All Comments on 'Valentine's Surprise'

Good story. Could use with some clean up. For example: the first time you switch to Justine's point of view, you jump back and forth between the first person (I) and the third person (they, rather than we).

Otherwise, good effort

I was fine and genuinely forgiving of the misused homonyms, such as your for you're, to for ,too, etc. I tend to forgive mistakes in the improper use of homonyms and punctuation, but it is difficult to read about improper sexual biology, such as the phrase on the last page about her brother penetrating her womb, which by the way is found behind the cervix, located at the back of the vagina. The cervix is impenetrable by something as large as a cock's glans. The only thing that can get through there is sperm going in and babies coming out after the cervix has dilated to 10 cms.

I felt, at that point, the author was inexperienced, more than likely a virgin who did not have a clue. While inexperienced people can successfully write erotica, they must research the act. If an experienced person writes dribble like that, they have probably read the phrase from an inexperience writer and thought it was cute. Since this author seems to be a fine story-teller, I would guess inexperience is the issue.

I had rated this a solid 5 stars, until the last page...I ended with 4 and thought about a 3.

If this story is only # two, you have one hell of a career ahead of you. Please think about coming up with a follow up chapter. Maybe the next six months? Good luck in being as good as you are

It seems mean to quibble about a few errors in such a well-constructed and stylish story, but you change to the 3rd person for a few lines early on and later you accidentally wrote "differently" instead of "definitely".

I like the story alot. Please continue it. Would like to know if they stay together for life or not. And so on.

I gave your story a 4. You were so close to a 5, but you had to make that one mistake. It just bugged me. Maybe it's nitpicking but there it is.

I have read many many stories like this and find yours not only is very arousing and makes you feel you are standing there watching but the beautiful emotions and feeling the raw sexual energy pass between sister and brother ! Yes, a few errors but experience will fix that its the theme / story line that brought you home. I sure hope there are more parts so when they move in together and can really experiment w/o fear of being caught; the raw emotions will keep them together for more. I hope Little Sis bangs him senseless and she loves his big hard cock etc. Hopefully, she will learn many ways to arouse him and get him off so well. Cannot wait for more, thank you.

Your story had high points demonstrating your writing potential. That being said, overall, the story arc was pedestrian, editing mistakes were bad, some content felt lifted and/or strung together and the sex scene had considerable anatomical problems. I respect that this is for the V-Day contest, which is why I gave a 4 instead of 3 and wish you nothing but good luck.

An excellent story. Needed some more work.

Needed more work at the party.

More making out in the car and it could use more dialog

A lot of grammar errors and maybe typos that make it a rough read for me. I liked the desire build up and expected the fast releases. On a rating of 5, I would give it 4.75, or 4.8.

But I didn't bother to vote. You lost me the second you changed perspectives. And Paladin, for the record it's drivel, NOT dribble.

I don't care about the mistakes. That will all be cured by experience, This story needs to go on. They need to go home and hear that their parents knew this would happen, and they're OK with it. PLEASE continue.

A very good story. I like the flow of the story and the characters. I saw good interaction between them and the interest that the reader would have with the story. I hope you continue the story. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Thank you for a well written hot sexy tale of sibling love. Where do they go from here though? So much more to experience yet & I hope you keep going with this.

i agree with classicman1982

and does she get pregnate

You need to get it right to be credible to readers with some experience. Those without experience will not notice the errors of course.

Just as an FYI, only about 5% of a cumshot comes from the testicles.

That was great ! Thanks ... now I’m going to see if you have any more stories !!

This needs to be continued

Paladin is spot on. This story has so many construction problems.

But your writing won’t get better just by volume and encouragement. Only by research, and development of your own voice.

I think it was a great Story. Yes there were a few grammatical errors, but Literotica is NOT a professional site, but one for amateurs, so the stories are not going to be perfect in that aspect.

With that being said, like other's who have commented, I want to see more coming from this story. I feel that there is more to Sam and Justine's story that has not been told. As an avid reader on this site, and a major fan of Incest Erotica, I will definitely be watching for other chapters.

Keep up the great work and do not let the Grammar Natzi's tear you down.

Look TxnPrd, some people are going to be overly harsh with you on here, it’s bound to happen, take their comments with a grain of salt if you can and try to use their critical feedback as useful information on what to do better.

As for the story, I think they key thing to say is that the concept was well thought out, and the romantic build up and sexual tension was well delivered throughout the narrative. The lust between brother and sister felt somewhat rushed but was well explained though their exposition at the beginning of the tale and most importantly, their love for one another felt sincere as it manifested throughout the story.

I felt the story was all around well written, you developed your characters clearly and and told a story in which their romantic and sexual love grew to a crescendo. The sex was hot, the romance was passionate and the story was crafted well enough.

Thank you for your hard work, I look forward to seeing more contributions to our community and hope this feedback helps.

PS for a second story this is good stuff.

PPS while a little harsh, the criticisms on your use of “they” instead of “we” and a few other terms is accurate. As for some of the other short comings, I think time and experience will polish them out. Good work and good luck!

Sure like many others I too agree that the story needs a bit of gramar polish but otherwise it was a very decent and compelling one. I really look forward to more stories from and pleade to you that you give us a continuation on this one.

I give you a 4 for effort and for encouragement.

You need to keep going but please don't add anyone else.

Best Valentine's Day story I've read so far this year! Congrats on a great story, hope you keep this one going because I really would like to see how their relationship develops. Thanks for the great story.

I agree with the comment below. Please continue but don’t add anyone else. I love how assertive Sam is! Very sexy. Just don’t let him be a jerk. To see his insecurities by showing his jealousy is also a turn on. And their possessiveness for each other is awesome! It’d be nice to hear more of their story...

Five stars — nice work, TxnPrd! I read a bestselling Nora Roberts novel that described the fellow’s penis as “thick as a tree limb.” On the other hand, if we were writing accurate, realistic sex, we would all come off like Michel Houellebecq: i.e., “She fellated him. He licked her vagina. They rolled awkwardly. Then the other girl joined them.” So, I strongly disagree that anatomical correctness or sex realism directly correlates to readability, writing experience, professionalism or literary success. We’re writing erotica, not entries in Stedman’s Med. Dictionary....

This is one of the best written stories on this board. I have read thousands of stories over the years and found this one had just the right tone between siblings and also the dialogue brought out the love, the raw sexual feelings and the hot action. It really focused well and the beautiful love and sex made a difference. I hope you write additional chapters just as hot. Thank you.

Very hot story. Please continue their story, but as someone else mentioned please do not anyone else into their story line. Further on into their story have them end up living together after they complete their college educations.

looking forward to more of this story really good

Nice technique, switching point of view between Justine and Sam as the story builds up. Brittany's jealousy - though it looks like a minor detail - is the salt to perfect the dish. Very good, very hot!

Though a couple of small glitches here and there; eg, "...and with a dismissive,"

Thanks for sharing this story. However, it was a little to quick straight into lust. This is an 18yo girl and adding 4" heels kind of makes her seem more like a pornstar. Good story.

"I accidentally broke my hymen a while ago" I don't get why authors do this, the only guess I have is that some of them aren't into talking about the pain or blood involved with breaking the hymen (Although most leave out the blood, which is generally fine to most). Really though it somewhat ruins the romance, the fact that she was not only using toys but used them to break her hymen despite the fact that she's heads over heels for him. Aside from this, the only problem I have is how wet she always is, sounds like a medical condition. I gotta say it is my favourite kind of story, When a sister (Preferably younger) has a crush on her big brother and tries to make him fall for her. All in all, good work.

I just wish I had a sister like that. She was so true in her love !

There are glitches like wrong letters and even a missing word but it was still a gud story

But for the life of me I can't see leather skirts as being sexy. I google images of sexy leather skirts, but didn't see anything that impressed me. The women looked sexy, the skirts not so much. Once I removed the word leather I saw quite a few very sexy skirts.

I wish I could give you twenty stars. This has got to be one of the most wonderful stories I have ever read. Not jus on Literotica, but ever. Thank you for sharing your vision with us, with me.

I didn't like the cruelty at the end. jerk stories repulse me. 3 stars

I enjoyed this story. Is there going to a part 2?

There was SO much good in this story, too much to list. My favorite part was the (very rare) merging of the "nerdy sister transformation into breathtaking bombshell" trope with the biological brother-sister incest story. But that wasn't all. Most of the chemistry between the two was great. The sex was HOT (medically possible or not).

I personally loved that she was a "virgin who broke her hymen on her own." That's another trope I rarely see, and that makes it all the more rare that it's merged with the two other niche "check boxes" of m/f twincest and bookish-to-stunner.

There were things I didn't like, such as the ludicrous penis girth (that's as thick as both of my wrists put together, my dude) and the "master-slave" stuff near the end. I also was kind of disappointed that the protagonists stooped to engage in petty high-school drama instead of turning their backs on it, but then they ARE teenagers...

Anyway, my score is 4.5 stars, which gets rounded up to 5. This story was deeply satisfying, all in all. Good job!