Two Christmases

She kept laughing for the next few minutes, and then went back to the subject. "Alan, you do know that if anything had happened between us last night, I would never have told anyone. It would have and will stay just between the two of us. It would be a total no strings thing...a gift from one person to another to repay them for their kindness and generosity. So if you're worried about losing your wife, you don't have to be."

"Cassie, you've already paid me back," I said. "So forget about it. If you hadn't come along, I might be dead already. I was so drunk when you found me yesterday that I thought I was having a conversation with fucking Santa Claus. The time that I've spent with you and your kids has taught me a lot but it also stopped me from becoming depressed and doing something stupid. As far as I'm concerned, we're even."

"What do you have to be depressed about?" she laughed. "You're a nice looking guy. You've got a great personality and even kids like you. You have a beautiful house. You have more than one car. And you make more than enough money to pay your bills. You also have a beautiful wife. You have the world on a string."

"Cassie, yesterday I WAS pretty happy. I was at a Christmas gathering with my wife's family. I was going to propose to her all over again and give her a bigger, better wedding ring. We were going to renew our wedding vows and go on a second honeymoon. We were supposed to leave just after the New Year holidays. When we started giving out the presents, one of her presents was some really sleazy lingerie. It came from her boss. The card told us that the business trip the two of them were going on just after Christmas; had nothing to do with business. My wife had been cheating on me. Her boss is an older fatter guy, who doesn't make as much money as I do and treats people like shit. So none of the nice things you said about me means anything."

She just looked shocked when I told her that.

"If I hadn't spent the evening and the morning with you and your kids, who knows what I might have done. So you saved me as much as I saved you. And as far as what you offered me, I was very interested, but I'm still married and the wounds are too raw. Even if some time had passed though, what you offered me was worth far more than what I've done for you. And you shouldn't give something that special to just anyone who does you a favor. If you do, sooner or later you've given away all of yourself and you may not like or recognize the person you've become."

"Me personally, I guess I'd only be able to enjoy something like that if it was given because the other person cared about me. Having to exchange something that personal is like giving away a piece of yourself, so be careful who you offer it to. But I'm probably old fashioned and out of touch. Elizabeth claims she loves me, but she's been fucking her boss."

"You found out on Christmas?" she asked. "Christmas is really fucked up this year."

We got to her old building and the landlord must really want the other half of that bill because every trace of Cassie's belongings were gone as if they'd never been there.

As I got ready to open the door, Cassie put her hand on my arm. "Alan, no matter what you said, you really are a nice guy. Most of the men I know would have taken what I offered you by force if given the chance. And if I offered it, they wouldn't have cared how it made me feel. Pussy is pussy, they say it every day. Your wife has to be the stupidest super model on the planet. Someday she's going to feel stupid for letting you get away."

Cassie and I loaded the jeep with all of her things. It was frightening how little they had. "It's going to be hard to get the furniture," I said. "I have a buddy with a bigger truck but..."

"Alan, the apartment was furnished," she said. "We're done."

We drove back to the house and started unloading. Anything that we didn't think there was room for we put in the garage. Theresa was asleep on the couch. She woke up and looked at us as we came in. The kids ran over to us and hugged us. Timmy wrapped his arms around my legs. I noticed a ring of red around his mouth. It was a very dark red and I thought it was blood.

"Cassie," I said sharply. "Look at his mouth." Cassie ran over to him and snatched him away from me. Timmy looked at both of us as if we were crazy.

"Becca what happened to Timmy?" she asked.

"Nothin' happened," said Becca. "We were hungry. Theresa was sleeping, so I made us lunch. Was I good?"

Cassie took her finger and wiped Timmy's mouth. "It's strawberry jelly," she said. We both breathed a sigh of relief. That is until we went into the kitchen. There was jelly smeared all over the kitchen table and counters. A cup of milk had spilled and the water was still turned on in the sink. It looked as if someone had set off a strawberry bomb in the kitchen."

"I've got it," said Cassie.

"Have fun," I said.

"Your phone rang a couple of times, well actually more than a couple of times," said Theresa. She went into the kitchen to help Cassie.

* * * * * *

Elizabeth

When I woke up the day after Christmas, nothing felt real. I had gone over in my mind all of the things I wanted to say to Alan but I was no longer even sure that I'd get the chance. The biggest shock had been last night. My dad had explained to me that I needed to go home. If I stayed away from home, a court might construe that as me abandoning the marital home and give temporary possession of the condo to Alan. My dad had driven me there. He'd come in for support not security. Even after hearing that Alan had badly beaten John, both my dad and I knew that Alan loved me far too much to ever hurt me.

On the drive over, my dad kept peppering me with questions about my affair with my boss. I wasn't even sure if I knew the answers to those questions, so I remained silent.

"Make sure you let him know that you love HIM and not that asshole," said my father, as I fumbled with the key in the lock.

Even as the door opened, the condo just felt wrong. It wasn't messy and it didn't look as if anything was amiss, it just felt empty.

"Alan," I called out. "Are you home?"

"He's probably still driving around angry," said my dad.

"No Dad, there's something wrong," I said.

"Maybe he got into a car wreck," said my dad. "Maybe we should call the police."

I went into the bedroom and it hit me. The door to Alan's closet was wide open and the closet was empty. The only thing left in that entire walk-in closet was a few empty clothes hangers.

"Elizabeth, are you alright?" asked my dad from the floor below.

"No Daddy, I'm not," I said. "In fact, I may never be alright again."

I tried calling Alan several times. All of my calls went to voice mail. My dad took me back home with him. He tried to console me all the way, but I couldn't stop crying. I even cried myself to sleep. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did before I even got out of bed was to check my phone to see if I had any voice mail or text messages from Alan. There were none.

My greatest hope was that he'd had time to think and cool down and had come home. I called the phone at the condo and let it ring until voice mail picked it up. Then I called Alan's cell. He still didn't pick up.

I called John then. His words were slurred and he also spoke very slowly. "Hullo," he said.

"Hey John," I said. I was sure that he could read the depression in my voice. "Alan left me. He took all of his things. I have no way of finding him."

"Oh fuck," he said. "Do you think he's going to put in a complaint with the company?"

"Fuck the company," I said. "I'm worried more about my marriage than the fucking job."

"Elizabeth, if this gets on our record, neither of us will be able to get a decent job anywhere. I'm about ready to retire but something like this could affect my pension and I'm going to need money to fight off Paula in the divorce."

"You're still young. You're not even thirty yet, so this will affect your career far worse than it will mine. You may be stuck as a secretary for the rest of your career. And all of your future bosses, every one of them who hears about this will think they can fuck you too."

"Well, they can't," I said. "You got inside of my guard because I thought of you as a friend, and besides that, as my boss, I thought you had my best interest in mind. You caught me at a time when I was vulnerable and stupid. That was the only reason you got anything out of me."

"Whatever, Liz," he sneered. "Both of us are still in this together. It's important that we work together. We both need for you to convince your husband to just let this go. Even if he decided to divorce you, we need for him to skip going to the company."

"Are you out of your fucking mind, John?" I asked. "The most important thing is trying to hold onto my marriage. If Alan wants to go to the company, I'll sign a paper in blood saying you and I fucked. If he wants to kick your ass again, I'll hold his coat and act as a lookout."

"Liz, you're very young," he said. "No judge is going to give you alimony forever. Even with a good judge, you were wrong. That will mitigate your settlement. Sooner or later you're going to have to work again and if we're both fired and have black marks on our employment history, we're toast."

"What you should probably do is tell him that you'll quit," he said. "That way you can work on your marriage and the temptation will be removed. Maybe you can change the plan and start making babies sooner than you originally planned."

"Don't count on any cooperation from me, John," I said. "Alan is in charge here. I'm willing to do anything he wants for a second chance."

After I hung up the phone, I tried calling Alan again and then I had an idea. If yesterday hadn't happened, I'd be getting ready to leave for my trip with John. Alan had decided to go ice fishing with his Uncle Jeff. Alan's uncle was about seventy years old. Alan loved that old man and he'd never want to disappoint him. Besides that, I knew that Alan was in a lot of pain right now. He was suffering because of me. He'd want to go somewhere quiet to think. He wouldn't want to be around a lot of people. I decided to try to call Jeff. I'd tell him that Alan and I were having problems and see if I could get him to get Alan to call me. I hoped that I could convince Jeff and I hoped that Alan didn't need very much time to realize that I really was very sorry for what I'd done.

I called Alan again. And once again, the call immediately went to voice mail. That bothered me because it meant that Alan had blocked my number. He wouldn't even know that I had called him. I'd have to hope that when he checked his messages that he'd bother to listen to it. As angry as he was, he'd probably just erase all of his messages without bothering to listen to them.

I scrolled through all of the numbers on my phone until I found the old guy's number. I called him and waited while the phone rang. After a few minutes he came on the line, sounding out of breath.

"What!" he said.

"Hi Uncle Jeff," I said as politely and cheerfully as I could.

"You've got the wrong number," he snarled. "I don't have any nieces."

"Uncle Jeff, it's Elizabeth, Alan's wife," I said.

"Oh, shit!" he said. "I just woke up. Is he already on his way? I thought we were leaving tomorrow. He isn't sick is he? You do know that he can still fish if he's sick, right?"

"Uncle Jeff, I need your help," I said.

"I never loan money to friends or family," he snapped. "It just fucks everything up. Besides isn't Alan like a gazillionaire by now? Maybe you should get a job. I don't know what you could do though. You're too skinny to be a good waitress."

"Uncle Jeff, I don't need any money. I need a favor," I said.

"We don't live in the same city, so how can I do you a favor. And they won't let me drive anymore, the bastards. How can they take away a man's license just because there's a little snow on the roof?"

"Uncle Jeff, you don't have to drive," I said. "Alan and I are having a few problems of a personal nature. When you see him, can you just ask him to call me?"

"Why can't you ask him yourself?" he asked. "You live in the same box. You guys still didn't buy a house yet did you. You still live in that little box, right?"

"Uncle Jeff, I'm not at home. I'm at my parents' house and..."

"He kicked your skinny ass out, did he? What did you do?" he asked.

"Uncle Jeff, it doesn't matter who did what. Jeff didn't kick me out. He left, and I'm dying without him," I said.

"Why don't you just call HIM and tell HIM that instead of me?" he asked.

"Because he won't take my calls," I sobbed.

"Oh God, please quit blubbering," he snapped. "That shit don't work on me Barbie. I'll tell him that you want him to call you as soon as I see him, but only as long as it don't interfere with my fishing."

Then he abruptly hung up the phone.

I heard a light knock on the door and my sister, Sarah, stepped into the room. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Awful," I said. "I miss him so much, Sarah." I couldn't believe that my sister was being so supportive. Then I looked at her and the movements she was making with her lips. She was trying to avoid smiling. I stared at her and she couldn't hold it anymore. She just started laughing.

"Why the hell did you come up here Sarah?" I asked her angrily.

"Mom and Dad made me," she said. "I just wanted to spend the day after Christmas with my family so I came over hoping Mom had made breakfast and they told me to come up here and be nice. I tried Liz. I really did. And I'm not happy that you're miserable, but on the other hand you fucking deserve it. Of everyone I know; you lead a charmed life. You are fucking Cinderella. You fell in love with a prince. But instead of living happily ever after you go off and start fucking a frog. Now you're here doing the dying swan routine. You deserve it. So forgive me if I'm not sympathetic. Actually I am, though. I hope things work out for Alan, because right now that man has to be suffering."

"And I'm not suffering?" I screeched. "I barely slept last night. I can't eat. I just feel like shit. Believe me little sister, I am suffering too."

"But you caused it," she said, just as loudly. "And you were STUPID. Your husband is nicer, better looking, makes more money than that troll and there's two even more important distinctions. Number one; Alan loves you more than anything on earth. This just gets even more stupid as I think about it. Most husbands go out at the last minute and buy you golf clubs for Christmas. That man planned your Christmas for months. Did you even get to see that fucking ring he bought you? Did you see the pictures of the ship for the cruise? You are his entire world. Does John care about you even a tenth of that? Nope, you're just fuck buddies right? You're just some whore he can screw whenever he wants to. Number two; Alan is yours. You are his number one priority. You two are legally married. John's number one priority is or was his own wife. You were just the slut he snuck around with."

"Tell me about all of the fun things that you and John did," she said. "Tell me about how he was always there for you when you were sick. Tell me about how he put up with your family and how he shared your dreams. What about all of those talks you had about your future together? Go on I'm listening."

I noticed my parents standing in the doorway with their mouths open. "It wasn't like that," I said. "I knew there was no future with John. My future is with my husband."

"Your future WAS with Alan," she snapped. "As of now, your future is alone, like all of the other divorced sluts."

"I'm going to get him back," I said. She just smiled.

"No you're not," she said. "He's too smart for that. Right now, he's out there somewhere and he's probably feeling pretty bad. He'll want to go somewhere and think. But the longer that he's away from you, the weaker your hold on him will be. Then he'll start to get over you. But I doubt that he'll date anyone for a while. He'll be like the rest of those broken toys out there. One stupid bitch did him wrong and he blames every other woman on the planet. Hopefully, he'll find someone eventually who awakens all of the love he has to give and he'll make her the luckiest woman on earth. I just hope that A; it doesn't take him too long to find her and B; that she's smarter than you are and appreciates what she has."

"Sorry, Dad," she said, seeing our parents for the first time. "I just can't put up with this bullshit. I'm going home."

My dad came over and sat down on the bed. "Liz, your sister is just angry because we kind of made her come up here."

"She's also right, Daddy," I said. "Everything she said was the truth. I've been such a fool. I had one tiny aspect of my life that I wasn't happy with and I let it ruin everything."

* * * * * *

Alan

"You were the one who decided that you wanted to go," I said. "Now how does it feel?"

"Puffy," she said. "I'm fat enough. Do I need to have a puffy jacket too?"

"Cassie, you're nowhere near fat. You're curvy, most men like that. Now put your arms down," I told her.

"I'm not even going to ask you the two questions that came to mind when you said that," she smirked.

"Okay, I like the jacket," I said. "Now we have to get you some boots. And as much as I'll hate doing it we have to get you some pants that you can wear too."

"You don't have to buy me pants if you can't afford them," she said. "I'll be fine. Why do I need any other pants anyway? It doesn't matter if my jeans don't match the jacket."

"Cassie," I began, and then I started to laugh. She did that thing she does when she'd pissed and her mouth gets tight and straightens out.

"What's so God damned funny?" she asked. Then she started to take the jacket off. "We're not going."

"Cassie, we already talked about this," I said. "We decided together. The kids wanted to go. I'm sorry for laughing. I wasn't laughing at you."

"Then what was so funny?" she asked.

"I was just thinking that I hate to buy you pants because they're going to be puffy too and I won't be able to see your..."

Then she started laughing too. "I'll bet you wish you hadn't handed me that robe the other night don't you?"

Becca and Timmy clumped over in their new snowsuits and boots, wondering what we were laughing about.

"What's so funny Uncle Alan?" asked Becca. "I want to laugh too."

"We were all going to go to McDonald's for dinner," I said. "But your Aunt Cassie is taking so long to get her clothes that we may have to go to Burger King."

"I think she's just taking so long because she likes talking to you," said Becca. "At home she puts her clothes on in like two minutes. She just throws her hair in a pony-tail, brushes her teeth and heads out the door. But now she's acting like a girl. She even put that red stuff on her mouth and was making kissing noises at the mirror."

"That's it, I'm wearing my jeans," said Cassie. "Let's get out of here, "Uncle Alan."

"Are you sure you don't need to get some red stuff for your mouth?" I asked. She balled up her new jacket and threw it at me.

"That's the way ya do it girl," said some old lady passing by. "Don't take any lip from him. I used to put my husband in his place every time he got uppity."

"Where is he?" I asked. "Maybe we can get together and start an abused husband's union or something."

"He left me years ago. Went out for smokes in the middle of the night and never came back. He did leave me a note though. It said that he was tired of my shit. Who'd a thunk it?"

The old woman wandered off and Cassie and I just looked at each other and then burst out laughing again.

Twenty minutes later, we were back in my jeep and looking for a McDonalds on our way home. "We're getting up very early in the morning, so we have to go to bed early," I said. As we got close to the house I slowed down at the Burger King.