Out of Gas

"Ha! Consider yourself lucky to be getting my number," she teased back.

"I do, you know," he told her as he reached for her hand again.

As he leaned closer she said, "Anderson. If you're mom is watching...I'll die."

"It's okay. I know CPR," he said as he kissed her.

She was trying not to laugh, but she was secretly hoping he'd kiss her again.

He did then wished her a goodnight and thanked her for all her help, and promised he'd call.

"You better," she said unable to stop herself.

As he walked inside she sat there watching him and said to herself, "What on earth have you gotten yourself into, Alisha?"

As she backed out, she told herself it was only one date, and that made her feel a little better. Until the fear that it might only be one date caused even more inner turmoil.

She was very surprised Caryn was home when she arrived a little after 11pm.

"Is he gone?" she asked her mother with that 'attitude' of hers.

There was no 'hello' or 'how did things go'. Just a typical response from her daughter.

"He is," she said hoping that would be it.

"Good riddance. He's such an asshole."

Tired and not wanting to argue but unwilling to let that slide, Alisha said, "He's actually a very nice guy."

"Yeah, like you'd know," Caryn said snidely.

"I'm sorry, but what is it with you tonight?"

"I don't know. I really don't know," her daughter said.

"Is it Anderson?" she asked hoping and praying it wasn't.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Can we not talk about it? He's gone, so it's over, right?"

Alisha knew Caryn would find out so she said, "Honey? I had a really nice time talking with him tonight. And we were kind of thinking about maybe getting together tomorrow again. You know, just to talk, so I was hoping you might be okay with..."

"You're doing...what?" she screamed. "With him? With the guy I like?"

"Honey, if it's a big deal, I'll just cancel. It was just so nice to be able to talk with someone who has things in common with me. That's all."

Caryn reached for the closest thing she could find and threw it as hard as she could then screamed, "I HATE you!" before storming out again.

Moments later, Alisha heard her car's tires spin on the wet road as she drove away.

That night she barely slept, but knew what she had to do when he called later the next morning. It was closer to 2am so it was actually 'that morning' but that didn't change what had to be done.

Caryn was still gone in the morning, and although Alisha was concerned, she wasn't worried. This had happened many times in high school, but only once since she started going to college. Alisha had no idea she actually liked Anderson as opposed to him being another guy she wanted to hook up with. Then again, maybe she didn't really care and was just being her old self.

Hooking up. There was a term she just didn't understand. Sex was great, or at least as far as she remembered, but who would just jump into bed with some stranger and have sex? Even worse, as she understood it, they didn't even stay the night. It really was the old 'wham, bam, thank-you ma'am' thing she couldn't imagine. And yet it seemed like that's what everyone, well, everyone Anderson's age, was doing.

It was just after noon when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the name, but she assumed it was his parents' phone.

"Hello?" she said tentatively.

"Hi. Good morning. Or it's almost still morning," she heard him say.

"Oh. Anderson. Hi."

"You okay? You sound tired."

"Oh, um...a little, I suppose."

"I uh, I tracked down the lot where my car is. No surprise it's in Enumclaw. My dad's gonna run me back out there. I was wondering if you might want to have lunch or maybe just coffee together while I'm there."

"You know, that sounds really nice, Anderson, but I...I don't think so," she said.

Her heart wasn't breaking. She didn't know him well enough for that, but it was very hurtful to have to end things before they had any chance to find out what kind of thing they might have. Then again, all things considered, it was probably for the best.

"Oh. I...I thought we kind of hit it off last night. Did I completely misread things?"

She hesitated then said, "No. I...I did enjoy talking to you. It's just, well, you know, I'm so much older than you, and after thinking about this, I...I'm not sure I can do this."

There was no anger in his voice. It sounded like he was just stating a fact when he replied.

"I don't believe you, Alisha."

Now feeling terrible she said, "Why? I'm telling you how I feel. I do like you, I just don't think there's any real chance of...of anything, you know?"

"I know we only just met, but I can already tell when you're not being honest with me. And this is one of those times."

"Anderson, that's not fair of you to say. We did just meet, and you don't really know me."

He was certain he was right, but arguing for a woman's affection wasn't in his DNA.

"Okay. Perhaps I did misread things. I really do like you, though, Alisha, and I'd very much like to see you again."

If this really was for the best, why then did she have tears welling up in her eyes? If it was no big deal, why was there a lump in her throat and a pit in her stomach?"

"I...I don't think so. Goodbye, Anderson," she said quietly before she lost control.

Before he could reply, she ended the call then sat there as tears began to fall.

It was mostly the call, but it was also the frustration of having to put up with the way her 21-year old daughter treated her. She would always love her no matter what, but at times like this it pushed her to her breaking point. But as always, Caryn would come home and act like nothing had even happened, and Alisha would play along, grateful for the peace for as long as it might last.

And as if on cue, Caryn came bopping in a few minutes later and said, "Hey, Mom. Is there anything to eat?"

And just as on cue, Alisha was so glad her daughter was home, she didn't say a word about her own personal problems.

The next several days were busy with work, but Alisha knew Christmas was just around the corner. She also knew Christmas day could be the worst day of the year.

Alisha worked so much for so many years she had very little time to make friends. The tiny handful she had were all married women who spent Christmas with their husbands and children. In the past, when her children were little, and presents were enough to keep Caryn happy and home, it hadn't been so bad. But now, with precious little money to buy anything not school or survival related, there was nothing to hold her there.

Making things worse, Bobby had met someone. She was evidently a fellow pilot who'd gone to the Air Force Academy with him. They'd never really noticed the other person as more than a fellow cadet while there, but as of a month or so ago, a romance had blossomed, and she'd invited him to spend Christmas with her family in Toledo, Ohio. He apologized several times for not coming home, but promised he'd make up for it when he finished flight training.

Alisha had somehow managed to hold it together while they talked via Facetime, and when he held up several pics of his new girlfriend, she could see why he was so smitten with her. She told him she was beautiful then let him talk until he told her he had to go. Only then did she lose it, something that seemed to be happening all too often lately.

Even working was out of the question, as each of the places she now worked were closed on that one day a year. So when Caryn told her she was heading over to Megan's for Christmas as soon as she woke up, her mom choked back tears again and said, "Oh, okay. Have a nice time, honey."

Sitting there all alone with just the television to keep her company was nearly unbearable. And while alone with her thoughts, something she normally relished, she did what she'd done every day since telling Anderson goodbye. She thought back on those few hours they'd spent together, mostly in her car, talking and laughing and sharing. As unlikely as it seemed, those were some of the happiest hours of her life in many years, and she wasn't being melodramatic. It was just the truth.

But as always, those thoughts brought even greater sadness as she understood that was a dead-end road. Even if she could adjust to the possibility of some kind of a relationship with a man that young, and after giving it much too much thought she realized she almost certainly could, there just wasn't any way she'd do that to her daughter, even if her daughter didn't know or really care. So again, she tried to put him out of her mind as the longest day of the year dragged on until, mercifully, it finally came to an end.

For Anderson, things were better but not much better. Yes, it was good to be home, but since his parents had moved to Auburn, the place where they now lived was just a house rather than the place he'd grown up calling home. It was a decent, modest house in a quiet neighborhood, the kind of place his barely-middle-class parents had always wanted. It just wasn't his house.

Knowing he had a job beginning January 3rd, he saw no reason to work part-time the way he'd always done since his sophomore year of high school. Thanks to having done that all four years and to the GI Bill, and whatever his mom and dad could send, he was fortunate to have graduated almost debt free. But the downside of not staying busy meant his mind was free to wander, and without fail, it wandered back to those same few hours Alisha also often thought of.

In order to help break the endless loop of her memory, and after having gotten his car out of impound, he discussed buying a new one with his dad who was happy to help with a small downpayment in addition to the meager trade-in value he'd get from his old wreck. It was the closest thing to a graduation present his parents could afford, and he was more than grateful for it. Between that and the dealership's verification of his future employment, he was able to drive away in his first-ever new car, a Honda Accord coupe.

For Anderson, it was the perfect mix of practical and sporty. He had no interest in muscle cars nor was he about to drive a hybrid or some dinky little smart car to save a few dollars in gas. Conversely, he wasn't a truck guy, and this proved to be his 'just right' choice.

He splurged and got the V-6, and from the moment he drove it off the lot he loved driving it. It was whisper quiet and for 90 days, at least, he had satellite radio that gave him access to hits from the 1950s right up to the present day as well as news and sports.

With one very big exception, his life was looking up. But that exception was so large it made enjoying his other successes somewhere between difficult and impossible.

Like Alisha, he'd thought about those few hours together, and those even fewer kisses, more than he'd thought about any other time in his life. He simply couldn't get this beautiful, older woman out of his mind, and by New Year's Eve, he'd given up trying. He'd almost made up his mind earlier that day, but still wanted to get his dad's opinion before 'pulling the trigger'. The perfect opportunity to do so presented itself a little before midnight.

"Any resolutions for the new year?" his dad asked him around 10pm that evening.

"As a matter of fact, I've got a couple of them, Dad," he said.

"I won't ask what they are, but knowing you, they'll be smart, practical, and make a lot of sense. Just like that new car of yours. She's a real beauty, son."

He hadn't said a word to his parents, or to anyone else for that matter, about Alisha. But he valued his father's advice more than anyone else's on earth, so he did ask him a question.

"Yeah, it's a great little car," he began.

A moment later he posed his question while the three of them were sitting in the family room waiting to watch the ball drop on TV in Times Square at midnight.

"Dad? If you knew a woman you really liked liked you back but told you she didn't, would you accept that answer or would you go see her face to face and find out?"

His father laughed then said, "I'm pretty sure your mom wouldn't find option #2 very acceptable."

His wife was sitting there listening, but so far, hadn't said anything. She did however, laugh and reach over for her husband's hand when he said that.

Anderson smiled, shook his head, then said, "Ha-ha. Now be serious."

"Well, since you're asking me that, I'm going to assume this isn't purely hypothetical."

The way his dad looked at him told him he knew it wasn't.

"No. It isn't hypothetical," Anderson admitted.

"Well, people too often think love is some kind of 'thing'. They seem content to wait around until they 'find it' although love isn't a thing. It's more than that. It's something you both feel and do. Sometimes you have to even try and create it or it at least breathe live into it."

"How so?"

"Well, if this woman really does like you, but is telling you she doesn't, she's either extremely juvenile or protecting herself or someone else from getting hurt. You may have to persuade her that what she's giving up by denying what she feels is worse than what she stands to gain by following her heart."

Anderson took those words in carefully and knew they made sense. What his dad just said helped him realize Alisha may have believed she was protecting Caryn, who might very well have thought she should be with him, judging by the things she'd said to him. And if she was, how could he show her that she really was giving up more than she could gain by being with him? Especially if doing that might somehow hurt her daughter.

He couldn't answer that just yet, but it was then and there that he confirmed his decision. He could no longer live with the ambiguity. He would go back to Enumscratch and not leave until she told him to his face she had no feelings for him.

"She's not, is she?" he heard his dad say.

"What? Is she not...what?" he repeated knowing he'd been drifting when his dad asked the question.

"This woman of yours. Is she more of a 'girl'? Maybe one still in...high school?"

The way his dad's head was tilted down while his left eyebrow was raised was classic. It was his way of expressing disapproval without saying he disapproved.

"High school? Dad. Come on. No, she's not in high school. Or college for that matter."

"Okay. Just checking. It's none of my business who you see or eventually marry. I guess I'm just a little curious about any woman who might tell you she doesn't like you when you're convinced she does. Over the years I've learned you're right far more often than you're wrong."

"She's a very special woman, that's for sure," Anderson volunteered.

"For you to care about her this much, she has to be," his dad replied. "You've never been 'girl crazy' and the few girls you ever brought home were all a lot like you. Smart, thoughtful, caring. Maybe even quiet."

"Well, as they say, 'Birds of feather, flock together', right?"

This time his father was smiling. It wasn't a smirk. It was a genuine smile of pride.

"You know how proud you and your mother are of you, right?" he said, confirming what Anderson knew he was thinking.

"I do," he told him. "And I can't thank both of you enough for everything you've done for me."

"I just wish we'd have been able to help out a little more with your education. But unlike you, I couldn't see the benefit of going to college, and although I'm proud of who I am and what I do, looking back, I think I could have done a little better. For you and your mom, that is."

"Dad. You did great. Both of you did. You gave me the best gift any kid could ever want. You were role models for all of the best qualities any person can have. Honesty, integrity, hard work, and in a relationship—mutual respect and fidelity. I wouldn't trade any of that for all the money on earth."

Anderson, Senior, was always in control of his emotions, but for the briefest of moments, Anderson, Junior, thought he saw the slightest hint of glassiness in his father's eyes.

But before he could confirm it, his dad said, "Again, I don't know who this woman is, but if you like her that much, you owe to yourself—and to her—to let her know. Getting turned down is tough. Hell, let's be honest. It hurts. But that's nothing compared to the lifetime of hurt you both might feel if you give up and don't bother trying. It might also be possible she's a more traditional woman who's waiting for you to take the initiative. She could be torn and sitting on the fence where just the slightest little push—from you—could send her into your arms."

"I had no idea you were such a romantic, Dad," his son said only partly teasing.

"Well, your mom and I have been in love since the day we met. I must have something going for me to hold onto such an amazing and beautiful woman."

His mom smiled then finally spoke.

"Your father is right, honey."

She smiled at her husband of nearly 30 years then said, "About both things. He has a whole lot of 'something going for him', and you really do owe it to yourself and to her to talk to her in person. Let her know how you feel, and don't take 'no' for an answer until you really, truly know she means 'no'. And don't forget about how important persistence is."

Anderson had the quote from President Calvin Coolidge over his bed growing up since he was twelve years old. Coolidge had said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Not talent, not genius, and not even education. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."

He'd memorized those words the first time he heard them and had used them as a kind of touchstone throughout his life. And right now, they once again rang true.

"You're right, Mom. Both of you are right. I am gonna let her know."

Anderson had no idea his mom had seen him kiss the woman who brought him home that night. But she had, and although it was very dark, she was fairly certain this woman was quite a bit older than her son. It was hard to be sure, but she also felt reasonably sure that woman was very pretty, and although she had concerns about her son marrying anyone too much older than him, she wanted him to be happy above all else. Well, as long as he was also an honest man of integrity like his father, of course.

Unlike Christmas, many places were open on New Year's Day, and Anderson was at the local parts store when it opened up. He bought just one thing while he was there—a pair of wiper blades for an older-model car.

He debated calling her first several times, but decided he would drive there in the hopes of finding her at home. He knew she worked a lot, so the odds were stacked against him, but he didn't want to give her the chance to tell him over the phone not to bother.

No, he needed to see her. One-on-one, face-to-face. Only then would he really know how she felt.

On the verge of maxing out his only credit card, he also stopped and bought a bouquet of red roses before swinging back by the house to let his mom and dad know where he was going.

"Oh, good. And good luck," his dad told him.

His mom also wished him good luck then gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. When she moved away she said, "I love Enumclaw. All the farmland and the animals."

The twinkle in her eye told him she knew more than she was letting on, and for the first time he wondered if she might possibly have been watching, and if so, how much she'd seen.

"Yeah, it's a peaceful little town," he said without asking what she meant.

It was around 11:30 that morning as he drove along the road where she lived out by someplace called VZ or Vee-Zee or something like that. It was one of the more beautiful parts of an already beautiful area, and his pulse quickened when he saw her car in the driveway. The one Caryn drove wasn't there, and for the first time since that phone call, he felt hopeful.