The Hungry Herd at Christmas

"Sure, not much I can do here. See you later, sweetheart. You may have to get used to eating those sheep pellets if we're stuck in this field."

"No, never, they give me the wind, even more than usual. I'll stay here until you get back though."

Lola and Tina strolled off towards the cow field, neither were in any hurry.

Tarquin sat by the shelter of the wall, where the grass seemed drier than the rest of the field, it must have rained all night until just before dawn. Then he thought he heard sniffing. He peered around the gate pillar. It was a dog, a big black dog, one attached to a long green cord. The dog,s long snout poked through the gate.

"Hello," said the dog in a deep throaty voice, "who'you?"

"Tarquin, my friends call me Tarq. And you are?"

"Adam. Not seen nuffink like you before. You're like a chicken but, man you're a big'un!"

"I'm a turkey, I escaped, or rather I am trying to escape from The Farmer. Got out of the barn easy enough but now I'm stuck in this field. I can't open this gate from the inside."

"Why didn't you say you were getting away from The Farmer? My partner, Dave, the man at the end of this lead, works for The Farmer and hates him. I growl every time I see him and his wife. I can see by Dave's expression that it helps. So, I wanna help, but I gotta be quick, you know, Dave might not understand. He's stopped walking, to roll a smoke stick. He does that all the time. So, how did you get in this field?"

"I held up the latch and my partner, Tina, pushed against the gate from your side. Trouble is, we can't pull it open, we can only push."

"Maybe not from where you are but I can push. Is the latch lifted?"

"No but I can lift it while you push. But won't Dave notice the gate's open and look in?"

"Nah, I'll just bury my nose in the front of his trousers, that'll take his attention off the gate. Works every time."

Within seconds the gate swung open and Tarquin kicked a stone against it, which looked like it had been left there for the purpose. The field looked empty once Tarquin ducked down behind the wall.

"Thanks Adam, how can I ever repay you?"

"You could let me sniff your butt."

"What? Why?"

"Hey, I dunno why, I just do it, OK?"

"O ... Kay."

"Oh man, that's awful! I never smelled nothin' so bad!"

"It's those sheep pellets, they give me the wind. Sorry."

"I used ta dream about chasin' sheep but not no more. There's some weasel wee a couple of fields up the lane, I can just catch a hint of it on the breeze."

"Oh, you like sniffing weasel wee?"

"Nah it's horrid, but I need anything to take the smell of your butt out of my nose! See you around, Tarq, good luck with your getaway."

"Thanks, Adam, bye."

Tarquin ducked behind the wall as he heard Dave's boots crunch on the roadway and didn't relax until the footsteps and the slight smell of burning faded.

"Wow, sweetheart, you clever thing you!" said Tina when she returned, "You managed to get the gate open. How?"

"Well, I could lie and say it was all my inginu-, enginu-, er. all my own doing, but I had help."

"Help? Where? Who?" Tina asked, peering up and down the empty lane.

"You could say," Tarquin grinned, "that it was all down to Lola's pellets."

Letting the sheep and calf out of Kelly's field was child's play for the Tarquin and Tina gate-cracking team.

It was while the little herd of two turkeys, a lamb and a calf were walking down the lane, that Tarquin leaned in close to Tina.

"Psst! Tina!" Tarquin said in a whisper out of the side of his beak.

"What?" she hissed back a little louder.

"Do you get the feeling we are being watched?"

"Now you come to mention it, yes, all the way back up the lane to collect Kelly, and back again past Lola's field." she agreed, "who do you think it is?"

"Don't know, but we've been trying to stay under cover and just making a dash for it where there's open ground, plain wall or fences. We need to keep a good lookout for The Farmer."

"And our ears, Tarq. Three trucks came through and we heard them and dived for cover well before we saw them."

Lola bounced up to them, "It's Carpenters' Cat," he whispered to Tina and Tarquin, who looked mystified. "The eyes what have been followin' us, they belong to Carpenters' Cat."

"So who's Carpenters' Cat?" Tina asked, "Does it have a name?"

"Not that I know of, but she's a 'she' not an 'it', and she's both the shyest an' nosiest creature in the area. We are a novelty, two turkeys, a lamb and a calf, a curiosity, it's like catnip to Carpenters' Cat."

"So, if this cat is so shy how do you know so much about her?" Tina asked.

"At the back of my field, there is a small pasture with two horses in it. The Carpenters have a smallholdin' an' rent that field from The Farmer, to keep their horses in it, for their two daughters to ride. The horses, ponies, really, are quite chatty an' know the Carpenters' Cat well."

They carried on walking and they came to another gate on their right. Lola ran ahead and stopped by the gate.

"This is where my friend Paul the pig lives. He often comes comes over to my fence for a chat. The pigs have a fence at the top end which borders onto the Carpenters' fields, where they are currently growing Brussels sprouts for Christmas."

"What's Christmas?" asked Tarquin.

"It is when all the farm workers have the day off, they talked about it all the time in the barn," Tina added.

"An' I know when it is," Lola said, "I heard the shepherd's sons talkin' about it six days ago now."

"When is it?" Kelly asked this time, the first time she had spoken since the group left her field.

"The day after tomorrow is what they call Christmas Day," Lola said in triumph.

"So they won't be looking for us on that day?"

"No, I don't think they will. So we only have to be careful today an' tomorrow and then we'll have a full day free to get well away from the farm. Now, if you can use your gate op'nin' skills, we can go see my friend Paul."

Between them, Tarquin and Tina opened the gate to the pig field and, as soon as it started to swing open, Lola was inside and running up the field to see her friend. Tarquin kicked a rock up to the gate to stop it fully closing.

Kelly spoke up then, "I'll stay in the lane, Tina, and hide behind the hedge over there and I can push the gate open when you are ready to come out. That way, you won't attract attention by leaving the gate wide open."

"Good idea, Kelly," beamed Tina, "thank you."

Tarquin kicked the rock out of the way and closed the gate, nodding to Kelly. The calf nodded back and strolled across the lane to hide. Tarquin and Tina made their way up the sloping field towards where Lola had run to greet her friends, the pigs.

"I didn't like to say anything yesterday, Tina, but while you were still finding a hiding place at the back of that little copse, I checked out the big trucks that came by and each one was full of our friends. They've all gone from the barn, Tina."

"I didn't see them Tarq, but there is a pattern emerging here, the calves, the lambs, and we are about to meet the pigs. I mean I've known you since we hatched together, we have grown up until we were packed solid in that barn. When we get big, or at least a certain size, I think we just disappear."

"Yeah, I thought so too. That's why we've got to get away from this farm. Trouble is, I don't know we'll find anywhere safe, we might be on the run for a long time."

"If so, then that's what we'll do."

Lola soon introduced her new friends by name to Paul. He was a young pig, leaner and younger than all the others, most of them females or sows, as Paul introduced them. All the pigs wanted to stay at the farm, but Paul was keen to strike out on his own.

"Yes, I've seen the Carpenters' Cat, but she doesn't talk to me either," said Paul after being asked about the animal observing them, "right, are we ready to be off then?"

"Yeah," Tarquin said, speaking for the other two, "the sooner the better, before we are discovered and captured."

"Do you know where you're headed?"

Tarquin scratched himself, he always did when he wasn't sure what to say, and he looked to Tina for inspiration as usual.

"At the moment," Tina said, "we just want to get away from The Farmer and his Wife, but other than that... What do you have in mind?"

"Well, we'll get down the lane for a bit first, then I'll let you into what I'm thinking. I want to get to know you first."

"That makes sense," Tarquin agreed, "we'll chat as we walk."

Just at that moment they could hear a vehicle on the lane.

"Quick," Paul said, "you dive under this corrugated shelter, Tina, you'll just fit. Tarquin, you're too big to fit. Now, if you lie down on the ground, we'll surround you."

Tina hid in the pig shelter and a big sow parked herself in front, so no-one from the road could see her. Meanwhile Tarquin lay flat with pigs in front of him, also hiding him from view. Lola ducked down behind him, completely hidden from view. Paul walked back and forth in front of the other pigs, giving them a running commentary.

"The Farmer is driving by in his pick up truck with his Wife standing in the back, looking in our direction. Oh! No! They are stopping. She's stayed in the truck but the Farmer's checking the gate. I fear the worse."

Paul the pig dashed across the field, taking The Farmer's attention away from the gate he was standing next to and from watching any of the other pigs in the field, several of which were shielding Paul's new friends from discovery.

The Farmer's Wife shouted down to her husband from the back of the pick up truck, "There's nothin' here Fred, they musta got further away than this."

The Farmer rattled the gate, which seemed firmly fixed, turned and jumped back into the pickup truck, the engine still running. He slammed the door and a moment later the truck jerked into motion, almost dislodging the Farmer's Wife, before speeding off down the lane away from the farmhouse.

Paul watched them disappear out of sight up the lane before giving everyone the all clear.

"They've gone, but I don't think that we can leave here through that gateway, as they are bound to come back home along that lane."

"Where are we going to go?" asked Tina, ruffling her feathers, and not wanting to look too closely at what was flying off, after climbing out from the tiny pig shelter she'd been hiding in from The Farmer and his Wife.

"I've got an idea. Tarquin, would you like to walk with me up to the top of the hill?"

"Sure." Tarquin turned to Tina, "you all right while I look around with Paul?"

"That's OK," she smiled, "you can do some male bonding, I'll chat to Lola and her friends."

"So, what's this relationship with you and Tina, is she your wife?" Paul asked as they strolled together up the field.

"No, we're best friends, I don't think she knows how important to me she is, to be honest."

"So, you been best friends for long?"

"Since before she was born."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was hatched out right next door to her egg. Our eggs were leaning on each other. I broke out of my shell three days before she did. As I pecked my way out, I knocked her egg, and it rolled away. When I got out of my shell, I rolled her egg back to where I thought it had been. I was one of the first to break out. Tina turned out to be the last. I fed and watered and went back to sleep in the bottom of my shell, and I dozed leaning against Tina's shell."

"That's touching."

"Yeah, I guess it was, looking back." Tarquin remembered, "the next day, I was busy feeding, but keeping an eye on the egg, when I noticed The Farmer's Wife for the first time. She was checking out unhatched eggs and those that she wasn't happy with she threw in a bucket. I went straight back to our eggs and stood guard over Tina's egg. There was lots of unhatched eggs and The Farmer's Wife didn't check all of them, including Tina's."

"So, that's when your animosity with The Farmer's Wife started?"

"No, not then exactly. On day three, Tina was still not ready to come out and this time The Farmer's Wife was more thorough and began throwing out all the unhatched eggs, not even bothering to examine them for live turkey chicks inside. I could see Tina inside her egg, she was shadowy, but moving, she just wasn't ready to come out yet. So when The Farmer's Wife got close to picking up Tina, I flew at her and pecked her hand. I think I must've frightened her. I was big for my age, I have always been on the big side."

"You must've made an impression on her, eh?"

"I think so, The Farmer's Wife's avoided me every since, but keeps looking at me every time she comes into the barn."

"No, I meant Tina," laughed Paul, "you made an impression on her."

"Oh Tina doesn't know the whole story, she didn't hatch out until Day Four. She was tiny then and remained smaller than everyone every since. She needed my protection then. But she was always the smartest turkey in the barn. Most of us are pretty stupid, you know."

"Well, I won't say anything to her. Right, here we are, this is what I wanted to show you. We are right at the top of the field."

Tarquin looked around, there were brambles everywhere, growing between and covering old pieces of rotting fencing. It didn't look promising.

Paul was rooting around with his snout, then he pushed an old piece of fence leaning against the dry stone wall over with a crash, revealing a narrow gate with rusty hinges behind it.

"Well," Paul said in triumph, "if you can get this gate open, you will access the horse field and from there to the lane on the other side. The Farmer would never search for you down that lane because he'd never guess that was where you went."

The gate at the top of the pigs' field was wooden, with flaking white paint, probably rotten underneath. The hinges were rusted, the catch was too. It was a different design to the the flip-over kind he had seen before, this one looked like it needed pressing down to lift a latch. Tarquin tried to push it but it was rusted solid and refused to budge. He leaned against the gate to get more purchase on the lever and the gate creaked and then gave, just a touch.

"Hey, Paul, see if you can lean on this gate, I think it is so rotten it might just give, with a bit of your weight behind it."

"Well, get out of the way, then, you lightweight, let me have a run at it."

Tarquin moved and Paul put his head down to line up his shoulder to the gate. With a grunt, he launched himself half a dozen steps before he crashed into the gate. He bounced off it but the gate groaned and shivered, rust and paint falling off and one of the five bars had a definite kink in it.

"That's it Paul, one more charge'll do it!" Tarquin flapped his wings in delight. "Unless you're hurt, of course."

"No, I'm fine. I'll take an extra couple of steps back."

Paul looked up and down at the gate and then the ground, making sure he had a clear run through the brambles. Then he set off, nine or ten paces and he threw himself at the gate, which disintegrated under the impact. Paul slid through long grass and pine needles on the other side. Then he stood up and grinned in triumph at his new friend.

"What about that then? You may be Tarquin the Trespasser, able to open any gate that can be opened, while I am Paul the Pulveriser, who can open them gates that can't be opened!"

"Well, that gate won't ever be closed again, that's for sure! Let's have a look see where this gate leads to before we celebrate."

They trotted past the destroyed gate, through long grass and pine needles to the start of a dark wood. The canopy was so dense, there was only some light brush on the outside. Once inside the wood the ground was clear right through to the other side, with a sponges layer of pine needles underfoot. The trees were planted in even rows, so Tarquin went through the wood at an angle so they could easily follow a line back to their starting point. Eventually they got to the end of the trees. On the other side of the wood was a high dry stone wall, too high even for Tarquin to see over. There was a path running along in front of the wall and, to their right, a long way along the wall, they could see an indentation, possibly indicating a gate.

"Damn," muttered Tarquin, we need Lola here, so we could count the rows of trees from here to that point, so we can find our way back."

He tried to scratch the path to mark where they came through, but it was the solid black path like that one they had in the yard in front of the turkey barn, he couldn't make any impression in it at all.

"How far can you count?" Paul asked.

"Five," the turkey replied, a little uncertainly.

"Well, I can count up to five, too," Paul grinned, "so every time you reach five, I will count it as one, and you can start from one again."

"Run that by me again?" Tarquin looked worried.

"Then, when you count to five again, I will count that as two fives, and you can count from one again." Paul could see that Tarquin was looking faint. "You just keep counting one to five and I'll keep count of the number of fives."

"But what if we run out of fives?"

"Then I will stop at that point and you can go on and check out the gate and what is beyond, then come back to me and together we can count our way back." Paul smiled happily, he was a very logical pig.

Soon they checked out the gate, which was the same design Tarquin knew he could open. Beyond the gate was a large grassy field, with two horses in, who totally ignore the explorers, even though they called out to them.

"Snooty lot!" was Paul's comment, "Come on, let's get back, I'm hungry."

"Me too," said Tarquin, "I want to try your pellets —"

"Nuts, they're pig nuts. Very tasty."

"I hope they taste better than those sheep pellets, they tasted horrid and they really gave me wind."

As they turned to head back the way they came, Tarquin caught a movement at the top of the wall by the gate. The Carpenters' Cat was watching them, its furry face showing no emotion at all.

Tarquin and Paul hurried back to the bottom of the pig field, partly because they were both hungry and because Tarquin was concerned that Kelly had been left on her own for a long time. As they trotted down towards the pigs' little shelters, however, they could see Kelly was already in the field with the pigs and their friends Tina and Lola.

"How did you manage to get in through the gate, Kelly?" Tarquin asked.

"Tina'll tell you," Kelly laughed as she approached the pair coming down the hill, "and I'm glad she came for me, I was shivering with fear that I would be left alone again. I was really worried when The Farmer's Wife was standing on the truck, I felt sure she'd see one of you!"

Kelly, being a young calf and all legs, demonstrated how she shivered with fear, although the delight of being with her friends again was impossible to keep from her face.

Tina and Lola showed up then, accompanied by several cheerful sows.

Lola, ever excited, gushed, "You should've seen her, Tarq, you'd 'a'been so proud."

"So what've you been up to then Tina, without me to look after you as usual?" Tarquin laughed.

"Well, Lola and I were talking about you going off with Paul and forgetting all about poor Kelly -"

"Wait a minute, Tina, Paul and I had to check we had a way out of here first. Having Kelly on the outside of the gate was the only way of guaranteeing we wouldn't be trapped in this field, if the back gate was impassable."

"I know, hon, but anyway, Patricia here overheard us talking and offered to help." Tina responded, "She remembers her mother saying there used to be Apple and acorn trees up there and the pigs would root up there every autumn, so there are gates all the way through to the lane."

"We called out to Kelly," Lola took up the story, "an' she cantered over, while Patricia got in position an' Tina jumped on her back an' lifted the catch. Kelly pushed the gate open an' as soon as she was in, we closed it all up neat, so The Farmer will never know we've been here."