All Comments on 'Retribution, a Different Take'

You evil, evil man. I love it.

The wronged husband is fearful his wife has an STD from her fucking 2 men for a year. To have him them fuck Julia & Maurren makes NO sense. The fact that Julia was pregnant then had an abortion has NOTHING to do with her risk of carrying at STD.

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The Husband character is very inconsistent. We have here a cold calculating man simmering with rage...a guy who develops this long term master Plan. The author does a wonderful Job of showing his hurt pain and sense of betrayal. Great!!! But thats the Problem.

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His character comes across as someone who would <b>NOT</b> stoop to sleeping with the two woman that have been betrayng him as lesbians and with other male lovers for years.

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sorry author... sure the revenge was great but his actions with regard to the Julia and Maureen are not remotely believeable.

is not the issuethat takes a long time to develop

Dude I love the way you think. What is going on in Lit? The last couple of days I have read several stories where the husbands act like men. I think it is great! I was so tired of all those old farts and their wimpy characterizations of the husbands.

This version is much better. Still, it lacks an emotional punch. Husband was not likeable and, for me, that takes away from the story. Excellent writing and nice flow to the story. Please consider more emotional content in future, especially some remorse on the wife's part. We want to better understand and feel for the characters. Husband's anger is understandable, but didn't he feel any sadness......?

I guess for the purposes of a story, we need the husband to gather all kinds of evidence before ending marriage. I would end it as soon as I saw the credit card statements with hotel bills.

I liked this ending better.Not over the top-just right!Thank you for your fine stories.

If only a real divorce could work so well. I loved it. Thanks

Thank you for an interesting read. Keep writing the good stuff.

This ending is much better than the original.

The story started out well and developed smoothly until it fell apart at the end. Noone likes a vicious, cruel person. She has no morals, but he is , in a different way, worse than she is.

the Ct. Yankee

So you don't like that he is a cruel person. Well let me tell you ...you little politically correct San Fransisco style ultra liberal...You and your kind are finished and reality takes over. People are sick and tired of wimps like you...Want to make something out of it faggot...marriedwithballs@yahoo.com

but this one was probably more realistic. Although what on earth gave you the idea of the two sisters having sex together? that was certainly a twist.

I liked both stories equally well. My only problem is just simply basic math. 60 times $1200 a piece (pun intended if it was bad) is $72,000 not 8400 bucks for fucks.

-Cary Sanderson

What on earth justifies his behaivior? So she cheated on him, big deal. Divorce her, Get on with your life...maybe call the other dude's wife and start a shitstorm that way...but to deliberately destroy a person emotionally and physically? WTF?!? You have some serious issues. I saw no love in this story, just vengence.

I liked both stories. The second had more twists, but the first had more punch. The second was softer, and closer to what could really be done, but as a husband who caught his wife cheating the first is more to what you want to do when you find out... My wifes boyfriend got one hell of a beating and then his wife left him. He will be paying child support for another 14 years. He lost his house, and his job ( he was her boss, and his boss didn't like the shit hitting the fan). My wife well lest just say she makes a verry nice pet, and is kept on a short leash.

I was pleased to read both of them. But I admit that he continues excessive in the second story. At least the replies

seem more violent than the incidents who caused the hurt to him. One detail that escaped me is how the PI discovered that there was no black mail involved with Carl. The fact that they did not talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I am at the same corner as Harry again. Indeed, there was a disconnect between the character of the husband and the notion of him sleeping with his wife (even if "as if"). In addition, the part of the ‘double marriage’ was just silly. Was it supposed to be part of the revenge? Seemed to me that the "wives" adopted quite quickly… As far as the addition of an extra lover who blackmailed the wife, what was the purpose of it? It just complicated the plot without reducing (or adding) to the wife’s culpability with her other lover. No question - for me the first version was much better. Thanks for writing this one though!

I liked the story, but found parts of it were difficult to follow - hard to keep track of the players and what he was doing to them and what was real and what was illusion. Perhaps this was intentional. Scary to agree with Harry two days in a row, but Harry is correct - one day he's afraid of an STD and then a few days later he's screwing both sisters, presumably bareback. Erotic but not consistent.<p> The other thing we never really understand is the motivation on the part of the two sisters - why did they do what they did (they both professed "love" for their husbands)? Because their explanations were only partly truthful, I guess we'll never know, or I just missed it, or perhaps the tattoo at the end is the explanation. Great writing, though! I really appreciate stories about non-wimpy men.

YOu say it was over the top and you can't understand. How about looking up the definition of the word RETRIBUTION - Something given or demanded in repayment, especially punishment.

Really had me going, thought I was going to puke from Pete's wimp out. Then he turned it around and nailed everybody. Much better than first version, much more up close & personal.

Better than the first ending, much more up close & personal.

I am sure some will think this one over the top but myself I feel it is weak except he gets to fuck the sister before he dumps both of them. The two sisters are just changing their status, from amateur whores to professional whores. It is that simple. A shame the husband didnt get any real compensation from wife's whoring, it should have at least paid him something. If CA really is so primitive that a child belongs to the spouse even if it is not his, them we can only hope CA law will join the 20th, yes 20th not 21st, century and change the law to reflect DNA testing, remember OJ, and make the real fathers responsible for their bastards. Personally if my wife ever had a child by another man, she would either put it up for adoption, or I would live in a state or country that did not have such primitive laws. Actually you could get her to move to a more up to date state with you before divoring her based on adultry proven by the bastard.

thanks guys.... and gals . I am trying to do be more specific and detailed in my reviews and less explosive .

Also working my dyslexia as well...

I would think that as part of terminating a pregnancy a clinic is also going to test for stds?

So the wife may be clean, but not the sister?

Both stories are not to your normally good standard. First one not worth commenting on, this too stupid in my opinion.

Well done and finally a story with some decent retribution. Thank you - author.

That is a better, more believable ending. Though a document signed when they were drunk, and probably had a different signature (unless they could sign something the same way when their coordination was shot due to drunkenness), would likely be thrown out. Too bad he couldn't find something to do to get back at Donna.

A more believable story than the first version, and more reasonable retribution, too.

I like the little retributive bonus at the end of the "Whore" tattoo above their asses.

Thanks for the re-write, and the imagination it takes to write it.

does testing positive for HIV prevent medical procedures such as abortion. To assume someone doesnt have HIV because they have an abortion is plain stupid. He can feel resonably sure he does not have an STD or HIV if he is tested over a period of six months to a year and test negative each time. Some of these little life limiters can be there a while before they test positive. There is no way he can be sure his wife is not now positive or that her last tryst found her lover to have a newly acquired STD from their other lover. And the sister is not even being tested so why not have her tested before having sex with her? At least that way you would know she was uninfected some three months to a year ago! I did enjoy how the lives of those in the story were disrupted by the man who was betrayed and humiliated.

despite the the assumptions made about safe sex. This is a fictional story and my computer did not catch anything while I was reading them......:)

move to somewhere like Las Vegas and get the divorce there. Long as you get it first to bad for her. I liked the bit of her sister being the witness to the divorce papers.

Different take, yes, but the protagonist is still as unfit to live with himself, let alone others, as he was in version 1.

As a story, it is reasonably well written. As a projection of your values, Scorpio, it does not sit well with your other stories.

I enjoyed this version of Retribution. There is more "story" in the story compared to the original. The characters are well developed. The story is tightly written. Most actions are believable even if not probable. Look forward to reading more.

great read .

Another one Please

With gas!!

Even better than the first take - and soo much more well sane anyway, no less convoluted obviously, and far less maniacal or pathological. Although it is pretty out there too.

I enjoy your style, pretty much, every time

Thanks

Great story!

Otherwise good and readable story.

i personally like the first ending better though

than the first ending. But, at least, the retribution is more in line with the sin.

I actually liked it better with the Mexican whorehouse solution. Thus always to putas!

but this was plain Gaga.

I like this one as well...

and now the 2 loving sisters can be together again. TK U MLJ LV NV

Good revenge on the cheating wives. Having read both tales I think selling the sluts to a Central American whorehouse was more drastic revenge. I liked that. But who the fuck am I?

Both tales are standalone and are both great revenge scenarios. As for the sluts,

fuck 'um if they can't take a joke.

HA

Much better than the first version. Selling them into slavery was a bit extreme. And this one included some justice for the guys involved. I like it!

I would have still sold the two cunts to South America.

Good ending with a much more thought out punishment. By the way, 60 fucks at $1200 is $72000.00 not $8400.

Better than the original version.

I am glad it was not as extreme as the first version.

Still not worthy of your talent, but better than the first version. More even-handed on the retribution front.

I think you needed to edit a bit more on this one. Its the only problem I found. You have amazing talent and I would love to read something that is out of your comfort zone from you. Is anything out of your comfort zone?

as Twisted Sister. TK U MLJ LV NV

I would have kept them and used them as my personal sluts for the rest of their lives... but that's just me. LOL

5 Big Stars!

Cute story; worth a 5

pay back is such a bitch and they were two fuck slut whores and have the marks to prove it...loved the way he dealt with the two guys and then screwed both sisters well and truly...no doubt they have to become whores in order to live or end up in the gutter where they belong....great stuff - all cheating fuck slut whores should be made to pay dearly......serves them right....

Pete can drive over anytime he wants and watch his retribution in action instead of having to travel to Central America.

Sixty times $1200 is $72,000, not $8,400

Other than that not too bad

if divorce papers signed while intoxicated are enforceable. The whole story was just a bit off. Didn't any of these four people ever go to work?

How did the Barrister Bull get Sweetie to agree to more than the original three fucks? Pressure of threatening to disclose her insurance fraud. Sounds great ... except that Sweetie never submitted an insurance claim for that accident!

So, was she THAT naive, or was BBull hung like a Clydesdale and she was delighted to be 'pressured' for more 'demolition derbies?'

loved the story. I liked the fact that he got even and the way he did it. this was really one of the better stories I have read here and I have read like 78 to 90 stories so far and this one rates right up there with the other special stories good job.

Very entertaining. Well conceived and well word-smithed. I really enjoyed it. Held my interest more than the alternative version, but I liked that one also. I guess I am easy. Thanks for your skill.

4 Star effort, but a couple fair size flaws and a missed opportunity:

- Why the heck would Carl pay? He didn't do anything illegal and Paul had already told his about the Julia affair and was divorcing him. I don't see an affair as threatening to his business.

- Why would Julia sign divorce papers and her sister witness? Okay, they were drunk on wine but the next morning there would be lots of time to question and think.

- As a tattoo artist would you do "whore" tattoo's at your easy to find normal place of business without the recipients agreeing? Venice Beach is not some back alley joint that is hard to locate? No problem with the tattoos, but you need a more plausible scenario to get them applied.

- The missed opportunity was Paul going after Car for running his career. It was set up nicely then forgotten.

This wasn't AS bad as the first chapter. But it wasn't very good either. In an attempt to be clever, you got lost in the implausible and unbelievable. UGH!

And once it started it didn't stop!

Juvenile, pathetic, pitiful, all of these things plus more. Not one likable character, unbelievable plot, amoral, a sorry mess.

gave you a 5 to say eat it dear annoy.

So many positive comments but this is just a fantasy dreamed up by an immature neanderthal.

How anyone with an intellect could enjoy this is baffling.

If you have never been cheated on, well then good for you! But to those that have, reading a fantasy like this does make one feel good. It's called schadenfreude.

in the end its shit or get off the pot, TK U MLJ LV NV

This wasn't as drastic as the original and it had more justice. Also. while still fiction, more believable than the original. Actually any tale, fact or fiction, which has the cheaters losing in the end is a good tale.

Exposed on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com. true life factual account of that serial cheating wife. Lost teaching job one of numerous lovers was younger married male student she coerced into sexual relationship. Best friend lives in THREE FORKS MONTANA-ALSO SERIAL ADULTRESS.

BOTH ENGAGE IN MULTIPLE AFFAIRS AT SAME TIME

HAVE DONE THREEWAY AS BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

Contact info for both available on Facebook. One is always looking for next lover-stated that herself

She's too stupid to breath! A "bump" doesn't cause $3600 in damage, or even if it does, how would he know? If he doesn't report it at the scene, then it didn't happen! How can it be insurance fraud if no insurance claim is made, and he;s just as guilty as she is, plus he's guilty of blackmail!

You've already told his wife, why would he pay you off?

I realize both these stories were fiction, but, in my opinion, they were both so far over the top that I had pretty much lost interest in both of them before I got to the end of the story. I did read both versions of the story all the way through, though, just to see if there was some deeper hidden idea to make the story more viable. But as hard as I looked I didn't find anything that caused me to care a whit about either version of the story. So...1 Star for each.

Good fun and retribution!

LOVED HOW HE GOT BACK AT THE ASSHOLE MEN AND THEN KICKED BOTH WOMEN OUT FOR BEING LYING CHEATING WHORES...THE TATTOOS ARE THE ICING....

Almost as bad as the first version. You certainly don't think the women would let go that easily right? First thing to do is hire an attorney. None of what happened would make any difference in a divorce court. Julia sued, got half of all their liquid assets, forced the sale of the house and got half of that, asked for and got alimony and half his retirement, then sued for the assault and battery of the tattoo's and got the remaining half of their assets and all the sale price of their home. What? You thought he could have them tattooed and NOT pay a heavy price? Maybe in fantasyland, but not in a Court of law. He's lucky to stay out of jail. As for Mrs Tinker she tried to blackmail her husband but he simply started breaking her fingers and soon enough he had all the copies of the tape and she left the marriage with none of his business. You seem to think no one will ever fight back. Not the case. Even for a fictional story, this was complete bollucks.

get your payback and a clean start, TK U MLJ LV NV

Almost like reading a newspaper article.

That you caved into false perceived pressure and rewrote your story. The original was. better and more honest. There are many fucked up people who can't deal with real, raw emotions and consequences. Go with your own thoughts as to appease them you created a washed out empty tale which they won't like anyway.

I like this one a little better than the first. Not much, but a little. To hell with both the whores.

liked the other much better

cheating is cheating no matter what excuse you use

fucking the sister while still married makes you just as much scum as she is

so get off your higher than god morals .... you blackmailed the sisters so you`re just as bad if not worse than the lawyer

what a fucking piece of shit your main character was !!!!!!! despicable

It's just a formality and is meaningless. You can't cheat after that point because the contract has been voided.

Liked the three way and tattooing and leaving the women. Sex parts could have more detail.

How can he live with a liar and cheat just so he can get revenge? It doesn't seem worth the effort. End it, run as fast as you can, and get away. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start your new life. Just my opinion...

Still not much better. But a somewhat unique revenge.

I have a Problem with the FBI guy letting him show the videos, wouldn't happen. The lawyer would have sued him, as his wife could also, for filming them without their permission. Especially in California.

4****

This story should be in Incest category.

Still better than the first one, mostly due to the retribution given to Carl and Paul.

Everything about this story is laughable but the math took the cake. 1200 x 60 = 72,000. 72,000 - 3600 = 68,400. So the lawyer owed $68,400 not 8,400 using the math of 1200/fuck.

She's a slut... a deceitful slut who has been fucking around forever... but sure, RAOC.

Everyone, including the "wronged husband".

Would any of it have happened if not in response to his wife's actions?

Once the discovery is made that your partner, male or female, is a duplicitous whore, then what happens after is on the cheat's head.

Two things though. The first, as extra comment following the one above... I am BTB, but I didn't actually like the twin stories that much. Regardless, they are still just stories, just not totally my cup of tea.

The second point... as I have said before and will always say... if bad shit happens as a result of discovered infidelity, too bad. This guy may have the emotional response of a sociopath, but there are people like that out there in the real world, and worse things have happened, in the real world, than what is written here.

If you don't like the outcome from your partner making the discovery that you have betrayed them, then don't play with fire. You just can never tell if your actions will trigger a psychotic episode, or even cause outright temporary insanity, or even help peel back their personality to reveal sociopathic tendencies that you just never knew were there.

Just ask John Bobbit. As far as I am concerned, Lorena's only mistake was having not put his dick through a meat grinder, he didn't deserve it back.

Maybe that's extreme, but that's the price that she demanded for his betrayal. I think it was a fair price. If I had been her husband, she would never have needed to resort to such extreme action... and would never have had to suffer at the hands of the one who had promised to protect her heart, so she would have lived happily ever after, living a normal, anonymous, everyday life.

Fuck cheaters.

Much better ending

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Ummm, this was a steaming pile of shit from the get go. Wow.

Well I have to say that I prefered this ending to the overseas brothel. Don't get me wrong I can truly understand the anger and rage that a betrayed husband would feel. But this ending had more of a reality feel to it.

Yes, BTB stories are interesting and fueled from emotional responses. Legally, he wouldn't have been able to do 20% of what he did. The whole divorce scenario is complete rubbish. He would also have been charged with assult for the tattoo situation, as would the tattoo shop.

All the stuff with attempted blackmail, involving the FBI and them siding with that semi public video display etc is total fantasy. Still, it allowed the author to rant and get it off his chest.

Better revenge on everyone involved this time.

Over the top and unrealistic .

Loved every word of it .

Nicely done , thanks

Ummm .

The goyim don't eat matzo , hell they don't even know what it is .

So I'll just surmise that you are leaving clues to our people .

"where she's been one night of every visit" - I thought the hotel charge was every other month?

/

I'm not familiar with California law, but I have to believe that if he challenges paternity at birth, he's off the hook.

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"Paul threatened me and he's a lawyer" - I don't see what his being a lawyer has to do with any threats; if anything, if it can be proven, he might get in trouble with the bar.

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"I didn't want you to know about any of it." - That's kind of obvious!

/

If she did $3600 damage to his car, her car must have had significant damage as well.

/

You can't commit insurance fraud if you never make a claim. If it IS fraud, he's a party to it.

/

"I brought two DVD's. One to test the set up and one to show." - Why can't he test with the same one he's going to show?

/

I would have stayed with the two wives arrangement.

Two attempts, neither got it right. In the first he was a psycho, in the second one he acted like an unfeeling robot in all his interactions.

The reader was told he felt angry, but it wasn't shown in any way.

The whole story was very bare-bones with little description to flesh it out or make it immersive.

Least titillating threesome I've ever read, and boring ending.

Considering that he gained a presumably attractive sister pairing, punishing the wife and ensuring that he's the one in charge going forward would make for a much better story

Much better than the first

No, first was much better