Torn

"I'm really sorry," was all he could say.

Erica sat there in stunned silence and didn't respond.

"I should probably leave now," he told her. "Is there anything I can do?"

Erica shook her head slowly from side to side but never spoke nor looked at him.

"Okay, then I'm just gonna head back to my house," he said feeling helpless and out of place.

"He's in Seattle," she said barely above a whisper. "He's...with her."

Kyle told her again how sorry he was for her, but when she didn't even acknowledge him, he quietly walked out and headed across the street.

Neither of them mentioned that evening again and barely spoke to one another until after the Christmas break. Erica no longer had cafeteria duty and Kyle rarely saw her at all. On those rare times, she always smiled politely and unfailingly said hello and occasionally asked how he was doing. Other than that, he had no contact with her but still hadn't been unable to get her out of his mind.

Wrestling season was half over and debate season was just beginning. Debate was one of Kyle's favorite intellectual pursuits not only because he liked learning so much, but because he loved the rules, the format, and the logic needed to be successful. He didn't care what topic his team was assigned, the enjoyment came from finding ways to support the topic and counter the opposing team's arguments.

Southdale went undefeated in their division and would be going to Duluth for the state championships the following weekend.

"I wish I could go with you, honey," his mom told him. "It's just my schedule."

He knew how hard his mom worked and how difficult it was to find qualified RNs to cover the ER at a hospital.

"It's okay, Mom. I know you'd be there if you could. You made it to most of my football games and wrestling matches so this is no big deal."

"No, it is a big deal, Kyle. Getting a couple of hours off as long as I'm nearby on-call isn't too tough. Getting three days off is. But going to the state championship? That's a big deal, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you and your father would be, too."

"Thanks, Mom," he told her as he finished packing.

They—all five of the debate team members consisting of two other boys and two girls—were leaving the next day after school and everyone on the team was shocked to learn their coach, Mr. Demby, was in the hospital. His appendix had nearly ruptured the night before and had to be removed. While he wouldn't be bedridden for a couple of days the way it had been many years ago, he still couldn't travel with the team.

The bigger shock when they met his replacement the following afternoon. "Hi, everyone. I'm Ms. Kennedy." She looked around at the faces then saw Kyle and smiled. "It used to be Mrs. Roberts in case you're confused. I see a couple of familiar faces here which is nice." She smiled again at Kyle then said, "I debated in high school and although I haven't been around it since then, I was happy to volunteer to help out when I heard about Mr. Demby. So for better or worse, you're stuck with me for the next three days and two nights."

She picked up a clipboard then said, "Speaking of nights, I have your room assignments right here. We have four rooms. One for me, one for our two young ladies, one for two of the young men, and one other. It only seems fair the team captain should get the single room so unless anyone has a better plan...." No one spoke so Erica pressed on. "I'm not going to stay on the same floor with you, but I will be up to check on you from time to time. I know this is the debate team, not the football team, but even so, you know the rules. No drugs, no alcohol, and no opposite sex visitors after midnight."

There was some nervous laughter from the four other nerdy team members and Erica smiled at them. I'm not going to being doing bed checks, okay? Just...be smart." She looked around then said, "Need I say more?"

Just then the assistant principal came in and Ms. Kennedy smiled a little too brightly for Kyle's taste. "Well, hello there," she said very cheerfully. "What brings our assistant principal to this austere meeting of the minds?"

"I just like to keep an eye on things," he told her with an equally big grin. "Is everything all set? Is there anything I can do to help out?"

"No," Ms. Kennedy said. "You've been...very helpful lately, but thank you for asking."

He wished everyone good luck then left the room.

"Okay, people. The bus is outside waiting. We need to be ready to go in 15 minutes. Oh, I do need to see the team captain for a minute, please."

"Kyle!" was called out in several different voices leaving him to just shake his head as they walked out.

"This is a very different crowd than either the football or wrestling teams," he told her as they filed out.

When they were alone, she said, "I need some information on the team, but before we get to that, it's really good to finally see you again. How've you been?"

"Me? Great. Yeah, just fine." He looked at her and said, "The real question is how are you doing?"

"I'm...okay," she said. "I had a pretty rough couple of months after I found out the affair never really ended, but I'm doing better now, thanks for asking. I obviously decided to stay here in Minnesota and I'm glad I did. I love the school and...my neighbors are very nice."

Kyle smiled then said, "You and the assistant principal seem to get along well."

"Yeah, he's been really helpful since...you know."

"Helpful? Oh, okay."

"No, not like that, Kyle. Come on. He's um...not my type." She paused then said, "He's made it very clear I'm his type, but there's no...reciprocity involved." He saw her looking at him and said, "He's asked me out a couple of times. I told him 'no'. End of story."

"Oh, okay. So...are you seeing anyone?" he asked nervously.

"That's kind of personal, don't you think?" she said politely with a beautiful smile.

"Sorry. You're right. That's none of my business."

She smiled again and said, "For the record, the answer is 'no', I'm not seeing anyone. Satisfied? But what about you? I hear girls mention your name all the time. Cute girls, too. Still no girlfriend?"

"I've been out a couple of times," he told her truthfully. "Honestly? There is someone I like—a lot. I...I think about her all the time. I just don't think she knows how much I like her. Or maybe she does and doesn't feel the same way."

Erica looked into his eyes and said, "Or maybe it's just really complicated for her. Maybe she has similar feelings and that scares her on many different levels."

"I hope one of those levels doesn't involve trust. I hope she knows that I would never, ever say or do anything to betray her trust."

"I'm sure that's a huge part of her many concerns. Any breech of trust could have catastrophic consequences."

"I would want her to know that I would go to any lengths to respect all of her future concerns to the same extent I've protected her concerns up until now which has been total and complete—and always will be."

"Well, I'm sure she feels very grateful that you have such a highly-honed sense of discretion. It's undoubtedly something she would need to be able to rely on completely were she to ever consider actually, you know, acting on her feelings."

Neither of them had broken eye contact and it was all Kyle could do to force himself not to kiss her again. What prevented that from happening was the certain knowledge it would destroy any chance of ever being able to do so a third time.

"So could I reasonably infer from your last statement this...person...has feelings for me?"

"I can tell you she admires many things about you, and that you have a lot of the kinds of qualities she finds very attractive in men. Beyond that, she might very well feel...torn between her feelings for you and the social implications of having such feelings."

"That certainly makes sense and also seems very reasonable to me," he said. "I just wish there was some way I could let her know how I feel about her and assure her I would be ever mindful of her concerns."

"Well...speaking of reasonable...it seems um, reasonable that were you to articulate that to her it would go a long way in alleviating her concerns."

"Hmmm. Well, then maybe the next time I see her I'll make a point of letting her know."

"Yes, please do that, Kyle. That might just be what she needs to hear to allow her to feel safe enough to act on her feelings."

A loud blast of the bus's horn startled them both and snapped them back to reality.

Erica grabbed a piece of paper then said, "I need to know who's strongest to weakest on the team. Just put a number next to their name starting with '1' and order them from 1-5 for me, please."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a smile as he took the paper and headed toward the bus.

She called out as he got several steps away. "Kyle? Thank you for being so honest and so...mature. About, you know...things."

He just smiled and kept walking.

"Sorry, everyone! I needed some information," she said when she got on the bus a half minute after Kyle. She did a quick head count mostly for show then told the driver they were ready.

It was a two to three-hour ride to Duluth. By leaving at 2:30 they should arrive in time to get their room assignments, put things away then have dinner before returning to the hotel.

Kyle finished his ordering assignment in less than a minute then decided to write one additional line at the bottom. He folded the bottom edge to cover his words then took the paper to Erica. "Here's the information you needed, Ms. Kennedy."

She was sitting in the front seat on the passenger side and no one was closer than four seats behind her. She smiled and thanked him as she noticed the folded part was between his thumb and index finger and she took from him just as carefully as he handed it to her.

He immediately returned to his seat but saw her carefully unfold it as he was turning around. He'd written, "Thank you for the invaluable advice. I am hereby officially letting this special person know how I feel. With any luck, she'll find a way to do the same."

Moments later she turned around just enough to catch his eye. She smiled and mouthed the words, "Thank you." He wasn't absolutely sure, but it looked like she also mouthed what he thought were the words, "She will."

Traffic wasn't bad at all once they got out of the city and they arrived within 15 minutes of their target time.

"Oh, change of plans, people," Erica told them. "I am going to be on the same floor with you." There were a few of moans and groans as though the 'party animals' had just learned their beer keg had been found and confiscated.

Inside, Erica dealt with the reception desk then gave out room numbers and said, "As I said, we have an odd number of students so rather than cram three people in one room, one lucky person will be getting a room to himself. There's no fair way to do that, so the team captain will be that lucky person."

There were more groans and grumbles along with a couple of, "It figures" or "It's always McLawhorn."

"Okay, so meet me back down here in 30 minutes for dinner. Don't be late!" she said before letting them head upstairs.

Erica put her things away then checked on each room starting at the other end of the hall where she put the boys, left a room in between before putting the girls, then skipped another room before Kyle's. "Everything okay in here?" she asked each pair of occupants. "Remember, the mini bar is strictly off limits," she also said pretending to be deadly serious knowing they all knew that. She then gave them her room number and told them she was available at all times. "Just knock and tell me who you are so I'll know who it is, okay?"

The last room was Kyle's. "Everything okay in here?" she asked as she looked around.

"Just fine," he told her.

"Okay, good," she said. She closed the door then walked over to the door which connected his room to the one adjacent to it and said, "This...person...we were discussing earlier? The one you said you hoped would find a way to let you know she feels the same way?" She flipped the lock on his side to open then said, "Were she to do the same to her door, would that indicate she'd found a way to let you know how she feels?"

Kyle's heart rate went from around 70 before she walked into the lower 80s and just soared to around a hundred when she smiled at him.

"I'm up well after midnight every night, by the way," she said on the way out.

Dinner was agony as he sat across from her having to pretend nothing had changed. Erica talked to each person at the table the way any teacher would just casually getting to know them. She shared snippets of information about herself like growing up near Seattle, getting a degree in math, marrying a man who was not only a pilot but who was quite a bit older than her—something Kyle hadn't known—her pending divorce, and the way she admired certain qualities in people. His only dash of hope had come when she'd smiled at him when she shared those qualities. The smile came as she explained how trust was extremely important to her when her eyes met his.

No one was allowed to leave the hotel so the other team members hung out with one another for a while playing video games on their iPads or tablets. After a while, the girls grew tired of the boys and went back to their own room. Kyle turned down their offer to join them and left his door open letting anyone who might want to wander in and out as he tried to read a book and avoided looking at the alarm clock next to his bed.

Kyle saw the girls go into Erica's room around 10 o'clock which was followed by a lot of chatter and laughing. They stayed until around 11:30pm and after they left, it became very quiet. Around midnight Kyle closed his door and noticed that Erica's was also closed. His heart was once again pounding as he went back to his bed and lay down staring up at the ceiling.

Just moments later, the unmistakable sound of the lock clicking on her door slammed into his eardrums. He got up and very quietly opened his door and noticed hers was also open. She raised her finger to her lips indicating he should be very quiet. As he stepped inside, she motioned for him to close both doors, then pointed to the doors on the other side of her room.

"The school only paid for four rooms, so I paid for one more. We have plenty of separation between the two girls in one, the two other boys in the other, yours, and mine, but better safe than sorry, right?" She unlocked it and Kyle saw the other room's adjoining door was already open.

She closed it behind them, but didn't lock it. "If someone knocks on my door, you can stay here. I'll go back to my room and see what they want."

"And if someone knocks on my door?" he asked.

"You're a very heavy sleeper," she told him. "Remember?"

"I am now," he said understanding the plan.

She looked up at him and said, "Hi," smiling at him in a way he'd never seen before.

"Hi," he replied. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she said sweetly. "And you look very handsome."

"I'm just curious," he said. "What changed your mind?"

"The things you said and the way you said them—and wrote them," she replied just above a whisper. She looked down for a moment then said, "I've wrestled with these feelings since the time you kissed me and I've asked myself a thousand times how I could ever be one of 'those' teachers."

"And what was the answer?" he asked reaching for her hand.

"The heart wants what the heart wants." She took his hand and placed it on hers. "Mine is beating so fast it feels like it's going to explode," she said staring into his eyes.

"Mine, too," he told her as he smoothed her hair.

"We have to be very quiet, okay?" she said as she let go of his hand and her arms around her neck.

"Of course," he replied. "I want you to know I always put myself in your position before saying or doing anything, okay?"

"Thank you, Kyle," she told him as she ran her hand through his own thick, dark hair at the back of his head. "I couldn't do this before because of my marriage, but now...." she began as she stood on her toes and kissed him. When it ended she said, "I've wanted to do that since you kissed me." She put her hand on his face then said, "In fact, you have no idea how many times I've dreamed of doing that."

"Yes, I do," he told her. "I do because I've dreamed it a thousand times myself." She smiled at him inviting another kiss. He leaned down and closed his eyes and pressed his lips against hers. So soft and full. So sweet and delicious. She offered him her tongue almost immediately and for several seconds, their tongues softly swirled as their lips pressed tight.

"Kyle?" she said sweetly as the kiss ended. "You've never called me by name yet." She looked at him in a way that said she needed something as she asked, "Would you?"

"Yes," he told her. "Yes, I will—Erica. My beautiful, gorgeous, sexy Erica."

Her eyes were hungry for him and having heard him say her name, she wanted him even more. She suddenly felt possessed by some external force that no longer cared who they were in terms of titles or social roles. Student and teacher were meaningless; lost in the morass of her feelings; feelings that raged within her; feelings which, if not fulfilled, threatened to consume her.

"Am I really beautiful to you?" she asked as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

"More beautiful than any woman I've ever seen," he told her with complete honestly.

As his shirt and tee-shirt fell to the floor, Erica moaned softly with pleasure. His entire upper body was ripped. His chest was hard and thick. He had traps that filled much of the space between his broad neck and wide shoulders. His young skin was taut and smooth and virtually hairless. She ran her hand across it then down toward his abdomen where smaller muscles distinctly stood out one on top of the other—six of them distinctly and two more to a lesser degree below. On either side, she could see his obliques running at an angle to his waist; a waist that was so hard and lean it made her stare.

"You're so gorgeous," she whispered as she took in the athletic body standing in front of her. From his thick, dark hair to his very handsome face to the muscular body she'd never been with, she was turned on in a way she'd never before experienced.

"No, that's you, Erica," he said very quietly. "I'm just a guy. But you? You're...exquisite. You're...so beautiful." He kissed her softly then said, "You're...perfect."

The weather was still cold in Minnesota and Erica was wearing a beautiful long-sleeved white sweater with a crew neck. It made her tight waist look amazingly narrow and her perfect, B-cup breasts look so soft and desirable. He reached down and grabbed the bottom of the garment and began lifting. As he did, she raised her arms and allowed him to slowly remove it. He laid it carefully on a chair then reached behind her and unhooked the lacy, white bra that was supporting her gorgeous, perky breasts.

He could tell she needed to know she was as beautiful to him undressed as she had been fully clothed. "It isn't hyperbole to say you look like a work of art."

She smiled and said, "If any other man said that to me, I think I might laugh. But when you say it...."

Kyle kissed her before she could finish speaking. He reached down and picked her up as they kissed and as he went to lay her on the bed she said, "Kyle? I'm afraid the bed will be noisy. Would you mind if we stayed on the floor?" Her eyebrows were raised indicating she was asking hopefully rather than telling him.

"All you have to do is ask me, Erica. I'll do anything for you. Anything."

"Thank you...sweetheart," she said kissing him as he lowered her to the floor. She unzipped her jeans and helped him pull them down with her panties quickly following revealing a very neatly-trimmed inverted-V of pubic hair.