Reflections Pt. 01

She looked down into a lap but said, "I get it, you can just blank it out. As far as you're concerned nothing ever happened."

"That's exactly it, or at least that's what I hope; I'm not sure I will ever forget it but for the moment it's the only way forward I can see. We just have to get to that point."

"What if Andy Davis mentions it will I get the blame?"

"You leave that fuckwit to me, if he talks about it, he'll be eating hospital food through a straw, I know some nasty people."

I carried on. "Before the event, you talk about this to no one, absafuckingloutly no one unless I am there and agree. Not Shithead, the 2Cs, fucking no-one, you do it the answer is 'No' and it stops, and a divorce is certainly not ruled out.

"This is over by next week, I don't want this hanging over my head for ages, and I want to sit here with you for Sunday lunch with it all behind us."

I took a mouthful of tea and carried on. "He wears a condom to enter you, any hole, mouth, cunt, arse, he has been shagging the 2Cs and we don't know where they've been.

"You do nothing for him that you don't do for me, so that rules out fucking you in the arse anyway.

"This is just sex, that's what you told me, just sex, there will be no affection, no holding hands, no kissing, no coffee dates, no 'nice meals' out. You save your affection for me. You do not give that away.

"You have no contact with him unless I am there, no phone calls, no texting and if he comes to your office, you had better make sure Anne or Jane are there. In fact, what contact have you had with him so far?"

"None."

"Ok prove it? Show me your phone." She fetched her phone and entered her passcode, we've both had the same passcode since we had mobile phones, part of my old RAF service number. We did that because it was easier, and we had nothing to hide from each other, well up until now that is. I saw her put in a different one, "so a different passcode, when did you change that? We've always had the same one. What are you trying to hide?" She passed me her phone. "Nothing, look at it, see if you can find anything that shows I've had any contact with Andrew," she shouted at me.

"Then you must have been planning to hide something, or just getting ready to hide something," I repeated, "why did you change your pass code then?"

"Someone saw me put it in and I didn't want to let them get on to my phone."

"Who saw it?"

"Charity." I could see why she wouldn't want to let her get on to her phone.

"So why didn't you just tell me you changed it?"

"It slipped my mind with all this other stuff going on; I didn't think it was important. Shit, that doesn't look good now, does it? Please love, it was a simple mistake." I really didn't know.

"If you're lying to me, this stops, and I will still have to consider our marriage. You do realise that divorce is still on the cards right now, don't you?"

She looked at me with that hard stare and said. "Don't you think I know what happens if I lie to you, I can't take that risk, I have to be completely open or it will fuck our marriage," again I sort of believed her, but she wasn't going to get away with it. By not telling me about the passcode change did give me more ammunition. I did check her phone and found nothing incriminating, she had Shithead's phone number, but that was to be expected considering their jobs, there was only the one call from him earlier in the call log. I changed her passcode to the other numbers from my service number, picked up my phone and changed that as well so they were again both the same. I told her what I'd done.

But it gave me an idea, we had an old mobile phone lying around somewhere, I might have to dig that out, no idea why really, it might be useful, probably wouldn't be able to find the charger for it anyway. But If I had it, she couldn't if she remembered that we had one lying around.

"And don't think about getting another phone, I will find out about it." You daft fucking twat, I thought to myself, if she hadn't thought of that, I'd put the idea into her head, bollocks.

Staring at her I said. "Answer me one question, just one of the many I have going round in my head, why that fucking twat, give me one good reason why you want to fuck a bloke I don't like."

She gave me a sort of a small grin. "That's the easy bit, it's because we don't like him, he means nothing to me, he's just the tool for me to use to get the job done, he's almost like one of your spanners. I've been told he's very good, so it's like using cheap Chinese import instead a 'Snap-On'. It's not done to humiliate you, I thought you'd be pleased, I could just throw him away when I finished, like a worn-out cheap Chinese 'Snap-on' copy that you moan about, they do the job but don't last."

Shit that sounded almost logical, even for a woman. She used my engineering back at me.

She had to decide to call it off, if I forbade it, I would be the bad bastard that wouldn't let her do what she felt she needed to do, and I had to make it too difficult for him, and I had several ideas how to do that. The first was a set of rules he would not stick to, and she would have call it off because he wouldn't follow the rules, plus I had some other ideas floating around in my head to make things difficult for him.

Bloody hell my life was fucked up, there must be another way around this and still remain married to Julia, but for the moment I couldn't think of one. I'm not sure I could even think straight at the moment. At least I'd made a decision, even if it was the wrong one, not making one would be a recipe for disaster. I could always change or amend the plan as we went along. 'We', what was I thinking, there is no we in this plan, it's all me.

The Rules

I stood up. "I've got maintenance to do, I'm going to work." She didn't believe the maintenance part, although we did often work on a Saturday, it was always planned, and she would've known about it. But she didn't try to stop me. I went upstairs to get changed, but when I reached the bottom of the stairs, I turned to her and said. "I love you with every fibre of my being, But I feel like you have stabbed in the back with all this shit." I carried on upstairs.

As I left the house I picked up some empty beer bottles and collected some fuel cans from our garage. I popped into the petrol station to fill them up. A passing thought as I left the petrol station, I probably shouldn't be driving after what I'd drunk last night.

Being in charge of maintenance I had my own set of keys. I dropped the fuel cans in the inflammable store, went to my office and fired up my computer, I ordered some stuff from the Spy Shop, paid for next day delivery addressed to Barstow's c/o our house, I used my secret slush fund that I was saving for her Mediterranean cruise next year. Next a quick trip to the roof to place some stuff up there, then pop to stores for some electronic gadgets. Then set to work in the stair wells and an office door. Internet over mains is brilliant, by 11:30 all was set up. Now the hard bit, getting the thoughts in my head onto paper. I ended up making two lists, one for him and one for her with stuff that Shithead didn't need to know about. She would be aware of some of the rules, but I wanted them in print. I emailed them home and then deleted them from my outbox and deleted item folders.

I was home by 12:30, I crept into the house to see if I could catch her out, I could hear her talking, it sounded like she was on the phone.

"Jane I can't talk about it, If I talk about it to anyone Alan will go mad, he made a rule, I agreed to it." There was a pause. "Jane I can't talk about, yes I know I am risking my marriage."

"It's just something I have to do, Alan doesn't understand, but I think he's trying to, I feel he may let me do it."

That was it! I stormed in and took the phone off her. I was outwardly calm. "Jane, this is Alan, she shouldn't be talking to anyone about this, I told her if she talked to anyone about it, it was off and it wasn't going to happen. And if she lied to me, I would see a solicitor first thing Monday. So now she has talked to you about it, it's not going to happen, there will no talking about it, or how or when or where, it's done, it's finished. Can I ask you a favour please, don't say anything about this to anyone, it's hurt me enough as it is, in fact I might still see a solicitor."

"Alan, you can trust me I know the pain, I won't say a word, nor will Anne. We warned Julia this was a stupid thing to even contemplate when we worked out what was happening."

"Thanks, not even your husbands please, it's embarrassing enough without everyone knowing."

"We won't tell Dave or Steve; I think you're very brave to even talk about it. Please be careful, don't do anything stupid Alan. Oh, by the way I phoned Julia, she didn't phone me, and I wanted to know how she was and what was happening, I pushed her, she didn't want to tell me. Please go easy on her, Bye."

"Thanks Jane, I owe you a drink. Bye."

I looked at Julia, she was looking down at her hands again. "I tried not to talk about it, but she kept on pushing me. You're not seeing a solicitor on Monday, are you?" That comment must have worried her.

"I'm seriously considering it." I thought I might have made her think about calling it off, but her next comment shattered that notion.

"Jane thinks you've called it off, so can we at least keep talking about it, please?"

I was flabbergasted, would this never end. Right on with plan A and the multitude bits of plan B were in place.

I had printed 2 copies of both sets of rules. I made myself a strong pot of tea, oh how I wish it was beer, or even gin, but strong tea would have to do for now. After it brewed, I poured a cup and sat at the kitchen table, I had the four sheets of paper in front of me, but kept them to myself, I didn't want her reading ahead. I suggested she sat down opposite me. "Don't I get a cup of tea," she asked.

"You know where the pot is," I nodded to where the tea pot was sat. She poured herself one. I got my mobile phone out and set it to record. Looking at her I said. "Just so there is no mistake as to what is being said."

I started straight off, "There are two sets of rules, one for you and one for him, he does not need to know your rules, you are not to tell him, got that?"

"Yes."

"If either of you disagree with these rules it's off. For you if you break some of these rules I will divorce you, and you leave here with the clothes you stand up in, got it?" That was a bit of an expansion to what she'd agreed before.

"Sweetheart, I don't want a divorce, but yes I agree."

"Then you know what to do." I waited, she said nothing just looked at her hands resting in her lap, "I am not your sweetheart, I am just the poor fool you want to cheat on, if you don't want a divorce, then stop this right now, or don't break the rules." I carried on knowing she would not stop at this point, hopefully later with all the rules explained she would. But at the moment I wasn't getting my hopes up. I had a feeling that this was going to play to the very end. She'd had that determined look on her face several times whilst we were talking about this, I knew that look all too well, when she set her mind to doing something nine times out of ten it happened. I will have to make this the one out of the ten.

"You've heard some of these before, but for the recorder and as a reminder, here we go."

I passed across to her a printed sheet of paper and started going through them.

"Rule one. This is a one-time event, never again, if you so much look at another man or hint or joke about you want to do it again, I will divorce you, and you leave with just the clothes on your back. the reasons for that should be obvious.

"Rule two. When you walk back through that door, we never, ever talk about it, it is as if it never happened, you keep it all to yourself, I don't want to hear a fucking word about it and if I do it's a divorce. I will not be reminded of the worst day of my life, and as you know I have had some pretty shitty ones.

"Rule three. Before the event you talk to no-one about this, absa-fucking-loutly no-one unless I am there and agree. Not Shithead, the 2Cs, fucking no-one, not even Anne or Jane. You do it, the answer is 'No' and it stops. You talk to no one about this after the event, you keep this all to yourself, I will not have my face rubbed in it, you talk about it to anyone after the event then it's a divorce, oh and by the way when I say divorce that includes full disclosure to the whole family why I am divorcing you I will not take the blame for the divorce. Got it?" She didn't answer "Got it?" I growled.

"Yes, you will tell the family everything."

"Rule four. You have no contact with him unless I am there, no phones, no text and if he comes to you your office you had better make sure Anne or Jane are there. I don't trust him and my trust in you is seriously dented, that happens before the event it's off, after it's a divorce."

She tentatively held her hand up like a timid schoolgirl, I nodded at her, "I can't stop him coming to talk to me, I can't guarantee Anne or Jane will be there, so I'll record everything that happens on my phone," she looked at me, she hadn't finished but she was thinking, "I can't stop him bumping into me in the kitchen or anywhere else in the factory. So, every time I leave the office I will take my phone and record everything."

I looked at her, "No, not fucking good enough, you can still hide stuff. What's to stop you not recording your meetings, who would know?"

I carried on. "Rule five. This is over by next week, I don't want this hanging over my head for ever, I want to sit here for Sunday lunch with you and it's all behind us. Not done by Saturday it's off.

"Rule six. He wears a condom to enter you, any hole, mouth, cunt, arse, we have no idea who he has been shagging. I don't want to get the clap. And that even includes fingers if he finger fucks you. No condom, instant divorce.

"Rule seven. This is just sex. Your words, so there is no affection shown, no holding hands, no kissing, no 'nice meals', just fucking. If any affection that belongs to me is given to him. Divorce.

"Rule eight. You do nothing for him that you don't do for me, so that rules out shagging you up the arse. Divorce due to lying.

"Rule nine. You do not wear any clothes that I have brought for you; in fact, any clothes you do wear get thrown away as soon as you get in."

This is the one he won't go for.

"Rule ten. The whole event is recorded, and streamed to my laptop, it's not that I want to watch, for fuck's sake, I don't want it to happen. It's to prove to me you followed the rules and it's for your safety, and will you have a safety word to call it off, and it will not be the same as our safety word. One of you is visible on the recorder at all times, you will even have to sleep with the lights 'ON'.

"Rule eleven. If he tries to humiliate or denigrate me, gives me that shit eating grin or talks about it in any way, it's off.

"Rule twelve. It happens in a hotel on the far side of town, I take you there, so I can reinforce the rules to you and Shithead, and you're back in this house by 09:00 the following day, one minute late I divorce you.

"Rule thirteen. We three meet sometime this week so Shithead gets to see the rules, if he doesn't agree to them, it's off with him, but I have another solution that will fill your desire to get fucked by another man.

"Rule fourteen." This would get her, I was certain, but I still had a small nagging doubt. "I get to shag another woman with the same rules as you have."

"No, not going to fucking happen, you are not fucking another woman, you have already slept with two before we met." She stormed out. Bingo got her. Quietly smug but not trying to let it show on my face, but I didn't reckon on her logical thought process.

She came back in a couple of minutes later in tears and said. "If I am going to have sex with another man, I'm going to have to let you do it aren't I, good for goose is good for the gander and all that I suppose." Shit.

"You got that lot, there are some new ones in there, most you have already agreed to, even if you have broken the one about not talking about it several times. But no more, break the rules you will feel the consequences, got any questions on that, can you live with these rules and the consequences if they are broken?"

"I need a few minutes to go through them." She sat there looking through them, "I have a few questions, but If I want to do it, I'm going to have to agree this, aren't I," she replied, quietly.

"Fucking right you are, no second chances and no negotiation," I was getting angry again, more tea.

She ran her finger down the list, "What if Andrew isn't available next week."

"Fucking tough, I am sure a chance of free cunt and to have a dig at me, he will make himself available."

"Condoms I totally agree with you on that one, I won't let him near me without one."

"I'll have to have contact with him at work, are you happy with my solution?"

I was curt with her. "Of course I'm not fucking happy, it's your problem to prove to me you've had no contact with him outside work business, can't prove it, you know the outcome. And I don't trust the little shit. Once he's had you, he will think it's given him permission to do it again, and he will try. So to protect you and me, work out a way to stop him seeing you alone, your problem, record your conversations I don't care, just make sure you don't spend time alone with him or I will divorce you. But I will give you some help in the rules for Shithead. Don't like the rules, stop this now."

"What about if Andrew talks about it, will I get the blame?"

"You leave Shithead to me, as I said I will give you some help in the rules for Shithead."

"He will never agree to record it."

"I don't fucking care. Then it's off. I need proof that neither of you broke the rules. But I think he will agree just to get one over on me and as I said, he will think that once he's had you, he will then be able to get another go at you without the rules. He is wrong and if he tries, he will get hurt."

"You could use the recordings against me, for a divorce, proving adultery."

"That's a risk you're just going to have to take." I hadn't thought of that.

"One minute late, that's harsh."

"That's the rules, I don't want this dragging on, no nice sit-down breakfast to re-live your night of shagging, you have breakfast at home here with me at 09:30, you don't like that rule, it doesn't happen, oh and by the way, I'll cook breakfast.

"Do you agree with these rules then" she nodded. "Then sign them as agreeing to the rules and the consequences", she did, "Now say it for the recorder," again she did.

"One final thing, if I do say 'yes', if it goes ahead, I may still divorce you."

"But why, if you agree to it?" she said, startled.

I was feeling very sad, this was my biggest worry. And I'm certain she hadn't thought it, this is no trick, this was no ploy, this was going to be real life. "This is all new to me, I may never want to hold your hand again, share an ice cream or stick my cock where he's had his. Oddly enough I've never done this before so I don't know how I will feel when it's over. I may not be able to live with it."

"But he will have a condom on, so he won't actually be in contact with me."

Growling. "But he would have been inside you, and that's my fucking place, not his."

I went to make some tea, I needed to calm down, and I wanted a cup of tea.

I put my tea it in front of me on the table, I didn't get her one. Now to push it some more "Right if I let you do this what do I get out of this arrangement," I asked, it worried me she had the answers straight off.