She Never Came Home

"I didn't know. Alice never said anything about it."

"It was our secret. I've heard he's been married four times over the last several years."

"He missed out on a good woman."

"Danny! You said something nice about me?

"We might have our differences, but you're a good person, Candice. Alice is lucky to have you as her sister."

"You got one of those for me?" Candice asked.

Danny went to the fridge and opened a beer, and handed it over.

"I'm part of the problem," Candice began, "I encouraged her to have the affair."

"You said that. May I ask why you would do such a thing?"

"She told me she wasn't happy in her marriage with you. What I didn't know until after her attempt at taking her life was all the little details that added up so much. All the little things she left out."

"Like what?"

"Alice confided in me last week that you two haven't had sex in a year. I didn't know that. I'm not even married and I get laid much more than you two do. I found out that my sister would only have sex with you in the dark. She wouldn't let you see her in the nude. When Alice heard about you and Sally getting it on all the time, that wasn't something she could adjust to."

"All the while she's sleeping with this guy."

"When you came over that night and talked to Alice about getting back together, did you really mean what you said about starting over?

"That's been three months ago."

"I know. I know. But you didn't answer me," Candice said.

"Maybe after all this time, and that ordeal with Sally, perhaps my marriage to Alice isn't going to work. Perhaps we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Alice told me she wanted to move on. Perhaps I should let her."

Danny plowed his fingers through his hair. "She told me there was no romance in our marriage anymore. Yet I don't get it. She'd dance in front of her boyfriend wearing only her panties, but not for me. What's romance got to do with that?"

"How did you know that?"

"Her lover took photographs of Alice. He sent them to me, and I don't know why."

"I'm so sorry you had to see those photos."

Danny looked at Candice. "Those really hit home. For years I begged Alice to wear some sexy skimpy things around our apartment, and each and every time she'd dismiss me. She said I had sexual fetishes that she wasn't going to partake in. Yet there in my hands I held dozens of photographs of her showing her legs spread apart and Alice touching herself, her bra pulled down and her breasts exposed."

Candice reached across the table and took Danny's hands into hers. She held them tight. "I am so sorry you had to see those. I didn't know about the photographs either until Alice told me that Tony took them. She said he threatened to send them to you."

Danny didn't try to stop his tears as they slowly meandered down his face.

"Danny, I'm asking you to look deep into your heart and let Alice be your wife once more. Don't try to fix the past, work on the future together."

"Candice, I don't know how to fix what is broken between us."

"Yes you do."

*********Chapter Eleven*******

With Halloween only a few weeks away, autumn gave way to a day or two of Indian summer temperatures. It had been almost eight weeks since Alice was released from the hospital. She had never told Danny what she had done. Alice knew what his schedule for the week was, and she knew the best time to surprise him, so Alice planned to drop by the firehouse.

With a canvas bag filled with some sandwiches and cans of diet Coke, she caught a taxi, and then, deep in thought, walked the last four blocks to the firehouse. This would be the first time she'd seen her husband face-to-face since Danny's visit to her sister's house.

A breeze blew though the alleys and down the streets, and it seemed that at every other step the wind would blow her dress up. Alice didn't mind at all. Her stride quickened as she turned the corner, and soon she stood in front of the firehouse. Gina was working on one of the squad trucks when she noticed Alice in her blue dress and white sneakers.

"May I help you with something?" Gina asked.

"Is Danny O'Brien working today?"

"He is. Who may I ask are you?"

"I'm sorry. I'm his wife."

"Ah, you must be Alice. We've never met before, have we?"

Her face flushed. "No, we haven't."

"I'll go get him." Gina took a few steps and stopped. She turned back toward Alice. "You know you're every bit as pretty as he described you."

"Did he say that?"

Gina nodded. "Oh, yeah. He did. Too many times to count, as a matter of fact."

Gina disappeared into the station. Alice noticed an old wooden bench that was barely inside the building. Alice sat and waited while the sun warmed her face. Her stomach felt like it was going to explode. She could keep time by the pounding of her heart. She heard voices and looked up. There stood Danny in his uniform.

"Alice? What do you want? I mean why are you here?"

Alice patted the bench with her palm. "Sit with me?"

Danny sat down, and gazed at her. "Your short hair is cute on you. I like your dress too. I can't remember the last time I saw you wearing one. Was it ten years ago? Maybe longer? Oh, I forgot it was when we pulled you out from an elevator." He looked down at the sneakers she had on. "Where are your stilettos?"

Alice fidgeted. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Naw... I'm sorry. I've been expecting divorce papers every day now for the last few months. Seeing you here now I figured you must have brought them here personally."

Alice opened her canvas bag. "I brought us some lunch."

"Why don't you just hand me the papers, and then we'll have our last meal together."

"Danny, I don't want a divorce. There are no papers. I thought you'd enjoy having a quick lunch with me."

Danny's eyes caught hers. "What's going on?"

"I am so sorry for what I did to you. I was a fool for not seeing how green the grass really was on my side of the fence. I didn't realize what I had," Alice said.

"Your lover dumped you. Didn't he?"

Alice nodded. "He did. I feel so ashamed by what I have done to you and our marriage. I had an affair and I am so deeply sorry. I ask for your forgiveness. I've always loved you and I still do."

"So he dropped you and now you're running back to me? I'm not sure I can keep up with this. One minute you say you love me and want to be with me, and the next you're out screwing your doctor friend. How's it feel to be thrown in the trash like yesterday's garbage? And now you want back into my life."

"How did you know he was a doctor?"

"Candice told me."

"When did she do that?"

"A while back. She told me about your visit to the ER."

"She had no right—"

"Candice was terribly concerned about you. And me."

"I. I've been confused," Alice said.

"Confused? Seriously? I can't eat, I'm having a hard time sleeping, and you're confused?" Danny asked.

Alice stared at the ground as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress.

"Where have you been all this time?" Danny asked.

"I've been sick. Didn't you tell me that Candice told you where I've been? I've gone to see a marriage counselor."

"Without me?"

Alice nodded. "There were some issues I had to work through before I could talk to you. I'm here now."

"If we don't address what's been between us and nothing changes, then we'll be right back where we started from," Danny said.

"I know." Alice took Danny's hand and placed it on her thigh, and then slipped his hand under her dress. She watched his eyes as they lit up. "I thought you might like to know that my legs aren't bare."

Danny pulled his hand away. "I can see they're not bare."

"I don't mind being pretty for you."

"You've always been beautiful to me."

"I'm not wearing panties either."

"What? You're not wearing underwear?"

"No, I'm not. Listen," Alice began, "I talked to detective Meadowwind. I met with Sally. She has multiple personality disorder."

"No shit, but what's that got to do with us and the fact you're not wearing panties?"

"Samantha was the personality that kidnapped me. She is the aggressor. Samantha told me all about the times you and she were together. She bragged about how much you liked her panty less when you two went out. So I decided to do the same for you today."

"Now you hold on one goddamn second! I don't want you to be like Sally OR Samantha. I married a girl named Alice. That's who I want."

Alice took Danny's hands into hers and held them tight. "I have a pair of white high heels and plenty of lacy white nylon panties. I won't have any problem wearing them for you at home."

"And just like that, after years of asking you, you're fine with it now."

"Sally wore those—"

"What did I just say?"

Alice nodded. "You don't want me to be Sally."

"That's right. I don't want Sally. I haven't had anything to do with her since that night, and I'm not going to let you become Sally after the fact. Besides, you had plenty of lacy nylon panties and white high heels before you had the affair, and you didn't wear them for me then, so what the hell has changed now?"

Danny stood and raked his fingers though his hair. He looked at Alice.

"All the counselors I've been to see, as well as Candice, and even the guy I had the affair with told me all the same thing. You're not a mind reader. I need so badly for you to tell me how much I turn you on. I need the romance. I need your love. I want you to romance me. I want to be your Cinderella."

"Then you don't need to do what Sally/Samantha and I did."

Alice dried tears with her fingers. "I'm wearing something else, too, something that Sally never wore." She held her hand out. On her finger was her wedding ring.

Danny sat back down beside her and placed his hand on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry. I got caught up in the moment and the excitement of the affair. It was dangerous, and exhilarating, and so very wrong. What I really wanted was to have your strong arms around me, and to feel your fingers thread though my hair at night," Alice said, "I need that from you."

Alice rolled her hands into a ball, and with tears streaming down her face said, "I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

"Listen. Look at me. Alice, look at me. I don't want you to change. You were right. When it came to you, I did think with my dick. Yet there were so many times that I needed you to talk to at the end of my day. Someone I can hold and share my tears with. I need you to hold me together when I'm falling apart."

Danny was about to say something when the klaxons blared. He jumped. "Gotta run." He ran into the firehouse and just as quickly he came back to Alice. He lifted her off her feet and kissed her. "I've never ever stopped loving you." He jumped on the fire engine.

"DANNY!" Alice yelled above the sirens of the fire truck as it sped away.

Alice watched as the fire engine rumbled down the street. She sat back down and toyed with the hem of her dress once more.

"What did he say?" Gina asked.

Alice jumped. "I didn't see you. I thought everyone went with the fire engine."

"Not this time. It's most likely a dumpster fire. The paper work will take more time to fill out than getting the fire extinguished. I'm Gina. So what did he say?"

"About us?"

"That was the focal point of your conversation with him wasn't it?"

Alice fidgeted with the hem of her dress even more. "He didn't say. I don't know."

Gina patted Alice's hand. "It will be okay."

"How do you know that?"

"My old man is a sandhog. He spends everyday deep in those wet and dangerous tunnels. After twelve-hour shifts, by the time he gets home, all he wants is a beer or two after his meal. Five years ago, he began to run around on me. I guess he wasn't too tired to get laid. He ended up in bed with a barmaid from a downtown saloon. I caught them together one night."

"I'm sorry," Alice said

"Don't be. We all make mistakes."

"Did you two divorce?"

"No we didn't. We came damn close though. We sat down and worked things out. It wasn't easy, and I thought many a night it simply wasn't worth the effort. I'd be working my night shift here at the firehouse and I'd wonder what he was up to. Was he even home? Was he sleeping around again on me? It was hell, pure and simple."

"Danny saved my life."

"We all know about that. Sally had issues, and wasn't the right person."

"I wonder what will happen to her?" Alice asked.

"Word is she's going to be transferred to a state mental health institution, but Sally's done and over for you and Danny. Forget her. You need to worry about the two of you."

Alice looked at Gina. "How did you two get back together? I'd like to know."

"At first I couldn't stand the thought of his hands on my body. How could I let him touch my most intimate places knowing that his hands had touched another woman the same way?"

"I never thought about that."

"I certainly did, and Danny is going to think exactly the same. I wasn't good enough for him the nights he was screwing this other woman, and now all of a sudden I was? I tell you it was rough for the longest time. Danny going to wonder why he wasn't good 'enuff for you as well."

"I need to ask something else," Alice said.

"Anything you want."

"Did you ever forgive him for the affair? I need to know."

Gina let out a sigh. "We were apart for almost two years. He walked the line, as they say. So did I. We dated each other. We started with a new sheet of paper. One thing we didn't do was crawl back into bed with each other. We learned how to communicate. That's the biggest issue most couples have. It was for us, too."

"But did you forgive him?"

"I did. Eventually. It took years and years. Early on, when he'd be in the shower and he'd leave his cell on the counter... God, you don't know how many times I picked it up and checked his incoming and outgoing calls and even his emails. I wanted to know if he was meeting other women behind my back."

"And you never saw anything out of line?"

"Never. He knew he screwed up. He knows he's got a good woman, too."

"Danny's a good man."

"And he's got a good woman, too. Give him time to learn to trust you again."

Gina began to walk back into the firehouse when she stopped and returned to Alice. "There's something you should know."

"What?" Alice asked.

"A month ago, maybe two, a large priority mail envelope was delivered here with Danny's name on it."

"Oh no! No. No. No."

"You knew what was in it?"

Alice nodded.

Danny thought it was full of divorce papers so he opened it."

Gina sat beside Alice and held her hand. "The envelope contained dozens upon dozens of photos of you—"

"Oh God, no. He threatened me with those. Oh no!"

Alice leaned down and rested her head in her hands. Tears streamed down her cheeks, while Gina rubbed her back.

"I seen some of the photos. Danny and his best friend Cooper took them outside and burnt them all. Danny threw them one at a time into the fire."

Alice raised her head. Mascara tainted tears colored her cheeks. "What did he say?"

"Nothing. He'd glance at each photo for a second or two and then into the fire it went. He left work early that day, and Cooper found him out of his mind drunk later that night."

************

The fire engine backed into the firehouse and came to a stop. Danny stood in the front of the truck with his arms crossed across his chest. Gina put a hand on his shoulder and he turned.

"She waited as long as she could before she took a cab back to work. She loves you. You know that. Don't you? I told her about you and Cooper burning the photos."

"I should have kept them and threw 'em in her face."

"You'd never do that because deep down inside you'll always protect her."

"Why is my life so complicated?"

"So, you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know. I'm so tired of talking and it never accomplishes a thing."

"It would help," Gina said.

Danny stared at the traffic that ambled by the firehouse. "It's been almost a year since I found out about her affair. My soul has never been as cold as it was that night. How could the woman I kissed goodbye as I left the apartment to go to work, be in the arms of another man hours later? The thought of him undressing her and then making love to my wife... Ah, Gina."

"You have to let that go," Gina said.

"I went over to see her and I pleaded with her to come back. I damn near got down on my knees." Danny moved his head back and forth. "Her lover left her for another woman. Karma truly is a bitch."

"God has a plan for all of us."

"Really? Now that he dumped her, she's the one that's begging to come back. I can't stop thinking that maybe she's done this before with another man. How can I ever trust her again?

*********Chapter Twelve ******

One cold January evening, Alice invited Danny for dinner at her sister's home. They'd been out on a few dates since their October meeting at the firehouse, and they'd gone well. Candice would be out late, so dinner would be just Alice and Danny.

A few hours before Danny was supposed to arrive, Alice bounced around the apartment, checking the pots on the stove then running into the bedroom to check her makeup for the millionth time. Her eyes made a circuit from the clock to the front door and back to the clock again. Was he coming? Maybe he got caught in traffic. She rolled her wedding ring around her finger. What if the evening all went wrong? It was only a date. But what if they fought again? Her chest tightened and she felt her guts quivering.

When the doorbell chimed, Alice nearly jumped out of her skin. She ran toward the door, and then stopped. She smoothed her dress out, and she gave each cheek a gentle pinch to bring out the color.

She opened the door.

"Hi," Danny said. He held a bouquet of flowers.

Alice looked at him and froze.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"Oh God, yes, I'm sorry."

Danny stepped in and quickly placed his coat over a nearby chair. Alice watched his every move. "Is there something wrong?" Danny asked. He put the flowers by his coat.

Alice looked away and then back at him. "No. It's just... I haven't seen you in a tie for quite some time, that's all. You look...Danny, you look good."

Danny slipped his hand around her waist and pulled her in. "So do you."

They stood for a long moment, neither saying a word. Danny moved his hand up and down the curve of her spine until his fingertips traced the outline of her bra hidden under her dress. His fingers wandered back down, and lingered at her waist.

Danny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He placed a finger under Alice's chin and raised her face so he could see into her eyes. "Don't you wish you could turn back the hands of time?"

"And forget about me?" Alice asked.

He wrapped his arms around Alice. "Oh God, no. Just start all over once more, and not make the same mistakes again."

"Was I a mistake? Were we a mistake?"

"No we weren't a mistake. We made mistakes, but everyone does. We can fix this."

Alice led him to the sofa. "Sit with me?"

"Sure." Danny looked around the room. "Where is your sister? Poisoning rats?"

"She won't be back until late. She's giving us some quality time together."

Danny could see Alice's hands tremble. "What's wrong? You're shaking."

"I'm sorry. I'm worried."

"About what?"

"Tonight."

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"I'm not sure."

"What would you like to have happen?"

"I want to make out with you again like high school kids. Don't you remember what we did when we were younger and we were all alone like we are right now?"