Sunshine

"Is... is that what that was?"

"Uh huh," she said. She took a sip of her tea. "Got to get even or it's unfair."

"Um... that wasn't getting even... " I managed. "That was scorched earth. God..."

"I feel that I must warn you that I am loud and brash and have nearly no filters when I'm excited or intrigued. Quod erat demonstrandum," she added. Her mouth twitched. "They forgot to slap the warning label on me when I was born."

"I..."

"You have permission to breathe," she laughed. "So now... sorry to break the bubble, but I'm emotionally invested. Did your partner come back... yesterday?"

And I realised with a flash of hot shame that I hadn't thought of Amelie once since I'd left my flat.

"It's... complicated."

"You look OK. So it can't be all bad. I take it she's fine?"

"She came to... get her things."

Tash sighed.

"Oh. Oh, no. Mia, I'm so sorry. Here I am being flippant and... fuck... are... are you OK?"

I stared at her, giving her words the thought they deserved.

And I discovered to my surprise that I was. Not perfect, not fine... but... OK.

"Sort of. Kind of. It's... it's strange... but... it helps to be here with you. It helps...takes my mind off it. Her new girlfriend is..."

"Wait, wait, whoa, stop. Did you just say new girlfriend?"

"The... the tall, very pretty redhead she found somewhere and brought along to... hold her hand..."

"No fucking way. She brought some random chick home with her?"

"Yes."

"Seriously? God. Wow. What a cow. Wow."

"It's OK. I... should have expected it, I guess."

"What on Earth makes you say that?" she said, as she leaned forward to watch me.

"I'm... moody and high maintenance and uncaring and undemonstrative and bad at communicating and a fuckup and..."

She reached out and put her finger to my lips, and I stopped babbling.

"Those aren't your words," she said, softly. "That's someone else's spite and bitterness. Hers? Yeah, hers. I can tell. Oh my good God, what a cunt," she whispered. "She's got some nerve. Mia?"

"Uh huh?" I breathed, transfixed.

"You can do better than her."

I shrugged and looked away; and after a moment or two she sat back with a sigh.

"How long do you have?" she said. "Now, I mean? To spend here?"

"Not... long."

"Have you got time to drink a cup of coffee with me?"

"Not really, no. I... I only had a few minutes and I've... used them all, almost. To... to come here."

"To see... me?" she said.

"Yes," I managed.

She smiled, clearly pleased.

"Let me finish my tea and I'll walk with you. I'll make sure you get back to the office in one piece and unmolested by anyone else."

"That's... really sweet of you."

"It's self-interest is what it is," she corrected me.

"What... do you mean?"

"It gives me more time."

"Time?"

"With you," she said, softly.

And I stared at my hands, at a complete loss for words.

She walked me back to work, not saying much, her fingers enmeshed with mine as we took step after matched step through the various green spaces and links between the cafe and the cluster of buildings within which I worked. She stopped at the sliding glass doors to my office and gently induced me to turn to to face her.

"Thank you for coming to find me," she said.

"I... you... thank you for... for being there," I managed. "I'd... I'd be a total wreck by now if not..."

"You would have been fine. But I'm glad I was there. You're strong, Mia. Strong, and gorgeous and lovely and together. Stand tall. You've got this"

"I've... got this," I breathed, staring up into her eyes, wondering what weird hypnosis technique she was using on me.

She took a breath, and I could swear I felt her shiver.

"Call me sometime," she whispered. I froze as she leaned in, and whimpered as she brushed her lips against my cheek again.

Her own cheeks were pink when she pulled back.

"That noise you make..." she breathed. "Oh my God, don't you dare to ever stop making that sound for me."

I stared at her.

She touched my cheek, smiled, then spun away and sauntered off confidently down the road.

I leaned against the plate glass, heart hammering, legs weak, wishing I could run after her, and hold her to me, and...

Kiss her, a little voice whispered.

I sighed.

.:.

I staggered in to the flat and dropped my bag against the interior wall. Then I closed the door behind me and kicked off my shoes.

I groaned, massaged my shoulders, and limped my way to my tiny kitchen.

I dug into the freezer and found some fish fingers that probably wouldn't kill me, and some peas that might just. A potato from the veg bag on the counter joined them, and I quickly prepped my meal and banged on the oven and put my food on to cook.

I changed into a loose vest and leggings, briefly rubbing the throbbing ache from my right breast where my bra had been digging into it; then I dragged my duvet through to the couch, which I intended to use as my fortress of solitude for the evening.

My phone pinged.

Home yet? :) How was your afternoon?

I smiled.

Better. Thanks for the pep talk. It worked. Things were a bit better

I'm glad. I'm catching up on all my chores :( I'd far rather be wasting more time ;)

I sighed.

God I'd love that I confessed, after an internal struggle.

If wishes were horses ;)

I poured myself a glass of wine and took up station on the couch.

what are you up to?

just waiting for supper. On my couch. Glass of wine to take the edge off the day

I've totally got one or two with my name on, that's for sure

I took a breath, and seized my chance.

phone me when you start. I'll drink with you

now that is a lovely idea :) she replied, and I smiled, flushing happily.

I wondered what her home would be like. She was far too vibrant, far too outgoing for it to be some second-hand Spartan IKEA nonsense like mine. It was probably a riot of colours - bright furniture, lights, bold curtains screening a view of greenery. Probably framed photos of her family on the walls; diplomas of distinction and merit for whatever brilliant talents she had. A flowering plant or two on the windowsills. Maybe a nude sculpture or two, or paintings... I flushed, then grinned. Probably something really crude and in your face, like a pair of six-foot-tall disembodied yet still anatomically correct labia majora on a stand...

I laughed, then sat, wondering at my strange levity.

She'd clearly had a profound effect on me, in the scant few hours I'd known her.

I picked at my supper, and mooched around my tiny flat, eyeing the various things I wanted to change now that I was the sole occupant once more. Amy'd never officially moved in, despite how long we'd been together, so at least there would not be a massive rent increase to cope with...

If I survived the month at work I'd put a painting up, I decided. Something loud and energetic from one of the north London markets.

And I'd buy a plant of some sort. Something else living to be waiting for me at home...

The peas were really awful, and I binned them after attempting and then immediately rejecting a mouthful. I made a mental note to stock up. I had to eat properly, I couldn't continue to live on wine and regret as I had been.

I had four weeks to turn my life around.

"You've got this," I whispered to myself, echoing her.

I slumped back onto the couch, and stared up at the cracks in the ceiling.

I wondered what it was that she did, that she could keep such strange hours...

My phone rang, and I fumbled for it.

It was her, and my heart fluttered.

"Hello," I breathed.

"Hello. So. I'm not home yet, but I've found myself a small cafe and my wine is on its way. I'm going to switch to video..."

"No, please, I'm not fit to stop light!" I said, panicking.

"That is a vile lie, girl. Video time!"

"Fuck..." I cursed.

"I heard that," she laughed.

I stared at the pulsing green button, and took a deep breath as I accepted the change from voice to videolink.

Her face appeared; she frowned for a moment, but then her sunshine smile burst through. "There you are!" she said, satisfied. "Love the outfit. Nice rack, Mia."

I squeaked and self-consciously tugged the neckline of my vest higher; she laughed loudly.

Behind her I could see lights and tables and beyond it a sea of colour. "Where... are you?" I said.

"Shoreditch, somewhere, en route to somewhere else. Where's your wine? You promised to have a glass with me."

I climbed up off the couch and carried her with me as I dug for a clean glass and something to fill it with.

"So... tell me about your day?" she said.

"Um... well... no changes in reporting line yet. But... I didn't break anything or make any more mistakes today... so..."

"It's a good start."

"Um... so... Tash..."

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering..."

"Uh huh?"

"What is it that you... do?"

"I do... well, small bits and pieces, really."

"Like..."

"Oh... a bit of... modelling, I guess you could call it. For photographers - stock photos for business stuff, nothing... well, nothing that could be used against me, if you know what I mean. My eyes are popular with optometrists for some reason. I do some narration work sometimes if I can find it because I love it and people love my accent. I've done one or two radio ads, but those gigs are hard to find and there's a lot of competition. And... I work at a lot of events where my role is to be decorative and entertaining - typically in settings where I can't upset anyone too important with my inability to be appropriate. And then there's other stuff in between. It's... well, I'm busy, I suppose. Call it Chaos on demand. It pays the bills," she added with a wry smile. "The people are interesting. But the hours are weird, hence me still being in the City tonight even though I'm working rather than being on the piss..."

"It sounds fun..."

"It can be. It's also draining," she added softly. "Some days are easy, some days are mad. Today's been OK, though. And this evening comes complete with an unexpected but appreciated bonus."

"A bonus?"

"Yeah, see, I get to end it with you."

"I... um..."

"God, I love how tongue-tied you get. I shouldn't, because it's cruel, but I do."

I hid behind my wineglass.

She grinned up at me from my counter top, and sipped her own wine.

"So," she said.

"So..."

"I've been plotting, and my plotting is this... do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"This... weekend?"

"I need to get out of London for a day. See some greenery, walk on some clean grass for a bit. Recharge. How do you feel about... being abducted?"

"Sorry... did you say... abducted?"

"By me, specifically."

"Um..."

"I get that I'm a handful and that you hardly know me. But... there's a beautiful National Trust estate to the north west, called Ashridge. I go walking there a lot, and... well, I'd... love to have you there beside me."

"I'd... really like that."

She smiled. "You'll need to give me your address so I know where to pick you up. Text it to me later. I promise not to break in while you're sleeping and steal your socks."

"Is that something... you do?"

"Nah. Too much effort and I'm rubbish at climbing drainpipes," she laughed.

I leaned in against my kitchen counter.

"What are you thinking?" she said, softer now, lifting her phone closer to her mouth.

"Just... how... how nice you are. To me."

"You sound sad when you say that. Why, Mia? Why are you so sad?"

"Because I... I wish you were here, is all," I confessed.

She blinked, then smiled. "Why?" she asked, softly.

"Because I feel like I'm discovering how to smile for the first time. When I'm near you. When I'm listening to you..."

"You flirty little so and so," she whispered. "I've half a mind to come over and make you pay a forfeit for that. But wiser minds shall prevail... for now. Listen... Mia... I need to get going, I've got one more stop to do this evening and then I'm free. What time do you usually go to bed?"

"When my mind lets me. Anytime between early and late."

"Tell you what. I'll ping you when I'm home... and if you're awake and want to, I'll say goodnight... if you'd like?"

"I'd... really like that."

"OK. Mwa. Gotta go. Chat later, honey..."

The screen went black, and I leaned back with a sigh.

.:.

I felt nervous and ill-at-ease as I stood there in my baby-blue tee shirt and the tight grey shorts that were the closest thing to walking pants that I owned. I'd dug my ancient trainers out of the bottom of my cupboard, and found a cap that a long-ago ex had brought back from America that proclaimed "I♥NY" to the world in garish scarlet letters.

Natasha was late, but not yet very late, and so I patiently waited and watched the world go slowly by in the buses and cars and lorries that rumbled past the mouth of my small cul-de-sac.

I was just about to phone her when a small, faded red Fiat convertible turned out of the road and clattered its way down to me. As it drew nearer I recognised Tash behind the wheel, and I sighed in relief that I hadn't been stood up...

The car creaked to a stop alongside me and I watched, amused, as the window ground down with some horrible metallic noises.

I bent forward and peered into the interior; Tash raised her sunglasses and grinned up at me.

"Hello! Sorry I'm late, the car was cantankerous this morning. I haven't been driving it enough. Come on, climb in!"

She leaned over and pushed open the door. "The outside handle's broken," she said, "I need to visit my Da so he can sort it sometime. Well. Hello. You look... fetching," she said, with a smile.

"Um... thanks..." I said. I slid into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed. I pulled off the cap and dropped it into the foot well, then I gave her a nervous smile. "Hi," I added shyly.

"Oh, that won't do at all," she protested, and she leaned in to wrap her arm around me and pull me to her.

"Hi, babe," she breathed.

I squeaked, and she laughed as she released me. "Got you," she said, grinning.

I fumbled with the seatbelt, and she fought with the gearbox she did a laborious seven-point turn and snuck us out into traffic.

"Lets get out before it gets too busy," she said. "We've got some distance to cover. How are you?"

"I'm... good..." I said, as I stared at her. She'd tied her hair back, and I loved how it exposed the pale expanse of her elegant neck. "Sorry. Um... I hope what I'm wearing is good enough for..."

"You look perfect," she said. "Absolutely perfect... oh, come on fucker, drive your fucking car or get out of the way!" she shouted at a Prius driver as she moved a lane over. "Sorry. I don't filter when driving. Tell me if that bugs you."

"No... it's... amusing, actually. And refreshing..."

"Refreshing?"

"You vent. You say... what you're thinking. It's... easier."

"I'm going to quote you on that and oh my God what are you doing you fucking penis... sorry. Sorry. It will be better once we're out on the motorway."

I eased back into the seat, and listened, and watched, and basked and laughed as we rode the crest of the wave of her sweary ranting out northwards.

Slowly the buildings fell away and the fields emerged. The road widened and we picked up speed, her little red Fiat rattling alarmingly over the bumps and undulations. I screamed in fear for my life only once - as she executed a ridiculously aggressive overtaking manoeuvrer on a truck - then laughed in giddy relief as we survived. She was grinning beside me, wind tugging at the few loose tresses of her hair as the miles rolled away. It was too noisy to talk much, so we didn't, and I for one was happy to just lean back and watch her as she removed me far from the spaces and places that I knew.

We left the M1 near Hemel Hempstead, and as the cacophony abated within the cabin she stretched her back, rolled her shoulders once or twice, and groaned loudly.

"You'll probably find this hilarious, but I actually hate driving," she confessed. "I find it stressful."

"I wouldn't have guessed," I said, grinning.

"Oh shush, you."

"So why do you do it?"

"Because it's easier sometimes. Also it's not so bad once the roads get quieter. I need to fix the car. Get the roof repaired, so I can put it down again for summer. I like having the open sky above me. Especially... on occasions when I've got company," she added, glancing at me.

"It must be nice to own a convertible," I said.

"It's old and rickety, but it's Mam's and I love it. So I've always just treated it as mine," she agreed. "She doesn't mind, she doesn't drive much these days. So... Mia..."

"Uh huh."

"How much walking do you feel up to?"

"I... honestly don't know. I'm... commuting fit? Is that even a thing, or is that just London nonsense we tell ourselves?"

She laughed. "Yeah. OK. I won't break you to start off with, then. Apart from anything else, despite how much I'd enjoy trying there's no way I'd be able to carry you any great distance. So I'll take it slow with you," she added with a wolfish grin.

We turned off the B road and into the National Trust land, and followed an old patched lane a few hundred yards to a tree-ringed parking lot.

Tash eased her car into a gap, turned off the ignition, and sighed.

"Welcome to one of my favourite places on this muddy island," she said. She reached over and touched my knee. "I'm glad you came with."

"So am I," I managed. "It's... wow, it's beautiful here."

"Come. It's even better once we're in the forest. It will get warm soon, lets get going while it's still cool. Later we can out hide under the trees."

"It sounds... perfect."

"Oh, it will be," she answered. She clambered out of the driver's seat and was rummaging in the boot by the time I'd done the same on the passenger side. "Great. Close the door, don't bother locking, there's nothing worth stealing inside other than you," she said, as she swung a small backpack onto her shoulders.

"Um... do you need me to carry anything?"

"Nope, we're all sorted. Come on then."

She set off, leading the way to the edge of the car park.

And I followed a few paces behind her, helplessly watching her amazing legs and bum and the way her cream cotton shorts so perfectly sheathed them. She turned around, caught me in the act, and grinned. But she said nothing, she just waited for me to catch up and took my hand and pulled me up alongside her.

I could not remember ever being as happy as I was in that moment, holding her hand in the early May sunshine.

.:.

"I like it here," I said, as I stared up through the leaves above us. "God. It's... it's so nice and quiet. So peaceful. So few other people. So... different..."

"Yeah, it is," she said. "I've fallen asleep out here before, I was woken up by a very startled deer."

She stretched out further on the picnic blanket we were sharing, then rolled onto her side.

"What is it?" I asked, after the silence had become uncomfortable for me.

I shuddered as she moved closer and breathed "Just... admiring the view," into my ear.

"You're... very distracting when you do that," I whispered.

"How so?"

"Because... I'm so conscious of it, and so... nervous."

"Nervous? Why?"

"Because this all feels like a dream. I'm scared I'm going to wake up.. I'm... I'm never this happy."

"Aren't you?"

"Well... no... not for years and years, now..."

"Why is that, do you think?"

"Just... I seem to come with lots of...drama. I... attract it."

"So it's not you, then, is it? It's circumstances and what surrounds you that does it. But not you."

"I..."

"Here's what I think," she said. She reached out, and I let out a shaky breath as she gently rested her hand on my tummy. "I think you're a really, really wonderful girl who's had a whole lot of really badly matched people come into her life. I'm sure some of them were nice, taken by themselves. But... I also think many weren't, and you're very much the sort of person who can't help but take everything that happens to... to heart and see it as... as a reflection of you. As something that's wrong with you, rather than with them."