The Pretend Boyfriend

He turned to Constance and said "I've had the screaming hots for you since the first time I set eyes on you and I've got something that I think you might like. Ever had eleven inches?"

The guy got to me. He was an arrogant asshole and I wanted to stand up and pound him into the ground, but I knew if I did it someone would call the cops and I'd end up behind bars. But if I could get him outside without letting him know what I had in mind for him I could probably get away with it. He was looking at Constance and not at me so he didn't see the wink I gave her. Hoping that she would play along I said:

"I don't know if she has or not, but I think I would like to see if she could take that much. We have talked about doing a threesome, but so far she hasn't met anyone that she would consider doing it with. How about it Connie? Want to give it a try?"

"I don't know. I've never had anything bigger than seven. I don't know if I could handle eleven. If he really has eleven; he could just be a big mouthed braggart."

The guy laughed and said "Easy enough to prove. Come on out to the parking lot."

Constance looked at me and I nodded so she said "Let's go."

We got up and headed out to the parking lot. My intent was to get him to where we wouldn't be seen and then drop-kick the assholes gonads so hard his cock would come out of his mouth like a second tongue. Maybe it would teach him that approaching women and bragging about his dick could be a bit hazardous. Did I even consider that his game might be better than mine? Hell no. All I was thinking about was kicking his ass.

When we got behind the dumpster where we couldn't be see the guy said "How about a show of good faith. Show me something to show me that you didn't just come out here to shuck and jive me."

I had already balled my fists and the signal to throw the punch was being sent from my brain when Constance said:

"I can do that."

Her hands opened her blouse and she unsnapped her bra and let the girls out. I froze. There had never been any doubt in my mind that Constance had the body of a sexual goddess, but actually seeing what she had was damned near heart stopping.

"Holy Jesus" the guy said as he looked at what was on display. He pulled down his zipper and took out his meat. Even soft it was impressive. He stroked it while looking at Constance's tits and it grew. I have no idea why I stayed motionless and didn't go after the asshole with my fists, but I somehow knew Constance wanted to handle this.

"How about it babe" he said as he worked it; "Think you can take it?"

"I don't think I can take it all, but maybe I could if it was two inches shorter" and her hand came out of her purse. The 'snick' of the spring-loaded switchblade knife opening hadn't even faded when two things happened. The first was that the guy was already five feet away and running as if his life depended on getting the hell away from Constance (which in a way I suppose it did) and the second thing was the thought that instantly entered my mind.

"No way she needs me around for protection! Something ain't right here Bobby; something ain't right at all."

I was standing there staring at Constance and she shrugged and put the knife away. As she did it I noticed a lanyard hanging from the end of it and hanging from the lanyard was a little black cylinder which I recognized. I'd bought one for Amber way back when. It was a spray tube of Mace. Yes indeed Bobby; there was something rotten in Denmark. And I intended to find out what it was.

She was packing her 'girls' away in their holster when I said "This sure has been a memorable date and it and it gives me a thing or two to remember the next time you take me to the edge."

She came over and kissed me on the cheek. "You won't always be around and a girl has to be prepared."

I took her home, got another kiss on the cheek and then went back to my place. As I drove I had another thought. After seeing what Constance had put on display I was starting to ask myself how Mr. Frederick could leave that at home for as often as he did. He couldn't be all that bright is all I could think. That brought up "Why would a girl like Constance put up with a brain dead husband?"

When I got home I got out the phone book and looked at the F listings. There were several Fredericks but only one listed at 1745 Morningside. The name was Constance Frederick. No Steve Frederick. No Steve and Constance Frederick. Just Constance.

The next day was Sunday and it was not a work day at Camebridge Enterprises. I had a key to the office and I went in. I went to the Personnel office and knowing where Janice hid the keys I got them and opened the file cabinets. I found Constance's folder, pulled it out and went over to sit at Janice's desk and started to go through the file.

An MBA from Wharton and she was working as a secretary? Under spouse she had answered none. Emergency contacts told me a good bit of the story. Listed under who to contact in case of emergency were the names James and Stacy Camebridge and under relationship she had put down aunt and uncle.

I was being played. Shit! All of us who worked there were being played. As I put the file back into the file cabinet I was wondering what my next step should be.

I wasn't too surprised at what I'd found because I'd already figured that something wasn't as it seemed. That's why I was there checking her file in the first place. No, the biggest surprise for me was Janice. She was one of the biggest gossips and rumormongers in the company, but she hadn't let out a peep about Constance.

The information told me what Constance was doing. She started as a secretary and then was made assistant office manager and no doubt the next step would be office manager. Next she would be moved into Accounting, Purchasing, Production and Shipping and Receiving. She was being groomed to take over for Uncle Jim when he retired. She was learning the company from the bottom up.

The question left unanswered was what was she doing with me? Constance could take care of herself just fine. It might be true that having me on her arm would keep most guys from hitting on her, but any guy could serve that purpose so why me? For that matter why any guy? I was sure the Constance I'd seen during the Mr. Eleven episode could handle being hit on and there was no doubt in my mind whatsoever that she could handle it in a way that word would go out that you should stay away from her unless she gave some indication she wouldn't mind your attention. No Bobby, no indeed; Miss Frederick was playing you and the question was why. Why and what to do about it.

I spent the balance of my Sunday thinking about it and by the time I went to work on Monday I still had no clear idea of what to do. One thing I did know was that now I knew there was no Mr. Frederick Constance's 'safe man' was no longer safe where she was concerned.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Monday at work I gave Constance no sign anything was different between us. We were seen kissing in the hallway around eleven and again a little after two. At three my secretary buzzed me and told me that Mr. Camebridge was on line two. I picked it up and found that he wanted to see me in his office. I went assuming he wanted to talk production numbers. I wasn't prepared for what he hit me with.

He pointed at a chair and I sat down as he told his secretary that he wasn't to be disturbed and to take messages if anyone called. He looked at me and said:

"Production was a mess until you took over as manager. You have it running like a fine Swiss watch now and I'm impressed. I'm very impressed. Do you think you might be ready to take on another challenge?"

Not having a clue as to where this conversation was going I just said "It would depend on the challenge Mr. Camebridge."

"Knock off that mister stuff. I told you to call me Jim."

"Well Jim, I would need to know what the challenge was before I could say that I'd take it on."

"Fair enough. The problem seems to be a lack of coordination between Production, Purchasing, Shipping and Receiving and Quality Control. My solution to the problem is to put all of the functions under one head. I'm offering you the job. It is a promotion to director level and would be about a thirty percent raise in pay. It also comes with a company car and credit card to pay for gas, maintenance and the like. Interested?"

"Of course I am, but I need to know a bit more of what you are seeing as problems. I am aware of one and that is Purchasing not getting Production the material it needs in a timely manner and it has had an impact on promised delivery schedules."

He told me that was just one of the problems he saw and as he started listing the others I found myself wondering if he knew of the weird relationship I had with his niece. He knew the Misses part was bullshit and I was sure that he didn't know that I knew it. He had seen me on dates with her on more than a few occasions. Suddenly I realized he had to know what she was doing and he had to know that I was merely playing a role as her date, lover or whatever.

How had I come to that conclusion? If he didn't know I wouldn't be sitting in his office being offered a promotion. If you owned a big business are you going to put your trust in a man who was knowingly cheating with another man's wife? Wouldn't you think that if he was of such low moral character he couldn't be trusted with anything important? I know that's what I would think.

When he finished outlining what he saw as problems he asked if I was willing to give it a shot. I sat there looking at him and then decided to jump into the deep end of the pool.

"Has Constance anything to do with this?"

"Constance?"

"You know. Your niece Constance. The one who pretends to be married to a Mr. Frederick?"

He gave me a bemused look and said "I told her she wouldn't be able to get away with it for very long, but to answer your question Constance had nothing to do with my making you this offer. She did know I was going to do it and she did approve, but she had no input on the choice."

"She approved?"

"You will find out sooner or later so now is as good a time as any. Constance is the company's second largest shareholder. Her father was my wife's brother and the two of us started the company. When he and his wife died in a fire we took Constance in and raised her as our daughter. She inherited her father's share of the company so I tend to keep her in the loop."

"That answers the question I had on why an MBA from Wharton was working as a secretary. I guess I was right in assuming she is simply learning the company from the bottom up."

"Does she know that you have found her out?"

"Not yet."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet."

"Before you do anything you should think long and hard on it. I've seen the way you look at her Bob. What's more I've seen the way she looks at you. She chose you to be her 'beard' and you need to be asking yourself why."

"I know why" and then I told him the story. "Knowing that about me she figured that I'd be safe. In fact that is what she calls me; her safe man. That brings a thought to mind. As Constance works her way through the company she will eventually be working under me. Farther along I'll end up working under her when she reaches the top. I am of course assuming that she is being groomed to be your replacement when you decide to retire. That means that I'm going to have to handle the situation with kid gloves."

"Why so?"

"Once over me she could fire my butt if I piss her off somewhere along the way."

"I very much doubt that will happen."

Then we dropped the conversation about Constance and talked about my new job and the logistics of the change.

If was after four when I left Jim's office and I decided to call it a day. I had just come down the stairs and into the lobby and was heading for the door when the elevator door opened and Constance came out. She saw me and asked me where I was going.

"Home to soak in a hot tub Mrs. Frederick. Relax and clear my mind. I have some major decisions to make and I find it easier to do when I'm relaxed."

At that exact instant I decided on how I was going to let Constance know I was onto her. As I opened the door to leave is said:

"Oh, by the way; I was happy to hear that you approved of my promotion" and then I was out the door and on the way to my car. I half expected to hear "Wait Bob" and then her hurrying to catch up to me, but that didn't happen. As I pulled out of the lot a glance to my right showed Constance still at the door and watching me leave.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I did just what I said I was going to do. I went home, filled the tub with hot water, got into it and soaked. I relaxed and thought about what I had learned and what I should do about it. One thing was certain; I was done being Constance's pretend boyfriend. Finding out that she wasn't married freed me up to go after her, but I wasn't going to do it. If she had any interest in me she would have shown it in some way during the previous three months.

Because of my feelings toward her I was going to have to put some distance between us. I enjoyed stopping after work for drinks at Antonio's on Wednesdays with my co-workers, but I was going to stop going. Constance would be there and I wouldn't be able to avoid her. At work it wouldn't be that much of a problem as she would be in the Administration building and I would be in the plant production offices.

Tuesday I spent most of my work day getting organized and setting up to take over my new responsibilities. I also called Tom Mix into my office and offered him the manager of production job and he took it.

Wednesday was filled with meetings with the heads of Purchasing, Quality Control, Shipping and Receiving and Production. I skipped the Wednesday gathering at Antonio's and instead I had dinner at Tricocci's followed by a few drinks at The Soft Spot which was my sports bar of choice.

As was my habit I turned off my cell phone when I was eating out and I had neglected to turn it back on when I left the restaurant. When I got home I found two messages on my answering machine. Both were from Constance and I deleted them without listening to them. Curious as to why she called the home phone instead of my cell I took it out and saw that I hadn't turned it back on. I powered it up and saw I had messages from Constance and I deleted them. I watched some TV and then went to bed.

Thursday at nine my secretary buzzed me and told me that Mrs. Frederick was on line three. I was at work and the call could be job related so I had to take it.

"What can I do for you Mrs. Frederick?"

I put heavy emphasis on the "Mrs. Frederick" but it either didn't register on Constance or she didn't care because she said:

"Where were you last night?"

"I had dinner and drinks and went home. Why?"

"I needed to talk to you about the Humane Society fund raiser on Friday."

"Sorry Mrs. Frederick (again the heavy and sarcastic emphasis) but my days of playing pretend boyfriend are over. You will need to find someone else to escort you from now on. Now if you don't mind I have a full plate in front of me and I very busy right now and I need to get back to work" and I hung up on her.

Did I give any thought to the fact that I was being just a touch agonistic toward the woman who would one day be my boss? Of course I did, but I needed to let her know now that it wasn't something that she could hold over my head. I was young enough to start over if I had to so it might be better to push things now rather than later.

The day passed quickly and I was just getting ready to leave when Constance came into my office.

"What can I do for you Mrs. Frederick?

"For a start you can stop acting like a petulant teenager. We need to talk. Here, over a drink, over dinner and drinks. Your choice."

"I could use a drink or two right now."

"Meet you at Antonio's in fifteen?"

I nodded a yes and she left. She was in a booth in the back when I got there and joined her. We gave our drink orders to the waitress and when she left to get them Constance said:

"Okay Bob; what's with the attitude?"

"Anyone with an MBA from Wharton should be smart enough to figure it out."

"Let's just pretend that I'm not a Wharton graduate and I'm not smart enough. What's the problem?"

"In a nutshell the problem is you deliberately fucking with me."

"Explain that to me please."

"Why? You know what you did. You knew how I felt towards you. You knew and you used it against me. You knew that I would never go after another man's woman and you used it. You knew damned well what spending time around you was doing to me. Did you care how much it hurt me to be around you knowing that I could never have you? No you didn't. All you cared about was that I was a chump you could manipulate. I found out Miss Frederick; I found out and it didn't set well with me. You don't like my attitude? Well tough shit Miss Frederick! You built it so live with it."

"Wouldn't you like to know why?"

"What difference would it make?"

"Don't know. That would be up to you. It goes back to the night I joined you at your end of the table. I liked the look of you and I decided that I wanted to get to know you better. When you told me why you were avoiding me I wondered if it was true or just a sneaky way to get to me. I've had lots of guys make moves on me and I've gotten pretty good at spotting the ones who were after my money more than they were after me. Of course that was when I was in school and not around here.

"When I graduated and came back here to start what I'm calling my apprenticeship I decided that it would keep guys away if I said I was married. Any guy that came at me knowing that would automatically be consigned to the trash. It would allow me to look around and see if there was someone out there I could take a liking to. I looked around and there you were. You were constantly looking at me, but wouldn't do anything so I decided to make the first move. You told me your story and I decided to see if it was true and that led to our fake relationship.

"After three months of being around me and not making any moves I decided that you were the real thing and I began to plan on how to reel you in. I was having trouble trying to figure out how to get myself out of the hole I'd dug myself into with the marriage lie when everything went pear-shaped on me. You somehow figured it out. In a way it was good because I could stop trying to think of a way to get by the marriage lie, but in a way it was bad because you went all belligerent on me.

"I decided to bite the bullet and make the first move again. That's why I wanted to sit down and have this talk. Cards on the table time Bobby. I want to change my pretend boyfriend for a real boyfriend and since you already have experience I'm offering you the fulltime position. What do you say? Want to give it a shot?"

I did. And now, fifteen years later, I'm glad that I did.