All Comments on 'Outsmarted Himself'

but the woman being sent to an insane asylum by her own parents with such a flimsy excuse? Maybe 30 or 40 years ago, but not today. The legalities have changed. And the guy being so broken and poor that he can't afford a $100 ticket out of town? Please. Come up with some believable revenge, instead of insulting the reader's intelligence.

Always love seeing where you have written a new story, can always count on you for a good one. Ignore the others comments, they don't read close enough. She was given a CHOICE to sign the papers and get help not forced. And yes I have seen times when it would not be possible to get 100.00 together. Just hope i don't see them again. Thanks Scorpio44a

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No, YOU read it again. We read it fine. The idea that she did this voluntarily is inane. The idea that any reputable institution would accept committal for so flimsy an excuse, that her family would even consider it, that she would not contact a lawyer, is ludicrous.

<P>

The story had possibilities, but the idiotic plot twists plunged this into farce rather than drama. Maybe if this had been posted as humor or parody the deficiencies could have been over looked, but posted as it is, this is just bad.

Not one of your better stories and I have read them all.

u could have done better

sure, its devoid of emotional drama, but the story was to the point and concise.

... consequences are a bitch. This wasn't a pleasant story (as it dealt with the aftermath of an affair). The comments about the sister being committed are probably correct - not going to happen. However, it is an interesting story.

I think this story would have been better placed in the "Non-erotic" category. Although not badly written, I feel the story would be more compelling with additional dialogue and less narrative. The narrative takes away a lot of the emotional content, and a story like this should be loaded with emotional content. I'm not certain it is legal for a teacher to have her students put banners accusing someone of adultery out in public, much as I think Mark deserved it and more. Thanks for writing.

Well written and realistic story. I know others do not agree with me, but I find incredible and realistic emotional conflict within this story.

....of this fine author. Not really sure it answers it's own question, either.

The art students making signs to hang on the houses and business of the cheaters is definitely original, humorous revenge. I can definitely believe a local news channel would send out a crew to tape and report this story, then it would be a ten second snippett on the FoxReport. Fun to read!

But I thought needed more dialogue between the characters. it was kind of a wam-bam revenge story.

Thanks for writing.

that you or anyone else has ever written on this site, Scorpio. Apparently, none of these naysayers understand or even want to know the consequences which you have so eloquently depicted, ruled by their cocks and braindead!

Sixth grade writing!

Is a bitch.

* This is one of the worst stories I've ever read by you. Let me correct myself, it is the worst. (And I have read and enjoyed a number of the good ones.)

* I'm not refering to the contents; consequences are a bitch, I agree.

* I'm refering to the style. Are you trying to out-capote Capote in erotic fiction that is not even erotic?

* And what's with those asterisks that - to me - do not make any sense? (That's why I'm trying to mimic them, but I'll stop now.Let's not overdo it.)

I can understand experimenting with styles of writing, playing with sentence structure or point of view, but I believe Scorpio has outsmarted himself here and consequently lost his sting.

I liked this story. The end was a biyt weak but the messege is clear. Having a family member fuck your partner and aiding the demise of your relationship is the ultimate betrayal. Lie is a bitch so all you cheaters out there messing up your families lives with betrayal becareful. Your actions have consequences and one day you will pay the price. Do not say you hav't be warned. Iy all comes back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

...of your "Loving Wives" stories but the Anonymous comments always amuse me. I much prefer your stories of love rather than betrayal. It just strikes me as funny that the two groups, the ones that absolutely LOVE these stories and ones that absolutely HATE them both post anonymously.

Page 1 was well written. The second page was more of an outline than a story. please finish the outline and re-submit the story.

Hi! To the knockers all I can say is do you not understand what fiction is. It is simply a story, not based on fact, written for the reader to enjoy. If perchance the reader does not enjoy it then he should find a writer he likes, not try and make this writer change to suit the particular persnickety reader. I agree it was not Scorpio's greatest story but it was a good story and I hope he writes many more. Just as an aside, we do get to read them FOR FREE and that is a huge bonus as far as I am concerned. Thanks Scorpio.

Everybody was disposed of quickly and neatly - of course no details - really

A bit fuller description would have been nice - a bit more background on the cheater's, Leslie's life follow up, more on what happened to Melissa all would have been nice

BUT your point is made and made well.

Let's see. First, Paul can't legally kick his wife out of the house. A decent attorney gets her back in and when the divorce comes down, she gets half. And signing up to be committed? Don't make me laugh. She would have laughed in her fathers face. And if she hadn't, it requires a Doctor's examination and sign off to commit someone, even voluntarily. And Leslies divorce? They got a 50/50 split, per the law, which meant she got half the loss of selling the business and he got half the profit from the sale of the house. Which meant he took his money, left the area and started over just like so many people do in a divorce. They all lost, just like cheaters do. Leslie lost the most - a husband, a sister and her self respect. Your conclusions in this story aren't possible given the legal climate in the US. It even makes for poor fiction.

a fun read.

So it's a burn the bastard story then.....

Great tale of revenge. Fucking asshole prick screwing his wife's cunt married sister. Is there worst betrayal? Both got theirs in the end.

and scorched earth policy is used to the utmost, TK U MLJ LV NV

wish there were more cheating husband / wifes revenge tales on the site .

Funny how there is very little Vitriol or anger in the comments. When it's the Wife doing the cheating the BTB crowd are very vocal .

doh ... just realised .. usual suspects have commented ..but seeing as they can't really vilify the main woman in the story .. they found other outlets for their anger.

in all honesty , its nowhere near the best work of the Author , but it's an interesting read , & it makes a nice change from the vast quantity of betrayed husband storys in this category.

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

Why waste the time writing that? This is a loving wives heading. That isn't even in the story line. If you want a revenge type story maybe literocity should make a folder for that. Then find out no one wants that except wife/ husband haters. What a waste of time.

And the Court didn't care. Oh they got divorced, but everything was split right down the middle. The Creditors were paid off and they split what remained - about 50k each. Mark made sure Paul knew all about what happened and who was responsible. He dropped Karen, And Mark made sure that so many people knew what happened that no one in town would date Leslie. He packed what he had left, picked Melissa up on his way out of town and they started a new life a long ways away. Neither of them talked to any of the family ever again. They had two wonderful kids and lived happily ever after. The end.

As far as you being an author/writer you're pretty good no doubt about it. I just have to say that, this story has got to be one of my favorite stories. GOOD JOB. 5 stars from me on this one.

This goes beyond fiction and into fantasy. Sorry, I didn't enjoy it for that reason.

They got divorced. His infidelity played NO roll in Court as the State was a "no-fault" state. They split everything, including the debt so they each came out with around 25k after they split the court costs and lawyers fees because that is the way the courts roll these days. Mark moved away and started a new, very well paying job for one of his distributors. He bought a new house and found a new girlfriend immediately. He laughed as he left her, telling her no one would want "damaged goods". She dated a lot of men but no one wanted a second date. The end.

In a divorce all the assets are in the basket that gets cut in half. Mark would have gotten half the house, Leslie would have gotten half the debt of the business. This ending was just dumb.

Leslie burned her bastard and a sister too. Good story.

Didn't see much outsmarting on his part, just the standard careless cheating, followed by a BTB.

Was fun, if a little melodramatic.

IN THIS AUTHOR'S STORY, THE SISTER IS PUT INTO THE "LOONY BIN", BECAUSE SHE WAS HAVING ANOTHER COCK BESIDES HER MAN, FOR ALMOST A YEAR, MADE NO SENSE TO ME. GRANTED, IT WAS HER SISTER'S MAN, AND IT WAS WRONG, BUT TO PUT THIS FEMALE CHARACTER IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION WAS CRAZY (NO BUN INTENTED).

good to the ending, than it's just over the top

I thought it was going to be a pretty clever take on an old story. Then it just got stupid.