My Saving Grace Pt. 06

I stared absently at the time display on the TV screen near my bed. 10:37pm, it read. That explained why I was alone, at least: visiting hours were long over. I thought about getting up and going to the bathroom, so I could see for myself what Hannah had been talking about. Then I saw the blinking icon over the bed exit alarm and decided against it. I probably didn't want to see it anyway.

Going over the events of the day in my head was probably unproductive, but it was also human nature. Things didn't go at all the way I'd hoped they would. (Yeah, I know: understatement of the decade!) Ir hadn't been ALL bad, though.

I sighed. I still had a family, at least. Trent, though. Trent was going to be a real problem. Oh, I'd already known he would be, but I just never let myself think about what that might mean.

"Well, look at this!" came a familiar voice from the doorway.

I turned my head to see Lance Forster, the Giant would-be rapist stepping into my room, pushing a housekeeping cart.

"Who fucked up your face, Richmond? I'd like to buy them a beer!"

"What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"I work here now, thanks to you! 'Community Service, go volunteer somewhere, it'll look good to the courts!' That's what my family's laywer said. So now, I'm stuck here 5 nights out of the week, emptying trash, mopping all kinds of disgusting messes, and not getting paid a dime for it!"

This last was delivered with a bitter, angry glare. I hope Hospital Security ran foot patrols regularly, because if ole' Lance decided to rid the world of one Kevin Richmond, there wouldn't be shit I could do about it (even if I didn't feel so terrible!)

"None of the stuff that happened to you was my fault. No one made you break into our house, spy on my sister, or anything else. You brought this shit on yourself. Damn, you want some cheese to go with your whine?"

He snorted as he emptied the trash and put a new liner in the can.

"Well, the bitch isn't worth all the trouble, anyway."

There was something in his body language when I mentioned my sister that wasn't quite right. Even though it wasn't smart...okay, actually it was insanely stupid, I decided to find out if the speculation rattling around in my brain was correct.

"What you mean is, she was blocking your view of Matt!"

His gigantic frame paused in the middle of his cleaning tasks. It was only for an instant, but I was watching him closely and it was unmistakeable.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Richmond!" he said. "Not then, and not now! I-"

"You weren't there to perv on Grace, you were there to perv on Matt!" I said, unable to keep the surprise out of my tone. "What was really supposed to happen that day?"

Lance looked stricken. "Look..." he faltered.

"Do you love Matt?" I asked. What a stupid thing to get into! This guy could rip me in half like a phone book! What was I doing, badgering him about his love life? Having gone this far, I decided to take it all the way.

"Does he know, Lance? That you've got a thing for him, I mean?"

"Don't you even think about calling me-"

"What? Gay?"

He froze again. He knew that I'd picked up on his secret, and he wasn't really sure what to do or how to react. Obviously he was still in the closet (at least partially, anyway), but it was equally obvious he needed to tell someone – anyone might do at this point.

"There's nothing wrong with that, if you are, you know," I said, calmly. "My cousin is a lesbian, and I love her, and her girlfriend, dearly! Tell me, do you love Matt? Does he know how you feel?"

Lance slumped down into the chair Hannah had left by my bed. He sighed in resignation.

"I can't hide it anymore. Yeah, Richmond, I'm gay, alright?" He shook his head, and to my everlasting shock, tears were forming in his eyes.

"And no, I sure as hell DO NOT love Matt! That asshole...look, he's hot, don't get me wrong, but..." He paused, trying to decide how to vocalize his thoughts.

"Matt found out about me being gay. I thought I was being discreet; I didn't think anyone knew. My family and his are both members at the same country club, Fairview, about 30 minutes south of here. There was a sommelier there, that I had something going with. I'd thought it might turn into something serious, but even if it didn't, I was happy. Somehow – I don't 'know how – Matt found out about it and arranged to have him fired."

I remained silent, as Lance continued his tale.

"Matt approached me in the showers, a few days later. He told me he knew about my secret, and that if I didn't do as he asked – no matter what he asked – he'd out me! Publically! My family is what they call Old Money, Richmond. They'd have done a lot worse than just disown me. They wouldn've made my life a living hell, if they ever found out I was gay!"

"What did he make you do?" I couldn't help but ask. After all, Matt had wound up in the slammer, and Lance was free, even if he did have to do community service.

"Matt wasn't gay, but he was into some serious weird shit," Lance replied. He like to date girls, wine and dine them, earn their trust, and then wreck them. He had a thing for group sex, and he was really into BDSM."

He looked me square in the eye. "I've got a pretty big cock, Just looking at it when it's hard terrifies a lot of women, especially when I tell them things like, 'I'm gonna fuck that ass like a freight train,' and stuff. I tell them what I'll do to them, unless they do what Matt says. That way, Matt can get what he wants."

He sighed again. "The trouble, at first, was getting hard and staying that way. I don't hate women, I'm just not attracted to them. Seeing a naked woman being terrorized – helping to do it – didn't do anything for me. So, I fantasized about Matt while I masturbated. I kept me hard long enough for Matt's mind games."

As shocking as all of this was, I was even more shocked to discover a certain amount of compassion for the big gorilla. "So when you were at our house-"

"Yeah," he said. "Matt was ready to start his Games with your sister that day. That's why I was there."

"Why didn't you take this to the police? You could have turned state's evidence! It would've put Matt away even longer!"

"Several reasons, Richm...Kevin. First, he sold HIMSELF up the river when he was arrested. Like most bullies, he's a coward at heart. He was so scared he just babbled on and on, even after they read him his rights. What could I tell the DA that Matt hadn't already said? But more importantly, what do you think my family would've done to me?"

"Oh," I said, weakly. "So why did you charge at me, when I confronted you? I could've killed you! If you'd-"

He just stared at me, patiently waiting for my brain to catch up with my mouth. "Oh, that wouldn't have worked, would it? You couldn't reveal it to me, either." Lance had been trapped; well and truly fucked!

"I'm sorry," I said, finally, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm sorry too," he replied.

"Do you mind if I tell my sister? I know she'll keep your secret. Plus, it might help with her sense of security," I said. Okay, the truth was, I was going to tell her anyway, but I really did want to be nice about it if I could.

"Yeah," he said with a shrug.

"Listen, if you can think of anything I can do to help you, just ask. I can't promise you I'll be able to, but you never know until you try!"

"Seriously?" he asked incredulously. "After all the crap that's gone down between us?"

"Listen, as someone just pointed out to me, earlier this morning, we're all just imperfect people, and none of us are fit to judge the others. If I don't forgive you and try to help, then how can I expect others to do the same for me?"

He looked at me for a moment, then asked something out of left field: "Would you really have shot and killed me?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "I won't allow anyone to hurt me or a loved one. I've become a big believer in forgiveness, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to let someone hurt me, or someone I care about. Never make the mistake of confusing compassion with weakness!"

He gave me a crooked smile. "If you can be that honest, I guess I can trust you!" He dug into the pocket of his scrubs and pulled out a business card with his name, number, and an email address.

"If you think of something to help me out of this mess...or if I can help you, call me. At least we can talk about it."

"I will, thank you," I said, taking the card.

He stood quietly, nodded politely to me, collected his cart, and left. I watched him leave in silence, once again alone with my thoughts. As usual, I didn't know what morning would have in store for me. I had high hopes that things would be, if not good, then at least tolerable. I knew now, that at least some of my family would not abandon me. Uncle James and Aunt Teela, Grandma, Aunt Lily, Elizabeth and Fleur, and of course, my Saving Grace!

Author's note: The scene where Kevin and Grace "come out" to the family was loosely based on an incident I witnessed while on the job. As violent and full of hate speech as my scene was, the real-life scene was far, far worse, I'm deeply sorry to say.