by SecondCircle
Mmmm, this story's quite fun, in a dirty sexy way. Glad to see that there will likely be more erotic escapades involving Tonya in the future. I'm looking forward to it :)
I feel that the plot of your story has some merit but who on earth edited it.
The story began "I sat" when it should have been " I was sitting".
There are so many -AND WITH A COMMER-I could go on and fill this page.
Get a good editor and then you just might make it.
Yea maybe. I would offer a different suggestion. You have the storytelling ability, it was a good part two. Now is the time to improve on your own editing abilities. It's a very hard thing to do, edit your own work. Your mind will see the words you meant to use and trick you. You will skim over something that's wrong.
I know how you feel when you put your heart into something like this. There is a sense of urgency that seems to come over you. The 'I HAVE TO GET THIS POSTED" feeling.
It not real. You have all the time in the world. Yea you have fans that want to read the part two of a story. I get people howling for my head that I haven't done a part two yet of their favorites. Please them with something else. Put together ten little stories..2000 words, about a page. Explore as a writer. Take on the challenges of subject that are not something you're into. So what if they suck. They are wrote for fun. If you don't think they are good enough don't post them. Hang onto them though, you never know when they might come in handy. Change a few things around and you have a chapter for a story when your stuck on how to finish something.
Edit them yourself, then listen to the comments, get some feedback, post links to the editors forum asking where your going wrong. In other words learn.
Then come back to the story that really means something to you. The time you spent away from it will have helped. You wont see the story the same way as when it was hot off your fingers. Read back through it. You will see a lot more of the mistakes then. Once you have done that, if you like post it. You still can wait though. Give it another week without looking at it. Read through it again.
You might just find something else. Take your time, the site will still be here when your story is ready....some of your fans may have left but you will make new ones.
None of us are getting payed by the hour to write here. Keep it fun.
M.S.Tarot
C cup breasts are not uncommon, I can't imagine that many people would think C cup breasts are fake. This chapter and the one before it are great, but it suprises me that such great writing and obviously good editing didn't catch what can't be anything but a mistake.
Really good story but your grammer mistakes make my eyes hurt i.e. smelled is what you meant to say but 'smelt' is a fish and I'm not 'dissing' you,that word gets misused more than all the other ones,and there are some real dandies in some of these stories. Look for my mistakes(if any) in my upcomming story "My Goddess."
exceedingly well written
imaginative & almost magical tale
mind blowing plot
enthralling & entertaining protagonists
xxxhugsxxx
....when Tonya made him her own little bitch.
Excellent fun with a tattooed mature MILF! Really too bad the author never gave us a completed story. Four stars.