Reflections Pt. 01

Please keep in mind that people who are angry, upset and hurt don't always think logically or sensibly. They may even do things that are considered illegal. If they did there would be far fewer stories. This one of the longer stories that generated the spin offs. There is actually nothing new in here, followers of LW stories will have read it all before, but I hope you enjoy the story and the antics.

This is a four-part story I intend to publish Part 2 pretty soon after part one has hit the streets, and the same for Part 3. There will be a part 4 for those of you that want to know what happens to the characters. There are also hints on forthcoming adventures of Alan and Julia. All four parts are written

I would like to thank Ll Ll for her editing, suggestions and guidance, I would also like to thank Bad Hobbit for his guidance in punctuation. I probably have still not got it correct, but hopefully it is better after his help. All mistakes are mine.

Mirror.

Home.

"Sweetheart, can we have a chat?" The words every man in a relationship dreads. I thought I knew where this was going, the Mediterranean beach holiday we'd planned wasn't enough and she wanted a cruise liner instead or the car wasn't big enough or too old or she wanted us to spend a weekend with her sister, whom I loathed.

I'd seen it coming, you haven't been with someone for 24 years and married for 21 without picking up the signs, and with Julia they were so obvious. She would cook my favourite dinners, fetch me my beer in the evening without me asking, but the sex was the big giveaway. She would initiate sex including the kinky stuff we both liked but that I'd normally have to suggest. Without being asked she would wear her Basques and stockings and ask me to tie her up, my bedtime favourite. Basque, stockings and bondage, known to us as BSB. And with the kids now gone, Steve in the RAF and Susan at Uni, there was plenty of time to play.

But I was so wrong.

It was early Friday evening and we were lounging on our sofa in front of the log fire after a nice chilli with wild rice, sipping a pleasant glass of Malbec, the telly was on, but we weren't really watching it, everything was quite mellow.

She leaned across the sofa and stroked my arm "You know I love you, right," and she looked right into my eyes. This was different, I perked up a bit. Did she have a new kink she wanted to try out?

"Of course, sweetheart, how could I miss it this last couple of weeks, what do you want, don't beat around the bush, come on, out with it." I smiled guessing where this was going.

She moved her body round to face me, she put her hands into her lap, dropped her head and look at them and said, "I want to sleep with another man."

Fuck me I didn't see that coming, my chin was on my lap. I got my chin off my lap enough to shout. "What!" Where the fuck did that come from?

"I want to sleep with another man," she repeated, I managed to keep my chin away from my lap this time. One look at her face told me she wasn't joking, who would joke about such a thing?

"No!"

"Can't we talk about it?"

"What's to talk about it, it's not going to happen, you sleep with another man I will divorce you."

She started to say, "If you really..." I held my hand up and stopped her right there and glowered at her. "Don't you fucking dare pull that one on me. Because if you really love me you wouldn't ask."

The room suddenly got colder, the roaring log fire had no heat in it and the Malbec not so pleasant anymore.

Despite my protestations, she carried on, in that quiet, but firm way that she has, there appeared to be a touch of guilt in her voice. "You've slept with other women before we met, and you were my first and only, I want to know what it's like to be with another man. It'll just be sex, it's you I love." Funny way of showing it I thought.

I calmed down a bit, just a bit. I needed to get to the bottom of this, to get it sorted, so I asked what had brought all this on? She told me it was the girls in her office, there were five of them. Anne and Jane both married, about the same age as Julia, they both had children, Jane had been married before, but she divorced her first husband because he cheated on her. I'd met both of them and their husbands at company parties, they seemed nice. Then there was Charity and Chardonnay known collectively as the 2Cs, both around their mid-20s, unattached I believe and playing the field, good luck to them. I didn't know much about them.

Julia and I worked for the same small engineering company, she did a mixture of HR, accounting, clerical work and a spot of project management, and I was the head of maintenance for the multitude of machines we had. Both Julia and I had picked up extra duties, she was First Aid coordinator, and I was Health and Safety, Transport Manager, Security and IT, all little jobs with no real effort required, but they gave me a lot of freedom to wander around the factory. I didn't know how useful that would be.

It was a family-run company, which specialised in small production runs; we could make your component in anything you wanted, wood, plastic, aluminium, steel or carbon fibre and we were looking into more exotic materials. If you wanted a run of 10 or 10,000, we the people, if you wanted millions, you needed to go elsewhere; but we'd advise you on that. We specialised in pre-production runs of small numbers, concept proving, that sort of thing.

There were about 50 people in total, there were a couple of designers for small stuff that wasn't farmed out to Centrix, a design company that we worked with for the more complex designs, a sales manager, the admin staff, my small team, John and Chris; and Bob the production manager with his team. Mr Barstow with the aid of Mrs Barstow ran the company. They have a son Mr Barstow junior, Phillip, who was currently at university reading Engineering and Business studies. Although Mr Barstow's name was over the door, Mrs Barstow had a fair amount of say of how the business was run, in fact, we called her 'Matron', it was a term of endearment, we felt she had a guiding hand in a lot of things.

Julia carried on that the 2Cs were always going on about their sexual escapades and how much fun it was, even Anne and Jane both admitted they'd slept around a little bit before they settled down with their husbands.

"And I feel left out."

"So, you want to risk our marriage because you feel left out?" I was incredulous.

"No, no, it will just be sex, one time only, I promise." She said pleadingly.

"I told you, if you sleep with another man, I will divorce you. Part of the marriage vows we said when we got married was to remain faithful, that was a promise, and now you want to break that promise," then a thought occurred to me, I wasn't thinking particularly clearly at the time. "Or have you already done it and you want permission after the event?"

I wasn't shouting, but I wanted to, I was barely keeping my temper, but I'd learnt years ago that losing my temper doesn't make things any better. But I was still very angry; the last 24 years seemed a waste. She looked me straight in the eyes and said "No, I would not do that to you, please believe me," Her look was so intense I did believe her. I calmed down a little, just enough to control the shouting.

Then a wave of fear hit me like a sledgehammer, wasn't I good enough, was I inadequate, was I a failure, had the kinky stuff been too much?

"Right," I said," A couple of questions, and do not lie to me, I will know, I can tell after all these years, and I will stop this conversation. Am I not good enough for you, where did I fail, what have I been doing wrong all these years?"

"You've done nothing wrong, sweetheart, you're fantastic, when I wear a Basque and stockings, I know I am going to get right royally fucked, when you tie me up, I come like a steam train, it's as if you have removed all the guilt of having such wonderful feelings, I have no option but to lay there and accept the pleasure you give me, and when we make gentle love, I feel warm, protected and loved, you have done nothing wrong, darling, it's just me."

"Next question then, do you have someone in mind?"

She looked down at her hands and whispered. "Yes." I waited.

"WELL WHO FOR FUCKS SAKE." I shouted.

She cringed, "A chap from work, you don't know him; he's only been here six months or so. I can't tell you. You'll have a go at him." Too fucking right.

That was strange, I knew everybody in the company, there weren't that many of them. And she said a man so ruled out the women.

"And does he know you have designs on him?"

She looked at me and she had tears forming in her eyes. "He may do." She knew where this was going.

"He may do or yes. Right, I've had fucking enough, just one lie and this conversation stops right now, and I will see a solicitor first thing Monday morning, so how come he 'may know about it'."

She took a deep breath looked at me and explained that the 2Cs were talking about their sexual experiences and the chap overheard the talk. Then one of the youngsters mentioned to him that Julia had only been with one man, and then he offered his services if she wanted to increase that number to two. She said it was done in a joking voice, but the look on his face was more of lust than fun. She was embarrassed and told him that she didn't cheat on her husband, she carried on talking, telling me that but he kept on pestering her, and the two girls said how good he was in bed; they'd both slept with him.

She told him that she would ask me, and if I said 'yes', she'd do it. She was planning on going back to him the next day without talking to me and then telling him that I'd said 'No', and that would be the end of it. However, he told the 2Cs that she was going to ask me. So not talking to you wouldn't work, I didn't want you to find out second-hand what was happening.

The 2Cs kept on saying that it would broaden her experience and would make her a better lover for me. They kept on at her saying If you really loved me, you would let me do this, it's just the once anyway, it'll be just sex. And it sounded sensible to me, they said, it was one way you could prove your love for me.

And the more she thought about it the more she realised she did want to do it for herself and me. But she would have to get my agreement first so it's not cheating.

Could this get any worse, yes and it was probably going to and promptly did.

I asked her. "So now you want to do it, you want to have sex with another man."

She looked at the hands in her lap "Yes," she added quietly. "It's for us."

She was going to risk everything for one night of sex, her whole future. This was unreal, I really had no fucking idea what to do.

"FUCKING BOLLOCKS, this is for you, with no thought about my feelings. You're looking to destroy 21 years of marriage because you feel left out. Who else knows about this?"

"The 2Cs know and Anne and Jane may have guessed."

"And your Shithead boyfriend. Fucking Hell!" I shouted at her.

"He is not my boyfriend," she shouted back at me.

"How far has this gone?" I asked, "have you kissed, held hands, has he taken you to lunch, how far has this 'it's just sex' gone?"

"He has taken me to lunch once, we haven't kissed or held hands, that would be like cheating."

"No that wouldn't be 'like' cheating, that would be cheating." I thought for a second. "You didn't tell me about the lunch?"

"It was just work, nothing more, don't you trust me?"

"Actually, I don't know if I do right now."

I stood up and drank the rest of my wine, I'd been thinking, very quickly, I looked down at her. "When you said you wanted to sleep with another man, you set us on a path to a divorce, you; and only you can stop that right now, do that and we will try to forget we ever had this conversation, if you carry on with this I don't know where we will end up."

I carried on. "I need to think, I'm going to the pub. You talk to no one about this, understand me," she nodded, I repeated myself louder. "You talk to no one about this, understand me. Do you agree not to talk to anyone? Don't just nod your head, say the words."

"Yes, I understand. Talk to no one. Shall I come with you to the pub?"

"What the fuck do you think? I suggest you spend the time thinking what you want to do and if you do carry on with this, think about where we will end up; and if we divorce what you will tell the kids and our parents? Because I will tell them the fucking truth. Don't wait up; I might be a bit shitfaced when I get in."

I walked out the front door slamming it behind me. I got halfway to the pub when I thought, Shit, it's chilly, wish I'd brought a coat, too late, I wasn't going back now. Instead of turning right to go to the Rose and Crown, my local, I couldn't face my mates if there were any in there, I turned left and headed to the Mallard aka the Mucky Duck, even if it was named after the steam locomotive. I wasn't well known there, and I could do some thinking instead of talking.

Fuck, what just happened to my life. As I walked to the pub I was thinking, probably muttering to myself as I went. "Did she really want to do it, was this just a test to see what I would do? How far would she take it if it was a test? Oh fuck, what was the answer? I had no idea what I was going to do, getting drunk might ease some worry and then when I wake up it will all seem like a dream. This was no dream. This was a fucking nightmare.

The Pub.

I got a pint of Guinness, the ale in the Duck was pretty ropey, actually it didn't matter what beer soaked my tears up. I had to think; what would I have done in the mob fixing aeroplanes for Her Majesty when faced with a problem, did I want to fix this problem, what the fuck was the problem, was it a test to see what I would do, what was the right answer, 'yes' or 'no'? Had she already slept with another man or even a woman, did she really want to have sex with another man? What if he was better than me would she stay with him? Was I being played? I don't think so, she's not that sort of person, but then again, I didn't think she was the sort of wife that would want to sleep with another man. I am so fucking confused.

There was so much shit going round in my head. Fuck, what a can of worms.

Right, I have to calm down; write a list, that's what we used to do. A list of faults and their solutions. They used to give us a flow chart for fault finding, it wasn't always right but at least it was a start. I bet there's no fucking flow chart for this problem. Did I want to fix this? Yes, actually, but again, what was the problem that I had to fix? This is not an aeroplane. Did I want to stay married to Julia? Still yes, would I let her sleep with another man? No fucking way. How to stop it, can I stop it?

Time to start the list. I went to the bar. "John, have you got a pen and paper?" I asked the landlord.

"Nah mate, just got a pen," which he gave me, "what's wrong, wife problems? We barmen are trained to listen and help with wife problems."

I was not going to let on the real reason to a barman, so I said, "Yup, she says I am doing too much overtime, but still wants the money for the Mediterranean cruise, she can't have it both ways so time for a list or two."

I grabbed a couple of beer mats and split them down the middle so I had the white insides to write on.

First half beer mat, what happens if I say 'No,' would she go behind my back? I felt she'd made up her mind to do it, could I trust her, would I trust her? With some of the looks she gave me, the pressure from the 2Cs and Shithead, probably not. I would worry every time she was late home from work, worked late or went out with 'the girls' or went to visit her sister on her own.

I carried on writing, what if I said 'Yes'? Bloody hell was I even thinking about letting her do it. What if I set conditions or rules that she agreed to, ones that she would fail to meet so it would be her fault when it all went wrong? She would have to call it off, not have me stop it. I could find out who it was and cut his balls off. Sounded good but I might end up in gaol. Then if she did have sex with this Shithead, that would lead to divorce. That was one point I was not going to be moved from. Or was I? I really didn't fucking know.

Fuck, what was the best way to handle this, I was so confused.

As I was calming down, I reverted to normal and I phoned Julia on my mobile to let her know I was in the Duck, not the Rose and Crown. I phoned the home landline, and it went to answerphone after it timed out, so I phoned her mobile and it went straight to answerphone, she was talking to someone. I sent her a text which would pop up. 'Hang up and phone me now!'

30 seconds later my phone rang. "Who were you talking to?"

"Mother."

"Bollocks don't fucking lie to me again. You never phone your mother on your mobile, you always use the landline because that's the number that has on her caller ID. May I remind you that if you lie to me this conversation stops. I can go onto our phone provider website and see all outgoing and incoming telephone numbers." Ok a fib, we can see outgoing but not incoming phone numbers, "so who were you phoning?"

"Andrew, he who you call Shithead, he phoned me."

Now I knew who it was, Andrew fucking Davis, the smarmy sleaze ball salesman that joined the company five months ago, he looked at people who wore overalls and had dirty hands as if they were beneath contempt, that just made things worse.

"I know that cunt," I said to her. "He and I've had several run in's, he keeps promising stuff we can't deliver then blaming me and the lads for failing and making him look stupid." And he lost his sales bonus for that one, it was a couple of thousand pounds or so.

I was trying not to shout; I didn't want everyone in the pub knowing my business. "For fuck's sake why, you agreed to talk to no one about this, you agreed, you have broken the one rule we'd already agreed on, did you tell him it was over because, that's the only reason I can accept you breaking the rule is if you are telling him it's not going to happen; did you tell him that?"

There was a pause, a long pause probably a two whole seconds "No, I told him you were thinking about it."

I was sat in the pub trying not to shout over the phone, in a low growing voice I said. "Why the fuck would you do that, are you trying to get divorced already."

"No, no, sorry sweetheart, I did it to stop him bothering me at work. He phoned me, I didn't phone him." I'll stop him bothering her with a piece of 2x2 I thought to myself.

"Well, it's not fucking going to happen now because you told me a lie and you broke the one rule we had, I suggest you look to packing your bags and phoning your parents to let them know you're staying the night."

I hung up. God, I was seething, what the fuck was she doing? If she was going to break the one rule we had set, it would take some serious work to sort out if I wanted to stay married to her. Did I want to stay married? I really didn't know; but I knew I had to try; I had to give her the chance to fuck this up and stop this shit. What I did know, is that I loved her, I had from that first kiss, but that love felt slightly tarnished now. Did she love me? Was she relying on my love for her to get through this?

I went to the bar to get another Guinness leaving my phone on the table with the beer mat halves. The phone started to ring and John asked if I was going to get it, I said, "No," but on the seventh ring I rushed across, and saw it was the house landline, it was Julia." What, are you still in the house?" the house, not our house, she probably missed that.

"Alan I'm sorry, I didn't think you meant him, he is involved, I'm sorry, really sorry, please come home, I'm sorry."