Wounded

"Great idea! And you were right to give John space after that. To give him a chance to sort things out."

"Cripes. There really are no secrets."

"'Cripes?' Katie? I notice you haven't used a single cus word since we've been talking.

"Well, hell no! My Mom would kick my fucking ass if I cussed in front of someone of authority." They both laughed. "No. The only time I ever swear is for dramatic effect. But I had two older brothers and was a cheerleader. Lots of exposure in the proper utilization of four letter words.

"And, is there any way we could get them here a little earlier and have some kind of breakfast for them? These guys have nothing in their apartments. I've been, there's nothing but junk. It would be a real social thing, too, I think.

"And what if we let them knock off early and use the vans to take them to the grocery and other stores so they can get food and the other stuff they need? Actually do some of the 'normal' things they'll be doing again when they go home."

"Another great idea. Let's do it.

"And, Katie. If your little experiment works, and I think it will. You and I are going to write a paper about this and let all the rehab units know what you're doing."

She then stopped by the physical therapy office.

"Hi. I'm Katie Walker. Can I talk to you a minute? I have an idea I'd like to run by you."

"Yes, Ma'am," and smiled at her.

"I see my reputation precedes me. So my idea is to get these guys to go to the gym down the street from their apartments at night or weekends. The gym has agreed to waive the membership fees since they're vets in need and it's only short term anyway. They want to look busy, but don't want to get overwhelmed with long term freebies.

"They have their rehab stuff here, but really no cardio. Plus they're all vets. I thought at the gym, they could use the treadmills and the other machines, mix with non vets, start getting used to it, and actually be in a place where they could interact with women again. There's always a lot of socializing at the gym.

"They think the world sees them as nothing but their injury. What's missing. The part that's no longer there. I don't think that's true. I think most people are maybe curious to start with and feel sorry for them, but then realize that they're just another guy working out. Thoughts?"

"Great idea as long as the guys remember their limitations. They may run into some jerks, but that's going to be their life. Best if they go in pairs or a group to start, don't you think?"

"Agree. And I thought their den mom could be there at least the first few times."

At four the guys all piled onto the bus. Soaking wet. She had spritzed a very cheap feminine perfume everywhere and there were car odor absorbing Christmas trees hanging at every seat. They all gagged, coughed and started giving her crap as they came aboard. She ignored their comments and stood in the front of the van.

"Congratulations! You guys are disgusting. I peeked in before, saw how well you were doing so freshened things up a bit. Smells kind of like roses and all Christmasy, doesn't it? Kinda like me. Feel free to soak my lovely vinyl seats. See you somewhere between five and six, but take a fucking shower first and put on some clean clothes."

Half way back to the apartments, "OK! Who's the dickhead? Jamie! You ass! Lose that cigarette. Now, in addition to smelling like a cheap whore and Christmas trees, my hair is going to smell like smoke!

"When I go home to change, my mom is going to give me lecture number 27 about the evils of hanging out at smoky bars especially, in the afternoon. And how I will never meet a nice man in that kind of a place. Blah, blah.

"And you know that one cigarette a day is enough to make all the small blood vessels in your body spazz down and will slow down the healing process, right? Plus, Sheila told me she hates smokers..."

"You didn't tell her I smoke. Did you?"

"No. Do I have too?"

"No, Shorty. I'll quit."

Later: She walked into her home and her Mom greeted her, took a deep breath and wrinkled her nose. "Katie Walker! You smell like you've been rolling in something in the back yard, like some dog. And smoke! I smell smoke in your hair. You've been hanging around those smoky bars in the afternoon haven't you?

"I thought I raised you better than that! And, you know, any man you meet there is only looking for one thing and I certainly hope you're not THAT kind of girl! Your father would be so disappointed if he found out."

"Mom, I..."

"Go take a shower and change! And don't take all day about it. We need to get you loaded up. I have your lasagna in the oven, but you still need...." She turned abruptly to hide the big grin on her face. 'Lecture 27. One of my all time favorites.'

Dinner: They showed up clean and shaven in groups of two or more. No longer as singles. Lots of talk, arm punching and laughter. Katie buzzed around making sure everyone had what they needed. And topped it off with a cake she'd made with the marine symbol and logo on it.

"Listen up! I have an announcement. No, Greg. It's an announcement, not another sermon. I have talked to your Counselors, physical therapists, and the powers that be. Starting sometime soon you will be going to rehab a half hour earlier." They groaned.

"No, no. Hold your applause. You will be going earlier because they will be providing breakfast. And expanding your lunch time so you can socialize a little more or go outside and stuff." They did cheer this time.

"In addition, your lovely hostess, Katie, has arranged for you to get off at one so you can go to the gym down the street to get some cardio. And you guys need some cardio. Free memberships so take advantage of them.

"Instead of the gym, some days we can go to the superstore so you can get whatever you need for your apartments. Thoughts?" More cheering and thanks.

They all pitched in to clean up. Paper plates and cups made it easy. They split the leftovers. Each man hugged her and thanked her as they left. She had tears in her eyes. Good tears, as she turned, right into the embrace of John who was standing with one arm on his chair. They kissed and then moved to the couch. Their kisses increased in intensity.

He slid his hand onto the side of her breast and started to hesitantly move further. Waiting for the rejection that never came. She moaned. 'Do it, John. Please!' And twisted some so his hand slid to encompass her breast. "Oh, John, that feels wonderful."

Her hands started to explore and then settled in his groin. She felt around. Nothing. 'So, no psychogenic erection. We'll have to work on that. I want that thing to jump to attention each time he even thinks of me.' She located his penis and started to stroke it. She could feel it grow under her fingers. 'So direct stimulation works. That's good. I wonder how much he feels?"

He stopped again. "I'm sorry, Katie. I just don't know if I can, you know?"

"It's alright, my love. What kind of girl do you think I am anyway? You know the rules. First date, kiss. Second date, 2nd base. Third date, 3rd base. And that 4th date? Well, we'll just see.

"John, take it easy on yourself. No pressure, please. We can take it at any pace you feel comfortable with." Although to be honest I would have dragged you directly into the sack before our first date even started. God. I'm going to have to get more toys if this keeps up. I need a good romp in the rack. But he probably does too.

"So just 'kiss me you fool.' For just a little bit then I'll get the heck out of here and get ready for tomorrow."

WEDNESDAY

"So, my sweaty, sweaty men, by a show of hands, gym or shopping center? After you go home and shower and change, of course. OK! Shopping it is.

"But first! I got each of you a little back pack. But these are not ordinary back packs. I used my Mom's machine and embroidered your names on each one. Yes, your lovely Katie does have a wide variety of domestic skills. Not only can she cook, bake, and clean up. She can also friggin' sew a mean stitch. So here you go. If I spelled your name wrong, TOUGH SHIT!

"They have showers at rehab. My thought was you could get all sweaty, take a shower and change into some FUCKING DRY CLOTHES before you get on my van. You could bring workout stuff if you're headed to the gym. Or something nicer if you're going to try to pick up chicks at the shopping center.

"And I was thinking, there's no reason we couldn't go to the park, or greenway or other places if you guys want to get out and try something different. I mean, you can only prowl the aisles of the super center for so long before the novelty wears off, the girls all learn to steer clear of you, and security starts keeping an eye on you.

"We can't stay out too long today, though, because I have a date with Big John Roberts in the back there. Let's hear it for him folks. He's the lucky winner of the lovely Katie's affections. Now and forever, John." And they all cheered and carried on until he turned red.

She had them all back by 5. Dashed home, showered and changed into a basic black dress and a little makeup and was there by six.

"Katie. You look incredible." And gave her a bouquet of summer flowers that he had kept hidden in his shopping bags.

"Thanks, John. You look terrific as well. Thanks for the flowers. Where would you like to go? Anywhere special?"

"What about that steak place just out of town?"

"Great. Love their stuff and I haven't been there for a long time."

He rolled the wheelchair up the ramp and they were directed to a table. The hostess went to remove one of the chairs, but he said, "No, it's fine. I'll use the chair." And then transferred easily into the chair, collapsed his wheelchair and put it against the wall.

The meal was great. Service was great. They talked about the old times, new times, and the days ahead. No lapses. No pauses. But she continued to search his eyes. What she saw there still ripped her insides apart. It was better. So much better, but still, lurking in the shadows, just around the corner was obviously a nightmare waiting to escape.

"Do you want to come in for a while, Katie?"

"Sure would, soldier." He pulled her onto his lap and started to kiss her. His hands started to roam and she marveled at his muscles, his back, his arms. Finally he found her breast and started massaging it through her dress. She sighed a contented sigh. It felt good.

He started searching for a path underneath it all when she jumped up and said, "You brute! You're going to rip my dress. And no way is your arm long enough to go from there all the way up to here. She unzipped and pulled her dress off. Her breasts were small, perky. Did not require much support. So her bra was thin and small and brand new. The smallest thong covered her bottom.

They went back to kissing and he immediately returned to her breasts. First one, then the other. Probing, massaging, searching. He slid a finger into the top of her bra and stroked her nipple. Then started to slide a hand underneath...

"Oh for heaven's sake." She unclipped her bra, pulled it off and pulled his mouth onto her breast. His tongue flicked her tiny bud-like nipples, then pounced on one and started sucking on it while he rolled his tongue around on it. "Oh, God, John. Please keep up the good work."

She was so excited to finally be in his arms that she could feel and orgasm approaching. Damn! Never had one from this before. Come on Big John, make it happen. And happen it did. The waves built higher and higher until they broke and she moaned into his mouth and rocked her hips in time with her contractions.

"John. Where the hell did you learn that? Never mind, I don't want to know. But keep it up. It's wonderful." He switched to the other one. She twisted so he could reach and started to repeat the process. She was building again as his hand slid down her abdomen, stroking, caressing. She knew what was coming and her body quaked with excitement waiting impatiently for the touch.

He slid his fingers gently across her underwear. Up and down her crease. She arched her back to increase the pressure and guided his fingers to her clitoris. Its firmness, it's size and lack of covering made it easy to find.

His finger tip stroked along its length. Up and back and then from side to side. He slowly increased his rate and pressure and she could feel another wave approaching. She moaned again, and pulled his head from her breast long enough for a deep kiss, then guided him back.

"Ohhhhh, John. Ohhhh, John. What you do to me." She pushed his one hand against her clit and with her other hand crushed his head to her breast and groaned. All of her air escaped and she started rocking around as the waves of her pleasure pulsed.

She then collapsed onto his shoulder for a moment before searching once again for his lips. She reached for his penis, but he continued to hold her in such a way that she could not reach it. "John, please let me touch you. I need to. Let's go to the couch, the floor, the bed... Some place where I can touch you."

Ignoring her request, he slid a finger under her thong and slid it along her crease. And then inside. She grabbed his hand and pushed the finger in further. He started moving in and out. It was wet, oh so wet, and a second finger slid in easily.

He reached his fingers forward and stroked just beyond her pubic bone. In and out, stroking the roof with each pass. "Arrrrrgh, John. I'm gonna die!" He reached his face up to kiss her as he used his thumb on her clit and she felt yet another coming, building to rock her world. She knew this one was going to be a biggie and lost herself to the sensations.

The world, John, everything disappearing except the pleasurable sensations building in her groin. Building. Building. And then groaning into his mouth, she fell forward as the waves were cresting. He picked up the pace and when he felt the contractions of her vaginal walls, he plunged deeper a few times, then started to slow. He backed off her clit and continued to slowly in and out of her vagina.

"John, get on the couch. Or take me to the bed. Please. I so want to feel you, discover what works and what doesn't. We can explore your body together. We don't have to have sex if you're worried. But can you feel anything there? Is it getting better? It's been what, three, three and a half months since your injury. You're standing so much better. What about sensation?"

"That's a lot of questions, Katie. Been saving 'em up? Close to three and a half. Truth is, I don't really know. I don't touch it much. Even to pee"

"Have you tried, you know, beating off or anything?"

He laughed. "Beating off? Interesting term to use. Very professional Dr. Walker. No. I don't. I'm kind of afraid of what I'll find out."

"Well," with a mischievous grin, "can I try? Can we find out?"

"No, Katie. I'd rather not." She stared into his eyes and then teared up.

"OK, John. We'll take it slow. No pressure, OK?" Dear God, please give me the wisdom and guidance I need to break down these walls and save this good man. Save him and save me too. How do I get through the walls he's built up. It seems to be working with the others. Even Sebastian, but I don't know how to get through to him.

"But, damn, John. That was incredible. You were incredible. I'm not sure how much more excitement I could handle. What if we just sit on the couch for a bit and then I'll have to leave, Lots to do tomorrow."

He watched her closely as she got dressed. He took her hand, "Katie. You are just incredibly beautiful and an incredible individual. I just wish..."

"It's OK, John. We'll work our way through it. Together. OK?"

As she walked through the door, her mom flagged her down. "Katie. You're all flushed. Did you have a date with that guy from the bar?"

"No, Mom. You know I didn't. Nothing like that. It was a great night though."

"Katie, if you need to talk about anything....It seems like you are into this van stuff pretty deep. Sometimes it's hard. Difficult to deal with. Lots of bad ju ju with those poor guys. So if you need to unload, have a shoulder to cry on, whatever, I'm here."

"Thanks, Mom. I know you will always be there for me." She idly picked up her phone and checked her current bank account. "Oh, no!"

"What is it, Katie?"

"I've been helping these guys out and doing stuff for them, this one guy in particular, and...and, I'm almost out of money. I was planning a big get together for the three vans on Saturday at the clubhouse of the apartments, but now...."

"Do you need me to loan you some money until you get paid?"

"No, Mom. I need to figure this out and find a solution. Thanks, though. If it all falls apart, I may need that shoulder to cry on. I have some things I have to work on tonight." 'My little girl is really growing up.'

FRIDAY

Well that was a rough night. Now on with the plan.

As she was loading John onto the van, she leaned forward, squeezed his hand and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for last night, John. It was wonderful."

"It was great, wasn't it. I'm just sorr...." And she quickly put her hand on his mouth.

"Nothing. Nothing at all to be sorry about. It was wonderful. Period."

As she walked into rehab behind her squad, she spied Monica. She waved her over and in a conspiratorial tone handed her an apron and whispered "Here, put this on. Backwards." She looked at the apron and laughed out loud.

"Katie! You are one sick monkey!"

As the men started their therapy exercises, the two women strutted across the middle of the room hand in hand. A murmur started. Then finger pointing and laughter. They stood in the center. "GOOD MORNING, SOLDIERS! Are you ready to get to work?" And they slowly turned around.

The men started laughing and began, "Shorty, Shorty...." They both looked at Christopher who colored deeply as they turned around and showed their aprons to all.

QUIT LOOKING

AT MY ASS

CHRISTOPHER!

They rushed over to him and each kissed a cheek. Katie went back to the center. "OK. Enough fun and games. What kind of men do I hate the most?"

In unison, "Sweaty Men."

"That's right. Get to work! And as a reward you are all invited to a soirée at the clubhouse tomorrow at four. Lots of food and goodies. The oh so lovely Monica will be there in tight jeans, Christopher. And as an extra added attraction, I have invited six of my skankiest, but still beautiful friends to join us. Certified disease free, I think. Come early if you like."

Turning to her guys, "See you at one and we'll figure out what to do." She started walking out, when a feeling crashed into her mind and her heart. She stopped dead in her tracks and whirled around. She stomped to the middle of the room and yelled, "STOP!

"I apologize in advance. I wasn't going to do this, I swore to myself I wasn't going to do this, but I have to. I've been looking into your eyes and what I see is ripping me apart inside. I can't stand by and say nothing. So brace yourselves for a Katie sermonette.

"We talked about being afraid, we talked about how we're all FUCKED UP! And we talked about how important it is to heal your bodies, but even more important is healing your brains, your souls and," in a hushed tone, "your hearts. And based on recent experiences and looking into your eyes as I walk around...

"THE HEART!" She thumped her chest with her fist. "The Heart! 'One ring to bind them all'. The Heart! You cannot heal the others without healing your own heart. You loved the guys you served with over there, right?" Nods. "You love the folks you left behind, right?" Nods. "You love the assholes in your van, right?" They looked around at each other and nodded.

She teared up. "And who is the one person you don't love? YOURSELVES! Don't have an arm? Don't have a leg? Stuck in a chair? You know in your hearts that it doesn't really matter. You know your loved ones don't give a crap about that. They just want YOU! They want your heart back. They want your love, they want your spirit back.