All Comments on 'OND'

But I must admit, the "t-shit" that Janet laid out for him really made me laugh.

how she 'three me on the floor of the porch'. You really need to slow down and get an editor. There are way to many mistakes.

I loved the story! stangstar06 wins again.

This is your second worst story after the JPB style story.

I could not keep myself reading. It was so boring, and ll the characters miserable and dumb.

not the story, you! As for the story, it's horrible, unfortunately, as usual. Some writers here have started with less talent than you and moved on to write really interesting stories. But yours just get worse and worse as you continually twist your unbelievably stupid characters in knots trying to get them to fit into your one singular never changing plot. Try writing about humans some time. Or well forget it, This is the last one I will be reading in any case.

Apparently, readers of loving wives are brutal with their criticisms. I happen to enjoy your stories. I'm not into humiliation or degradation unless it's earned. I love the idea that these wives aren't very bright. I've been saying that for years that most women aren't smart when it comes to men. All I suggest is that you find a proofreading program or have your stories edited for spelling. Other than that, I look forward to your weekly submissions. Don't let a few not very nicely worded critiques bother you or stop you from writing.

...wait...they're country folk!

A fun easy read, always enjoy the better sister getting the goods. I think he did too.

Mabel just didn't have a clue, what's the female version of 'Doofus'?

Thanks Stang, different but entertaining.

'5'

Some funny lines sprinkled in this one and it kept me reading and laughing all the way through. Thanks again and see you next week!

...in the sense that I loved the humor, even the unintentional (I assume - maybe not!) 'T-shit.' The story was meant to be OTT and you achieved it - that was the fun part.

However, I thought the Mabel character was lampooned a tad cruelly. As the saying goes, 'you can't fix stupid.' She was portrayed as being too dense to find her haunches with two hooves and a McNallys. Because of that the humor, while initially funny, became a little wearing and I ended up feeling sorry for the clueless little cow.

Nevertheless, full marks for yet another entertaining and original plot.

I look forward to Thursdays and appreciate your dedication to our free entertainment. Thank you for your imagination and hard work.

I lOve Thursday's just becuse I know I will be getting more stories from you .

Great stuff man

This one took a long time to tell a short story with a small plot. On the last page, the POV changed from third to first person and that was confusing. Knocking off six or eight page stories every week can't be easy and it might time to slow down a little. Thanks for all the work for us readers.

We need some more writers like Ohio, HDK and woodmanone publishing on this weekly schedule.

Seriously though OND should exist if you permit ONM, just to compensate. Personally I thought that the Hopi indians were correct in permitting divorce by leaving the husband's slippers outside of the door. Of course, women did not committ adultery in their society, only men (LOL). How did Mabel manage to gain fifty pounds in six weeks? That would require really extreme diet habits and I cannot imagine who would have been willing to pay or play for it!

If this was a serious story, the wimp police would be chewing on the rearend of this Mustang. I hope that we do not have too many imitating this level of stupidity in people!

A man with no faults, s slut for a wife and a good woman who loves him at first sight. Take HDK's advice and give it a break until you can come up with something new. <P>

Oops. I almost forgot the f**king mustang. Which by the way was built only to keep blacks from buying Camaros.

To entertain and put a smile on my face! Still a big fan of your writing style

The good guy, and gal, won and the bitch got what was coming to her.

The revenge aspect was so much better than just torching the bitch. She had to live everyday seeing what she lost.

Don't get mad, get even and then get ahead. Dave and Janet certainly did that.

Thanks for the hard work.

Woodmanone

How many times can it be said in one life time, YOUR THE MAN.

you and Joesephus are the two best writers here, You guys are the fucking best.

StangStar06...really good story. Thanks for sharing.

To anonymous you need to learn more about cars before

you spout off and sound stupid...the Mustang was released

nearly 3 years before the Camaro. So how could it be that it was to keep blacks from buying a Camaro...Such a stupid comment...

SS06 did it again - a very entertaining story!!!

Entertaining story by 1 of my favorites

I couldn't really get into it, strangely enough (aside from laughing at the T-shit typo). On the one hand, Mabel is utterly selfcentered and selfish, on the other hand she's SO dumb, she's a caricature.

I'm almost pitying her, since quite literally the universe is out to get her.

Now for some constructive criticism. Yeah, the typos. Probably because of the speed at which you crank out stories, Stang. Mostly small ones like the T-shit typo, or weird comma placements.

I have to admit, the stories are getting alike. Perfect husband, terrible wife.

I'm conflicted, on one hand I want a new Stang story every Thursday, on the other hand, I don't want you to rush it.

Anyway, no rants from me this time.

Sorry Stang...not one of your best efforts, even if I did laugh out loud a few times...

This is a funny story! The haters just don't appreciate irony as a form of humor.

storys like carefree highway, iraq iran or chrissie, this was just crap im afraid, like others have said slow down get an editor and start writing quality again.

LOL at bird ship and squishy tits.

tom anon

WOODMANONE wrote " the bitch got what was coming to her."

um what story did YOU read? the idiot cartoon shallow wife ended up with a house and a Million dollars..

where is the sufferring ? where is the justice

The ending makes no sense. Zero. It is absurd and it reads like the author has rewarded the wife for being a cunt. The husband is god dman fucking idiot for all 6 pages.

The author Goes out of his way to develop the wife as someone who is deeply self centered and amazingly stupid shallow immature and DELUSIONAL.

The idea that the wife will "suffer" by watching the husband (now married with Janet) ... after being given ONE MILLION DOLLARS and a house... is revolting and mind bogglingly stupid.

To argue that anyone who is THAT out of control... that self absorbed with her own cunt.... could actually THINK about someone else and REALIZE they how badly they screwed up .... well it is simply not rational.

The ending kills this story.

Thanks for the enjoyable read, caught myself laughing out loud several times while reading this little gem - keep up the good work

but only because I didn't like Janet. I actually had a hard time reading, which is a first.

As far as I'm concerned, Millie was right, in 15 yrs, there might be a repeat because Janet was too controlling and manipulative. I know we were suppose to root for her, but I would have preferred he stay with his wife than with her. She took advantage of him while he was vunerable. I don't see that as loving him, maybe obsessed. Then again, in your stories sometimes nice men equals pussies.

I do believe that seeing Dave and his money with her sister had to sting. Remember, she finally realized what she had and let go, so having to earn her living and babysit would have driven her crazy. If you don't think that was revenge enough, how about the fact that she had to share all that money with a guy she came to hate and still ended up broke. So yeah, she got what she deserved.

Parts were just damn hilarious. Parts were tender and emotional. Overall, an outstanding read!

It was a story that I personally enjoyed. It's vrey easy to make typos I myself understand that but it was a very good story nevertheless. It reminded myself of x_JohnDoe_x and those excellent storys.

Would I have given my wife 1 million dollars and the house? Probably not.But good story, sir.

First of all good story, thanks for writing it. Second to the last commentator. Will you please stop mentioning my name on other writers stories. And to those readers that think the Anon commentator is me? no he or she is not me. It is someone else that is copying some parts of my previous comments.

JohnDoe

Stang? I suggest you delete both comments.

I am the editor of this wonderfully funny story and I do not know how I missed the T-shit mistake. It is so obvious now that I look at it. But sometimes when you read and edit you miss stuff. We are all human and make mistakes. I read each part twice for errors and then again when the whole thing is done but I miss things sometimes. And sometimes what I correct and mark in red, gets lost when formating and saving to send it back to an author. I for one do not let a few mistakes take away from the enjoyment of a story, especially on a free site like this one. I find mistakes in books that I pay $40 for at book stores. I shall have to go and see if any of the people who complained about mistakes have written and posted anything on this site. If they have and their stories are error free, I will congratulate them.

..,.had taken his time on it. No. Mabel's character was so poorly drawn, starting out with a cogent first person narrative and then without premise descending into one of the most vacuous examples of delusion imaginable, but not in a really funny way.How does a reader engage with characters like this, in this type of story? It is one thing to write stupidity this way into a short satire but in an extended "drama" it does not work without showing causality.Btw, mustangs came out as a "64" model in april 63 at a world's fair I believe, the first maro was a "66".

Write it down somewhere so it will remind you of the truth. Men get used. It could be by a woman who spends their money and treats them like a puppy or a slave OR it could be by a woman who has them eat well, exercise, and rewards them with a great life they love.

Bob Dylan was right, "It may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you got to serve somebody."

Thanks for the reminder.

And they made millions on their work. If you compare Stangs work to the ethereal "perfect" story then it fails. If you compare it to the Best of Lit, then it is superb.

Chill, this story is at least worth three stars. With a serious edit and redaction it could be better.

I like Stangs work in general even if this story wasn't his top result.

but W. E. B. Griffin does (write perfect stories, that is). Double S, you do great stories, awful grammer some times, but good plots and good characters.

[1] Saying "Did someone give me Tequila" is like saying "Did someone give me Beer" in other words .. no caps

[2] brand new "tooth brush" should be brand new toothbrush.

[3] "dire straights" should be "dire straits"

[4] "make over" should be "makeover"

[5] "self important" should be "self-important"

[6] Who the hell is "Mark"? As in "Chicago boy Mark"

[7] contructions such as small town and out of town when used as adjectives should have dashes ... small-town and out-of-town, etc.

[8] Mayors should not be capitalized

[9] Jeff blew "into to town"

[10] "complementing" should be "complimenting." The meanings are totally different and "complement" is used incorrectly most of the time on Lit.

[11] "only hit him once time" should be one.

[12] "Sheriff" and "Judge" shouldn't be capitalized unless preceding names such as Judge Judy.

[13] any way should be anyway ... meanings differ

OK, I'm stopping this at the end of page one. I just don't have the patience to do this for five more pages. I absolutely know I didn't include all the errors from page one.

The point I'm trying to make is that SS06's editor or editors should be catching more stuff. I don't consider it to be SS06's job IF he has an editor. Perhaps multiple editors would help, I don't know. I do know SS06 is too good of an author to put up stories with this number of errors. If an editor reads this, I'm sorry ... but my intent is to focus on what I think SS06 needs.

good story; it's a great story. It was funny, a good read, and even had a moral. This Literotica addict had been reading your work for a while now, and this story is your very best to date. LOVED IT!!! (True, a few, hell, too many grammatical errors, but as Joe E. Brown said in Some Like it Hot, "Nobody's Perfect."

StangStar06, you make Thursdays worth waking up to.

COME ON PEOPLE.... This is a tongue in cheek satire on the whole genre. It has a good guy wins ending, and is done in such a way that he gets to stay a good guy. He even does this while 'punishing' his ex with fortune by making her suffer in the company of his nemesis to achieve her goal of having a fortune.

Don't try to make it a model of the writers soul. It is a fantasy of what, in a perfect world, might be.

Loved it Thanks SS06

Mike

and a new StangStar story!

I laughed out loud many times reading this one.

Thanks, Author!

StangStar said that this was just a fun story. For that disclaimer I cut him more leeway than I normally might. <br><br>

Mabel is a case study of a vain, arrogant, and very stupid woman. I know such people exist but don't find it interesting to read about them. However, the crap that Mabel is forced to endure is really funny. It seems the whole world knows she has squishy tits. She is written as such a fool that's it's funny. <br><br>

I don't find David as interesting. He's pretty pathetic. He's got a snotty and no longer attractive wife who shows him no respect and all he can do is pant after her like a dog following his master. Yuck. However, he does redeem himself, getting into shape physically and mentally and realizes where his best future lies. <br><br>

WHAT is up with housing an ex wife over your garage? And having this horrible, self centered creature helping to take care of your kids? Why not just have them go play in traffic? And he gave her a million dollars for a divorce? How rich is David? Supposedly he never made that much money because he was always going things for free. But he's worth millions from a budget repair business? OK, if you say so. <br><br>

It was a decent story because the good guy won and Mabel got what she deserved. But beyond that not too much.

yawn, yawn.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

Stang,

As long as Dave is happy, I'm happy. Fun story Stang.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

After reading every single one of the 43 pieced of "feedback" (as of this point in time)...

Speaking for myself, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. So I'm going to address a few OTHER issues.

First and foremost, there are entirely too many folks out there who are reading StangStar's tales, and then crapping all over them with their negative feedback. Of the detractors, it looks to me like 98% of them have NEVER submitted so much as one single story - in any category! - to Literotica. Yet they seem to view themselves as the "last word" in literary critics.

If you folks can't summon up the imagination to create even one passable plot-line, and the fortitude to sit down at the keyboard and see it through to the end as a plausible story, then shut the hell up. If you don't enjoy the story, you certainly have the right to voice THAT opinion ("Hey, I didn't enjoy this story.") and ONLY that opinion. You don't have the right to hurl all manner of insults at the author. You only earn that right if you become a "published" author, yourself.

Typographical errors? Sure, authors make them. It's an easy thing to do, when your brain is riding out in front of your fingers. Proofreading? If you'd ever try writing a story, you would very quickly discover that your brain remembers what you THOUGHT you were typing, not the few accidental keystrokes that went awry.

And, when was the last time you spent seven or eight bucks on a paperback novel, and never found one typo in it? If the highly-paid editors and proofreaders and typesetters who work for these publishing and printing companies can miss some little error, don't expect better out of people who are doing this in their spare time, in between the rest of living out a normal life.

Errors in Grammar? Hell, I read Clive Cussler, Vince Flynn (who's a dyslexic, but turns out some of the tightest tales of espionage in print today!), Daniel Silva, Dan Brown, and a lot of other top-notch writers. Every last one of their novels has at least two or three GLARINGLY SIMPLE errors in the use of the English language. Obviously, that doesn't detract from the fact that THEY are capable of creating memorable and very

likeable/lovable characters and immensely gripping plots, and the rest of us are not - or we'd be making millions by sitting in front of the keyboard, too. So, if the BIG BOYS can make these kinds of mistakes, grant the folks who fill this site with stories some slack, too! When was the last time any of you wrote one of your favorite "professional" authors, to crap all over him for such a mistake - or dashed off a note to Steven Spielberg or George Lucas, to tell them that Indiana Jones makes an obvious grammar-error in scene X of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

HarryIn VA? He's never read a story that he actually liked, but then he's never written a story that ANYONE liked - hey, he's never written a story, period. He's got absolutely no right to play "critic". BTW - "mind-bogglingly" and "self-absorbed" are both supposed to be hyphenated expressions.

PistolPackinPete? You're usually a better judge of tales than your response to this one indicates. Stang told us all, at the story's outset, that he wanted to try something fun, and something a little "off-the-wall", with this tale. It was meant to be terribly over-exaggerated in both plot and in characterizations.

And, as for HardDaysKnight: Man, I've read every single one of your stories, and loved them. But we haven't heard a peep from you, in the way of new stories, since last October. I'm sure it's difficult to come up with the sort of tales you write, with those "out of left-field" twists in the plot that hit us at the end, and then make them fit into the title of a Beatles song. But, please don't continue to stoop to the level of dishing out the same sort of mindless criticism that we usually only see from the likes of Harry!

to long stooped half way through

The concept, the plot was good. The end was humorous (exwife as babysitter and etc.)and humanic. Majority of the standstar06's fan like the furious revenge, but I like the humanic revenge as well.

Loved the story. Hey Mabel...Black label. Only pecca dildo...too many smirks. God I so enjoy reading your wonderful stories stang star! This one I was flying from Boston to LA. Read some of your humorous passsages to my seat mate. Ironically, her ex husband had a Mustang...body by Mabel, not Fisher (oops wrong company). He had an 80's piece of shit..Mustang that is! Fuck, I wish I was as wicked smaaaart as all the intellectuals bitchin about the grammatical faux pas...I really think most really intelligent readers get it and easily make allowances. Lighten up all you ass holes. We all know you are being total douches. Ah, now I am in an L A state of mind! Again, your writing is such a pleasure! I am so lucky to be able to enjoy your talents. Thank you!

...first of all, I stand by my analysis of why this story didn't work for ME. Secondly, although I often disagree with him, I have to defend HIV's and any other reader's not just right to, but MANDATE to offer whatever analysis they feel appropriate to a given story. Authors or other readers who disagree also have every right to express their disagreement.(This is the part of the paradigm I love, as I so often get to release pent-up aggression towards stupid idiots!)-(tongue only partly in cheek). Attempts to stifle debate are unamerican and fascist. Thirdly, I cannot believe anyone on this site could criticize the output, works or critiques of the one author I've Ever read on this site, who, (without question) could publish and sell their work. Probably a couple others, as well, (Rheinquist, Ohio? etc.) There are some fine authors on this site, I'd put up most of my favs in that category, (though some I like for less literary reasons)-but Trust me, I had and still maintain a close relationship with a couple heavy hitters in the world of N.Y.Times Book reviewers and I KNOW at least one who agrees! I've sent out mailings of many of HDK's best satirical work (of course,just my opinion)- and never received a message to stop.For Christ's sake, everyone can't be an author, some people could pull it off that simply never have the time (ever notice the preponderance of authors that are of retirement age?) God knows I can write passably and keep saying I'll be submitting soon but shit keeps getting in the way. I even have a piece (that John Doe has read) that is ready, but I had so much hassle with dial-up I temporarily gave up. Our "new" DSL is not much better but just maybe my ridiculously large responsibilities will soon abate and I'll remember to do it, but who really cares? If you argue on the merits of a pov. and not just castigate people for having an opinion at all you'll soon understand why this method of interplay greatly benefits new or "developing" authors. Lastly, This author(SS), IS one of the better author's currently writing, and has done some great stuff, which is why he is subject to much "what have you done for us lately/" among the readers for cranking out lesser stuff. It is not necessarily a bad thing. Ask Tim Thomas about how "you're only as good as your last game"! BRUINS RULE!-ppp

Was right on the money and I am thinking that Aveage Writer would agree!!!!!!

If all the people that left negative feed back would try to write a story or even edit one - they would see the work that goes into it. I have checked and most of the negative feedback and haters have never posted a darn thing on this site, so what gives you the right to blast others. If you do not like an author - just quit reading their stories. Why come back week in and week out and be so hateful. I have just started reading this genre since editing for SS and the hate is unbearable. I do not see this in the other genres I edit for, non human, sci fi, etc. I read each chapter once, put it away and then read it again later. I then go back a third time and give it another eye. I am human, I make mistakes. And my authors trust me and post the work. This is a free site. Rather than blather about the mistakes, be happy that you can read great stories for free. Peace on people

"If all the people that left negative feed back would try to write a story or even edit one - they would see the work that goes into it." <endquote

why do people see the work, but can't see the garbage that can result?

if a great chef is making an amazing dish with great technique and presentation, but if the ingredients are rotten, the dish is still foul - no matter how perfect and amazing is the work put in.

similarly a writer can put in the effort with technical skill, but if the story comes out putrid, it is still putrid.

[1] Saying "Did someone give me Tequila" is like saying "Did someone give me Beer" in other words .. no caps

Tequila is most often referred to as a name – therefore can be capitalized

[2] brand new "tooth brush" should be brand new toothbrush.

Per Miriam Webster’s dictionary

tooth•brush noun

[3] "dire straights" should be "dire straits"

Per Miriam Webster’s dictionary

dire straits

The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.

[4] "make over" should be "makeover"

Per Miriam Webster’s dictionary

make over

verb

Definition of MAKE OVER

transitive verb

1

: to transfer the title of (property)

2

a : remake, remodel, redesign <made the whole house over> b : reform 1

See make over defined for kids »

[5] "self important" should be "self-important"

this one I have to say is correct

[6] Who the hell is "Mark"? As in "Chicago boy Mark"

[7] contructions such as small town and out of town when used as adjectives should have dashes ... small-town and out-of-town, etc.

what are contructions? Do you mean contractions? Contractions are words like You’re = You are

The examples you give can have dashes but do not need to – it is the writer’s preference

[8] Mayors should not be capitalized

I left is as caps to show the respet – so sue me

[9] Jeff blew "into to town"- again, my mistake – I am only human

[10] "complementing" should be "complimenting." The meanings are totally different and "complement" is used incorrectly most of the time on Lit.

actually mean almost the same per Miriam Webster

2com•pli•ment

verb \ˈkäm-plə-ˌment\

Definition of COMPLIMENT

transitive verb

1

: to express esteem, respect, affection, or admiration to : to pay a compliment to

2com•ple•ment

verb \ˈkäm-plə-ˌment\

Definition of COMPLEMENT

intransitive verb

obsolete

: to exchange formal courtesies

transitive verb

1

: to complete or enhance by providing something additional : to be complementary to <the illustrations complement the text>

[11] "only hit him once time" should be one.

Again my mistake, take full responsibility for it

[12] "Sheriff" and "Judge" shouldn't be capitalized unless preceding names such as Judge Judy.

Again, this is subjective, depends on the writer and the status given to the character. Many characters are referred to by their job or military status – Major, General, Judge – it is the prerogative of the author

[13] any way should be anyway ... meanings differ

Again I will give this one to you

But I must ask you – why the nastiness to illuminate mistakes – can you not understand that we are all human and make mistakes

You have not ever published a story on this site so why bash others who provide stories at no cost – the site is free – I do not understand why you are so mean.

What does OND stand for?

I write, though not often, and publish my stories here on Lit. They are not perfect, but I have learned that there are enough petty people out there who will tank an authors catalog because of a real or perceived undue criticism of a favorite author that I now only comment as 'anonymous'. That is a privelage that Lit permits me.

I thought some of the critics were spot on; the protagonist was too perfect: intelligent, good looking, successful despite himself, and forgiving to the point that he gives his wife a ton of money and the house. Of course, he drives the prerequisite mustang, so you know he's the good guy.

The antagonist can receive no redemption; no matter what, 'burn the bitch' comes into play, and everything goes wrong even though it is not the result of the actions of the protagonist. At one point she is literally shit upon. After a while it became quite trite, and the contived get-together of her and her lover, even after all the crap that came from the revellation of their affair, undid what little interest I had in the story.

As for Ciguardian and a few others like him: I found it amusing that you go on and on about authors and their works, even lambasting one author for not producing in eight months, despite having written *nothing* yourself. Ironic, to say the least.

There is a big difference between simply being hateful and spewing vitriol, and pointing out mistakes.

Otherwise parents, teachers, cops, etc. would be the meanest people in the world. Pointing out mistakes (and NOT being insulting about it) is constructive criticism. It actually helps the author write better next time.

You don't need to be an author to do that, in the same vein that you don't need to be a chef to know something tastes bad. You don't need to be a cop to be able to say to someone he ran a red light.

Saying that there were typos is far from "You suck! Stop writing, asshole!" comments.

Pointing out technical mistakes is NOT negative feedback. It's constructive criticism.

And Ciguardian, I think it's hypocritical of you to say that people are not allowed their opinions when they are not authors (and in the case of Harddaysknight, not even then, because he hasn't written anything lately) when you haven't written anything at all. That means you have no right to criticize anybody either because you're not an author.

This is the first SS06 story I've read that, at least for me, plodded along so slowly that I was unsure if I'd get through it. I just had trouble getting into it, and I kept checking to see how much remained before I'd finish. I was hoping it would liven up and it didn't. Maybe I didn't see the satire.

I had trouble with Dave's wimpy personality. Janet grabs him at work in the dark and Dave is worried he's being robbed, and he feels powerless? Janet leads Dave around by the nose and tells him what to do, and he is so mild-mannered he just goes along?

I'm not saying he should get back with Mabel, but really, a man who is so successful, who does a lot of physically-demanding work, who is used to being his own boss and running his own business, hardly seems the type to be so mild-mannered and ineffectual. The usual Mustang stuff and big tit focus of the story just reinforced my boredom; hopefully the next story will be more like this author's usual stuff (i.e., very good).

I would have liked to see what he got for 20 push ups.

It was a bit over the top for me.

I can see a town liking someone like that. But you had to make David virtually retarded to justify staying with a shrew like Mabel (who the fuck names their kids Mabel in the last 50 years?)

There were a number of grammatical mistakes but not too bad. Mostly at the end. It's hard to write under a deadline.

Thank you for your efforts even if I didn't like this one as much as some. Even Babe Ruth didn't hit a home run every time

Fun to read. Entertaining. Very different in style detail.

Thanks to Truckerguy for setting Anon straight on the introduction of the original muscle car. Camaros were born as a "me too" knock off. No one could keep a Mustang person from buying a Mustang by designing a bucket with an over heavy front end. Modern Camaros are much improved, but you still feel like you are sitting in a bucket.

Mikothebaby: Don't take it so personally, dude. You are doing just fine. No matter how many times you edit a story. it will be imperfect. There was no impediment to communication.

you may be the stupidest bastard I have ever seen.

REALLY.

You make up some sort of "rule" that NO one ever has the right to make ANY comment longer than 1 line unless they have posted a story...

and you go on for 600 + words.... yet YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING PUBSLIHED EITHER...

LOL.. ROTFLMAO.... brillant... ROTFLOL...I am laughing so hard I gotta go Pee

Similar POV's - must be a shared genetic defect between these two assholes. At least shoe has a reason - he's fucking retarded with no balls but Ciguardian seems not to have any balls or brains. Christ - was lame excuse for a scientific study these creeps would make.

Respects for editing. I whine a lot about grammar and spelling because it breaks the flow of the story.

If you can get people to use 'site' for 'site' instead of 'sight', have them use the right 'to, two, too', CLOSE THEIR FUCKING QUOTES, and other blunders, then more power to you!

And frankly, some of them should be flogged for their overuse of commas, question marks in retarded places, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, overuse of 'also' when they need to reword the sentence. Not necessarily Stang, but you know who you are

If you know you are using the correct term, then leave the carpers to their ignorance. We can all learn (which is why I bitch about the little I catch)

But that's just me...<whistles tonelessly>

I have to admit that I threatened to take Stang's comma key completely off his keyboard the first couple of stories I did for him - lol - I just wish people would realize that we are all human and make mistakes. It is hard to find every little error and it is not like I get paid for it - but I do get bashed once in a while. I still laugh over the T-shit one that I missed - I may never live that one down. I strive to always work hard and make it a better read for the loyal readers. And if all they can find wrong with a story is my occasional mistake to rant about, then that is all good. Some people just have to complain about something.

Yet another good story from this author. The editing is much appreciated. Were both perfect? Of course not. No work I have ever read has ever been perfect. The main question for me is whether I was entertained or learned something from what I read. I was hugely entertained by the story. The humor and irony contained were appreciated. I also learned some things as I went through the comments. Thank you Miko for your efforts. Thank you FD45 for your support of others on this site. Most of all, thank you Stang for another imaginative story and I hope you keep writing. Don't let the a'holes win.

Talonsreach (Sorry, the site isn't letting me log in at the time I am putting my two cents in.)

the man is in the house, SS06 is the best out here, there are some close and only one better but his bring the whole package.

I really really hope that you write more like this. This has half of my life written on it. Well maybe a fourth...the betrayal part. This is the best I've read on this site in a long time, why didn't I find you before? Lol anyway if I write something I'll send it to you for feedback!

Dave for most of the story he was so dense that he came off as a stupid wimp. I'm glad he got himself together by the end of the story.

he let her get away to easily... Stang.... why did u do this? why let him wimp out?

or let ego rule your life. TK U MLJ LV NV

for the cuckeye

of a story. Way below most of yours. Almost a wate of time to read it.

you write long stories but ruin it when you give the cheater anything. They don't deserve pity, money, or a life.

Kick them to the curb and let nature take them away.

While I really like the writing and characterization, there seems to be little variation between stories. The characters are almost identical and the wife never redeemable. It would be nice to see something change from one tale to the next.

Been there ,done that,never ,ever take her back.You'll profoundly regret it...

Stang, I'd love to know how you spend your money! How can someone go through one million dollars in less than a year?

Also, a 7 year old mustang that's rusted out? How did they double the lifespan of the car that it lasted that long? It must've been in storage for 5 years:)

Mabel wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but she really messed up her life. The good guys win and the bad guys lose except Bubba.lol This story was fun but it was sad at times. Dave was a sad sack totally true blue and loyal to Mabel. Mabel lost her marbles and Janet picked them up. Fitting end! Thank you StangStar06!

...just never clicked that it meant what it did. Fun story and the resolution fit with the personalities of the characters you created. May not have been how I would do it nor be overly "satisfying", but it made sense.

Again, well done and thanks for the free entertainment :)

Your writing is getting much better with time. Are you aiming to turn your hobby into some income down the road?

Mabel was a jinx but most of it was her fault. I have a friend who always has something funny or sad happening in her life. Surprisingly she gets quite irritated when I call her a jinx or say that her life is jinxed. So I quit saying it but I continued to think it. Thank you for this refreshing tale.

I about laughed myself sick!!! The rain and birds were a riot. The only thing that would have made the story any better would have been the addition of the cheating slut having developed a phobia about birds and rain because every time she went out she got rained and crapped on!

I forgot to add that this cheating slut should be the target of choice for every dog and cat within a ten mile radius to piss on. And hopefully the birds never stopped their bombing runs on her! I don't demand that a cheating slut dies, just that she really pay for what she did, as long as it's a very stiff payment.

for all save one 1. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks for the humor. The squishy boobs remind me of my ex. Actually Mabel and her are a lot alike. Keep writing.

It might of been a little better if Dave and Janet had helped Mabel lose the weight the same way Dave did, then they could of really gotten rid of her...by marrying her ass off. lol

Sorry but Mabel would have put a bullet in her sisters head before allowing them to live happily ever after.......

First you wrote: ((( Only I found out last night that the car wasn't actually his. It belonged to his wife that he'd conveniently neglected to tell me about. In fact most of the things that Jeffery had told me during the four months that he was fucking me weren't really true.

Then later you wrote: ((( I hadn't actually had sex with Jeff yet. We were well on our way last night when we got caught but I wasn't going to have sex with Jeff until he'd asked me to marry him. )))

Then, near the end, you switched Janet's name for Mabel's. ((( Since "Janet" was only going to get a few thousand dollars over a very short period and Jeffrey was basically homeless and penniless, they jumped at it. )))

There's a LOT of funny shit in this story. It had me laughing my ass off. Aside from the fuck-ups that SHOULD have been caught by your editors, it was very enjoyable reading. I gave it 4 stars.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKIN HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLL MAN! Lay off the Author! It's his story and he can have them do or become anything he wants! So what! He gets the sister of his ex! No big deal well he gets a beautiful person who loves him to death and kids too! They don't need a dog they have his Ex . And I bet she is a very good fuck (bet you wish your missus was like her) Love you all! GREG. OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

I am sensing a trend in your stories.....

Mabel was too stupid for words; she's a bug, dumb animal. And Dave gave her and Jeff a million bucks, then invited her to pretty mych live with them...get the fuck outta here.

I lost interest in this story just became too stupid for words ⭐️

Second of your stories in two days. Forget the idiot naysayers. I am accomplished reader and your work is highly readable.

How the fuck was it highly readable? Please, enlighten us 'lesser folk' - assuming that you, unlike Mabel, haven't developed an ego so big so as to have your head permantly lodged up your ass?

Mabel was so far beyond psychotic, it wasn't even funny! No sane human being would ever think the way she did - why wasn't her clearly unstable mindset ever brought up? She needs more than a shrink - she needs some strong antipsychotic medication and 24-hour supervision. Hell, she's probably incapable of crossing the fucking street alone!

Love the craziness. Thanks for sharing.

5 star story as expected from you sir. Keep up the awesome work

Thank You for another Great Story ..

WHITE??? Nobody drives a white Muskrat. British racing green, or black maybe, or even Burnt Aztec Bronze ( that's brown, according to the state of New Jersey ) . I loved the story. The hero was just along for the ride. The HEROINE took care of every thing. Love is wonderful, but it has to be a two way street. Complacency is not love, and that's what Mabel came down to. That can really hurt. 8 stars from the Bear, your biggest fan.( The rating system could use a makeover, kinda like the Mustang got. ) (BUT NOT WHITE!!!!! The Bear approves.

The BEAR

Great story of a cheating whore getting what she truly deserved!

Well done.

I really expected the last line to be, " and her boobs looked squishy", Im a little disapointed in that. The story was great and moved smoothly with no confusion at all. Well done

The idea that someone wouldn’t know what they went to college for (which you have used in other stories) is too stupid to contemplate. Have you ever met a college graduate?

Hilarious, thanks.

Apparently women would share anything with a man except for a closet.

Been married very happily for 45 years and the above statement is the truest thing I have read here!

As for college graduates, I have meet more than a few and while it seems unlikely that a graduate with only one degree would forget what it was in - I know several that have so many useless degrees that they do lose track!