All Comments on 'To Show my Love'

Good premise.

But sex is too automatic. Too rushed. Too lacking in details.

Needs much more in the way of preliminaries. Teasing his cock to get him all worked up before having him do anything to her.

Three stars.

Nothing kills a boner faster than femdom.

Wow. Such an amazing story. I learned new elements too hadn’t seen before. Thank you for writing.

wonderful story!

Best story ever

I imagined the girl as Jordyn Huitema

Davis' girlfriend

I hope to find a second chapter 😍

Awesome. I imagined myself in his position. Not even touched once myself while reading

Good premise.

But seriously rushed.

Early on she tells him thst someday, if he;s good, she;ll let him massage her feet.

Then, in the shower, she has him massage them.

Needed mush more tesing of his cock and balls. Needed a long period of edging without allowing him to cum. Needed much more having him service her and make her cum multiple times with explicit instructions abou what he should do and how.

In his own mind he thinks of her pussy as her "sex". Really?

And you need to learn the difference between YOU'RE and YOUR.

Three stars.

Thanks everyone for the feedback! This was my first story I've ever finished writing, I have trouble with focus and so if it feels rushed that's because I was trying to get it finished before I lost focus - I chose to rush and finish rather than take my time and lose interest (as I've done with several other stories).

(I'd also like to point out the the previous commenter that I used the wrong your/you're once, I am very much aware of the difference. We all make the occasional mistake, like misspelling 'about' :p )