Torn

"Yes, but when you get to college, you'll find someone who's also as intelligent and intellectual as you and she will interest you. It's...inevitable."

"What makes you think I'm going to college?" he asked her.

"That's a given. You're going. The only question is where. Kyle, you can't not go to college and I won't be the cause of that happening. I just won't," she said still trying hard not to cry.

"Erica? Honey? You may not understand this, but you don't get to make that decision. It's mine and mine alone to make. My parents and then my mom told me all my life I'm going to college. They knew I loved learning early on. But I'm not so sure another four years sitting in classrooms is what I what." He put his hands on her face and told her, "That has nothing to do with you or with us. It has only to do with what I want and I still don't know what that is Other than you."

"Graduation is just ten weeks away, Kyle. You need to apply to colleges now. You should have done that several months ago."

"You trust me, right?" he said kindly.

"Yes. Completely."

"And you know I love you, right?"

"Yes," she said barely able to speak.

"Then please stop worrying, okay? I'm sure it won't surprise you to know I have a plan."

Erica couldn't help but laugh even if the laugh didn't come out quite right. "No, I'm not surprised at all to learn you have a plan." She dried her eyes then asked, "Does it include me?"

Her eyes were sad and possibly even desperate as she stared into his. "Of course it does, my love," he told her. "Without you, it would just be an empty dream."

"I love you so much," she told him before kissing him.

"We do have to go, huh?" he said after kissing her back.

"Can you um...drop in...tomorrow night?"

"I think that can be arranged," he told her with a smile. "Why don't you leave first and I'll follow you 30 minutes from now."

They kissed goodbye as Erica picked up her bag and headed downstairs and out to her car. She waved through the front window to him after starting it up then blew him a kiss before backing out and heading to Minneapolis.

The following afternoon, Kyle had an appointment to see someone his late father had been friends with for many years prior to his death.

"It's so good to see you, Kyle. Last time I saw you was at your dad's memorial. You've grown a bit since then."

Kyle chatted politely with him about old times for a few minutes then asked his basic questions.

"For the child of a fallen police officer, you're pretty much a lock. If this is something you want, all you have to do is apply and pass the exams. You're obviously in superb physical condition and your grades—a 3.9GPA, indicate you're more than capable of passing the written exam. Just let me know if this is what you decide to do."

He thanked him then sent a text to Erica. "Hi sweetheart. I love you so much! There's something I want to discuss with you as soon as possible. And no, I am not breaking up with you because I love you!"

They never signed their texts out of extreme paranoia even though it wouldn't matter if they did. It was just one more thing to ensure they were always as careful as possible.

"Kyle, is this what you really want?"

"It is," he told her.

"You're not doing this for me or for us?"

"That certainly impacts my decision, but I'm not doing for you, per se. I am doing it for us, but it's something I want. I just need to know two things."

"Okay," she said pensively waiting to hear what he had to say.

"The first is will you support me?"

"Of course. If that's what you really want to you, I'll support you 100%." She saw him looking almost uncomfortable, something that was very unusual for this always-confident, always-prepared young man she so dearly loved.

"Then the only other thing I want to know is...."

She was sitting on the couch as he stood up, moved in front of her, and got down on one knee. "Erica?" he began.

"Kyle. Oh, my God. What are you doing?" she asked as her heart began to race.

He took her hand and looked into her eyes and said, "I've told you I love you hundreds of times. But it's so much more than that. I'm in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Erica Kennedy? Will you marry me? Well, once I have a job and I'm out of school, that is."

Kyle smiled when he saw her trembling with happiness. Again, tears filled her eyes as she said, "Yes, I will marry you, you insanely handsome...goof! I've been in love with you too, for some time now."

"I don't have a ring, but I do have something that means more to me than anything in my life other than you and my mom." He reached into his pocket and pulled out something shiny that looked nothing like a ring. "I'm hoping you'll take my last name, but that's up to you, of course. My mom has my father's badge, but I have his metal name plate for his dress uniform. It's a promise of all I can offer you right now. My love and my name."

He laid the matte-silver name plate in her hand and said, "It's not much, but it's everything I have."

Tears streamed down Erica's cheeks as she wrapped her fingers around it. She searched for her voice then said, "Kyle? I married an older man with money. I had every pretty much every material thing I could ever want. What I didn't have was trust and real love. Those are the gifts you've given me and they mean more than anything money could ever buy. This means more than anything anyone has ever given me." She kissed him then said, "Thank you, sweetheart, and I will gladly and proudly take your last name, Kyle McLawhorn, because I love you so very much!"

They continued to see one another as often as they could until the week before graduation when they felt it best not to tempt fate. They texted and talked on the phone but didn't see each other for an entire week before Kyle finished school.

Erica attended graduation but stayed in the back and limited herself to a friendly handshake when Kyle and his mother passed by. Kyle surprised her with a hug and whispered, "I'm telling her tonight. I love you."

Kyle's mom couldn't stop beaming or gushing praise and she was all too happy to spend the evening with her son when everyone else was heading to graduation parties all around town.

"Mom? There's something I want to discuss with you," he told her once they got home and she got settled.

"This sounds serious," she said when he asked her to sit down as he sat directly in front of her. "Why do I feel like you're about to tell me you're gay?" she said quietly. Very quickly she added, "I'll love you just as much if you are, honey. I know you never date so if that's it, then...."

Kyle smiled and said, "No, Mom. I'm not gay. But I am in love with someone."

Janet McLawhorn sat and listened in stunned silence for the next several minutes as Kyle explained whom he loved and why. "I've asked her to marry me, Mom," was the last thing he said.

She sat there for quite some time not knowing what to say. Finally she said, "Oh, my. That's a lot to take in at one time."

"Are you disappointed?" he asked her.

"Not if you're sure you really love her. Are you?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm positive, Mom. I love her with all my heart."

"And this career choice. That's what you really want?"

"Yes, it is," he told her.

"Does your teacher...sorry, fiancee support this?"

"She does."

She put her hand on her son's face and said, "All I want is for you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. I hoped you'd go to college, but that was my dream. If this is yours, then yes, I support you. How could I not?" She finally smiled and said, "Maybe you should ask her to come over so we can get better acquainted. We've never talked since that one time."

"I'd like that, Mom. So would Erica."

A few minutes later, Janet saw her son holding her neighbor's hand and walking her to her doorstep. She took a deep breath, smiled, and opened the door.

"Erica! Hello. Please come in and...welcome to the family."

They had dinner together and talked until well after midnight when Janet said she wanted to let them have some time alone. They all hugged each other before Kyle went back to Erica's where they spent their first night together without too much worry of being found out. They still wanted to be discreet until after the wedding, but things were going to get easier from here on out.

Two months later, Erica and Janet were there to see the young man they loved in uniform for the first time.

"Firefighter Kyle McLawhorn!"

When his name was called, they both stood up and cheered loudly. Kyle found them both, hugged them, then got back down on one knee. "I took out a loan, and this is the very first thing I wanted to buy." He looked up and saw Erica wearing his father's name plate. He choked up briefly before opening the small box with the very modest diamond ring inside and asked her again if she still wanted to marry him.

"More than ever, Fireman Kyle," she said fighting back tears.

Two weeks later, Erica's own mother flew to Minnesota for their wedding which took place in Erica's house, the place where they first met. It was much too big for the two of them, but with two incomes, they could afford to keep it and since both of them wanted children, it made perfect sense.

Six months later, Firefighter Kyle McLawhorn was featured on the front of a calendar showcasing the city's hottest men in uniform and also had his own month inside. The following year, he was featured on a national calendar at the same time he learned his gorgeous wife was pregnant with their first child.

The only thing that was ever said to Erica at school was from the principal who set her down when he learned she'd married a former student.

"I'm not going to ask you if this relationship began before Kyle graduated, Mrs. McLawhorn, because I don't want to know the answer. Kyle is a fine young man and is now one of our city's most important people along with those who serve in blue. All I will say is thank you for being discreet, for waiting until after graduation to marry him, and I wish you both the best in life."

Erica continued teaching after taking two months off following the birth of their son, whom they named after Kyle's late father. He loved his job as a firefighter and began moving up the ladder both literally and figuratively within the department as his work ethic and trustworthiness earned him the respect of everyone with whom he worked.

As Erica held their baby she couldn't help but remember how difficult it had been to keep their love a secret back when she was torn between wanting to tell the whole world but unable to do so for practical reasons. All that was behind her now and between her job, her handsome husband, and her beautiful son, it was hard to imagine being more happy or life being sweeter.