All Comments on 'Secuction Ch. 04'

I don't know how long this book is going to be but there needs to be a point where Zach finds out.

And I would say that before he goes to college would be best for him, as he can move away from his Dad and Nicki.

Also Zach needs to tell his Dad and Nicki to fuck themselves when he finds out. If you play it out like he loves them too much so he's fine with it I will honestly hate the whole book.

This needs to be Zachs pivotal growing up period, because from that point you can build on Zachs life away from everyone, and you can do Nicki without Zach.

I would agree with the previous comment that Zack should find out about Nicki and his dad. Although I think it should be a point where he will forgive her after a little while and make up. Also, Mandy's and Mike's relationship could be tied into it as well. Along with Mike finding out about the reason behind Nicki's seduction of him.

Get married then you can move chapters 6 and 7 to Incest Taboo stories.

Loved the first two chapters 3 and 4 not so much 3 stars

The gist of the story is good, but you need to have someone proofread and correct the tenses and shifts from third person to first person. The last page is particularly bad for this problem.

I do feel other readers are being a bit hard on Nicki. Zach did get the ball rolling by banging her mother. He's not some doe eyed victim.

I DO NOT CRITICIZE NEGATIVELY IN PUBLIC, I will send a private email with my criticisms.

I like your story ideas a lot & have a few suggestions for you! 5*

This was a much better chapter than the last one. Although I'm not happy with Nicky cheating. She demanded honesty but isn't honest with him.

I wish I could give two ratings. One for how hot it is (a resounding 5), the other for how well written,

which has to be a 3. The shift from first to third person can be ok with a ~~~ or something, but you would switch back and forth in the same paragraph. Please get a proof reader, thigs like "she" that clearly should be "he" .

I know some writers ask not to be rated on their language, but that is what makes the difference between good writing and great writing. When there are so many trips/ tumbles in the writing, the story doesn't flow as smoothly and detracts considerably.

On to other thoughts, I see some comments criticizing Nicky going after Mike, but I think that was a great segue to get him involved. He needed to get his shell cracked, or he was never going to be ready for Mandy. Nice work.

I look forward to reading on.