The Pretend Boyfriend

"Where are you going?"

"Away from your cheating ass" and then I was out the door.

I checked in at the Marriott and left a wakeup call for seven. At nine I was at the door of the bank when it opened. I needed to see what Amber had left me. Amber's attorney must not been worth what she was paying him because he obviously hadn't told her to do her banking before she hit me with the papers. Imagine my surprise when I found all the accounts untouched. I quickly changed that. I left two dollars in each account, a dollar for every year we were married.

I went to another bank and opened a checking account with half the money and then I went to a second bank and rented a deposit box for the rest. I didn't know if they had a way of finding out where I had accounts, but I didn't want to chance it. I didn't think they would think I'd open accounts at two different banks. I mean it wasn't like we were dealing with millions. We were only talking about sixteen thousand.

Next step was work where I told my boss what had happened and I was going to need a few days off to take care of somethings. He told me to take the rest of the week off and then he sent me to our in house legal department to get a recommendation for a divorce lawyer of my own. Dave in Legal told me his brother Chuck was the man I wanted to see and he called him and made an appointment for me to see him that afternoon.

Next stop was Radio Shack where I bought three voice activated tape recorders. Then I went back to the apartment, made sure that Amber's car was gone and then went inside to get some things I'd overlooked the night before. While there I planted the three recorders where I thought they would pick up the most. I also picked up the envelope off the table where it was still setting.

I read it over pie and coffee at the Village Inn while waiting for my appointment with the attorney. It was just as Amber had said. An even split of assets, we kept our own cars and she wasn't asking for alimony.

My afternoon meeting with Dave's brother Chuck was enlightening. I found we lived in a state where no fault rules were in sway, but we were one of the few states that allowed you to sue for alienation of affections. He also pointed out that if the company that Amber and the Lattis asshole worked for had a company policy and procedures manual and that manual had morals clauses in it we could sue the company for not enforcing those rules. I gave him the tape of Amber's talk with me and he listened and said we had enough to move forward. Then he asked me what I wanted to do. I smiled and said:

"Rape, burn, pillage, destroy and make them bleed."

He said he would get right on it.

I spent the rest of the day looking for an apartment. I found one close to work, took care of the necessary paperwork and moved in. I didn't want anything out of the apartment so I hit the Goodwill store and got everything I needed to set up housekeeping and make the place livable.

I'd turned off my phone when I walked out on Amber and I only turned it back on to use it and then shut it off again. There were missed messages and voicemails from Amber, but I deleted them all unread and unlistened to. When I got back to work the following week there were thirty-nine "While you were out" messages waiting for me and Maxine, my secretary, begged me to do something to "Get her off my back."

I picked up the phone and called Amber. "Thank you for calling the offices of Harper, Walden and Associates. How may I direct your call?"

"Is the cheating whore in yet?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Is my cheating wife in yet? You know, the one who sleeps with her boss when they are on trips or long lunches?"

"Oh" a short pause and then "This is Amber. How can I help you?"

And didn't that tell me something. Not once did I mention Amber's name, but the receptionist knew who I was calling as soon as I said "the one who sleeps with her boss on trips".

"Why the hell are you calling me? Everything that needed to be said happened after dinner the other night. I do not want to talk to you Amber. It fact it would suit me fine if I never set eyes on you again so stop trying to get in touch with me. I will not take your calls. Have a rotten life bitch!"

I couldn't wait to share that tape with my attorney. Yes, tape. I had decided that it would be in my best interests to have all my conversations with Amber recorded.

Was I curious as to what she wanted to say? Of course I was; just not curious enough.

Chuck called me the next day and told me that the papers were ready to serve and asked me how I wanted to handle it. We set it up to serve the papers on Amber and Lattis at work the next day. I was counter suing Amber for divorce on the grounds of adultery and suing Lattis for alienation of affections. After the two of them had been served in front of as many of her co-workers as possible the process server would serve a company official with papers.

Somehow Chuck had gotten a copy of the company's policy and procedures manual and it did have morals clauses in it. There was one strongly worded section on relationships between supervisors and those they supervised so the company was being sued for not enforcing their own policies and thereby being a party to the breakup of my marriage.

The next day when I got to work I told Maxine to expect a call from Amber sometime after two which was the time the papers would be served. Sure enough the call came in at two-ten.

"What the fuck do you want Amber?"

"Why did you do it Bobby? I thought you loved me."

"I did Amber; right up until you kicked me to the curb so you could be with your asshole boss."

"It didn't have to be this way Bobby. I still have affection for you."

"Get serious Amber and stop living in La-La Land. I don't know what you expected I would do after your little speech, but you should have known me well enough to know I wasn't going to go peacefully. You started this ball rolling so pull up your big girl panties and live with it."

"Did you have to go after Brian too?"

"Of course I did. The asshole went after my wife. He knew you were married and he made a move on you anyway and he has to pay. This isn't the seventeen or eighteen hundreds where I could challenge the asshole to a duel and kill his ass so I had to go with the twenty-first century equivalent and sue his ass. Believe me Amber; I really wish I could have done something more brutal to the both of you, but I don't want to go to jail. I've said this before, but it didn't seem to take. I do not want to hear your voice again. Have a rotten life bitch!"

I hung up the phone and got back to work.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Then things took on a life of their own. The company said that the suit against them was bogus and they couldn't be expected to know what their employees were doing away from the office. Chuck played them the tape of my phone call to Amber and said:

"Your receptionist knew how to place the call without a name being mentioned and you claim you didn't know? Everyone else in the building seems to know and you expect me to believe that no one in management had a clue?"

They made an offer and Chuck told me it was probably the best we could hope for without going to trial were the wrong jury could find against us. Since I hadn't much cared if Amber's company paid me anything or not I told Chuck to take their offer. My only reason for going after the company was to bring them down on Amber and Lattis and in that I was successful. Lattis was fired, but Amber was able to hold onto her job. I found out later that she claimed that Lattis told her if she didn't put out for him he would fire her. I knew that was bullshit because I'd already listened to her 'soulmates' speech.

Even though Lattis was out of a job and had no paycheck coming in he did have considerable assets. He owned his house free and clear and he had several investments, but he was going to try and tough it out.

"No jury is ever going to find for you in this case. You have no proof other than the words of a delusional women."

Chuck smiled at him and said "The words of a delusional women and your words" and then he played the tapes for Lattis. The tapes? Oh yeah. Remember the three recorders I placed in the apartment? Two days after I'd had the happy couple served I went back to the apartment and retrieved them. I hadn't bothered to try a tap the phone because Amber's habit when on the phone was to put it on speaker so she could do other things while she talked. The first conversation of interest took place on the evening following my placing of the recorders.

"Is he back yet?"

"No and I don't think he will come back."

"Are you sure he isn't going to cause us any problems?"

"He will accept it. My Bobby isn't the type to stay where he thinks he isn't wanted."

"That doesn't mean he won't be so pissed that he will want to get even."

"Not my Bobby. I know him. There isn't a mean bone in his body. He will do just what he did when we broke up in high school. He will ignore me and move on."

"No backbone huh?"

"I didn't say that."

"Now that he is out of the picture can we start getting together more often? Lunch hours and trips just aren't enough Babe. I need more of you."

"We can't do it here. He might just decide to come back and I wouldn't want him walking in on us doing it."

"No problem Babe. We will just leave work and go to my house. You might as well get used to the place since I'm going to move you in anyway. Now that he is out of the picture we can skip the lunch hour quickies and spend some quality time together."

"I'd like that, but my lawyer told me I shouldn't do anything that Bobby might find out about and then use against me."

"Why worry? You said it yourself. He will ignore you and move on. Face it Babe. He isn't a man; he is a wimp. A real man wouldn't have gotten up and walked out. He would have ranted and raved and threatened to hunt me down. That's why you picked me Babe. You needed a real man in your life."

"Well if you think it is okay I guess I can spend the night at your place tomorrow."

The second one of interest took place the evening after they were served.

"You said he would walk away. You said he would just ignore you and move on."

"I don't understand it. That was just so unlike my Bobby. I didn't think he was capable of ever hurting me."

"It is too late to worry about it now. What we need to do now is damage control."

"What do you mean?"

"It seems that after we were served the company got served."

"For what?"

"For not enforcing the C P & P."

"I don't understand."

"Have you ever read it?"

"No. It just seemed like a bunch of legal gobaldy gook to me."

"There are moral clauses in it and one whole section about the behaviors of supervisors with those they supervise. Beeman wants to see me in his office first thing in the morning and it could be bad."

"Why?"

"Because they may figure my relationship with you is inappropriate and if they decide to take a hard line on it I could end up being demoted."

"That's just silly. How can a company insert itself into the lives of two people who love each other?"

I laughed out loud at his next words.

"Are you sure that you are a college graduate with a degree in Business Management?"

"Of course I am. How could you even ask me something like that?"

"Did you sleep through all of your Business Law courses?"

There was more, but the upshot was that Lattis settled. I did have to give the asshole some credit. He told Amber to say he had threatened to fire her if she didn't go to bed with him on their trips together and if asked he wouldn't deny it. That way she could save her job.

When the dust settled and after Chuck took his cut I had eighty-nine thousand more in my bank account and an ex-wife.

Are Amber and Lattis still together? Don't know, don't care, but I doubt it. Six months after the divorce was final I received a phone call from Amber.

"Bobby? I made a big mistake honey. I miss you. Can we get together and talk about it?"

"No we can't Amber. How many times do I have to tell you that I never want to see you or hear your voice again."

And I hung up on her.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, back to she of the hazel eyes and flaming red hair.

We were at Antonio's, a lounge close to where we work, and we stopped there every Wednesday night after work for a drink or two to unwind and bad mouth management and their latest stupid maneuver. There was a juke box and a dance floor (Antonio's had a live band Thursday through Saturday) and someone was always dropping quarters in the juke box.

The girls I worked with liked to dance so they were always pulling guys off their seats and out onto the dance floor. I did my share of dancing with them, but I was never the one to ask them. If they asked me I would. Just me being quirky I suppose. Most were married, engaged or had boyfriends and I would not ask another guy's women for anything; not even a simple thing like a dance. If they asked me fine, but I would not do the asking. The only exception was Constance. If she asked I politely declined by saying that I had to leave because I was due someplace else and needed to be on my way.

It was six-thirty and we had been there since five and the group started breaking up and leaving. By six forty-five there was only Constance and me. When we all got there we had pushed three tables together and Constance had been sitting at one end and I was sitting at the other end. With everyone else gone we looked silly as hell sitting there with the length of three table between us.

I could have gotten up and gone down to her end and joined her, but I didn't. I was afraid that it would look like I was trying to make a move on her. Silly of me and I knew it, but you have to realize, maybe not understand but realize, just how bad Amber had fucked me up. What she had done to me affected the way I looked at women and the way I behaved around them.

I had just decided to get up and go home when Constance got up, came to my end of the table and sat down next to me.

"Truth time Bob. No one else around to hear so why don't you tell me why you don't like me? Then again maybe it isn't a matter of like. Maybe what it is is that you are afraid of me. Come on Bob; give it up."

I may be a touch on the quirky side when it comes how I am with some women, but I'm not at all awkward or tongue-tied around them.

"Why would you think that I don't like you or am afraid of you?"

"Just the way you avoid me. You won't dance with me even if I ask you and when we pass each other in the halls at work you turn your eyes away from me. I'm not the shy and retiring type Bob. I know what I look like and I'm used to guys sniffing around me. I've seen you watching me and I admit I like the attention so when I run across someone who behaves toward me like you do I have to ask myself why. The only two reasons I could come up with are that you don't like me or that you are afraid of me for some reason."

"Well you are partially right. Fear is part of it. I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of me."

"You are afraid of you? That doesn't even make sense."

"Maybe not to you, but never the less it is true."

"Come on Bob; open up here. You can't say something like that to me and then leave me hanging. You know it will drive me crazy if I don't find out."

What the hell I thought; what could it hurt.

"I'm afraid of what I might do if I got friendly with you."

"That doesn't even come close to making sense to me."

"That's because you don't the effect that you have on me"

She bent and looked down at the floor before looking back up at me and saying "It's getting pretty deep down there Bob."

"No bullshit Mrs. Frederick" and then I proceeded to tell her how I viewed her and my feelings about having anything to do with women who were already attached. She broke out laughing.

"You would kill for me? Well I am pretty pissed off at my husband right now, but I don't think I'll take you up on the kill for me business."

The waitress came up and Constance ordered us another round. As soon as the waitress was gone Constance said:

"You just might be what I need in my life Bob. A male friend whose shoulder I can cry on without having to worry about him hitting on me."

"You miss the point here Mrs. Frederick. My fear is that with you I might not be able to control myself."

"How about you don't worry about it and let me handle the control issues. Now that we have that settled what are you doing Friday?"

"Nothing planned. Why?"

"Hubby is in Seattle for two weeks of training and I have a charity function I need to attend. If I go alone I'll be getting hit on all night long so what I need is an escort who will be safe and that would be you. All you'll need is a suit and a tie and a willingness to stand between me and the guys who want to get in my pants."

"But I'm one of them; that's why I have to stay away from you."

"Hush now Bobby; I've got you figured out now. You want in my pants, but you won't make a move and we both know it. The only way you can get out of being my date is to just flat out say you don't want to be seen out in public with an ugly hag like me. So tell me Bobby; what's it going to be?"

I took a deep breath, told myself I was being stupid and then said "What time and where?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When she opened the door to greet me at six on Friday it took every ounce of my willpower to keep me from throwing her over my shoulder and then running for her bedroom. She was absolutely stunning in her 'little black dress' and four inch CFMs. She literally took my breath away.

"Earth to Bobby; come in Bobby" brought me out of the trance the sight of her had put me into.

"Damn boy; you sure are good for a woman's ego."

The charity event was a dinner and dancing affair and the tickets had been a hundred bucks each with the proceeds going to various charities. I wasn't really surprised to see James Camebridge, president and CEO of Camebridge Enterprises (and my boss) there because it was well known that he supported a multitude of charities. What did surprise me was that after the dinner part of the event was over and all the speechifying was done with and the band started playing he came over to our table and asked me if I would mind his dancing with my date. I glanced at Constance and she nodded that it was all right with her so I said:

"Not at all. In fact she would probably love to dance with someone who doesn't have two left feet and who is always stepping on her toes."

He offered her his arm and away they went. They stayed out on the floor for two numbers and while they didn't dance close they did talk a lot. He could have been just another horny guy wanting in her pants, but I very much doubted it. Mainly because his wife was at the event with him. I debated going over and asking her to dance, but then thought better of it. I was new to these kinds of events and didn't know the rules so to speak.

I looked around the room at the number of the communities' movers and shakers and realized I was way out of my league which brought up a thought. What was a low level secretary doing at an event like this? She seemed to know several people who were there and none of them required me to stand between them and Constance. And just how had she known Mr. Camebridge? All questions that I wasn't about to ask.

Mr. Camebridge brought her back to me and thanked me for letting him steal her for a bit.

"Dawson, right?"

"Yes sir; Bob Dawson."

"No sirs please; call me Jim" and he offered his hand and I shook it. Constance stood there smiling at me like I had just passed a test of some sort as Mr. Camebridge walked away. She reached for my hand and said: