All Comments on 'Three Sisters Ch. 02'

You telegraphed that well! I'm enjoying your slower pace. Thank you!

i'm loving this story so far the new version of dawn seems like more of a bitch the in party of 5 stealing valerie for josh what a bitch but that just proves that she did'nt love him i geuss but great story so far and cant wait till the next chapter.

I really enjoyed the build up and the seduction of Valerie by Dawn. I must admit that I thought that she was truly helping Josh, until the end came and I saw what I presume to be a plot by Dawn to show Josh that she could have sex with Val in only a day when he couldn't do it in two years.

Now I'm curious about what will happen next, I think Josh should enter the room and join them, even if Valerie objects at first. If Dawn is like the one in "Party of Five", I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

Either part of Dawn's plan is to loosen Valerie up, so she will screw Josh, or she is just getting her part of the fun and just turned Valerie into a lesbian. Either way, I don't like her much right now.

I know the hero' s journey begins with a downer, but please, give me a reason to read on...

Dawn may have just proved that Valerie is not that into him. She chose to take a shot, instead of answer 'Who was the last guy she kissed other than Josh?" If Josh breaks up with Valerie, no other girl in his school is going to want anything to do with a guy that messed that up. Josh is going to remain a virgin for a LONG time.

I didn't see that coming...I'm looking forward too reading this story and I beg you not to keep us waiting too long...I been waiting for months for a story like this. Update me asap when the next chapter is up

I have an extreme prejudice against religious women(maybe even just women in general, I must have issues), I'm probably paranoid. As it is I dislike all religions and find them rather silly and ridiculous. Anyway. While I was reading this I was screaming at the screen about how her Good girl act was just that, an act. Valeria needs to be cracked open, the thing is just like Dawn said the waiting till marriage thing is an excuse. And in most scenarios. These types of women often fall for the bad boy or the play boy, all this is in my opinion is a facade. If you don't bang her before marriage there's a good Chance some one else has. That and as soon as Dawn admitted to her girl on girl aptitude it was blatantly obvious her actual plan was to fuck Val herself, leaving Josh high and dry. Maybe even turning Val off/away from Josh all together. I could be completely wrong, but this is the conclusion I have derived from what I have read. Now I'm so pumped up from rage and hatred I don't know if I can sleep. Hmph

From Gurltch

Give us something to climb onto, the male lead doesn't come out likeable but rather pitiful.

Sure I don't expect it to have it all figured it out, but at least give him some fucking guts, half the time he wanted to apologize for the most ridiculous stuff, I don't believe people this cringe worthy actually exists.

Will give it one more chapter before deciding to stick for the ride or move on to other stories.

So the first chapter has me hating his sister, the second chapter makes me want to kill her. Now I know you said that you are deviating from the original story but it must be in your plan for Josh to be a cuckold or to never sleep with Dawn, unless he is willing to overlook this and be a character that is just weak. His character simply leaves me wondering how he is going grow into a likable person. I am hoping that you have a plan to proceed and it becomes apparent in the next chapter as this direction is simply leaving me with rage, not what I come on here to read.

Saying all of that, I look forward to your next story, it will be the turning point.

Really helps when working on Chapter 3 knowing that someone is reading.

Even the few people that have complained about the stories are appreciated! Mostly I've heard complaints that Josh is too weak, or they really hate Dawn!

I think some of you are being a little hard on poor Josh. He's supposed to be an 18 year old virgin, that is little dense, totally inexperienced, but basically good where it counts. He will do some growing up as the story continues.

As for the hatred or frustration towards Dawn (or even the story). They say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If I've gotten an emotional reaction out of the readers, I feel like I'm doing something right. Do I want you guys to just be mad when you read this? Of course not! But maybe that's okay here and there, too. Anyways, here's hoping the payoff is worth the pain!

If you take Dawn anymore dark-side.

You'll have to exclude her as any kind

of redeemable love interest.

On the other hand, If are Hero finds

his balls. This is gonna be good....

/popcorn...

Really the way this story is going, I most likely will stop reading it. The sad thing is, I really wanted to like it.

Title, you need to put up a chapter a week instead of a chapter a month

Ignore the haters, but do take constructive criticism. I noticed after the first chapter some goob complained you "never ever take another man's story", when clearly vertigo abandoned the story a decade ago. Hey, I wish he didn't; it was one of the hottest I've ever read, along with Just the Six of Us, (which is hot and funny as hell), and most anything by Silkstockings. But the fact is he did. And you plainly stated you were giving it your own slant. Remakes are made of books, movies, and tv shows all the time. As to the story itself, so far, yes it's a slow build but I like that. And it's obvious when Dawn asked who the last person Valerie kissed, that it was Dawn herself back in the hotel room. Yeah, Dawn is a bitch, but we know at some point she'll get fucked over, literally, as will the others. Just please try not to take too long. I know these things take time, but hopefully no morethan a month apart. And who knows, if he's still in the land of the living, (we can hope), Vertigo will be inspired to complete the original POF. Stranger things have happened.

Chapter 3 is almost finished. Should be up soon. Thank you for the praise. As for the angry people, patience :)

I, like yourself really like the old story. As for the things that I didn't like with your rough draft, well the main thing is the lack real personallies. it's really a collection of half baked charactertures, none of them really have any depth to them in the story. now I'm sure they have more depth in your mind but it wasn't portrayed well in your story. what you need to do is take some time to add that to the your characters. unfortunately where you are with the story is not going to be possible.

I just read the original story this is based off (thank you, by the way for introducing me to it) and it almost seems like what you did was skip from the first chapter and start up to somewhere post-chapter-20, minus the, ah-hem, interactions Josh had had with his sisters.

Now then, I do have some criticism: Dawn in the original story is more of just a character that is annoying and rude but you still feel obligated to like her. In your version of the story, she appears to be an absolute bitch that has no redeeming qualities. Yes, yes, it's only chapter 2 so judgements are rash... but still, eating out her brother's girlfriend?

And you say that you want to end up where chapter 20 is in the original, so I am actually rather curious how you'll go about that since it SEEMS that Dawn and Josh legitimately hate each other so far, instead of the "hate each other because that's basically what siblings do" they had in the original.

I'm not saying I could do better since I am not a skilled writer, but I'm just saying that there are things that could have been done differently so far. But I am looking forward to being able to see each story as they come out.

Look, I know these things take time, but it's been nearly two weeks since you told is Ch 3 would be out soon? How long is soon, 'cause most of us are are jonesing for the next chapter. That's the price you pay for writing a great story.

But I got a call from a Judge that said "your trial for November? Yea, lets do that 2 days from now instead." Fun!

So that was what my last 2 weeks have looked like.

I am happy to report the Chapter 3 is in the hands of my editor now, so hopefully I can post it tonight.

... Says still pending. Not sure why the hold up but imagine it can't be too much longer.

angry with Dawn for manipulating her brother's girlfriend to torment her brother? repulsed at the lack of assertiveness of the 18 year old, but horny virgins? surprised that the slut in the family figured out that the reason V has not let Josh even get to 1st base is because she is really attracted to women? or just sit back and wait for something to actually happen? add to these questions that we still no almost nothing about these characters and it becomes a silly guessing game with nothing to work from for answers.

sorry, but the readers are getting as frustrated as Josh at this point.

I dont believe anybody that has read the original story can't understand where you are going with this. I love your take on the original story. All I can see is keep it up. You are doing a great job with what I thought was a great story

Dawn seducing Val is great, but it's too bad Josh is such a tool. Story would be better without him but of course I would think that what with being a lesbian. I hope that by the end of this he at least turns out to be a reasonable person.

I almost dont want to read any more, ugh! Josh is a fucking tard loser whipped bitch in every incarnation of this story that Ive read, lol. Its actually painful to read! It starts with his acting like a ten year old when his sister kisses his cheek and goes downhill from there. :/. ...not that everyone in the room here didnt see dawn fucking her right off the bat! (Rolling eyes)

...and what was tard boy even thinking bringing his girlfriend on a family camping trip? Yeesh! This is too painful to read another chapter tonight, lol!

... tell us how you really feel.

Before I read any more I have to congratulate you on creating such a hot possible future. You must be really sick and twisted. I love it!

That was amazing. I sort of gleamed what Dawn was up to but none the less it was bloody brilliant. I am glad you are taking your time, playing this out. The best part of sex is almost always the desire, the anticipation, the seduction. Excellent job.

(This is for ch. 4)This does not take a year to update man/girl please I am on my knees praticaly crying so please just update. PLEASE I just want to know what happens plz plz plz plz plz plz plz.

What a pathetic excuse of a writer you are. If you wanted to do a worse job and turning my stomach than you did, I don't think it would be possible.

I started off hating Dawn, now she's my idol, now that Dawn is munching on V carpet I hope she turns her into a full blown Dike and that fucking wimp misses out completely. I'll give the next chapter a miss. Sorry

You Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!