Against All Odds

Time is a funny thing. The days dragged by excruciatingly slowly, but at the same time, I had barely had the chance to mentally prepare myself for the visit when our departure was imminent. On Thursday, Betta again tried to seduce me but I was so tense that even if I had wanted to, I couldn't have made love to her.

On Friday morning we packed a small bag each and a large bag for the dogs. Travelling with two dogs is in many ways worse than travelling with children. While both Blaze and Xena loved to ride, they took up the entire boot. That left us only the backseat for everything else we needed: our two small bags and blankets, food, leashes, toys, chewing stuff, cleaning towels, and much more for the dogs.

Betta tried to initiate a conversation but I was distracted by thoughts of my childhood and only replied with single words. We drove the two hundred kilometres in one go. I had full-fledged flashbacks after we had entered the municipality and I drove through the streets of my childhood city. Betta had programmed the navigation system but still verbally directed me to the hotel. It hadn't been necessary as I knew very well where it was, but I understood that she tried to break the silence.

We moved into our room, or rather rooms as Betta had reserved a small suite to accommodate the two Dobermans, and went to dinner. After we had returned, we sat in the small living room, petting our dogs.

"I love you, George. Whatever you may think of me otherwise, please don't doubt that. You helped me at my lowest and I'll be forever grateful for that. I'm absolutely convinced that it's the right thing that you visit your family. If nothing else, it will grant you closure."

"If you'd told me a month ago that I would be here today, I would have laughed into your face. I still think we should have let the sleeping dogs lie, but now I'm here and we'll see what happens."

I turned back to the phone, not prepared for the confrontation with my girlfriend. The closer the moment of truth came, the more convinced I was that we wouldn't be together after Easter. When we went to bed after quietly watching some TV, I turned on my side away from her.

I didn't close an eye the entire night but lay there, dreading the meeting with my family. When the alarm rang in the morning, I had already showered and taken the dogs for their morning walk. While Betta took a shower, I fed the dogs. She came out of the bathroom naked and I took a moment to admire her. She was undoubtedly a beautiful woman, but right now I didn't feel like acknowledging her desperate attempts at saving our relationship.

Subdued, she dressed. I wondered how she was feeling. This must, for her, be one of the weirdest 'meet-the-parents' moment in history. We left the dogs in the room for breakfast. My inner tension was growing rapidly and I think that finally, Betta realised that. She tried to relax me, convince me that everything would be fine but, of course, it didn't work. I tried to eat but I had no appetite at all. I poked at the scrambled eggs, tried to find the will to eat a slice of bread with butter or at least some fruit. In the end, I drank too much coffee and a glass of orange juice. We fetched our dogs and went to the car.

"Here!" I said as I tossed her the car keys. "I don't think I'm fit to drive."

"I love you, George."

The closer we got to my childhood home, the tenser I became. I could barely move my hands, so when Betta laid a calming hand on my thigh, I didn't remove it. She had again programmed the navigation system but I still told her when we had reached my parents' driveway. We exited the car and rounded it to meet in front of the hood. I took a good look at the house I had grown up in. It was in serious disrepair and could have used some extensive renovation. The garden also looked as if nobody had tended to it for a while. This all was in stark contrast to the rest of the neighbourhood. I grabbed her hand for strength as we walked up to the door. Nervously, I rang the bell, looking back to the car with the open trunk and the dogs in their boxes. I would have preferred to have them with me but that would have been an unnecessary distraction.

It was Andrew who opened the door. He completely ignored me at first and looked Betta up and down, decidedly lecherous. I didn't like that one bit. What I liked was how my brother looked. He had seriously fattened and his skin looked unhealthy. He had also gone mostly bald. He wore thick glasses which didn't flatter him at all. His clothes were threadbare and too tight. All in all, he looked lousy.

"So, you've finally returned. Was about time you stood up for your responsibility."

"Hey, Andrew. You look," I paused for effect, "different. I barely would have recognised you on the street."

It was pitiful how he tried to stretch and pull in his belly at the same time to look more impressive. Not that it helped. Rather the opposite.

"Will you ask me in or shall we remain standing here?"

His eyes travelled back to my girlfriend as he stepped aside to let us pass. His intention to ogle Betta from behind was obvious.

"Why don't you go first? We'll follow you."

My parents looked a bit better than Andrew but not much. They had aged more than the twelve or thirteen years I had been gone. They didn't get up from the worn couch and didn't extend a hand to greet me. They just said 'hi' and pointed to two chairs opposite the coffee table.

I introduced Betta to my family but didn't give her family name to protect her privacy. It quickly became clear that they knew each other from the phone calls, though, and after the pleasantries had been exchanged, my parents turned their focus back to me.

"You've been successful from what we've heard. You must be earning a lot of money."

That was telling. The first thing they said to me after thirteen years was about money. I almost got up and left right then but Betta, whose hand I still held tightly, spoke before I could act.

"Really? That's the first thing you say to your son after so many years?"

"Since he deserted us, he's caused nothing but bad luck for us. Why should we care about anything else?"

I squeezed Betta's hand to keep her quiet. This was something I wanted to clarify myself.

"What do you mean? I've had nothing to do with you since I left. How could I be the cause for anything that has happened since?"

"You were barely gone when Patricia demanded a divorce, citing a text you had sent her as proof. She got the house and Andrew had to pay child support for their two children. Then he had to quit his job because the commute from here was too far. Therefore, your mother and I had to take over the child support payments and had to refinance the mortgage on the house. Due to the stress you caused, my performance at work suffered and I was let go. We've barely been able to make ends meet."

"And how is that my fault? Patricia divorced him because he cheated on her. What did I have to do with it? Did I decide to cheat on my wife in my parents' house? Was I stupid enough to get caught?"

"Hey!" Andrew complained. "You introduced me to Lara. You didn't call before you came here. Without you, Pat wouldn't have found out anything and nothing of all this would have happened. That's why it's your fault."

I heard a gasp from my right. Betta was speechless as I noticed with satisfaction. She was now experiencing first hand how twisted my family's thinking was. I was about to defend myself when my father continued.

"You have a history of destroying good marriages. After all, I almost divorced your mother when you were born."

That was news to me. Not that I any idea why my birth should have been a reason for my father separating from my mother. Then I understood. I had one of these rare moments of clarity when everything suddenly makes sense. Of course! I should have come to that conclusion years ago!

"You're not my biological father!" I exclaimed before looking over to my mother. "You cheated on him and got yourself pregnant."

"Yes, your blood type didn't match with mine so we made a genetic test. I almost divorced her when we got the results back. You see? That was the first marriage you almost destroyed."

I couldn't help myself. I started laughing. Betta sat next to me, her hand slapped over her mouth, unable to come up with something to say. The looks my parents and my half-brother exchanged showed that they didn't have any idea of how absurd that was.

"Let me get that straight. You slut," I pointed to my mother, "decided to cheat on that spineless piece of shit," I pointed to my step-father, "way before I was even conceived. The genetic mixture I am made of didn't even exist yet. There was a sperm somewhere in some guy's balls and an egg in your womb, both totally separate from each other and yet, it's my fault that I was born? Are you serious? Are you all really that dumb? Are you so incapable of taking responsibility for your own actions?"

"Of course, it's your fault! If you hadn't been conceived, he'd never have found out!"

I shook my head and looked over at Betta. The shock in her eyes was unmistakeable. She seemed totally unable to grasp the scope of the information she received.

"So, you decided to punish me for the actions of a horny guy, a slut and their stupidity not to use any contraception. I mean that makes totally sense. Why should he or you be responsible for what you did?"

"You will not call your mother a slut!"

"Now you take a stand? You didn't have the balls to divorce her for adultery, but you stand up to me for calling her a slut?"

Andrew laboriously and puffing got up from his armchair. "Show Mum some respect! After everything you did to hurt our family! You should show some gratitude that you weren't given up for adoption!"

"You knew?! Holy shit, this is unbelievable. You know what? I'm done here. The three of you can circle-jerk and blame me for everything for the rest of your lives, but I'm leaving. Betta? You coming?"

Surprisingly, I was at peace with myself. I finally understood my life. If only I had known earlier. I would have to apologise to Betta for my behaviour over the last couple of days and thank her for bringing me here.

"You're not going anywhere! You owe us back pay for the child support and compensation for all the grief you've caused."

"Try to stop me! If you want anything from me, sue me. Let a court decide on what I owe you and what you owe me. I'm looking forward to it."

Andrew and my former Dad were still a lot bigger than me but contrary to them, I was in good shape. Also, Betta would probably get Blaze and Xena from the car while I fought them, but they made no attempt to prevent our leaving. I didn't even slam the door. That would have been more effort than they were worth.

"Give me the keys, my love. You're not in a condition to drive," I said to Betta, light-heartedly mirroring the tense comment I had made earlier.

"I'm sorry, George! I'm so, so sorry. I thought you exaggerated, but you didn't. If I'd even suspected that, I'd never have suggested coming here."

Still in the driveway, I pulled her in an embrace and kissed the top of her head.

"No, love, I'm sorry. This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Everything makes sense now. Thank you for taking me here."

Still stunned, she handed me the keys and we got in the car and left, barely fifteen minutes after we had arrived. In the car, I held one hand over to her. She latched onto it like a drowning woman. I felt that I needed to reinforce my apology.

"You were right, I was wrong. It was necessary to come here. I should have done it years ago."

I had a target in mind. It was still early and I took us directly to a restaurant which was well known for its brunch. They charged half a fortune but I wanted to make sure that Betta knew that the situation had completely changed. I would have loved to forgive her but that was impossible because she had been right all along. It was me who had to ask for her forgiveness.

I could tell all through the meal that Betta might have understood intellectually that everything was fine again, but some of her reservations remained. I talked at length about my childhood. Now that I knew why everything had happened the way it had and understood just how absurd my family was, I felt mostly relief. I had no problems visiting the memories of my past and telling Betta about them.

After eating, I took her on a sightseeing tour through the city. I showed her the schools I had been to and the places I had hung out at to avoid being around my brother. We returned to the hotel room to shower and change before going to dinner.

As soon as we had entered the room, Betta offered her lips for a kiss. I willingly obliged, letting her physically feel my mental healing. First, I tried to unbutton her blouse with one hand while the other caressed her hair, but that failed spectacularly so I took my second hand to help. She was unusually passive and I suspected she used my lead as an additional confirmation that all was well between us. With the blouse removed, I made quick work of her pants before shedding my own clothes in record time.

I took her by the shoulders and turned so she stood in front of the full-body mirror that was hanging next to the entrance. Looking at her in her underwear, I covered her neck and shoulders with loving kisses, slowly removed her bra and reached around her, cupping her breasts in its place. Gently massaging her boobs, stroking my thumbs over her nipples, I stopped the undressing for a minute. Betta got lost in my ministrations but I didn't intend to stop here. I turned her around and claimed her mouth, pushing my tongue between her lips on the search of her own.

Next, I leaned her against the wall and slowly slid downwards, continuously teasing her body with my lips. I pulled down her panties and kissed her fuzzy mound.

"Finish that a different time. I want you in me. Please. I need to feel that all is well."

"You've already proven that you know best," was all I replied before standing up and placing my cock at her entrance.

I pushed in slowly but Betta wasn't in the mood for playfulness. She put her arms around my neck, pulled herself up, wrapped her legs around my hips and impaled herself on my erection.

"If you love me, fuck me hard."

I didn't need another invitation but standing in the hallway of the hotel room was not ideal for that endeavour, so I moved us over to the bed where I put her down. As soon as she laid down, she pulled her knees up to her ears. I understood this as a challenge. The harder I fuck her, the more I love her. I just hoped I wouldn't break the bed.

I moved our bodies around a little until I could hook my toes onto the footboard for leverage. I intertwined our fingers and put our hands next to her head, putting my weight on them. I looked deep into Betta's eyes, pressed a forceful kiss on her lips and started to pull out, only to push back in as soon as I was halfway out. I repeated that a few times, increasing the speed after I had ascertained that Betta was as ready as she claimed to be. She was well lubricated and so I started hammering my love into her as hard and as long as I could, verbally confirming my love with every thrust.

Against all odds

Betta's insistence to meet my family had an unexpected effect on me. I was finally able to put everything that happened behind me. That also changed the way I looked into the future. Already on our trip back home, I had started to wonder if maybe I should ask Betta to marry me. As my girlfriend was barren and I had my ducts cut a few years ago, it wasn't about children. I thought more about mutual protection. If anything happened to me, I wanted Betta to be cared for.

While our relationship mended, I thought about it some more. Proposing to her knowing about her infertility would also send Betta the message that not having children wasn't a problem for me, a topic she still had some problems with. So, I took off from work on a sunny Friday afternoon to go and look for a ring. In the morning, I had secretly borrowed one of her rings. I had some ideas of what I wanted and I knew her tastes a little by now. Simple, pragmatic, elegant. Rather a couple of smaller high-quality stones than one big one with flaws. Surprisingly, it didn't take me long to find one I liked.

I still took some time waiting for the right moment. Soon, I realised that the two-year-anniversary of the day Xena had barged into my garden was approaching and I decided that this would be the day.

During that day, I convinced myself that after I returned home in the evening would be the right moment to propose. I was really nervous, even though I intellectually knew that Betta would say yes. She had been a bit quieter the last couple of days, but I put that down to the bug she was suffering from. I could barely contain my edginess when I pushed the door open. What I saw stalled me from one second to the next.

Betta was sitting on the couch in the living room, her face was pale as a ghost's, and she had her arms wrapped around herself.

"George," she said, sounding surprised as if this wasn't my usual time to come home. "Please sit. I need to talk to you."

I'm not sure how long I stood there motionless, my hand held protectively over the ring in my pocket as if its sheer existence could make all evil go away. As if remote-controlled my feet brought me closer to Betta until I was seated on the armchair next to the couch she was on.

"I'm pregnant. I was at my gynaecologist today and she confirmed it."

"Who's the father?"

She looked at me aghast.

"You are. Who else?"

"That's impossible. I'm infertile. I had my ducts cut years ago."

The confusion I saw on her face seemed to be real. She certainly didn't look as if I had just exposed some deception.

"George, I swear. I've not had any kind of sexual contact with anyone but you. I don't even understand how I could get pregnant. They said it was impossible."

At this point, my scientific mind jumped in, "The medical report you showed me said 'highly improbable' not 'impossible'. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't be the father."

I looked into her eyes when I said that and I saw a lot in there: joy, fear, uncertainty, incomprehension. She was replying something but my brain had just delivered a small piece of information which I had to take into consideration. There was a minimal risk that the spermatic ducts could regenerate. I had made all the follow-ups and knew that two years after the operation I still was sterile. This meant that the probability was somewhere way below 0.01 per cent, or one in ten thousand, but it was still there. That meant I couldn't just burn all bridges.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked when I realised that Betta was waiting for me to reply to a question.

"I swear it, George. I don't know how it's possible but if it isn't your baby, I'm the next mother Mary. I can only repeat what I've already said. I have not had any sexual contact with anyone but you. I consent to every test you want to run to prove that."

That made me thinking. She must know that a DNA-test would quickly reveal whether or not I was the father so if she pre-emptively offered to have these tests made, she had to be sure of the result. That led to another question.

A baby? A family? Me? I was shocked to realise that my answer to that was somewhere in between 'why not' and 'hurray'. When had that happened? After the visit to my parents, of course. Learning that I had been born into a totally dysfunctional family had effectively cleared my mind from many if not all of my former traumas. If this was my child, I would want to be the best Dad I could possibly be. But if it wasn't my child? Was I willing to raise somebody else's child with a woman that had cheated on me? Definitely not. If only to avoid causing similar pains as I had experienced. I couldn't risk punishing an innocent child for the actions of its mother.