All Comments on 'The Grocery Store'

are not to be chopped with nor derided. TK U MLJ LV NV

Wow ! A very fast moving story, and I didn't even notice that there wasn't that much sex in it, until after I read it. The story held my attention that well.

Also the story has a happy ending.

Thanks for the very good read.

The narrative style will probably put some people off, since it lacks dynamics and emotion. I found the idea that an accountant could not do book-keeping very strange!

The mother wanted to do better for herself, but going out, screwing around with mob people certainly is not better. Now if she had wanted something better she should have started taking courses at the local university and...... playing like a good cougar. The dead boy could have accidentally been the son of a mob boss..

Sorry, DG, but I could not resist thinking about the story line. Thanks for posting!

To many elementary chopped paragraphs. "I did, "he did," "she did," etc. But theme was fine. Welcome change from vast majority of cheating wife themes written here by childish authors or authors with serious emotional and/or maturity problems.

Good Story!! just want to know how he pulled it off?

Very much enjoyed your story................... Happy Thanksgiving..........

but it only seemed like a half effort at that. Too many open ended sub-plots, (I mean really, who killed Romeo? -Why leave a glaringly obvious hook like that off???? ) and a lot of over-explaining particularly where it's not needed. Much of the story read like a synopsis only.

You seem to be a reasonably prolific writer, but not one who puts any effort at all into improving his writing ability. Why? With the reasonable imagination that you have, you could end up writing some awesome stories. For example, the change in point of view. What was the point? Seriously, it added nothing to the story. It's something that even the best authors avoid, because it's a crappy device. Pick a point of view and stick with it.

Over-explaining. It's where you point out the obvious, and then proceed to go into detail about it. It's even worse when the detail doesn't enhance the story anyway! Really. It's unnecessary, and actually lessens the appeal of the story. So, stop doing it. You seem to have a good grasp of English, which means you're 75% of the way there. You can do so much better, if you try.

This story zig-zagged that line practically every paragraph . So what if I don't care if D.G. didn't meet my standard with this story. He's written dozens of others that have.

How does one "chock" a person? How can someone "weight" 300 lbs?

I quit reading this poorly-written dreck by the end of page one.

Good read.

Nice of you to phone in a story for the holiday's, although this read more like a narrative than a story, and a rather banal story at that. To this reader it felt hurried with little or no description, it lacked your usual depth and detail, and the dialog was choppy & sloppy with an ever changing point of view - creating a feeling of disjointedness. Anyway: Thank you for sharing your turkey with us, and Merry Thanksgiving to you too!

I normally enjoy your stories and this was no exception but it just wasn't up to your usual standards. I wish you would pick a narrater and sick with them instead of giving us a mix of two people and a third unnamed narrater. Also he couldn't have been much of a kingpin if it only took his brother being murdered(he was murdered by Bill) another man murdered and one arrested to leave him totally unprepared and unprotected. Also why did the wife cheat that was never explained?

Apart from those problems it wasn't too bad

One last point Mary really was a bit of a prostitute she stayed with the mob boss because he took nice places and bought her nice things and why didn't she have an abortion as she said she wanted to leave him?

I gave it a 5 stars

I could not get past the first page. But reading that I got why she cheated on him. It was a 2 way street.

Excellent tension all the way through the story

No one ever writes a LW story from the point of view of the kids. It's nice to read how the kids view their mother's fooling around and how it affects them. And not letting the reader know who killed Romeo allows us to use our imagination in figuring out or who killed the mobster.

This read poorly. The storyline itself was okay, just like any episode in a TV crime series. Erotic? It was not at all. But the problem was, it was just bad writing. I know you can do much(!) better.

now we're in troll wars. I like your stories a lot DG, but seeing his fucking comment, this repulsive woman hater, who with his cronies is destroying the site.

Hello Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver...hows the beaver?

does not engage.

I reads a little stiffer than your others. Someone said it was more like a story outline. I didn't think it was quite that. Good characters and interesting story.

But the last paragraph stood out like a boil. No sex at all during the story except to say he had been "intimate" with Mary. Then the last paragraph in which you suddenly remember you are writing an erotic story:

"That night Mary came over to my apartment and we made love. I gave her oral sex till she came. I then laid on my back as she climbed upon my erection and we fucked like rabbits most of the night. It had to be one of my best Christmas's in a very long time."

DG you always write a good story and this was no exception. Thanks for your sharing.

Thank you!

"If huecuckdog gives you 5. I give you 1. They started this now we're in troll wars. I like your stories a lot DG, but seeing his fucking comment, this repulsive woman hater, who with his cronies is destroying the site."

Hey Anon, make a username, go on, coward, make one up, it's really easy. Then we can really get down to troll wars, and YOU started this war, and YOU are the one's destroying this site, so any blame is at YOUR door. Better yet , write a story, try and write a story and see how hard it really is, cowards and wimps like you always bark loudly but always hide in shadows, time to man up Anon, or woman up if that is the case.

I can't believe I wasted my time reading this story. Your editor is probably ashamed at the mention since there are so many mistakes "than" instead of "then," "has" instead of "have." Call me a freak but I like my sex stories to be free from grammar and spelling errors.

I come to Literotica to read stories that turn me on. Sex as an afterthought doesn't turn me on. This should have been posted under Non-Erotic.

What you wrote counts for this story, but in general that Anonymous was right. "huecuckdog" gives a story 5 if "the bitch" is killed - the worse the better and if a couple reconciles or the cheating wife isn't punished enough in his opinion he'll give 1. No matter the reasons!

I think it's stupid to rate a story on such measures. What does it say about a person?

Very entertaining thanks for sharing.

....but then I read stories on Literotica in the hope that they will give me an erection. This was all about mayhem and murder, which do not give me a hard-on.

I did notice a few grammar errors and a mix-up of Mary and Marci. The story could have used better proofreading.

For a story with a mob boss, this one seems pretty tranquil. You cannot protect a group of people all the time. It's just not possible. The mob boss is aggressive when he takes actions but then hibernates. That doesn't make sense. Aggressive men are always aggressive. He would have a couple guys just floating around and waiting for opportunities. It wouldn't happen on a wedding day when everyone was expecting it, It would happen on an ordinary day in an unguarded moment. I guess he wasn't very good at what he did. That's why he ended up dead.

With all the connections he had Billy Bob was a bit of a "Don" himself. It was a decent read but didn't seem to radiate vitality to match the ongoing action. Things happened and then more things happened.

Too many Joe Jim,Tom,dick,Jane ,Harry fuck my wives 5 alabastard holes my maggots have puked . This site NEED MORE OF( DG's) THIS TYPE OF STORY and less of the others.

Tom

DG does not write bad stories. He just does not know how. All of you anonymous assholes need to be a little less full of yourselves. Happy Thanksgiving!

There was no erotica to the story at all.

Just good solid storytelling :)

great work once again DGH

Another great story DG

I enjoy reading your stories DG and you've really been pumping them out lately. While your Loving Wives stories are in the appropriate category they always seem to be able expand beyond the genre. And this one is no different.

If there is one thing that could make this story better it would be to have some dialog between the characters.

The story was pretty much told in first person which was great to understand the thoughts. But with this length of story I think some dialog creative would make it even better. Especially dialog between Billy and his daughter. I read a one page story recently which was all narrative and because it was a quick flash story it worked very well. But the longer stories need more variation.

You're one of my favorite authors on Lit and I don't see that changing. Thanks for the story.

It was entertaining. Like it says on the Kids headstone.... Pals.

1. It is a very good story, as DGHear writes. I am rarly disaponted with his stories.

2. Whether who is the murderer of the boss? Is a Bill's prison buddy or from the gang somebody had the boss killed as in the story Bill suggested?

As always, good job.

Formbdy2k

more like reading the outline than the whole story

DG it seems you have really been finding time to write. It’s been a long time since I visited the site but you still do the down to earth, no grey area type guy. I enjoyed your story and see some of the critics are really more actively after each other than the story. I see people still get mad because there isn’t enough sex for them to jerkoff. I would think the first few paragraphs would tip off someone. Thank you for the entertainment!

Very Respectfully

PT

Agree total with likebob just like reading a draft

1 star

But there were plot/character points left out that made the story incomplete for me. The story was written such that the only emotion shown was when he grabbed the guy and choked the life out of him. The rest of the writing seemed to be more like a police report than a story.

I'm sorry but I have to agree with likebob and scorpio44. It was rather cold and emotionless. Even when Marci was narrating it felt like there was something missing, that little spark. I didn't feel any connection with the characters at all. It read like something from dragnet. Almost like billy-bob was giving his confession at the PD interrogation room.

Uhmmm, where's the story? Is this even classed as a holiday story? There is almost no comment about any holiday except at the end when the protagonist says it was "his best christmas ever."

The miniscule sex in the story is so cold and emotionless it's pathetic. "I gave her oral sex until she came then she sat on my erection and we fucked like rabbits all night" ??? Why even bother to ad that line into the story. The gangsters were truly pathetic, about as vicious as a yorkipoo on tranquilizers.

Please stop writing, it will save you any further embarrassment and us from having to torture ourselve in reading this drek.

Ignore praedar. I would agree with him that this is not one of your better stories as the dialogue was stilted and the characters were not as developed as I would have liked. However, there are so many other ones you have written that are good that I would hate to see you stop writing due to reviews on this story. Do keep writing, please.

I see the cuckold wanna be's are out. praedar must be a natural born cuckold.

is the fool, the dead fool. What is it with women and these "girls' nights out" that always get them into trouble. It's one thing to go out to dinner at a regular restaurant and maybe have a drink, it's another thing completely to go to a bar and dance with men as if you're still single and unattached.

cali

Isn't that the the way the French spell DWornock? Good work DG.

It is GOOD to have fans who appreciate one's portfolio!

Elaborate story. I am not sure the switching PoV from BB to Marci and back was effective ... I DO appreciate that each switch was clearly labelled!

I know it's the story genre, but the girl's night out is a big problem for lots of guys in real life. If a wife wants to "experiment", why can't she just get out of the marriage? And to want forgiveness is so ridiculous to me. Fidelity rules...if it's broken, get out of the marriage. Another great story by DG Hear

Weird how the men in these stories are clueless when it comes to their wives needs before they cheat and then become masterminds when they are in revenge mode!

In your last page u made it sound like Mary's lovers was still breathing.who also was the father. The kids never missed him in the present tense, a little confusing. I never heard of an average guy knocking off a mobster. A story but a weak one.

Pretty good story. Who killed the mobster though? That was a good ending, chop off his hands and bury the cleaver in the back of his head.

Are you that obtuse?

He obviously meant that he never visited them while he was alive.

The pay off in these payback stories is usy the justice hoisted upon the protagonist. Yours seemed rushed in contrast to the time you take to set up the other scenes in your story. 4 stars and a thanks

Thanks for the offering.

This is not one of DGH's better works.

Having main characters named Marci and Mary makes using the wrong name all too easy.

Stiff and unemotional dialogue for the most part.

In divorces the mother gets custody 9 out of 10 times, she was only one of his girlfriends so what sort of "legal" wizardry gave him custody?

It really is not pleasurable to read a story about a confused woman that lets herself get taken advantage of by creeps. It is worse when it ends in tragedy. That he got the bad guys girlfriend in exchange is a very poor trade indeed. In the end, he was still without the mother of his children and his children without their mother. That is the math.

Excellent tale about getting the bad guys. A little surprised that our hero did a stretch in prison but it made him stronger for his future. My only problem is that my paisans aren't as stupid as the assholes in this tale. Otherwise a great tale with a happy ending.

I've given you some 1*s but generally you are a good writer. You used a very peculiar style in this story which disconnected the reader from the story. It gave the whole experiance a spacey effect as though I was reading it with a bad cold. Weird. Don't use this style again. Not rated

glad he got his own back on those low life scum....would have liked to know who did that scum in as pay back....BASICALLY A NICE STORY ...PERHAPS NEEDED A BIT MORE INFO ADDING....

Thank you

I love when organized crime gets killed and shit on. Fucking pricks should

All die slowly

Another poor ending as though the author ran out of ideas.It should have been proved his wife was murdered be who liked the mob boss.

"Mom was mad at him for not even trying." - Was it still an object for discussion by the time she was old enough to understand? I would have thought that it was a dad issue by then!

I'm surprised that their stores hadn't already been torched by the Fazios, or worse!

Too much narration.

no pun intended and the Mom & Pop stores are slowly disappearing , TK U MLJ LV NV

But learn to write in third person so you don't have the amateur shifts from first person to first person. Still, in light of what I normally see in LW, this is a "5". Nice job overall!

Nice tale but one miss. The slimy weasel lawyer who attempting to intimidate/block Mary's employment was committing a federal and state equal opportunity crime. Why wasn't this lawyer dis-barred? Then were was the DA/Judge stripping Mary's visitation, when they all knew she was forced/setup for the train. The State needs to look at the slimy DA/Judge too.

Nice to have connections even if they come from less than desirable circumstances the only as-ruthless connections to have would be x-Seal/Delta/Ranger/Recon (that Lance might have). 6*

A very good story. It was long enough to get involved with, but not so long as to be boring. Just right.

I do enjoy stories that have something more in them, like this running story about a mobster, protecting the stores, etc. It makes a simple story of infidelity so much more interesting! Good effort.

Oh, and I hit 2 bit stores today looking for lamb with no success. Tomorrow I'm going to a little mom & pop place. There's still a need for them.

Enjoyed the story. It is good to see that the bad guy meets his richly deserved bad end. Overall a pretty good little story.

Nice to read a story with a different twist. Hum “a chop off the old block” huh!

Only better if cut off penis and sewed in butt

This is truly a heartwarming story

Great story. Good irony here with Billy taking Romeo’s wife after Romeo had taken his. The meat cleaver was a nice little touch too.

Great stuff. I gave you 5*

Marsha, the cheater and liar, sure got what she deserved in the end. And so did Romeo. When you are a low life like Romeo or his brother, Marsha's lover, you can expect to eventually be a part of the saying "what goes around comes around"! It would have been nice if Romeo's dick would have been cut off, preferably with a cleaver, and sewed back in his mouth or in his backside. You know, put your money where your mouth is!!!

Great story and 5* with no hesitation.

BJ

Good plot idea, albeit somewhat messed up but not bad. Though these mafia stories are a bit worn out.

You hurried up the ending and skipped the confrontation part, the part where both died. 2 stars for incomplete story.

Marsha deserved a divorce not being murdered. Was sad they never got a chance to even talk. No clue on why she wad unfaithful. I am sure reconciliation was not possible but sad that she got caught up fucking someone in the local mafia. Turned into a death sentence. I liked how Bill used his fellow ex-cons and employees to protect his family. We are left hanging about Romeo's murder. Plausible that a rival mobster would use that M.O. to frame the MC. But still uncertain. Ending felt rushed.

BILLY-BOB THE CUCK!!

THIS CUNT WRITER LIKES CUCK MCs

So,who killed Romeo.Was this forgotten in the rush to end the story?.

This easily could have gone Fried Green Tomatoes with the bad guys being disposed of through the meat department of the grocery store. Perhaps that angle could be explored in another story. Does one serve a nice Chianti with mobster? OK, the Silence of the Lambs reference may be too much...plus, I've never liked fava beans.

G

I agree some what whith Nitpic, great story line but story ends not closed off. Why does every tale,well writen or not have to edn like a damp squid in one sentence

"You Won't Wake Up In The Dark Ever Again To That Awful Screaming Of The Lambs."

Like the reader who commented below, I thought this story could have had interesting allusions to Silence of the Lambs and/or Fried Green Tomatoes. Dr Lecter's above quoted promise to Clarise could easily have been modified to be applicable to Mary and her children. Or, just as Frank became a popular BBQ special at the Whistle Stop Cafe, dispensing bits and pieces of the bad guys through the stores' meat departments would have increased the local flavor of the tale. Just food for thought...

The ending sounds like it was written because it had to have an ending not because it added anything to the story. Too bad the rest of it was pretty good.