Sunshine

I stared upwards at the leaves above us, cheeks flaming.

She took a deep breath.

I felt her squeeze my hand.

"Mia... listen for a moment, please..."

"What..."

"I'm worried that... that you have a warped view of me. See... there's something..."

"Something? What kind of... something?"

"I need to confess to something," she said. "I need to tell you something, while I'm brave enough and there's time. See... I stopped to talk to you because you were crying. But... I also stopped... well..."

I lay still for a moment, wondering what she was trying to say.

Was she... nervous? Was she actually just as nervous as me, under that brash exterior?

Surely not...

I rolled towards her. She swallowed, hard.

"I... I... just wanted to see your face," she said in a rush. "I... please, Mia... I need you to believe me when I say that I had no motives other than that. To see you... and to make sure you were OK. You are so very beautiful and were so very, very broken. I... I couldn't walk by. There was just... no way I could..."

"What are you trying to tell me?" I managed.

Was she trying to... to gently wave me off, warn me that... that she wasn't...

"Just tell me," I gasped. "Just tell me whatever it is. I don't do suspense well, Tash. Please... make it quick, whatever it is, however you want to let me down..."

She fumbled for my hand, and clenched it.

"No... no, it's not that, never that, it's... I feel... I feel like... like I happened to you when you were at your most vulnerable. When you needed someone... anyone. A kind word. Some love, and some tissues, and someone to tell you it was OK. And... and I feel like since then I've been teasing you and... really, behaving quite badly with you. Flirting with you, taunting you... like this, here, today... I feel like I've barely given you time to breathe... because..."

"Did you use my... situation to get past my walls? So you could... use me?"

"No," she whispered. "Never. It's a fair question, but I swear that the answer's no. It's just that... I couldn't leave you. You're... lovely. God, you're lovely. And now, see, I'm desperate to get to know you better. But... but... see..."

"What is it?"

"I'm... scared," she whispered.

"You?" I said, incredulous. "Scared? What of?"

She fidgeted with my hand. Then she took a slow breath.

"I'm scared that... that I'm starting to like you quite a lot. Rather a lot more than a lot, really. But... you're just out of something horrible and... and I know you probably need time, and space to breathe and assess... and I'm failing so very, very badly at giving you any of that. I'm terrified I'll scare you off... that you'll run away and I'll... never..."

She lay still, watching me.

"Mia? Say something... please?"

"That's the least articulate you've been with me so far," I whispered after some time.

"You're... hard for me," she sighed. "When you're this close to me, I... it's hard to form thoughts properly when... when you're looking at me the way you are right now..."

"Natasha?"

"Uh huh..."

"Are you saying you like me? I mean that as in... in a very specific, very non-platonic kind of way?"

"Yes," she admitted.

Euphoria roared through me like wildfire.

I released her hand, reached out, and gently stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes, nuzzled against my touch, and let out a shaky sigh.

"You could have just said that, you know. You could have just said, hey, Mia, you're hot, let's shag like bunnies."

Her eyes widened. She stared at me uncertainly, then managed a weird half-grin.

"Do... do people actually say that, that blatantly?"

Grinning stupidly, I shifted in closer to her.

"I don't know," I breathed as I stared into her eyes. "I've never tried it. Let see if it works. Hey, Tash, you're hot. Let's shag like bunnies."

She blinked, and then she started to laugh, and so did I, and very soon after that I was curled up against her, with her arm under me and mine draped over her.

"Thank you," I whispered, when I could.

"For..."

"For making me laugh. For... risking telling me all that. Tash... um. I'd..."

"You'd..." she breathed.

"I'd... really like to kiss you now... if... if that's OK with you..."

"Go ahead," she managed, in a shivery little voice that curled my toes.

So I lifted myself on an elbow, and lowered myself to her, and did just that.

.:.

We walked beneath the spreading boughs of the ancient woodland around us.

Small patches of late-flowing bluebells clumped under the closing canopy high above us.

There was no sound but us.

There were no people around us.

It was heaven.

I watched her, when I could, revelling in the way small wafts of hair would break free and dance around her under the influence of the faint breeze.

The white collared shirt she'd chosen for the day clung to her, augmenting her already graceful curves in a way that I found hard to look away from; it hinted loudly at the treasures it concealed beneath it.

Her cheeks were still flushed, and my face still ached from the stupid grin that I'd worn for quite some time.

Every so often she'd smile; a small private smile about something that she didn't deign to share.

And she'd shoot me furtive glances, as if to ensure I was still there.

We climbed a long, gentle slope - hands still tightly entwined - and found a wooden bench that was placed so that it looked out through a gap in the screening woodland. Tash sat down, and pulled me down next to her.

Her thigh was warm against mine, and after a moment's indecision I curled my hand gently over it.

She leaned in against me and rested her head on my shoulder with a soft sigh.

"What are you thinking?" she whispered. "You've got this awfully strange expression on your face."

"Just... I don't know. I feel... silly. And light. And... like I should pinch myself to check whether I wake up."

She slid a hand onto my knee, then slightly further up, and I couldn't help but shimmy slightly against her.

"I'll pinch you, if you like," she breathed. "But I'd far rather just kiss you again. Kissing you is sublime. I bet that lots that you do is sublime."

"Stop teasing me," I whispered. "I'm not an exhibitionist but you're at risk of making me one."

"Now who's teasing," she murmured as she raised a finger to gently brush the curve of my breast through the thin fabric of my shirt and bra.

And she laughed deep in her throat as I moaned.

"Tash. Tash, that's not fair..."

"All is fair, etcetera etcetera."

I grumbled, then turned in towards her, pressing my leg tightly up against hers.

"So," I whispered.

"So."

"Is there... anywhere... more private around here?"

"Nowhere private enough for what I suspect you have in mind," she answered with a soft laugh. "So you'll just have to be patient. We should probably be patient, anyway."

"That's... unfortunate," I whispered. "I do want you very much right now."

Her fingers tightened on mine and she sighed.

"Well, that makes two of us, but one of us has to be sensible, and I guess that's my job for once," she said. "So sad," she added, "because... well, let's just say that I wouldn't... object or struggle very much at all if you were to, say, push me down and have your way with me..."

"Mm. I suppose you do barely know me. Sleeping with someone on the first date..."

"I know. So wicked..."

I took a breath, sighed it out.

"How do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Make me so... fuck, I can't put what I mean into words..."

"Alive," she said. "The word you're looking for is alive, I suspect. I don't know, honestly. A girl I knew once called me a locus. I misheard her at first and thought she said locust. I was really insulted for about thirty seconds."

"A locust!" I cackled. "Oh my God, I can just imagine."

"Yeah. She was amused, I was mortified. God. Me and my stupid youth," she added with a sublime shudder. "Anyway. It just seems to be a talent, I guess. I shine and the rest of you mortals just lap it up like sunlight. La belle Soleil, or some such nonsense..."

"It's a lovely gift."

"It's an exhausting one. It's nice to... to get something back," she said, as she turned and stared up at me. "Mia..."

"Yes?"

"You should kiss me again. In fact, I demand it."

And I did, and then I put my arm around her and held her against me as we watched the lines of fluffy white clouds drifting high above us.

"This is nice," she whispered. "I could grow to like this. I'm think I'm going to keep you, Mia. I think I'm going to keep you forever."

"I'd like that."

"I know."

.:.

"Do you want to come up?"

"Yes," she said. "But... isn't... won't it be weird? Isn't her stuff still..."

"Oh. Oh, no. Definitely no. I had an attack of fury last night and it's all in a bag in the cupboard for when she deigns to show up and fetch it. Everything else up there is me and me alone."

She gave me an uncertain look, and then shrugged. "OK," she said. "Against my better judgement. But... Mia... are you sure you're sure?"

"Tash, it's not like... listen, I'm not going to jump you. Not yet, no matter how much I might want to. You're safe. Does... does that make it easier?"

"No," she pouted. "That's worse, actually. Now you're saying that I have to wait even longer to mark you as my territory."

I stared at her... then started to laugh as her grin flashed on.

"Got you," she whispered. "God, that never gets old. But... honey, are you sure you're ready? I'll understand if you're not..."

"I don't care. I'm done worrying about stuff I can't change. You're in my life now. For better, I'm certain," I added, staring up at her.

"OK then," she said. "But on your head be it. I'm going to leave something intimate hidden somewhere just in case."

"Please tell me you don't mean your underwear..."

"Oh, no, far more intimate than that," she grinned.

"I don't want to know. La la la," I said, pretending to push my fingers in my ears.

She gently touched her hand to the small of my back, then slowly trailed her fingers down and around my bum before she released me, leaving goosebumps crawling up and over my neck and shoulders...

I shivered.

"Come on, strumpet. Show me your strumpety nest."

I led her up the three flights of stairs, and fumbled clumsily at the lock before managing to get the door open.

"Well... here you go. Madame, may I present Chateaux Stevenson."

"Stevenson, is it?"

"Oh... yes. That's me. Melissa Stevenson."

"Better than my Smith at least," she smiled.

"Wait... no Irish name?"

"My middle name is."

"Oh come on, you tease. Tell me," I protested, when she didn't immediately volunteer it.

"You'd pronounce it as Neeve," she said softly. "It's Mam's name. But the rest of me is as English and sensible as battered cod. The Fae and the eyes and the skin is all from Mam's side. Why... you've got no paintings, Mia? And no family photos at all, for shame?"

"No," I said softly. "I've never got around to it, I guess."

"We'll find you something, if you like. If you'd like my help..."

"I would."

She smiled.

"So..."

"Tea or coffee?" I offered.

"Water if you don't mind. I'm a bit thirsty. Probably pollen from the woods earlier, it makes me flare up a bit."

"Hayfever?"

"No, honest-to-god full on allergies. I'm on stuff to manage them, though, and I'm never without my AAI. Thanks," she said, as she accepted the glass.

"What's an AAI?"

"Know what an EpiPen is?"

"Oh fuck me."

"Yeah, I'm a party in a box, complete with stimulants," she grinned. "Haven't needed it, and touch wood I won't, but Mam used to get bad reactions and I'm at risk, so... better safe than sorry..."

She took a sip of her water, and sighed.

"Mia?"

"Mm?"

She turned to face me.

"Are you sure you know what you're in for?" she said, softly. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Um... what... what do you mean?"

"I'm all in on you. I don't do half-measures. I can't. I'm an all or nothing girl. You've kissed me. I don't kiss anyone Mia. Not unless I'm really, really sure."

"Oh."

"Is that Oh an Oh fuck that's going to be a problem kind of Oh?"

"No. It's an... oh my God oh shit oh fuck she actually really likes me... kind of Oh. That Oh. With... with bells on," I whispered.

She grinned like sunrise. "Oh, believe me... likes isn't strong enough," she breathed. "OK. So long as you're prepared for what I bring with me."

"Chaos, laughter, and a lot of fantastic sex, I hope," I said. "I feel like I deserve a chance at happiness after all my recent... shit."

"Now that," she said, eyes sparkling, "would be telling. I can promise you at least two of those. The third," she added with a grin, "might require a little bit of work from you."

She finished her water, set the glass down, and came to me.

She held me, and I stood there, able to do little but think about how wonderful she felt against me.

"I should go," she whispered, after some time. "I'm glad I saw you today. I'm glad we've set the ground rules. You like me, I like you. Sparks, butterflies, choirs of angels, everything's there. I... I don't want to spoil this by rushing. I want you to be ready. Really ready, I mean."

I pulled away, stared up at her. "Well, my body sure is," I whispered.

"That's... that's terrible, Mia. Telling me things like that when I'm trying to be... good..."

"Takes one to know one," I said, tartly. "You've been toying with me all day. I should tell you the long list of things I've been thinking..."

"I'm more of a showing kind of girl," she whispered. "God, Mia..." she added. "I love your eyes so much. They're... they're so breathtaking. All of you is, really, but I really, really love your eyes..."

I looked away, flushing hot.

"Don't get shy on me."

"I... it's just... I'm... I'm going to take time to get used to this."

"To what?"

"To... being told that you think I'm... pretty," I said, softly.

"Pretty isn't a good enough word," she declared. "Not by a long shot. Now... now I'm really going to have to go. But... um..."

"What is it?"

"I know this is... spur of the moment, but... do you maybe want to come over for dinner?"

"Tonight?"

"Yes," she said. "I'm not actually that far from here. In New Barnett. No pressure," she added softly, staring at me.

"No... no, I'd love to. What should I bring?"

"Wine if you like. Or whatever you want to drink. And... um... and an overnight bag if you'd like to stay... I mean, I'd like you to... but..."

I pulled myself back in again her.

"What time?" I whispered. I slid my hands down her back and locked them around her waist as I pushed myself in tiny slow circles against her.

"Seven?" she suggested, throatily.

"Text me your address. I'll be there."

"If I didn't have somewhere to be, I'd... I'd just take you with," she whispered into my hair. "I wish I could do that. But..."

"I don't know how I'll survive the... what is it, three hours, is it, without you," I giggled.

"Tease."

I walked her back downstairs, and kissed her until I saw stars.

And after that it took her a lot of swearing and laughing and cursing to get the car turned on and turned around.

"That's your fault," she shouted at me. "You made me a worse driver! God, you do my head in!"

"See you in a bit." I smiled. "Drive safe," I added with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah. Ha ha. Funny joke. Mwa. See you just now."

She eased her Fiat into motion again and clattered off, and I stood, watching until she'd turned into the main road and was lost to view.

And then I just slumped back against the wall, and breathed.

.:.

I hopped desperately from foot to foot as I waited. The thin fabric of my wine-red dress had seemed like a perfect seduction aid when I'd chosen it, but it was woefully inadequate at the task of keeping me thawed in the descending chill.

The jacket I'd added did little to help.

I clutched my small bag to me for what little additional insulation it provided.

"Come on come on come on," I whispered, shivering. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, come on Tash, I'm freezing my tits off here..."

She appeared on the stairs, stared open-mouthed at me for a heartbeat, and then fought a brief but extremely violent war with the front door to her block of flats.

"Mia, my God, sorry, I didn't realise you were going to be so... come in. Top floor," she added as I slipped in past her, "down near the end..."

I clattered up the stairs in my heels, and then tottered along the corridor to where her door was standing half-open, spilling warm light out into the somewhat grimy corridor.

"In you go," she laughed behind me. "Put your bag down anywhere. Lets get you thawed out..."

"Bollocks. I'm cold," I managed, shivering. "Sorry. Stupid idea. Should have. Dressed up more."

She closed her door and came to me and I whimpered as I clawed my way in against the radiant warmth of her body.

"You're freezing," she said softly. "Oh my God, Mia..."

"Wanted to... dress up... for you..." I managed through chattering teeth.

"You don't need to freeze to death to impress me, you know. I will admit, though, that that shade of red is totally your colour and you are absolutely going to have to wear this outfit again for me... perhaps when it's warmer, though," she laughed.

"OK..." I whispered. "Stupid..."

"No. Definitely not stupid," she gently corrected me. She took my cheeks between her hands and held me still so she could kiss me.

I moaned softly as she released me.

"Let me get you something to wear over that," she breathed.

"But..." I protested.

"Don't worry. I'll undress you again later, if you like," she added over her shoulder as she rummaged in a cupboard. "Here," she said as she emerged with a thermal fleece top.

She held it out, and waited for me to slip an arm into it before she slid in behind me and eased it over my other arm. Then she reached around me, pulled me hard against her, and, excruciatingly slowly, zipped me up into it.

"I just had an accident," I moaned when she let me go, and she laughed loudly.

"You're so easy," she said.

"I'm not. I'm not at all. It's... it's just with... you... oh, oh my God, thank you, that's... that's so much better."

I clasped the fleece around me and huddled into it. "Fuck me, I had no idea it would get that cold."

"You had chickenskin and all, you silly goose. So silly. It's May, you should know better. So... wine?"

"Yes," I said. "Please. Medicinal wine. Immediately."

She brushed past me and sauntered to her elegant, understated kitchen with its one and a half acres of black marble counter top.

I took my first real look around.

It was... not what I'd been expecting.

Muted greys, very little colour bar some pastel blues, an extremely stylish but minimalist couch, lots of chrome and glass surfaces, and what looked like real birch-wood floors that I imagined were a complete nightmare to keep clean...

"Not me at all, is it," she observed, and I flushed as I realised she was watching me.

"It's... different...I mean... wow... it's...it's really nice, Tash..."

"It's not mine either; I just look after it."

"Oh," I said. "OK. Sorry. That makes... more sense. I just couldn't..."

"Get me to fit in this space? Yeah, I know what you mean," she said. "But it's free, and that makes up for any strangeness and... constraint I feel while I'm here. I keep it clean and clear out two weeks a year so that my uncle can use it when he's here for Christmas or Wimbledon..."

"Oh... your uncle?"

"Mam's younger brother."

"He... must do well for himself..."

"You could say that, yeah. Right. Enough small talk. Come drink with me."

She settled me at the kitchen island. "White or red?" she said.

"Red, I think."

"Good choice. Here you go. Well... welcome. I haven't started on food," she confessed. "I wanted to... well, to ask you what you'd like me to make you."