The Hungry Herd at Christmas

"Well, if they love their pets so much, why can't we stay here?"

"Because the smallholding is not making enough money to pay the rent increase The Farmer wants."

"Why's that?"

"A few weeks ago we heard The Carpenters argue with Pa Farmer, so we got closer to find out what it was all about. A few years ago, the Farmers lived in the Carpenters' farmhouse, which is very old, but they came into some grant money. They built a modern farmhouse at the top of the hill, along with the turkey barn and hen-house, so they could Lord it over everyone."

"So where do the Carpenters come in?"

"They always wanted to farm and bring up their family in the country. This place was falling apart so the rent was cheap. They leased the farmyard and a few fields for 15 years and been here the last ten. The Farmer wanted the horse field back because the wood in the Plantation is ready to harvest five years earlier than expected. The Carpenters said they could only have the field back if they repaired the stables."

"There's no roof on the stables," Tarquin observed.

"Right, it fell in long ago, before my time. The Farmer said they were facing ruin and couldn't repair the stables, so instead threatened doubling the rent from next March. Mary Carpenter was in tears yesterday when they were offered two llamas and a donkey from a field another friend rented from The Farmer and couldn't afford to take them."

They made it to the main road, a dual carriageway with lush grass in the middle but the traffic was rushing by despite the darkness of the night. The human vehicles carry their own lights before them. They stood by a pair of posts next to the road.

The Carpenters' Cat called Tarquin over.

"This is a special crossing that the humans use, the lights on these posts control the traffic. You're the only one of us that can reach the button."

"Button?"

"That one here," The Carpenters' Cat stretched up the pole but couldn't quite reach a box with a button in the middle.

Tarquin pecked with his beak and a word he'd not seen before lit up in the box. It sounded the same though.

"'W-A-I-T' it read ... Wait ... I've seen that on the bags of Goat Meal, 'weight 25kgs', which must mean wait 25 cages!"

"That must be how long it takes before the lights change to the green man," explained The Carpenters' Cat, "get ready to cross everyone!"

Lola started counting, "One, two, three..."

The beeping to indicate the traffic signal lights changing took everyone by surprise, except The Carpenters' Cat, who smugly stepped into the road in front of the stopping vehicles. Can you imagine what went through the minds of the motorists at the front of the queues in the early hours of that Christmas Eve morning?

They saw a self-assured tortoise-shell cat; followed by a cheerful woolly lamb skipping along behind; then a nervous young cow, all legs and huge brown eyes blinking in the headlights; a bronze Turkey perhaps on the small side for her breed and ducking her head down trying to appear not much bigger than a chicken; a fat pig, a big bronze turkey, a giant of a bird, proudly puffing out his chest, head held high; and following up the rear was a massive Huskie trotting along with its tongue flapping out of the side of his maw.

What most car drivers didn't see, because their focus was too low, although a couple of truck drivers further back could, was the swooping and rising path of a green parrot, just above the animal parade. One of the truck drivers was particular interested in the parrot, an unexpected exotic apparition. He followed its erratic progress right across the road; he'd heard local truck drivers talk about a feral colony of parrots in the area but had never seen them before, and wanted to remember every wing flap to retell in detail at his next scheduled café stop.

The second trucker also noted the parrot but was far more interested in the barn owl that glided through slowly and silently behind with just a couple of languid strokes. The sight of that flash of white made him smile for the first time that morning. So when the car immediately ahead of him stalled and he had to apply his brakes in a scream of hissing air, he rolled his eyes rather than issue his customary verbal description of the apparent heritage of some incompetent motorist who shouldn't be left in charge of a shopping trolley, much less a motor car, when he noticed a second barn owl, smaller, higher, faster, following on well behind the troupe just passed.

Kelly reached the other side and broke off from the rest, attracted by the aroma of a succulent verge of mixed fescues and rye grasses with dandelion and vetches growing in between. She wandered across the verge and started eating from this clearly ungleaned bonanza. Lola soon joined her in breaking her fast.

The Carpenters' Cat seemed relaxed about this breaking of ranks and sat down to lick out the grit and road salt in the pads of her paws but Tarquin was less happy by this risky sojourn. He made sure that Tina and Paul moved over to the railings around the park, where they were furthest away from the dangerous road. He allowed the animals to rest for half an hour while Kelly ate her fill. He could see the red light of dawn approach in the eastern sky and felt that they were already attracting more undue attention from the road users than was comfortable.

"Come on, guys, we're so near the nature reserve, you can continue to have your fill of grass in there."

Lola bounced off the verge to rejoin the group by the railings straight away, but Kelly looked up and blinked her long lashes over her deep brown eyes.

"Monly be a mmminute," she mumbled, munching a final mouthful of grass.

But then they heard the screeching of brakes in the nearest lane. A pickup truck, that looked vaguely familiar to Tarquin, had pulled up beside them, almost causing an accident by traffic immediately following behind. The cars behind the stopped truck peeped their horns, startling Kelly, who started to panic. The cars tried to move around the truck, causing cars in the outside lane behind to blast their horns in impatience, bringing all the traffic to a halt as no-one appeared willing to give way. So Kelly was off and running in panic down the road. Arthur the Huskie, set off in pursuit after her.

The truck doors were thrown open with a crash and The Farmer's Wife stepped out of the passenger door and tried in vain to climb over the pedestrian safety fencing.

"I've got you now!" she sneered, looking straight at Tarquin.

The Farmer got out of the truck on his side and ran around the front of it. In the truck headlights it could be seen that he carried a shot gun.

Neither Tarquin or Tina understood the significance of what he carried, but Lola had seen it in action and knew the fence was no barrier to the weapon, The Farmer had used it in her field before, during the autumn, using that metal stick to kill pigeons, crows and rabbits. She cried out a warning to her friends.

"The Farmer uses that thunder stick to kill from a long way away," Lola shouted in panic to Tina, Tarquin and Paul, and started off running and jumping after Kelly.

The Carpenters' Cat sat impassively on the pavement looking on.

Tarquin took one look at his friends who remained motionless by the railings, "Come on, let's run!"

The chase was on.

Tarquin was running and flapping his wings down the dual carriageway. Back in the turkey barn he had been too fat to fly, but being hungry for several days, along with all the recent exercise, he suddenly found himself soaring up in the air for several seconds at a time. Tina ahead of him had done the same and was also flying, maybe eight or nine feet off the ground. Tarquin could see that in her panic, Kelly had run into the road through a gap in the pedestrian fencing, Lola was immediately behind her and Paul had almost caught up with them. There was no traffic on this side of the road, as The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife had held up the flow with their sudden stop. But that wasn't the case on the opposite carriageway, which was thick with traffic. Even if they could find a gap in the central fence, how could they cross the opposite carriageway in safety?

It was getting light out now and, looking back, Tarquin could see that The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife were climbing back in their truck and would soon start to bear down the road towards them.

Tarquin and Tina landed ahead of Kelly, just as Arthur ran back from ahead.

"About 200 metres ahead," the Huskie panted, "there's a crossing point at the end of the lane leading down from the horse field."

"What about the traffic?"

"Don't worry about the traffic," Arthur grinned, "just get us down there!"

"Tina," Tarquin said, "try and keep Kelly calm and help her down to the crossing with Arthur."

"What are you going to do?" Tina asked.

"Buy us some time."

"Be careful," Tina replied, "promise?"

"Well, not sure about careful, but I promise to be good."

Arthur turned and ran up the way he came, followed by Paul, who had overtaken the rest, Kelly and Lola, with Tina flapping behind. When they got to the crossing, there were Cranberry and Goldie, mounted by Judy and Jenny Carpenter, holding up the traffic in all directions. Tina glanced back to see Tarquin's wings spread across the windscreen of The Farmer's truck, which appeared to be crashed into the railings in the centre of the dual carriageway.

The Farmer's Wife had got out her side but was being "bombed" by Pierre and Oliver and another barn owl, scratching at her head while she flapped her arms about. All this was shown in silhouette, against the bright headlights of stopped traffic behind. Then Tina saw the shadow of The Carpenters' Cat behind The Farmer's Wife and heard the bloodcurdling scream as the cat ran both her front sets of sharp claws down the backs of her legs.

The Farmer couldn't get out of the truck on his side and had slid across to the passenger side but thought twice about confronting The Carpenters' Cat.

"Tarquin, come on!" Tina yelled at her mate.

Tarquin turned, leapt down from the truck and, after a run and a hop, was airborne again, appearing to be none the worst for wear after bravely stopping the truck.

Soon, the whole herd were running back towards The Carpenters' farmyard. Once there, the herd were guided into the barn by Mary and Joe Carpenter, and the door shut behind them. The Owls settled together in the rafters of the barn to get better acquainted, Pierre was nowhere to be seen and Arthur lay down panting and was being patted by the boy Jonathan, with Lola and Kelly also flopped exhausted on the floor.

"What's going on, Arthur?" Tarquin asked.

The Huskie stood up wagging his tail, making Jonathan laugh by his sudden recovery. "According to Goldie, the girls arrived home late last night and, after discussion you and your little herd, agreed with their Mum and Dad to keep you guys here on the farm."

"But they never even saw us," Tina said.

"This is their little farm," Arthur replied, "it's their life's work. They knew you were here but, according to what Goldie and Cranberry overheard the girls talking about, while they were preparing them for their early morning ride, they were shocked to find you all gone this morning and Judy and Jenny were sent out to look for us. I found them just as they arrived at the crossing."

"So how did you talk to the Carpenters? Humans are hopeless at understanding animals."

"Yes, they are, but Goldie and Cranberry stepped into the crossing on a red light and stopped the traffic from moving when the lights next changed. The Carpenter girls couldn't make them move but I barked and ran back a little way so they turned and saw you and Tina flying towards us. Then I think they understood what we were trying to do."

"Thank you, Arthur, where would we be without you and The Carpenters' Cat? Where is she by the way?"

"Here," The Carpenters' Cat said, just behind them.

Tarquin jumped, "How do you do that?"

The Carpenters' Cat just smiled in reply.

Jonathan Carpenter was thoughtfully filling bowls with water, which was just what the animals needed, even though humans barely understand animal language.

Outside they heard a truck pull up with lots of shouting. Jonathan peered through a gap in the door, as did Lola and Arthur, but their fields of vision were narrow. The Carpenters' Cat simply disappeared, no doubt to find a better vantage point to satisfy her curiosity. Paul and Kelly lay down, still panting. Tarquin found out what happened from Pierre and Gavin later, who saw everything from their vantage points on the bird table or the duck pond.

The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife pulled up in their battered truck, the driver's side front tyre shredded down to the metal. They jumped out of the truck, both armed with shotguns, and argued with Mary and Joe Carpenter.

The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife made their demands. They wanted their animals back, especially the big turkey, he was earmarked for today's dinner, Christmas Day dinner. Mary and Joe Carpenter were firm in their response, asking could they prove ownership? This made The Farmer's Wife spitting angry, she handed her shotgun to her husband, limped to the back of the truck and brought two jerrycans of fuel to the front. She screamed that she was going to burn the barn down, to force the animals out. She opened one can and splashed fuel over the barn doors. Jonathan and the animals moved back away from the doors, Kelly panicking from the smell.

The Carpenters Mary and Joe said they can't do that, their son was inside, but the mad Farmer's Wife said it was their barn, the Carpenters are only "renting", so they could burn their own property if they wanted to. The Carpenters pointed out that the barn and farmyard was protected by being Grade II listed, but The Farmer's Wife was determined. She went back to the truck for a lighter.

Judy and Jenny rode their horses Cranberry and Goldie between The Farmer's truck and the Barn. The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife threatened them with the shotguns and the glowing lighter from the truck. The Farmer's Wife fired one charge in the air, to frighten the horses out of the way, but Goldie and Cranberry stood firm.

The Carpenters called for Fire and Police who come in and arrested The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife. The Fire Service washed away the fuel with their hoses and made the area safe.

EPILOGUE

Mary and Joe Carpenter's small holding was conveniently on the main road just outside town. The boy Jonathan had lots of pets, adding to that the menagerie that Tarquin brought, plus two llama and a donkey offered by another farmer, the Carpenters were able to set up a petting zoo, which proved very popular. The new animals all loved the visiting children.

The Farmer and The Farmer's Wife didn't have licences for the guns, so were charged with discharging a weapon endangering life, possession of unlicensed firearms, threatening behaviour, attempted arson and driving away from the scene of an accident after damaging Crown property. They were convicted and almost immediately declared bankrupt.

The bank found that The Carpenters' lease agreement included a preferential option to purchase and, by the time the court case was heard, they had built up a strong business and had already earned sufficient funds to renovate the stables and animal pens, improving the visitors' experience so they were booked ahead, by schools in particular, for several years into the future. With a strong business plan and healthy revenue forecasts, the bank had no hesitation in offloading as much of the original farm to the Carpenters for a competitive price, including the Plantation, which the Bank valued in the books at cost of planting plus land. The plantation was very profitably harvested and replanted, as soon as the horses could start to use the newly-roofed stables.

Oliver Owl settled happily in the old barn with his new mate. She thought Oliver had interesting friends, which made Oliver interesting by association. Following them out of curiosity and then, once she became committed to helping the herd escape The Farmer's Wife, she became more interested in Oliver than ever.

Judy and Jenny were so happy to see their favourite pet cat that they let slip that they called The Carpenters' Cat ... Kylie-Cat ... the formerly hungry herd were warned never to repeat, on pain of death or worse.

Tarquin never went hungry again, and, before long he was to find out why Tina had switched to the layers' pellets. Tarquin and Tina were two happy turkeys, even after they developed what appeared to be a perpetually "hungry herd" of young turkeys of their own.

The end.