The Great Recession Ch. 03

"Lizzie is our sister," I assured Becky. "That's why I'm so worried about her. Don't be getting any crazy ideas in your head again." Becky tilted her head at me, her sad face turning upward and sending a kiss to me with her lips. When Tessa appeared suddenly at the door, I yanked my hand back quickly from the surprise of it. To be honest, I had fully expected we would be well warned by her boisterous morning routine. Instead, we hadn't heard a sound until she suddenly appeared.

"Morning Tessa," Becky and I both greeted her but she just glared at me, momentarily shifting her eyes to Becky and then back at me. Her stare was cold, like a heartless killer sizing up her victim before beheading him. Without a single word she walked straight into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of French toast that was sitting there, eating while leaning against the counter behind her. "Sleep well?" I asked trying to rid the air of the awkwardness her strange behavior had produced.

Charity walked around the corner and shook her head at me quickly, warning me not to proceed down that path. Whatever was going on, Charity could definitely see the big difference too. For the second time that morning, I started to panic. What if the noise had actually been Tessa? What if she had heard us and was thoroughly pissed off now? What if she then told Lizzie? After all, Lizzie would only get angry with us if one of the younger sisters ended up freaked out by it. Becky must have been thinking something similar as she glanced at me with a look of grave concern.

The room held an eerie silence, the scraping of a single fork on a ceramic plate the only sound heard. Finally Tessa finished her breakfast and washed the dish, another completely out-of-the-ordinary action as her eyes once more locked onto mine, staring into my soul emotionless the entire time she was at the sink. Without a word, she dried her hands and walked straight from the room, leaving out the front door.

"What the hell was that all about?" Becky asked as soon as we were all certain Tessa had actually pulled out of the driveway and wouldn't be popping in on us in surprise. "I've never seen her be like that before."

Charity shrugged. "Not a clue really," she shook her head. "She came home late last night after being at Jamie's house and when I woke her up this morning, she didn't say a word." Charity sat down at the table, her head falling into her palm. "Do you think she had a fight with her boyfriend or something? I thought she told me not long ago she was going to break up with him. Maybe that's it."

The three of us discussed false possibilities though I knew the real culprit of Tessa's actions was nothing that I could actually tell Charity about. She had been the one to hear us; she had been the one that I had heard in the hallway. But, crying? I was pretty certain that was the noise I had heard. Tessa didn't cry in honesty for anything; her tears were on demand for her theatrical performances as I had witnessed firsthand a few weeks prior.

"Good morning," Lizzie appeared behind us and spoke so softly that I didn't immediately recognize her voice. We all clamored around her asking if she was feeling well and giving her our morning hugs which she returned half-heartedly. "Sorry I didn't have breakfast done for you," she sighed looking down at the ground. "I just... haven't been feeling well lately."

"That's alright, Lizzie." Charity smiled at her. "You definitely deserved a morning off; I took care of it." Lizzie raised her head and forced a smile in return, walking over to hug her sister once more. Then her eyes fell on Becky and me sitting at the table and the half-smile slowly faded away.

"I'm uh..." she sighed once more, brushing some hair behind her ear while looking down at her toes, "I'm actually going to go for a walk; I need the exercise and all." I couldn't help but notice that once she had taken her eyes off me, she never looked back but walked straight out the front door, grabbing her coat along the way.

The three of us looked at each other quite dumbfounded. "This is too weird," Becky's eyes were very serious as she gazed at me. I was watching out the front window as Lizzie disappeared down the street, trying to see which way she was going. Charity was watching as well. With another sigh, Becky elbowed me softly and nodded her head in the direction of the door. I knew exactly what she meant and within moments I too was walking out the front door.

*****
Not knowing exactly which way Lizzie had turned beyond the end of our street, I searched for nearly an hour with no luck. At one point I even called the house to see if she had returned yet, but Becky told me she hadn't seen her. I assumed Becky must have been alone by that point as she professed her undying love to me as well which I promptly returned. I could only imagine Becky freaking out on me too; thinking I was chasing down Lizzie because I was in love with her instead or something. "Damn, why are women so difficult to understand?" I asked the trees I was walking past not far from the park. They didn't have an answer for me.

Eventually I spotted Lizzie sitting on a park bench that faced the giant water fountain of the park. Whether she was watching the couple in the open field beyond sharing a picnic, or just staring into space, I couldn't be sure. "This seat taken?" I asked timidly coming up behind her and sitting down on the bench next to her before she could respond. Slowly she looked over at me and a soft smile came to her lips.

"The heroic brother come to save the day once more?" she asked still looking at the couple through the fountain. The guy was feeding something small, like grapes perhaps, into the pretty redhead's mouth as she laid on the blanket, her head in his lap. "You know... I'm supposed to be the foundation of the family; the one who doesn't ever need saving." She turned toward me finally. I could see her eyes were watery like tears might fall at any moment. "I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I?"

I sat there shocked, my entire defense while I was looking for her had been about what I had assumed Tessa had told her. For sure I just knew she was going to hit me with some bombshell of that nature. Never once had I thought she would need help though; she was always as she put it... the foundation.

She looked back over at the couple once more and then watched another couple skating down the sidewalk in front of us while holding hands. As they skated away, I saw her lift her finger to dry her eyes.

"Is that what this is all about?" I leaned forward onto my elbows, trying to see her face. The wind was blowing softly, catching her hair around her features. For a moment I wished I had my camera to catch it; she was breathtakingly gorgeous.

Lizzie sighed and didn't reply for a few minutes, sniffling a few times like she refused to let any tears actually escape, though I could tell she was crying on the inside. "When I was taking care of mom and dad, I always thought my time would come someday," she turned toward the lake, speaking without looking at me. "Then my brothers and sisters needed me so I never really thought about being alone all that much." She finally did turn to look at me, a single tear finally escaping her grasp and slowly sliding down her freckled cheek.

"I'm thirty-five now," her eyes pleaded like all hope was gone from her heart at this point. "I haven't been on a date since my high school prom," she shrugged and turned her head to focus on her fingers that played idly. "...Not that it mattered much even then. Eric told me that night that he was seeing another girl anyway... but that I had been fun." She looked back up at me, wiping another tear away before it could be seen. "The guy who I lost my virginity to told me I was...fun."

I was speechless; she was way too pretty to be thinking any of these sorts of things. She was way too pretty to be suffering like this too. One word to any of the guys I had known in college and she would have been inundated with date requests. Of course most of those guys I'd never let near my sister with a ten-foot pole; she deserved a hell of a lot better. "You've never mentioned this before. Why'd you stay quiet about it for so long?"

"You know..." she cocked her head at me, her beautiful hair falling to the side as she gazed at me. "When you don't see it all the time," she shrugged, "you don't really think about it." Her eyebrows raised. "But when you see a couple in love every moment of the day..."

I swallowed hard realizing how I had invariantly brought this pain on my oldest sister. It tore at my heart almost as bad as the day I had seen Becky tossed on the floor in her old house. In many ways it was worse; I had been the one to cause her pain. "I'm sorry," I took her hand in mine. "I'm so sorry, Lizzie."

She shrugged. "Honestly you two are beautiful to watch together," she chuckled putting her head down a bit, "...but yeah. I guess I am a little jealous. Seeing you two so in love just made me realize..." her voice trailed off without finishing.

"Made you realize what you've been missing in life?" I asked, finishing the sentence for her. She nodded slowly, wiping both eyes dry. She was such a strong woman, refusing still to let me see her cry even when I knew she was so torn up inside. "You're a gorgeous woman though," I put my arm around her, pulling her close to me and she lowered her head on my shoulder. "Any guy would be more than fortunate to have such a knockout gal who's also an amazing cook, and so completely devoted as well."

She gave an unbelieving chuckle. "Yeah... tell that to Eric or any of the other guys who always chose some other girl," she slowly started rocking back and forth, "...instead of me." I felt her body jerk next to mine as her strength to hold back the tears faded and the sobbing of her heart became apparent.

"Do you... you don't mean me, do you?" I asked nervously. I remembered that she had mentioned to Becky how she had beat Lizzie out in the end. It was completely inconceivable that both sisters I had fantasized over for so many years would have felt the same way, but... that's what it was starting to sound like to me.

"No, not entirely..." she shook her head against my shoulder. "There was Eric... and then I had this thing for Kevin a few years later, but he chose someone else too..." she lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes damp as she broke a small smile. "You were my brother... I never really expected or even wanted you to choose me. It was just really nice knowing that you appreciated me so much."

I couldn't help but chuckle, sitting back against the bench as I did. "Appreciated... yeah, that's a good way to put it."

She lowered her face from mine, blushing as she brushed her hair behind her ear, "Ok... yes, I admit that it made me feel really sexy that you were so attracted to me." She started chuckling too as her eyes gazed on mine. "I always knew when you were watching me..." she elbowed me softly.

Seeing that I at least had her in a little peppier mood, I decided to tell her about Becky's words and concerns of late, thinking that it might help a little more. "You know... Becky keeps worrying that I'd leave her for you now because of that very attraction I have."

Lizzie's eyes turned to me as her eyebrows raised curiously. "You have? ...Or you had?" I blushed, now realizing she had been speaking only of the past and didn't necessarily know about the present.

"Um..." my cheeks were flushed. Still, I had opened the door so I wasn't going to close it; not when it was meant only to make her feel better anyway. "Well, you ARE a gorgeous and sexy woman, Lizzie." I admitted to her. "Doesn't mean I love Becky any less just because I think so," I chuckled nervously hoping I wasn't making a big mess of the whole thing. "But that doesn't change the fact that you're a gorgeous woman who truly deserves the very best."

"I guess..." she chuckled looking away from me toward the couple behind the fountain once more. They were picking up their things and getting ready to go. "Thank you Jerry," she turned and hugged me properly, those beautiful feminine protrusions pressing hard against my chest that made me feel a little extra guilt for enjoying at that precise moment.

She sat back regarding me for a moment. "You know... I don't know that I could have ever gotten over the brother thing though..." her eyes were slowly caressing my features, "especially not as easy as Becky did." Fighting a losing battle against a smile, her lips pursed at me. "But looking at you now as her boyfriend and not just my brother..." she started blushing once more. "Well, you've got a lot going for you actually. A loving heart... you're tall and... extremely attractive..." she turned away from me covering her face with her hand. "...and um... from the sounds I've heard quite often... you're a darn good lover too."

Immediately she covered her mouth with her hand and breathed deeply, "Oh God... I shouldn't have said that," she whispered nervously getting up, her face written with embarrassment all over it. "So um..." she couldn't look straight at me without her cheeks flushing now. "I need to uh... I need to go now," she pointed behind her with her thumb quickly. "I uh..." she couldn't keep her face straight as she bit her lip nervously. "Bye Jerry," she waved quickly and turned away, walking briskly.

I sat on the bench watching her go completely astonished. So Lizzie had definitely heard us and on more than one occasion, but her reaction was nothing like I would have ever expected. After a few moments of collecting my thoughts, I jumped from the bench and chased after her. "You don't think I'm going to let you just walk away after saying that, do you?"

Her face was now stern though still embarrassed, focused solely on the direction she was walking. "I was hoping you would." She exhaled quickly. "Just... forget everything I said today... ok?" She put her hand up to cover her face as she walked a little brisker toward the house. I increased my step to keep up with her; a task easier to do with my long legs.

"So you're attracted to me too... what's the big deal?" I asked her point blank. She continued walking briskly though, ignoring me. I refused to let up though; walking just as quickly beside her until she stopped suddenly and turned toward me.

"Don't you have a girlfriend at home," she snapped suddenly and then turned away from me "...and I'm sure she's about to go crazy if you don't get back to her soon. Just..." she raised her hands up in frustration as she looked back up at me, her eyes glazed, "leave me be for a little while," her eyes were pleading with me. "...please?"

She started walking again and I stood there completely speechless as I watched her walk beyond the street that turned to our house.

*****
Becky was quite worried when I came home alone, but I calmed her by explaining that I had found Lizzie in the park and she just needed a few moments more to think about things. I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I had learned though. Becky was already nervous enough without adding those fears to the fire. Besides, I had made my choice. Mutual attraction between Lizzie and myself or not, I was with Becky and I loved her; nothing was going to change that.

Over the next few days there was a marked difference in Lizzie around the house. I began to notice that she would invent some reason to leave the room whenever I was around, especially if Becky was with me. I did tell Becky that I thought it best if we kept ourselves calmer in her presence, explaining that Lizzie was just depressed because of the lack of a relationship and she agreed readily enough. I just didn't want to rub salt in the wound any more than my presence was already seeming to.

Aside from the difficulties with Lizzie though, there was also tension in the house surrounding Tessa. Though her routine with school hadn't wavered, she still hadn't spoken to Becky or me since that night, which confused me since I thought I had figured out that Lizzie was the one who had heard us. She had even admitted to hearing us, yet Tessa's actions were completely unexplainable.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Becky and I were spending time in the living room watching a movie. She was curled against me with my hand slowly caressing her ass under her skirt, but only because Lizzie had been in her room for a few hours and Charity was trying out for a local music gig. When we heard a door open halfway through the movie, she sat back up in a hurry so as to give the appearance of normality between us. Shortly after Tessa came out of the hallway, a towel wrapped around her body and walked straight for the back porch. She looked over at us for a split second only.

"This is getting to be ridiculous," Becky sighed pausing the movie and turning toward me. "Why don't you go try to talk to her," she shrugged. "Maybe that's what she's been waiting for. You know how much of a drama queen she is."

I agreed laughing at Becky's choice of words and stood up, looking back at my beautiful sister. "While I'm at it, why don't you go try to talk with Lizzie for a while? She's been in there an awfully long time." I suggested. I knew there was nothing I could say at that point that could help Lizzie, but perhaps Becky could figure out something. She agreed and headed for Lizzie's room while I walked to the back porch.

"Hey there Tizzy girl," I called my baby sister by the nickname I had used with her when she was child, sliding into a chair beside her. She was now bikini clad, laying out in the sun on her favorite lounger and as my eyes roamed over her body, I could see without a doubt that she was definitely not the same girl I had once given horsey rides to as a teenager. My groin stirred immediately upon visually taking her in.

"Um... anything you'd like to talk about?" I asked nervously since I hadn't really planned what I was going to say. "You haven't said a word all week now." She turned her head toward me, but I couldn't see her eyes behind the sunglasses she was wearing. A few moments of uncertainty, my breath held as I hoped she would open her mouth, but she just laid her head back down.

"Come on Tessa," I scooted from my chair to sit on the edge of her lounger just beside her knee. Quite honestly I had expected her to throw me off, kick me... I hoped she would even. All I wanted was some kind of a reaction that could possibly produce a dialogue, but she wouldn't say a word. Her only movement was a slight adjustment of her leg giving me a bit more space.

"We're family. You know you can't be mad at me forever now." I leaned against her leg, my elbow jarring it softly. She scoffed at me, turning her head away to the side. "Come on. It's not even fair if I don't know what I did," I pleaded to her. Inside I cringed though, wondering if she really had been the one to hear us. But that would mean Lizzie had heard us at different times though... earlier times. Or perhaps they both had been outside the room. Contemplating the profoundness of this mess, I sighed. If only I could get Tessa to talk about it, perhaps some things could be cleared up.

A couple more minutes of prodding, pushing, and waiting received nothing more from her and I finally gave up, standing up to head back inside. Just as I was sliding the door open though, I heard her voice. "Am I really as beautiful as everyone says I am?" her words were cold as if she were telling me which lake I could go jump in. Still, it was something so I was overjoyed to hear it.

Quickly closing the door, I sat down on her lounger once more. "Truth is, you're even prettier than that," I smiled at her widely hoping that a little honest flattery might get her to open up into more productive discussions. She gave no indication that she wanted further conversation about it though, waiting a few more minutes as I sat next to her going over in my head what I should say.