Something I Could Live With

"Yes, Matt, I understand," she said. "I'm sorrier than you'll ever know. Thank you for this. I won't call until I'm ready."

I ended the call and looked over at Joselyn. "Is the someone new me?" she asked.

"Yes, let's go shopping," I said. Her smile would have lit up a dungeon.

I've never seen a happier girl. I don't know when the last time someone had taken her shopping was, if ever. I let her get anything she wanted. She was very frugal. She would only look at things on the clearance racks or something on sale. She got a wardrobe of something to wear that would last two weeks without having to do laundry. Everything she bought was part of an outfit and went together with something else. She bought black shoes, brown shoes and white shoes. She bought a pair of sandals and a pair of athletic shoes. When she was through I took her to Estee Lauder and made her buy cosmetics. She didn't want to do it. She cried and said we were spending too much, but I insisted. The nice girl working behind the counter found everything she would need, what colors went with her complexion and showed her how to use it. I took a little trip to the perfume counter and bought her two bottles of some nice perfume. We were in there four hours and I was exhausted and hungry.

Joselyn was full of energy and hungry. She wanted to eat at the mall food court and we got Chinese. We got her some luggage and she packed all her purchases away in the back of my Lincoln Navigator along with my stuff. We were off, and it was quite a trip. We got on I-10 and headed east. It was going to be a long drive, and we spent the first part arguing over what kind of music we were going to listen to. She liked hip-hop and pop and I liked alternative and folk. We compromised. Before noon, we would listen to my stations, and after noon, we would listen to hers. She hated the folk and I hated the hip-hop, but we got along. We stopped in Phoenix the first night and stayed at the Hampton. I tried to get two rooms but she insisted on one room with two beds. We ate dinner at a Mexican place I knew, and it was about eight-thirty when we got back to the hotel. She wanted to go swimming, so we took turns changing in the bathroom. I hadn't seen her buy a swimsuit, but I hadn't really been paying attention. She came out with a thigh-length tie-dyed cover up on. Her mop of curls was sticking up every which way, but it looked adorable on her. When we got down to the pool, I swam laps while she played around. She decided to swim with me after a while, but she ran out of gas pretty quickly. I kept swimming until she bumped into me to get my attention.

"I want to go to the hot tub," she said. "Go with me."

We walked to the shallow end and I was a little shocked as she came out of the water. I hadn't been watching when she got in. She had on a red bikini that was scandalous. She had the most amazing, round little bubble-butt I'd ever seen and it was nearly bare. There was a little wedge of material covering the cleft between her cheeks, but it was just barely covering it. Her top was two little scraps of material held together with strings. She didn't have a lot to cover up there, but what she had was spectacular. They were high, firm little cones, and her nipples were always erect. At least, every time I looked at her, they were hard as they pressed against that bikini or whatever shirt she happened to be wearing. In that little bikini there was very little of Joselyn left to the imagination.

"Um, Joselyn; don't you think that bathing suit is a little too modest?" I asked.

She grinned back at me. "No, Daddy; I think it's perfect."

I laughed and we got in the hot tub. She snuggled over against me and let her feet float up to the surface of the bubbling water. She put my arm around her bare shoulders and leaned that mop of hair against me. "This is like a fairy tale," she said. "Thank you, Matthew, I love you."

I nearly choked. "Don't do that, Joselyn," I said. "You're building up some kind of false image of me here. Remember what I did to the asshole? I'm not a nice guy."

"You are to me," she said. "I think you were to Emily, too. I think you would be to anyone that was on your side. I'm on your side. I'm always going to be on your side. He deserved what we did to him. If someone tried to harm you, I would kill them."

I squeezed her a little and she gave a happy sigh. "I'm roasting," she said. "Let's go take showers and watch a movie on TV. I've never had a movie channel before."

We got a pay-per-view movie. It was horrible. Some stupid vampire thing with a stupid story line about star-crossed love between the vampire and a human girl. Joselyn loved it. She cried at the ending. "Wasn't that great?" she asked. "I've been wanting to see that for so long."

I made unintelligible sounds. "What's wrong with you?" she said.

"My IQ has been reduced to single digits," I said.

She threw a pillow at me. "Well, get some sleep, moron," she giggled.

I turned out the light and we went to sleep. I woke up in the morning, and I was a little disoriented. The place beside me where Emily should have been was empty. When I remembered why, A huge weight descended on me. There was a sound, and I realized it was Joselyn, her breathing comforted me. I sat u and looked over at her. She looked like a little dusky angel over there, her hair tousled and mussed, stray curls resting across her face. I got up and did my thing, and by the time I was semi-human and had a cup of coffee in me, she was awake.

"Sleep well," I asked.

She stretched like a big sexy kitten. "Mmmm." She groaned. "Don't talk. I might have to kill you. I laughed and went down to the lobby for another cup of coffee. I got one for her, too. She was ready to go when I got back to the room. We drove through and got chicken biscuits and milk for her, juice and coffee for me and we were on our way.

About 10, she looked over at me. "Matthew, do you know what today is?" she asked?

"Tuesday?" I said.

"It's my birthday," she said. Her voice sounded all choked up and I looked over at her. Her eyes were liquid and a tear was tracing its way down one smooth brown cheek. I smacked myself in the forehead. "Sorry, Jos. I forgot. I can't believe I did that."

There was an exit just ahead and I took it. It wasn't much of a town and I never knew the name, but it had a jewelry store. I pulled up in front, got out and opened her door.

She hopped out. "What are we doing?" she asked.

"Buying your birthday present," I told her.

She looked at the storefront. "No, Matthew, you don't need to do that," she said.

"I know. I want to. Let's go in there and get you a necklace."

Her eyes sparkled. "Really?" She pumped her fist. "Yeet! How much can I spend?"

"Three hundred dollars," I said.

She did a little dance step, grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. She looked everything they had over pretty quickly. "I want that," she said.

"That" was a little gold chain ankle bracelet with red gemstones around it. She shifted from foot to foot the entire time we were paying, and as soon as the sales person handed her the bag, she opened it ant took it out. "Put it on me, Matthew," she insisted.

I did, and she nearly crushed me with a hug when I stood back up. She pulled me down and whispered in my ear. "Thank you, Matthew. This is the nicest thing I've ever had. I love you."

My throat was all dry and I couldn't speak, so I just squeezed her and we went back to the car.

She was intensely interested in the scenery, and by the time we made it to Las Cruces I knew her entire life history. She chattered like a magpie and I fell in love with the sound of that husky little voice. That night was a repeat of the night before and we fell into a routine. I had never been on a road trip that was half as fun as this one. Her enthusiasm for life was contagious and I woke up excited to get started every day. We didn't drive far in a day. She wanted to stop and look at things and do things so many times that we weren't making much time.

She had obviously never had anything like she was experiencing, and she just blossomed. We stayed in Houston and there was a terrible thunderstorm about one in the morning. Flashes of lightning were almost constant, and I could see her start with the cracks and booms as the thunder shook the building.

"Matthew, are you awake? Can I get in bed with you?" I heard her scared little voice.

I flipped back the covers and she flew over and under them. I had a little quivering warm body against mine and I held her. "Talk to me," she said.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"We're going to Florida," I told her. "We're going to get on a boat and go to Nassau. We're going to become new people and then we're going to live in Miami."

"Why are we going to become new people?" she asked.

"Well, I suspect the police are looking for us," I told her. "We put four people in the hospital, destroyed a man's life and put his company out of business by illegal means. We need new identities. I change identities every so often, anyway. Some of the stuff I do is very illegal. I've done a lot of illegal things."

"Will I do that stuff?" she asked.

"Up to you," I said. "I'll pay you if you help. I won't get you involved in anything dangerous, but you'll be independent if you want to be. You can do research for me. If you just want to go to school and be a normal girl, we can do that, too."

"I want to go to school and be a normal girl," she said. "I want to help you sometimes though, maybe in the summer when there's no school."

We talked until we drifted off, and when I woke up she was packing our stuff. "Finally," she said.

"Hey, someone kept me up all night. Some little girl who's afraid of storms," I teased her.

"Yes, and that little girl isn't lugging her big suitcase out to the car," she said. "Get up and let's go."

We got back on the road and she was pretty quiet for a while after we got breakfast. It was a comfortable silence. We were becoming the kind of friends who don't have to talk. You know, where you can just get lost in your thoughts and not have to worry about entertaining your companion. I looked over at her and she smiled up at me. She wasn't usually quiet and pensive and I missed the sound of her voice.

"Talk to me," I said.

"What do you want to talk about?" She smiled at me and her white teeth flashed. I loved that little smile.

"I'm sure you can think of something," I said.

"Are we bad people?" she asked. "I mean, I've been thinking about it. You're kind of weird. You steal things, you set people up to take falls for stuff they didn't do, you're violent and I think you probably have killed people. You're taking care of me, though. You just stepped in and helped me, even though you didn't know me. I don't have a single thing to offer you but you're helping me. You're such a contradiction. I'm going to help you do anything you want me to. Does that mean you're evil and I'm going to be evil, too?"

"I guess you could define it that way," I answered. "The things I steal certainly harm the people or companies I steal them from. I have the ability to pick and choose what jobs I take. I typically only take jobs I feel good about. I do set people up, but although they may not have done the things I set them up on, they aren't innocents. I only kill other bad guys, Joselyn. Let's say some rich guy is being blackmailed. If I find and kill the blackmailer, is that evil?"

"No. Well, maybe." She was hesitant. "I'm not sure I think blackmail deserves the death penalty. What if you could just get the blackmail material back?"

"Well, I would do that. How can I be sure there aren't copies? It's just complicated. I can live with myself. Can you live with me?"

"Yes, I love you," she said. "When I love someone, it's all the way. If I don't like something I'll tell you, but I'm still on your side."

"Don't do that," I told her.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Tell me you love me," I said. "I'm not someone you should love, Joselyn."

"I love you," she said. "I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. You may be a nasty evil bastard to everyone else but you're not to me."

"Thank you," I told her. "I'll try not to let you down."

"Do you love me?" she asked.

I couldn't speak. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but nothing came out. She laughed and unbuckled her seatbelt. When she scooted over and laid her head on my shoulder I could feel a lump rising up in my throat.

"That's what I thought," she giggled.

"Buckle your seatbelt," I croaked. "We don't want Bubba the sheriff to pull us over. You're wrong, though."

"About what?" she asked.

"About not having a single thing to offer me," I told her. "I need you as badly as you need me. Just having you sitting over there in my passenger seat is worth millions to me."

She giggled again and stretched up to kiss my cheek before going back to her own seat. My cheek burned where those soft little lips touched me. I could still feel the imprint when we stopped for the night in Baton Rouge. We checked in at the hotel and went out to eat. We tried Cajun food and she liked it a lot. She would try anything, and I loved that about her. We went for a swim and she showered first when we got back to the room. When I came out, she had the TV on and she had put all the pillows on one bed. I raised one eyebrow and she laughed.

"This way I won't have to change beds in the middle of the night," she said. "Besides, I like sleeping with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I told her.

"Why not?" she asked. "I feel safe with you. I know you aren't going to try to fu... have sex with me."

"Joselyn, I'm a man. You're a woman. You're gorgeous and sexy and cute and all those other things. I won't force you to have sex with me, but having that warm soft little body up against mine makes me think inappropriate things."

"I know that," she said. "You can play with me if you want. I don't want to fu... have sex, but I would like to be played with. I know what foreplay is and I like it."

I nearly choked on my drink. "Have you ever done stuff like that, I mean... foreplay?"

"Yes, but only outside my clothes. My mother was a whore, Matt. I've seen it all. Those men were making me watch them... do what they were doing to her. I've let boys touch my boobs and my butt, but only outside my clothes. I'll let you touch me. I love you and I'll like it, but I don't want to fu... have sex."

I smiled. "I think you should stick to boys," I told her. "It would just make me frustrated and I don't take advantage of girls that are depending on me."

"How is it taking advantage of me if I want you to?" she asked. "Why would it make you frustrated?"

"Because I'm taking care of you. You're dependent on me. It would feel weird, like you were doing it because you were grateful or you think you need to for me to keep taking care of you. It would feel like you were prostituting yourself. It would make me frustrated because I'd get turned on and there would be no relief. It would drive me crazy."

"I am grateful. You are taking care of me. You had sex with Emily. Were you taking care of her?"

"Well, yes; in a way. But she was an adult woman. She could take care of herself if she needed to."

"So could I," she said. "I could beg or work or something. I know I'm young, but I'm older than you in some ways. I'm not telling you this or giving you permission because I'm grateful or I feel like I owe you. I am grateful and I do owe you, but that's not why. You make my panties wet, Matt. You're big and in shape and very, very attractive to me. You're cool and dangerous and you make me horny. That's what I'm trying to tell you. When you touch me and hold me, I... I want you. I'm scared to do everything I want to with you, but I'll do some stuff. I won't let you be frustrated. I know what to do to keep that from happening. I'm going to do it, Matt, and someday I'm finna do a lot more. You're stuck with me unless you abandon me. When the time is right, I'm going to make you love me. I mean, like you loved Emily, only I'll never betray you. Either you play with me while you're awake or I'll play with you while you're asleep."

"You're going to molest me?" I laughed.

"Exactly," she said.

I grabbed her and pulled her onto my lap, squeezing her until she couldn't breathe. "Let's just see what happens," I said. "No premeditation. I like spontaneous."

She snuggled down onto me. "I like this," she said. "I feel so warm and safe. I love you, Matt. Do you love me, just a little? Please say it."

"I love you more than just a little," I told her. "You feel more like my little sister, though, Jos. I feel like I need to protect you."

"You do," she murmured. "But not from you, and you never had a sister like me."

When we showered that night, I went first. I was in bed, watching Sports Center, when she came out. She had on a white t-shirt and white, lacy panties and that was all. She had always worn a big nightgown kind of t-shirt before, and this was definitely something new. Her dark areolas were plainly visible through the thin shirt and her nipples were trying to tear a hole in it. Her little round butt, encased in white lace, quivered enticingly as she walked around the room, getting ready for bed. She was smiling to herself as she caught me watching a time or two. She turned out the lights and slipped in bed, scooting over to lay her head on my chest, illuminated by the light from the TV. Her hair was sticking up in my face and it smelled like her herbal shampoo and clean girl. She put her left arm and leg over me and I squeezed her close. She rubbed her cheek on my chest and purred.

"I like this, Matt," she said.

"Me, too, Jos." I gave her another squeeze. I stroked her back with my left hand, feeling her warmth through her thin shirt. It had ridden up in the back, leaving an expanse of her smooth brown skin bare between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her panties. I caressed it with my fingertips and she shivered. She was so warm and smooth, her skin like silk under my fingers. I ran my hand up under her shirt, sliding up to between her shoulder blades, and she looked up at me, her eyes dark pools in the light from the screen. I continued stroking her back and she moved her lower body tighter against me, sliding her crotch along my thigh in a subtle motion.

I pulled on her a little and she slid up until I could reach her lips. They were puffy and full, luscious under mine, and we explored each other's mouths. She tasted like mint toothpaste and her tongue was a hot little squirmy thing, wrestling with mine. She moved over, straddling me now, and I put both hands on her sides, just above her hip bones, my fingers nearly meeting around her slender waist. I could feel the dramatic swell of her hips and I slid my hands up, under her shirt and over her ribcage. Her breath sucked in with a gasp as I continued up, pushing her shirt ahead of my hands, which settled over her hard little breasts. She moaned when I tweaked her nipples and sat up, pulling her shirt up over her head before coming back down to lie on me. I could feel her smooth skin against mine and she scraped her nipples over my chest, moaning again.

I thought about rolling her over, but I didn't want to scare her, so I let her control the action. She scooted up higher, giving me access to her breasts and fed me one rock hard little nipple. She gasped and shivered when I flicked it with my tongue and when I sucked it into my mouth she began to tremble. When I switched to the other little nub, a powerful contraction swept through her little body and she cried out.

"Matt, oh my God, Matt! Something, oh God, something's happening. I'm... I'm... oh God, oh my God!"