Petra the Small Ch. 02

"Alex, that looks like fun. Would you do that with me?" Petra asked.

Roseanne helped her off the bench and Alex scrubbed her by rubbing himself all over her body. Jerry came up from behind her and they two big men sandwiched her and she turned around inside their hug. They laughed and Tom said, "Hey! Don't scrub all her skin off!"

The shower was a success. They each and all had fun, laughed and got very clean. When they were all rinsed, they shut off the six jets of hot water and used big towels to dry each other.

Alex said, "This reminds me a little of when we were kids. In my family we usually showered together. My parents were hippies and believed we were saving water."

"Did you have as much fun with them as you're having now?" Jenny asked.

"No. Not with Mom watching." He laughed.

Ten minutes later, they were all preparing breakfast. The kitchen was huge and built for making big meals for ranch hands. Alex made an eighteen-egg omelet with chopped broccoli, spinach, onions and two kinds of cheese. Tom handled toast duty and he and Petra buttered every slice. Roseanne sliced fresh fruit while Jerry and Jenny made sure the coffee and juice were ready. As with the dinner the night before, they dined at the round table on the patio.

About a minute after they sat down, a bell rang. It was very loud and rang only once. Jerry looked up and noticed it mounted on the outside wall of the bunk house.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Whenever someone opens the gate the bell rings. Some houses have a doorbell. We have a gate bell. It allows us a little while to see who is coming and either dress or not." Roseanne answered.

She took another bite.

Alex took another bite and then went to the south end of the house and climbed a ladder. When he reached the roof he walked over to a box, opened it and pulled out a big pair of binoculars. He focused them, stood for about a minute while the others continued to eat.

"There is a sight you just don't see every day." Jenny said, pointing to a naked Alex standing on the roof.

They all laughed and Roseanne said, "Well, maybe not every day."

Alex turned, replaced the binoculars, and climbed down. As he approached the table, everyone looked at him. "I think we have a van full of people arriving. Unless I'm wrong, the van belongs to a fence and gate company."

"Shall we get dressed?" Petra asked.

"If you want to, but I think it's family who figured out we would be here this morning. In fact, it might be your new employer driving the van." Jerry answered.

Alex looked down and said, "They didn't figure it out. I called them after you called me. But I didn't know they would come all this way."

Roseanne looked at the people at the table and said, "I don't know who Harvey might have with him so I think clothes are a good idea. Let's meet back here as quickly as we can." She dashed into the house with Alex right behind her behind. The four from the bunk house ran there and pulled on clothes quickly. Neither Jenny nor Petra put on any underwear, just t-shirts and shorts. The men pulled on shorts and t-shirts as well and ran back to the table. Twenty seconds after the last person was seated at the table giggling, they heard the doors to a van open and close.

"I wonder who that could be?" Roseanne said very loudly.

"Some very hungry travelers from afar." Harvey said as they came around the corner into view.

"Well, sit down and start in. We'll make more."

The hugs and welcomes lasted a minute or two, and then Alex and Tom went into the kitchen and made another full breakfast. Harvey introduced everyone to the two new people he brought with him. They were a couple from Santa Fe who Harvey knew from his old neighborhood. Angela and Jay looked to be in their late thirties or early forties. Everyone at the table was glad they had dressed, for their guests.

Angela sat down next to Petra and Jay sat between Jerry and Jenny. Harvey went into the house to help.

Angela looked at Petra and said, "Have you been in the family long?"

"Almost a month." Petra answered.

She noticed Angela looking at her breakfast and said, "In your family, did people share food?"

Angela smiled and said, "Sure. Sometimes willingly and sometimes not."

Petra picked up a forkful of omelet and offered it to Angela's mouth. She smiled and took it.

"Wow! That's really good. Who made that omelet?

"Alex did. He lives here." Roseanne offered.

Jenny offered Jay a bite and he accepted. Petra adopted a pattern of a bite to herself and then a bite to Angela. They quickly were having fun with breakfast. Between bites, Jay asked, "Can we ask questions?"

"Yes." Jerry responded, "What kind of questions?"

"About this family, about what you believe and stuff like that."

"Shoot. Don't be too surprised if the answers are different than what you have heard someplace else."

"Well ..." Jay hesitated.

Angela jumped in.

"What do you believe?"

"About what?"

"About God?"

"I can answer for myself," Jerry said. "For answers from the others, you'll need to ask them. As for me, I believe that the word "God" has a couple of words that mean the same thing. Those words are Life and Love. Anything that is alive is God. Anything that is Love is God. To go along with that, I believe that everything is alive. The sun is alive, the earth, the land, the air is all alive. There are implications to believing that and I will probably wrestle with those for the rest of my life, but in a nut, that's what I believe."

Jerry took another bite.

"What about Jesus?" Jay asked.

"Jesus knew that he was God. He also knew that everyone around him was God, too, but that they weren't ready to hear that. The people he lived near were socialized to believe that God was somewhere else. He planted seeds of the truth and he started some major changes in their culture, but as time passed, the people altered what he said and did until they were comfortable with it."

"The Bible says that unless you believe in Jesus you can't be saved." Jay said.

"I believe in Jesus. I believe he was and is God. That isn't difficult for people to get or even understand. What is tough for many is when I say that I believe that you are God and Petra is God and Harvey is God. What people often stumble over is the idea that each of us is divine."

"I've heard ministers say that sometimes we are touched by the divine."

"The implication in that is that there are times when you aren't touched by the divine. When I say that God is Life and Love, I mean it. If something exists, it is God, it is Life, and it is Love. You are divine."

"Are you saying that God made the bad stuff, too?" Angela scooted forward toward Jerry.

At that moment the new breakfast came out the door with fresh plates and more coffee and juice. The conversation stopped while food was portioned to everyone. When Petra reached for the ladle in the omelet, Angela stopped her.

"Please let me feed you. It was fun and felt like something a family would do."

Petra didn't put anything on her plate; just refilled her juice. Jenny made sure that Jerry got a bite now and then, too.

After a minute of eating, Angela asked her question again. "Are you saying that God created the bad stuff, too?"

Harvey stepped in. "Let me take this one, Jerry. You eat. When you say bad stuff, what do you mean?"

"Two years ago we had a daughter. She got sick and a month before her first birthday, she died. That's bad stuff."

"When people used to share things like that with me, I always said, "I'm sorry." I still say it sometimes, but I'm thinking about those kinds of events differently now. On the surface, the death of your daughter looks and feels like bad stuff. But perhaps we don't have a large enough perspective. Perhaps in treating your daughter, the doctors learned something that will help them save a hundred other kids. Perhaps the death of your little girl has had a profound effect on your lives and the way you will live everyday of the rest of your lives."

"When she died, we almost did too." Angela said.

Tears were running down her face. Petra put her arm around her shoulders.

"I've quit saying those are bad things. I use the word sad because I think it is more accurate. It can be very profoundly sad and still have something about it be beneficial. If you learned something... If you changed how you live... If you became closer emotionally and spiritually with Jay... then there was something beneficial in all that sadness."

Petra whispered to Angela, "Can you tell me about holding her?"

"Oh, Yes." A light went on in Angela's face, as she spoke about having their baby in their lives. She told about that last day, that last hour, when their daughter died. Her tears and Jays' were matched all around the table. When Angela stopped speaking, Petra whispered again. Everyone heard her.

"You are so blessed. I've never held a child that was mine."

Angela and Petra hugged for a long time.

Roseanne hugged Alex and Tom at the same time. Jerry took Jay and Jenny in his arms. No one spoke. No words were needed.

After a time, Petra released Angela and said, "If no one objects, I think we are going for a walk."

No one objected. They put their arms around each other and headed away from the table. Roseanne caught Petra's eye and pointed in a direction she recommended. Tom left the table, went into the bunk house and found shoes for Petra. He raced after the two women and dropped the shoes in front of them then retreated.

Petra slipped them on and resumed their walk.

"Jay, how are you doing?" Alex asked.

He was still sitting between Jenny and Jerry who were gently holding him.

He looked up and said, "I feel released. I've been living in pain since the day she got sick. I've felt angry, helpless, frustrated, abandoned, and so alone. We don't even say her name. All the pictures and the baby stuff are up in the attic."

Roseanne sat a box of tissues on the table by Jay and he used a couple.

"Her name was Megan. She was born on the 13th of July two years ago. She was so sweet. I loved holding her, feeling her warmth."

He used a couple more tissues.

Petra walked in the direction Roseanne had pointed until they came to a stream. It was about fifteen feet wide and they followed it up stream for a while. The sound of the water was soothing. The stream turned and in about fifty yards widened into a pool at the base of a waterfall about ten feet high. They sat and looked at the water for a long time.

They didn't speak; just got up and walked back arm-in-arm. About halfway back, they stopped and stood together hugging.

Jay saw the two women as they approached. He met them, took them in his arms and hugged and kissing them. The three walked slowly back to the table.

Before they sat down, Jerry offered, "Perhaps Jay you and Angela would like some privacy? You can go into the bunk house and none of us will bother you for as long as you need to be there."

Everyone watched them walk to the bunk house and step inside.

After the table was cleared, the dishes were done and put away Jerry turned to Harvey.

"Can you tell me why you brought them here?"

"Yes. I knew that this family was an answer to the pain they were living in. I knew that whatever they needed would be here. I didn't know it would be you and Petra, but I'm so glad I was here to be part of this."

The two men hugged.

The family found their way to the front porch which was now in shade. The need for conversation really wasn't there. From time to time one person would say something, and then the silence would resume. Their thoughts were about the morning and what they had witnessed. Petra sat in Tom's arms for a long time. Then she took a deep breath and stood up.

She looked at Jerry and asked, "Did I do OK?" Jerry began to laugh. Not a little chuckle but a real laugh, out loud and joyful.

"Did you do OK? What I saw was the Goddess speaking to the Goddess. What I saw was Love and Life and God as powerfully as I have ever seen them! Did you do OK?"

He rushed her, took her in his arms and swung her around. He kissed her cheeks, and said, "Petra, I love you. I honor you and I am blessed to have you in my life."

When he put her down, Tom took her face in his hands and said, "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. You are a miracle for all of us."

And he kissed her. As they all watched, a few tears flowed down a few cheeks, and then the front door opened. Jay and Angela stepped out on the porch.

Jay looked at each face and asked, "So, what do we do to join this family?"

"You're already in. Now the only question is will you stay?" Harvey said.

"You need to know more about us before you know if you really want in."

Jerry said. "You need to ask more questions, meet more of your brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and we need to ask you some questions, too."

Jay took Angela by the hand and they sat down on a wicker love seat.

"OK. Ask anything you want."

"Tell us what you want us to know about you." Alex said.

Angela spoke right up.

"I am 36 years old. I was born in Denver and grew up there. We met at UCLA in California where Jay was a year ahead of me. I studied child development so I could be a good Mom and teach pre-school. Jay got his degree in engineering. We got jobs in Oregon out of college but the nearly constant rain wasn't what we wanted so we took jobs in Santa Fe. We were both raised in different Christian churches as kids, but until our daughter got sick, we didn't attend Church."

"In fact, after she died I thought God was punishing me for not going to church." Jay said.

After a pause he spoke again, "I was born in a small town in western Nebraska - Bayard. We lived across the street from the sugar beet factory when I was little. Ours was like most small town schools, one building old enough that my Dad and his Dad both went there. I figured the way out was to go to college. I got into UCLA and left. Moving to California was culture shock. I'd never seen the thousands of ethnicities that I saw in Los Angeles. My first class at UCLA was English with over twenty different languages spoken among 40 students. I met people from all over the world. In my junior year, I met Angela in the library. When she graduated, we got married."

Tom asked, "Tell us about your families."

"When I was growing up in Denver, it was like being in a single-parent family where Mom was it. I had a Dad, but he wasn't there much. He worked sometimes in one place and sometimes in another. We counted on him being there between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and that was about it. I have two sisters, both older than me but they don't have much use for me and I don't even feel like I know them."

"Bayard was a nice quiet town to raise kids in. I heard my Dad say that many times. He owned the propane business in Bayard and when my brother was sixteen, Dad took him into the business. When I was sixteen, he hired me to work in the office, but it was clear that the business belonged to my brother. We went to the Presbyterian Church in town until I was about nine and then the minister got arrested and everyone switched to the Congregationalist church. We went about once a month. I was a pretty good student and didn't get caught doing anything wrong in high school. I learned to cook and now I love cooking for friends." Jay paused. "But since we moved to Santa Fe, we haven't had any friends except at work."

He paused again. Looking at Alex he asked, "What else would you like to know?"

"Part of what people in this family do is to look at beliefs that we have that don't work. When we use the word "work", what we mean is something that works is something that gets us closer to where we want to be, something that serves us, something that furthers the family goals or our individual goals, or is beneficial for humanity. Would you be willing to look for those beliefs in yourself, everyday?"

Both Andrea and Jay nodded. So did Petra. Alex smiled.

Petra raised her hand, realized what she had done, put it down and spoke.

"I'd like to ask you both a question that I was asked about a month ago. What is the thing that if it showed up in your life would make the biggest difference to you?"

The eyes on Andrea's face almost popped out. She looked at Petra for a moment or two and then said, "Family. We rode all the way out here on the hope that perhaps we would find a family here. I want to belong to something bigger than just Jay and me. I want sisters and brothers and even parents."

She took a breath, and Jay stepped in.

"I want brothers and sisters, too. I want the intimacy that I know in my heart can exist and I've never had with anyone but Andrea. I want to wake up every morning knowing that if someone needs me, I'll be there for them and if we need, those same people will be there for us."

Jay took a breath and Andrea started speaking, as if the two were thinking with one brain and speaking thru two bodies.

"And when we have children again, we won't be alone."

Andrea and Jay looked at each other and tears came to their eyes. After a few moments, Jay spoke.

"Until now, we have never said anything, not even to each other, about having more kids."

They hugged. Everyone sat quietly for quite a while. Tom sat with Petra on his lap. Jay sat with Andrea next to him, her legs over his. Harvey sat next to Jerry who had Jenny sitting on the porch between his legs. Alex and Roseanne were sitting against the two posts at the edge of the porch with their feet touching, almost looking like a human gate at the edge of the porch.

When Roseanne spoke, it was as if her soft voice was expressing a strength that had just arrived. It wasn't seen or heard; just felt.

"In this family, you can have all that, and more."

Alex pushed against Roseanne's feet and when she looked at him he said. "I don't know for sure, but I think you noticed how we have been treating you since you arrived. We intend to do that with everyone we meet. We decided the instant we saw you that you are family. We support your lives in working, even if we never see either of you again. Part of what makes us a family is that we aren't exclusive. We are inclusive."

Andrea had been nodding and smiling as Alex and Roseanne had spoken. Now she asked, "Can I ask about the bunk house?"

Roseanne answered with a nod.

"There are four queen-sized beds in there, but no walls between them."

Alex smiled. "You're right. But that isn't the question you want answered."

Andrea blushed and looked at Roseanne. "There isn't any privacy."

Alex opened his mouth to point out that wasn't a question either, but a wave of Roseanne's hand stopped him. Roseanne answered her question. "When we remodeled the bunkhouse, we thought about making four small bedrooms. We realized that heating it in winter would be more difficult with those walls cutting the room in pieces. If we left it as a big open room we could sleep more than eight people in there. Since our family is now about fifty or sixty strong, we have outgrown the bunk house even before it had been filled for one night."

"But the privacy?"

"There isn't any, except what the people in the room give each other."

Jerry spoke up. "There is something related to this that needs to be spoken now, since the conversation is here. In this family, there is a lot of nudity. When we got up this morning, we took a shower. Together. Not only did we all get very clean, we laughed and had fun, too. Would that bother either of you?"

"You've all been in the shower together naked?" Jay asked.

"I don't know what you wear in the shower, but for me, soap and shampoo are about all I wear." Jenny answered, smiling.

"I don't know about that. Since I left home I guess some girls at college saw me shower naked, but Jay is the only man who has ever seen me completely naked." Andrea said.