Against All Odds

"She wants children. I don't. It would have been a waste of her time. Also, I didn't like the way she tried to psychoanalyse me."

That was a clear hint to Ben that I had seen through his little plot and was not pleased by it. I had, of course, googled her name and the results had confirmed my suspicions.

"So instead of finding yourself a woman to love and found a family with, you got yourself a dog?"

There was no point in denying it because that was exactly what had happened.

"That and because I always know that a dog is honest with me. He'll show me if he's hungry or bored or needs some cuddles, but you never really know what a human is up to. They could even try to set you up on a blind date, for instance."

Ben didn't react to my provocation. He knew that I knew and he was willing to pick up some well-deserved slack for it.

"Kerry and I had a little chat about you after you left the barbeque."

"See? That's why I left. If I'm the most interesting thing to talk about, the party is a disaster."

I hoped to bring him off my tail with a small joke but was quite sure that this wouldn't work. I wasn't the only one who had had time to think.

"She's a psychologist and says that there is a deep emotional trauma in your past, most likely involving your family, which is at the roots of your trust issues. Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked at him with a barely contained anger for this intrusion in my privacy. He was nosing around in my past and that was unacceptable. That still left me wondering how Kerry had come to that conclusion after I had neglected to give her any answers to the more meaningful, probing questions.

"No, there's nothing to talk about and I demand that you respect my privacy."

"As your friend, I have to try and convince you differently."

I wondered if I was being unfair but even after ten years, I still found it difficult to believe that there wasn't a hidden agenda somewhere. I still found it impossible to trust him beyond work-related issues. I made an undisguised attempt to change the topic.

"What's been going on here? Any changes in staff? Any reductions in output quality?"

I smiled to convey I wasn't totally serious about it, but Ben knew very well that I wasn't just joking either. We spent the next thirty minutes with him updating me on what had happened here in the last months. At first, Blaze was busy snooping around the office but after a few minutes lay down on the blanket I had brought.

It never became a topic whether I could bring Blaze to the office and within days he became the company mascot. The one thing that had really changed though was that I stopped working crazy hours all the time. I still started early in the morning but left the office around five-thirty to take Blaze on a long walk.

+

It was almost a year later, on a hot July evening that Blaze and I were slouching in the garden by the pool. It had been one of those days that started in the high twenties (Celsius) and climbed higher the whole day until it reached the high thirties in the early evening. In these temperatures I didn't take Blaze for a walk but rather played a little in the garden, letting him cool down in the pool. I had also indulged in a short refresher in the water and was now laying on a sun chair, reading an article in which my latest user interface was torn apart for not looking slick enough. They couldn't deny that handling wise it was a masterstroke, though.

"Xena! No! Heel!"

I heard a rustling as something barged through the bamboo hedge. I saw a black dog rush over the small grass strip and before I had time to do more than raise my eyebrows, there was a splash as it jumped into the pool. Blaze who had been peacefully napping after he had lowered his body temperature to bearable levels leapt up and looked around, slightly confused. I finally caught up with the events and registered what had happened.

In my pool was a very pleased looking Doberman, paddling around. I couldn't contain a grin as this was precisely what Blaze had done when we had come home from work earlier.

"Xena! Get the fuck back here! HEEEEEEL!"

A woman was angrily shouting at her dog from the other side of the hedge as I approached the privacy shield.

"There's a gate on your right. Come in and pick her up."

Blaze had by now joined the surprise visitor in the pool and was paddling along with her, trying to get a good sniff of her ass. That, of course, proved a bit difficult with the Doberman-girl's backside submerged in the pool.

"Hello?"

I turned towards the apologetic voice which came from the direction of the gate. Standing there was a petite woman I guessed to be in her early thirties, not taller than maybe one metre fifty-five. She was wearing knee-length white yoga pants which showed off a couple of great legs. On top, she wore a light grey, loose-fitting, sleeveless shirt which let me catch a glimpse of her white sports bra. She had long light brown hair which was tied to a ponytail, her face was red from embarrassment. I did my best to keep smiling as I spoke to her.

"Hi. I guess she smelled the pool and couldn't resist."

"Yeah. I'm so, so sorry. Usually, she listens when I call her but she loves water and in these temperatures..."

She trailed off as she realised there were two Dobies splashing in the water. The change of her facial expression which went from angry-embarrassed to relieved-surprised was amusing.

"That's... You also... I..."

"Yeah. I also have a Dobe. His name's Blaze and he's seven."

"Mine's Xena. She's two and a half. I'm lucky she chose your pool. I can't imagine many people reacting so calmly when a Doberman barges in."

I chuckled. She was certainly right. A fully-grown male Doberman is roughly seventy centimetres shoulder-height and weighs somewhere around forty kilos, females are a bit smaller and lighter but still very impressive animals. We chatted a bit about our dogs. I explained that Blaze was adopted and learned that she had had hers since she was a ten-weeks-old puppy. She didn't stay long as she had to get home and cook dinner for her and her boyfriend.

It was two weeks later when the doorbell rang and I found her standing at my door with Xena and a guy who turned out to be her boyfriend. After introducing him, she invited me to join them on their evening walk. I had just finished eating my dinner and had looked forward to sitting and reading a little, but Blaze took the decision out of my hands when he came walking with his leash in his mouth. On the walk, I learned that her name was Betta, short for Elisabeth, and her boyfriend was Adrian. She was a receptionist for an insurance company and he worked in procurement for a furniture business. He was often travelling, sometimes for weeks at a time, looking for new designs and manufacturers. I felt some resentment from Betta about that, but didn't feel like it was my place to comment on it. After the walk, they came into the garden and we let the dogs cool down in the pool.

This visit set the tone for the next couple of months. Usually, Betta and Xena came alone and I became increasingly involved in their lives as she kept telling me about events in her life, often concerning her troubles with Adrian. That was a side effect of Blaze I hadn't foreseen. I had simply failed to consider that I might meet other people with dogs. While she kept telling me more and more private details, I realised that I didn't have much to talk about with her. She always listened and even asked questions when I told about my job, but it was easy to tell that work wasn't her favourite topic. Therefore, I mostly told her about my experiences with Blaze and current events but as I didn't have a private life, there wasn't anything to contribute on that front and I certainly wasn't about to talk about my past.

On a rainy November day later that year, I came home from the evening walk with Blaze to find Betta's car in my driveway. It turned out that Adrian had ended their relationship and, as it was his house, pitilessly had kicked her out. Of course, I took her in. I didn't even have to think about it before I offered my hospitality. Over the last couple of months, based on the common interest of our dogs, we had become friends. After I had prepared her a cup of tea and then carried her luggage to one of the spare bedrooms, we sat down in the living room to talk.

"Adrian and I had been talking about children and marriage lately, so I went to the gyn and she examined me thoroughly. Today I got the results back."

She handed me a sheet of paper. I wasn't sure what to do with it. That was an extremely personal document but she seemed to insist on me reading it. I quickly realised that I wouldn't understand most of the medical gibberish unless I did extensive internet-supported research but the bottom line said it all.

As a consequence of the conditions described above it is highly improbable to the point of impossibility for the patient to conceive a child naturally. Artificial methods could be an option but the probability of success is estimated below 5 %.

"As soon as he read that he fell quiet and five minutes later sent me packing."

Before I had the chance to react, Betta leaned over and buried her face in my chest. What a cruel, insensitive bastard. This must have been a devastating diagnosis for Betta and all Adrian could come up with was kicking her out? I let her sob on my shoulder for half an eternity. Finally, her emotional exhaustion made her fall asleep.

I picked up her petite frame and carried her to her bedroom where I carefully placed her on her bed. For a moment, I considered undressing her but decided against it. She might have considered this a violation of trust and that was the last thing she needed right now. Therefore, I just removed her slippers and covered her with the blanket. If she woke up during the night, she could still undress for comfort.

I went back downstairs to think. Betta was a friend, probably my only friend, and she needed help right here and now which I could easily provide. A roof over the head for her and Xena. Somebody to talk to. I wasn't totally sure how I felt about having somebody else living with me. Since Lara, nobody had ever been to my home. But Blaze trusted her. He had his ways to show that. There were people he saw more often and knew better but he never trusted them the way he did Betta. I trusted Blaze. Blaze trusted Betta. Therefore, I trusted Betta. I didn't know when it had happened but I realised that I did. It was a strange, unfamiliar feeling.

Before preparing for bed, I took Blaze and Xena out to pee. They took care of their business quickly and shortly after, I was in bed, sleeping.

The next morning was mostly routine for me. Betta was still sleeping, so I took the dogs out for their morning walk. After the walk, I took a shower, dressed, had a cup of coffee, and wrote Betta a note to stay put until I returned in the evening so we could discuss the next steps forward.

When I came home after work, I was greeted by darkness and the two dogs. Betta had called in sick for the day and this wasn't even a lie. She may not have been sick from a cold or the flu, but she really looked a mess when I returned home. The first thing I did was take Xena and Blaze out for a proper walk as I could tell from her behaviour that she had only been making short trips to the garden the whole day. Then I fed them.

With everything done, I quickly prepared dinner and forced Betta downstairs to eat. She wasn't really in a talkative mood, so I settled on informing her that she could stay with me for the time being. There wasn't really a reaction from her when I told her but by then I hadn't expected anything else. Only a day ago, she had learned that she was infertile and her longstanding boyfriend had kicked her out of their apartment. She would need some time to come to terms with her new situation.

+

It only took her a week to come to the conclusion that Adrian was one big son of a bitch. Accepting her infertility took her considerably longer. After a month, I recommended she talk to her doctor about a referral to a psychologist. That well-meant advice caused her to blow up.

"What are you trying to say? That I'm crazy?"

"No. Betta..."

But she was in no mood to listen.

"Then what? That I'm not only useless as a woman but also as a human?"

"You are NOT..."

"You motherfucking son of a bitch," was the last thing she hurled at me before tackling me, screaming and beating about.

She even managed to land a couple of blows before I was able to catch her arms. Fortunately, she didn't hit anything critical so while some of the blows still hurt a little, there wasn't any damage done. Maybe a black mark on the chest. I pulled her into a tight embrace to stop her from hitting out and held her there while she struggled to get loose. It didn't take long until the fight left her and she sank against me, sobbing. Once she had calmed down, she listened to my reasoning.

I argued that the diagnosis must have been devastating for her and she could use professional help. It wouldn't suffice for me to tell her that a woman shouldn't be reduced to child-bearing capabilities. That she was so much more than an incubator. That there were plenty of men who didn't want any children. The discussion became much more civilised and she finally agreed to talk to her gyn. Then she apologised for hitting me.

"It's ok. In fact, I think it helped to prove my point that you need to get some help."

I kind of breeched my own non-violence rule. Hitting others was an absolute no-go for me. But this had been different. For a month, she had now been on the brink of a nervous breakdown and today it had happened. I doubted that this would ever happen again.

"You've been extremely patient with me. Thank you. You're a real friend."

She embraced me tightly before retreating to her room and I was wondering whether or not there was potential for more than friendship. I sure liked her as a friend and if I was absolutely honest with myself, I even kind of loved her. Why else would I care for her so much? It seemed almost too good to be true. Neither of us could have children, so that was a non-issue. But it was a rather comfortable situation we had and there wasn't a real reason to take any risks. The only thing that would change if we engaged in a physical relationship was sex and I had been without for more than a decade already. If we maintained our friendship without the complication of a physical component, it would make it much more stable and less prone to hurt.

We settled into a convenient cohabitation. We shared the household duties like cleaning, washing, and cooking. I wasn't really a TV-watcher, so I usually read some work-related magazines while she watched some show or a movie. During the week, I took Xena out in the mornings as I usually rose before Betta but slept in a little on weekends when she returned the favour. She had regular meetings with a psychologist and slowly, her depression waned.

Of course, we also talked a lot. Occasionally, I had to divert the topic away from my childhood and youth. Fortunately, she never insisted. I became rather adept at changing the subject. I wasn't ready to share that part of me with her, but also didn't want to lie to her.

I was there when she told her parents during a video call about her diagnosis and the subsequent break-up with Adrian. It took a bit of convincing for them not to return home immediately. Without my promise to look after her and contact them if they were needed for any reason, Betta wouldn't have succeeded though.

She slept in her own bedroom and used the second shower on the upper floor while I stayed in the master suite with the annexed bathroom. We had a good relationship, much like two siblings but sometimes there was a tension in the air which wouldn't normally be there between a brother and a sister. Increasingly, there were small touches, not so innocent double entendres, and sometimes straight out sexual innuendos. This provocativeness coupled with her fantastic legs, dream body, beautiful face and the often skimpy clothes she wore in the evenings led to regular five-against-one-battles in the shower.

This changed on a warm late spring Saturday afternoon as we were sitting in the sun-chairs in the garden, me reading a software magazine with a critique of my team's latest effort and her reading a book. At least I thought she was reading until she started speaking. She wore a light spring skirt which barely covered her legs. The way she was sitting with her knees pulled up allowed a delectable view of her shapely bum and the thong. Her blouse was generously cut and glancing over I more than once got a nice view of her nipple or at the very least a generous helping of side-boob. She had obviously not bothered to put on a bra. It took a lot of effort to keep from staring at her.

"George, are you gay?"

Where did that come from? When had I ever given her reason to think I was gay?

"No. Why?"

"Don't get me wrong. It wouldn't be a problem. It's just that it would explain a lot to me."

"I don't understand."

She took a few seconds thinking before she replied.

"I've been living here for six months now. In that time, you've not been on a single date that I know of and nobody has been here to visit you."

"I'm not dating much."

"Why? You're good-looking, polite, educated, and seem to earn well. You're responsible, you don't gamble, you don't get drunk, and you don't do drugs. Your work is discussed in magazines, in your professional circles you're a celebrity. Women should be queuing at your door to go on a date with you."

I sighed. I had feared for some time that this discussion would come sooner or later with us getting closer.

"It's a long and complicated story. Let's just say I had some really bad experiences and therefore, I don't date. At all. Can we talk about something else, please?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to embarrass you."

I nodded to signal my acceptance of her apology. It wasn't as if she had known that she had touched a hornet's nest.

"Why do you never talk about your childhood or teenage years? I've tried for months to get to know you better, but I don't know anything about where you grew up or your family. You only talk about your late twenties. Where did you go to school? What was your first girlfriend like? What happened to your parents?"

I groaned. She had switched to the only topic I wanted to talk about even less than my dating life. My family. Or as I thought of them, the traitors.

"It's another story I don't like talking about. I don't have a family and that's all I'm willing to say."

I took the magazine I had been reading and started to get up. It seemed like the only way to avoid this discussion venturing deeper into territories I didn't want to be explored.

"Please, don't leave. I'll stop asking if you don't want to talk about it. I was just curious."

Eyeing her suspiciously, I settled back into the sun chair. I still didn't know the reason for her question in the first place, though.

"But if I may get back to the original question. I asked if you're gay because for weeks, I've been trying to get you to notice that, while not fertile, I'm still a woman. Look at me. I'm sitting here barely dressed, presenting you my bare ass, flashing my tits, and you don't even look over."

I couldn't avoid chuckling. My suspicion that she knew exactly how much skin she showed was confirmed.

"That just shows how well I've hidden my ogling."

"So, you did look, after all?"

The grin on her face told me everything I needed to know. Me hiding my looking had not only been unnecessary, it had been straight out wrong.

"Sure. You're an attractive woman, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. You're probably the only friend I have apart maybe from Ben, but he's my boss and doesn't count."