All Comments on 'The Cheating Whore Wife Pt. 01'

So short. Surely this story could have been finished in one go?

Difficult to read with so many mistakes but cudos for putting your story out there.

I will assume English is not your native language. There are people who can help you clean it up, if you ask.

Do a better job proof reading or find an editor. Hard to read. Don't expect perfection but this was ugly.

There's only one suitable fate for a man like that "bull".

Castrate hm and bust his face up with a ball peen hammer.

Failing that, just shoot the fucker.

First story!

4

Good storyline, but would be much better if it had been read by an editor

I like the story. AAA++++. When is part 2.

Poor spelling, missing words. If you are going to use the computer to write use spell check and proof read. This is the work of a 10 year old.

Help yourself out and get an editor. I realize this is free site, but your story is difficult to follow due to the grammatical errors. The idea the story is built on is a common one here, so you need a”hook” of some kind to keep the reader interested. Good luck with part two.

U wrote like u actually have just eaten some man’s sperm!!!

Get an editor.

Editor needed!

So, you've set the scene. The husband is a weak, pathetic, spineless cuck. He stood there watching for more than twenty minutes... and did NOTHING. Didn't even bother videoing his slut wife using his phone. Now we are expected to relate to his sense of loss when he isn't worth even thinking about. Really?

The poor language makes it hard to read. An editor might help. Good story, albeit nothing new, is really flushed down the toilet by poor storytelling and language mishaps.

Why do so many writers fail to keep "marital" from "martial"? Who wants to sleep in a martial bed???

Learn English!

Hahaha.

I felt like I was reading a script of a stage play.

/

I can't understand.

He's in the Army yet he doesn't know what to do seeing in person his wife getting sex with her bull??!

What kind of training did he had in the Army? Mess-hall dishwashing training?

And if he really was in the Army, he'd only last 1 hour in the war zone I reckon

What a wimp.

/

Well I will rate this higer or lower after I read the sequel.

But really I hate cuck stories..

Go back to school and LEARN how to write! Learn grammar, editing and how to use the RIGHT words! You had the wrong ones most of the time, will know to never read anything by you again.

They are telling you to get editor... no, wrong advice. STOP WRITING!!!

That is what you should be doing. Any Cuck writer shouldn't be writing his mentally ill thoughts, but what a hell, LW is loaded with that bullshit... You'll fit right in?

Good Luck, (I do mean it) because with that mind set, you'll need it!

PS: I know many would say, it may not be cuckold story, but he watches her having sex for 20mn and the hides next door while crying... Don't tell me the writing is not on the wall?!

Please, please get an editor. So many grammar problems I couldn't finish the story.

Ok start except for the poor grammar and sentence structure. The biggest problem is if the chapters are going to be this short, it will be hard to hold our attention. No need to drag this out. Get on with it.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume English is your second (or third) language.

You do need an editor. But the plot is interesting. Find out she's a drug slut. Good for a divorce, good for the story, and bull turns her out, slamming others for money, and smoking crack. Having johns visit the home lets evidence be obtained to strengthen the story line. 5 Stars!

Typographical and spelling errors are one thing, but the author intentionally used initial caps. What is the point of using initial caps? I have feeling author may not be all there.

In the next edition he will be converted and become a cuckold, loving his hotwife being serviced by the superior black man.

Common trope. Your flow was uneven. Can’t figure out if your MC is a wimp or a confident nerd. No real clue given for why wife was cheating, or what the relationship was between wife and MC. You appeared to indicate her “bull” did NOT have a bigger dick.

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For a first ever post, there is some promise.

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3 ***

Poor written, no facility with the written word.

He watched her for over 20 minutes and didn't take any pictures or do anything???

Off to a decent start. I'm guessing English isn't your first language. As everyone below is saying, please get an editor.

I can help you out if need be. Let me know

Good start. Not great, though - you could use an editor.

The way each speaker’s name prefixes the dialogue, is awkward. The underlying story is good, I’d like to read read more installments.

If english isn’t your natural language, then good effort. If it is …… then see previous comments.

A trifecta of tropes.

You are in serious need of an editor. it made the story very hard to read. Your whole back story was a single run-on paragraph. Needs a total rewrite for even this much of a story and this part was not enough.

I don't mind you are rewriting the old trope of man some how discovers his wife cheating. But you never show HOW. if it is some 'walked in and saw them' thing and then sneak out.

Then you use terms, her Bull... etc. to a guy seeing his wife screwing the first time, that is NOT what he would call the guy. He'd have a whole group of other names flowing through his head. And my advice is to skip the racial description. Random big bad black guy who fucks his wife abusively and turns her into whore/slut. From I got natural lube and I'm taking your ass, to her 'oh I love it!" is a little much.

You need how to use dialog and make it clear. Like I said before "GET AN EDITOR". At the very least get a couple beta readers to give you feedback.

I do commend you for having the guts to write and submit a story. but the goal is not to just crank out some horseshit and call it a story and move on. Your first chapter should have been double this size with details where needed and skipped over where it is not needed.

Also be careful about statements. like you need proof to divorce your wife. Patently false. All you need to do is say you want out. Now you may lose financially ( probably will anyway), but you are out of the marriage.

In other words think about what you write, go over it time and time again to make sure it is readable and follows a logical if fanciful progression.

Just wondering why the techie nerd didn’t think to reciting his iPhone? He needs more evidence?

A decent start, but there's a reason that so many comments are pointing out the need for an editor. Listen to them!

Should have shot them both. Only reasonable outcome.

Could be an interesting story but too many grammatical errors. It is obvious to even the average reader that English is not your native language. There are too many missing words, a few words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings and are spelled differently. Find a good friend who speaks and thinks in English, UK or American., if you want to finish this story and tell us how you want to end this story. Oh yeah. it might be better in the Interracial category.

Not a fan of interracial sex stories. You did NOT tag it as such but it clearly was written as one. The problem is not with people of different races forming loving and lasting relationships or being faithful married partners. Rather it is the racial discord fomented through the telling of such stories. The inclusion of humiliation, degradation, and disrespect towards the typically white husband from his typically white wife and her typically black lover is the theme of choice.

In this story the MC, Mark, observes and hears through a window his wife and her lover belittle his 'size' (how would his wife's lover know how big or little Mark was?). Mark notes, "...he wasn't bigger than (me) in the penis department."

Mark also observes, "...It was like he was hate fucking her, and she was another piece of meat." This kind of activity from a wife, observed by any husband, regardless of race, would normally be enough to spark a small war. But when the racial aspects of the adultery get played up to include the smack talk from the cheating pair? This pushes the conflict into the nuclear option. Racial tension is exceedingly tight in societies around the world, why fan the flames with this crap? At least put it in the category one would expect to find it.

I think every interracial couple I know would be angered by this and all the other stories like it that promote unrest in racial relations.

Next. Get an editor. Your scrambling of the English language is bad! How bad? Bad enough that a person who did horrible in every English class ever recognizes how bad it is!

Future installments for this story? Don't let Mark get rolled by his cheating wife and her lover. Not everyone likes a POF (Pound of flesh) story, but they serve a purpose in the melodrama of life. So many seek the BTB, POF, Revenge, and Retribution stories in literature, because they have been denied this in real life! You are currently at a 2☆ but it can go up. I rate all chapters at once following the END of the story.

Yes, there were a lot of grammar and misspellings. But I understood the story. And I liked it.

I liked the stoey but it was a tad too short and full of mistakes.

Difficult but not impossible to read, parts made no sense, but the overall story was there. Hopefully it gets better.

Good start and as others have stated English is not your first language. Looking forward to the nxt chapter with some improvements

cheating wife cuckold voyeur adultery whore wife infidelity humiliation THESE are all ( except the humiliation), good tags, but with NO BTB, I had to skip the story.

Gave up about halfway through. It was just too awkward to read with switching dialogue. I will say it's a good start, don't give up. Might I suggest you get an editor and do a story outline before you start.

Read what you write!!!!! Missed words! poor spelling!

Why are Black Men the Boogie Man for you fuckers? Like all we do is prey on WW. Naw chief, turn your twisted fantasies elsewhere. We don't have the time besides, it's probably your best friend, or her best friend, that she is doing-the-do with.

Awful story scores 1/5

You're having trouble now, things will get better. Keep writing, your talent is easy to see. Do not give up. I look forward to reading more of your story.

+Worthless piece of shit, Must be a black man writing this shit !!!!

Any unwilling cuck story is the type of stories I support. Even the somewhat unoriginal one. Can't help, but rooting for the underdog.

That being said, though... author, you need an editor. Badly. If you cannot find or do not want to use one, Grammarly exists and would DRAMATICALLY improve your texts. Give it a try before posting your next chapter.

Quite honestly, I would suggest that you resubmit this chapter with the proper correction, since it is such an unneeded distraction from your overall work. If you decide against it, fine... but please do better next time.

Was more like someone reading from a manuscript already written in ancient times than someone writing for others to read in modern times, spelling was an issue for me, words not completed. Like 'Her eye lit up' was she a cyclops or did you forget to put the S on the end. Another 'Its time to get work' maybe read better if 'It's time to get to work'. Use commers, full stops and other writing symbols your lack of understanding these hampers your writing and thus your star rating. Bottom line get a Proofreader, other than yourself, at least use Google autocorrect might help as well.

English is definitely not your first language but hang in there. Really good start! Can’t wait to see what happens.

TK

The worst spelled story I have read.

Missing words a lot of misspelled words made it unreadable.

But don't give up we all have to start somewheres. Read what you right before you puplish .

You're continuing this? Please don't. Zero stars

I pushed thru to the end then realized I just read WTF!?!

Needs some serious cleanup, aka editing

This is stupid he walks in on them having sex. Just let them know you caught them and leave. Go to a lawye asap, go to bank and remove all funds and cancel cards. Have here served quickly. Don’t talk to her or go home except to get your stuff with a lawyer and Sheriff with you. All the getting cameras etc. and pictures and waiting weeks or months before having her served is nonsense.

Not exactly a great start. If you are going to divide a story at least have a bit more in eat submission. It took less that 2 minutes to read this, shall I dare call it, an introduction. I agree with the others about him watching it all. Cell -hones have cameras. That would be the only reason he stayed and watched. Get more practice and make your submissions, if not complete, then longer.

Title tells the story.

The grammar is so poor, it makes the whole thing difficult to read. Absolutely the worst, it needs editing.

Get help! An editor, spellchecker and a therapist

I truly hope your mind is as mean and wicked as the story goes along, keep up the good work, what really counts is how the story ends, just as long as the husband does Not e d up being a cu k.

I would love to see Jsnet beat the shit out of the bullshit. Our neighbor came home to early and found his wife with a black guy. I was in our back yard and had seen the black dude entering the house just a little while before he got home. I took out my phone just incase it could help him. O Shit the black dude came flying out of the window. I was laughing my butt off. I didn't show what I had recorded to anyone for a long time. Our neighbor divorced her and she had to move out because the house belongs to his Uncle. He even got custody of the children. They actually got back together with a prenuptial agreement. As far as I know she has treated him good. I never seen the big black buck again.

Editing is badly needed.

Not meaning to be rude or some sort of grammar/spelling nazi, but you need to take English 101 again.

The storyline is really good. And the grammar is really, really bad. Keep going, but please get an editor.

You badly need an editor

You should continue your writing. You need a good editor but the. story was good.

Get yourself an editor who's first language is English. This could be a good read but the poor grammer and missing words make it less enjoyable.

Agree that it needs editing. I made my way through it with no problems, but it could be smoother with just a little help. Good start, but this series could crater or become a classic— could go either way. So far the MC isn’t looking wimpy, but he is not taking control either. Bull deserves the death penalty and one-way trip to Hell for taking what isn’t his; wifey needs “Hell on Earth”

This is really hard to read

Please edit before posting. Your story really suffers from all the errors.

You have a good story line but clean up the editing and it will flow a lot better.

Bullshit

Very bad English

this isnt long enough to qualify as of of several chapters

not sure what your upload rate is but generally new people such as yourselves post a new "chapter" once a month or two

that wont score you any praise

I don’t think I’ve read a more poorly written story on here. Please do yourself a favor and have someone, anyone, proofread your next story before you post it. This was brutal to read.

Mark “ In a 3 to 4 of days.”

Seriously, is English not your natural language?!

Not only is this horribly written, but the story is really crappy as well. It’s like you have an idea in your head but only a very small fraction makes it out.

Piss poor. Don’t bother with part two.

The Apple Terms and Conditions were a much more enjoyable read than this.

Oh brother, here we go again with a wronged husband who just happens to have a cousin who’s a divorce attorney. And he just happens to be a computer and tech wiz so he can set up cameras. Let me guess, his old military buddy is a private eye and he and some of his friends will make the black guy disappear. Why do people not have any original ideas any more? Writing more of this would be a travesty. Just stop.

The old, black bull with a big dick trick. Been done so many times before and usually not done very well.

Cliche-ridden, uncreative crap, badly written. Agree with those who suggested finding an editor who speaks English, but I would add finding at least one unique, interesting idea.

Illeterate.

Good story,5 stars.Please finish it!

Poor grammar.

Please try to put some finesse into the storyline. There surely is some potential…

You need to clean up the grammar.Suggest you recruit a proofreader. Then write the next chapter.

DOK

So far so good.

The husband is a wimp, no wonder the wife wants to fuck a Man for a change. Pathetic. But thanks for the effort.

Well, it's a start but the grammar is so bad it makes the story hard to read and understand.

I hope you continue this story! It has potential to be good.

This guy posted this story in Oct and still no 2nd chapter. Smish

Part 1 isn't even a full page long. Too much for it to be even partially finished, knowing, thinking there possibly might be a part 2. Why not just finish the story then post it? Outside of that, the husband's a wimp to put up with what's going on in his own house. He sees the slut wife fucking another guy, take pictures for proof & divorce her. I mean, all the evidence he could want is right in front of him. Maybe hubby boy is also an idiot. 1 star Bob

why stop there? finish them!

To poorly written to enjoy

So poorly written it was unreadable

Really looking forward to part 2

Learn to write and learn the art of proof reading rubbish writing