All Comments on 'The Jewel of Desire'

Things could get out of hand pretty fast.

Not too much, as some stories tend to be. Good flow!

I absolutely loved it! The buildup was perfect and the sex was awesome!! I can't wait to see what happens with foursome! Five stars and a favorite point.

I'm eager to see where this goes, too!

There's something about this jewel...well you'll just have to wait and see.

I really enjoyed this but it could definitely use a second set of eyes for clunky sentences and typos.

While Carl thinks he knows what's going on, I suspect there is more to it. I doubt either of them WANTED to become horny supermodels but somehow that still happened so I suspect it either has a will of its own, or it is taking customization requests from a larger range of people.

As an aside, please get a proofreader, I volunteer if you like.

I agree with Timtom12 in that something other than Carl and Dolores’ thoughts and desires are driving the changes. Having the jewel using them to take over more people and spread its influence would allow a large expansion of the story. That being said I would not mind if Carl becomes agreeable to fooling around with men as well. Both giving and receiving pleasure in a way that he has not tried before can be good reading.

I thought I’d give your writing another go but halfway through page 4 or 5 I remembered why I’d always abandoned your stories. You are a careless writer, with little skill and less imagination. I cannot imagine the intellect of those who find this drivel entertaining or the baseness of their senses if they find it erotic.

The story is a very nice idea that is different to the normal ones where someone gets a ring and knows what to do and and and... Lots of potential!

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To the author of the negative feedback.

If you don't like his style, don't read his stories. If you want to help use constructive critique not destructive.

If you insult the full number of readers and question their intellect it doesn't necessarily speak for your own abilities.... And writing negative comments as a anonymous author.... well...

And I full well know I am commenting anonymous myself.

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Really enjoyed the story and looking forward to the next part. Like others have said, I enjoy the new plot device of the wishing gem, as opposed to the usual “ring”.

Although I can appreciate your attemp/desire to self proof, I feel this story would have really excelled if it had another set of eyes on it to catch small typos and what not. It’s real hard to self proof since as you re-read it you know what you meant to say and don’t always see what was actually written.

Keep up the good work!

Great beginning, it has a lot of chances to develop in many directions. I am looking forward to reading the next chapter. I always enjoy your stories.

One star the instant he ate his cum from her

ZK

The word is breast.

A fun chapter, ... However, your self-editing was hit and miss, ... I noted about a dozen boo-boos, some wrong words, some dropped or added letters, and at least one that I personally would have written in a different way to make the meaning clearer. I am reading this about 5 years after it was first posted, so I do not expect a major re-editing, ... you do write an enjoyable tale, in spite of the boo-boos, which are not nearly as bad as in your early 'A Gift from my Father' series, ... a noticeable improvement, good job! ;-) TTFN

I stopped reading whilst on the first page I'm afraid.

The whole caving incident felt rushed to me and even for someone in their 20's falling into a mineshaft would have been a bit more of an event, but people in their 60's? Their skin would have been torn up at least, and bruises, sprains and whatnot should have appeared. Then I came across your character contradicting themselves with "...She rarely felt like having sex and when they did it was Carl who initiated it...." and then "...Why not? She had a good healthy libido..." A good healthy libido should mean that she felt like sex regularly, so it's either one or the other.

I checked out of the story then.

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!

Sorry, only got a few paragraphs in, seemed possibly interesting, especially given the high rating...but....

Too many really stupid grammatical errors, very distracting.

Style matters.

“They [nipples] were directly linked to her pussy.“ No.

Better: It seemed like they were directly linked to her pussy.

Nipples are directly linked to the posterior hypothalamus which immediately triggers the release of oxytocin, one whose effects is contraction of uterine muscles as well as overall good feeling. One advantage of this mechanism—compared to a direct link—is that the effect is persistent, lasting longer than the stimulus to the nipple.