All Comments on 'Teen Slut Spreads For Married Men Ch. 01'

Kid go back to grade school and this time learn proper grammar. This has far too many and frequent over use of "word -- word" to have been written an adult.

Those kids nights are so Nasty

Well done Mister! if I email you will you respond?

How in the he'll is this incest or taboo? They're not related and she's legal. WAY too much 'teen twat' teen cunt' ' your married cock' Like the other critique stated Was this written by an adult? BARF

DragonRider55

Well, it's nice to see, that I'm not the only person to see just how F@#$in badly this story is written. way too much sexual slang and sexual descriptions being thrown into each paragraph, and not even used properly. Free piece of advice lose the words boobs and boobies, you never used them in the proper context and you sound like an idiot when you do use them. Another continuous problem is way too much description of EVERYTHING. Erotica as with any story, is about getting the reader involved, you want their imagination, to fill in what you're not saying, you want them to picture the scene in their mind, you want them to feel what the character is feeling. Sadly this story did none of that, it was garbage. Like another reader put it. "Go back to grade school and this time learn proper grammar." or buy books on the subject of grammar, as well as character building, get books on how to write erotic stories. Do something! I read the first page of later work hoping it would change. It Didn't. The only reason I'm being extremely critical is because the store line has great potential. It could be a story, worth reading if only, it didn't sound like it was written by a 12-year-old who just discover masturbation while looking through daddy's Playboys. It was the title that caught my eye. then I read it. Disappointing would be a universal understatement. I saved it to my computer, when I had first read it, and brought it back up a few months ago cause I was looking for how to say something in a story I'm writing, When I pulled it up I asked myself what the heck I saved it for? Then it came to me, I saved it to show how NOT to write a story. Just so you know I'm actually rewriting the story because if written properly would be a good read, I can't publish it cause its not mine, but I can rewrite it cause it deserves that. I'll stop the criticism here, cause I could go on and on. Don't take what I said in a bad way, Take it as a compliment, cause if I took the time to be this harsh with you it's only because your stories have great potential. Just for God's sake PLEASE learn how to write.