Sylvia appeared walking round fully dressed and asked Joshua if he would mind going with her to deal with some problem or other. I never knew whether there really was a problem, because I could not imagine what that could have possibly been at that time of night that needed Joshua but there you go. I wondered if she disapproved of what Joshua was up to being naked and clearly in a state of arousal and in a full-on heavy-duty sexual embrace with a client. He was in trouble with the head mistress! We were jinxed I decided.

This evening was not as much fun as the last night at the first retreat. It did not get going as much. But it was OK. Rather like the first retreat very near the end Amy came up to me and flung her arms around me giggling and held me close. She whispered, "I am reserving you tonight. You are coming back to my room to keep me warm. Deal?"

How could I refuse? Amy who always surprises you. Amy who looks and pretends to be demure and shy but when she wants to be is the exact opposite. I replied, "Deal!"

When we left the temple, I did not want Shakti to see me going into Amy's bedroom so that was a bit awkward. I told Amy I had to go to my room quickly and I would see her in a moment. I waited until the corridor was empty and Shakti was not around before I gently tapped on Amy's door.

Amy did not know that I had spent a night with Shakti so I wondered how she knew that I might be open and curious to lesbian encounters. I suppose we had kissed and cuddled each other naked on a few occasions at the two retreats. When I furtively tapped on her door, she opened it immediately and I was giggling like a naughty school child. She thanked me for coming.

I said to her, "You have not wasted any time. You only came out on Monday when you introduced yourself as bisexual!"

Amy replied, "I know. What a roller coaster week. But I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I don't know what I want yet. I only know that I really like you and want to be close to you. And I just thought it would be so cosy and lovely to cuddle up with you tonight. It was a spur of the moment thing. Just seemed like a good idea at the time."

I understood. This week had been a whirlwind for me what with Shakti and Mark. I had only ever had the one girl on girl encounter with Shakti the previous night. It was all becoming a blur.

I replied, "I would love to just curl up with you Amy. Perfect. Just perfect,"

We chatted for a few minutes but were both tired out. We were both already so used to being naked together that we just naturally and easily slipped out of our kimonos and climbed into Amy's bed. Amy turned the light out and we kissed passionately. I laid on top of Amy pressing my breasts down onto hers and it was gorgeous. But that was enough for tonight and for now, and we drifted off to sleep very quickly curled up as two spoons with me behind Amy and my arms around her. It felt sweet, and innocent like two school girls.