Carry That Weight: Beast Of Burden

"Well, if you were looking for time to sit and quietly contemplate your decision, I would've thought the last ten months in your home would've provided that. I know Ashley doesn't try to confront you anymore, and at times she probably resembles more of a ghost in your home than a wife."

I nodded, accepting there was some truth to that.

"But South Beach?" I said weakly.

I heard Amber chuckle beside me before I realized she'd stepped over next to me. She smiled weakly.

"I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but I need an escape from this nightmare. Agnes will make sure Amy and TJ are okay, but I don't want to go alone, I need to have a friendly face with me; someone whose shoulder I can cry on, someone who understands what I'm going through."

"But Amber," I said gently, "Going on this it might mean the end of your marriage."

"True," she said, "but my marriage might already be over. Right now, I'm not sure how I can ever forgive Jeff for what he's done. Hopefully, I'll find a way to do that while I'm down there, but like I said, I don't want to go alone."

"Please, Tom," she continued, "Will you go if I promise not to attack you?"

She smiled weakly at her tease.

"Amber," I said staring into her dark green eyes, "it's not you attacking me I'm worried about. It's me attacking a beautiful vulnerable woman and embarrassing the both of us that has me worried!"

Amber chuckled.

"I'm not worried," she said softly. "Tom King, will you please escort me during this conference?"

Amber, Agnes and Bill stared at me as I fidgeted like a worm on a hook.

"Please, Tom," Amber whispered.

"All right, Amber," I groaned, "You've got your escort. I'll go."

I saw Amber genuinely smile for the first time that weekend as she hugged me. I felt her warm soft breasts press into me as she molded herself into me and I let out a very worried sigh.

****

To call the two weeks before the conference stressful would've been the mother of all understatements. Ashley bounced from one extreme to another by going from reserved and suffering silently like a martyr at one moment to going into total denial and acting like nothing had changed in another. The worst was when she'd act like she was never going to see me again and try to fuck me into submission. In some ways, it was flattering that a woman I still found to be beautiful still desired me, but then the idea that she thought I could be fucked back into our marriage would turn my thoughts dark... very dark.

I also knew she was still struggling with her relationships with the rest of the family. Arlene and Jeffrey were told the basics and neither of them handled it well. Arlene went on the rampage against her mother while Jeffrey seemed to sink into himself. On top of that, Ashley was still dealing with the fallout from her mother and Amber discovering her affair. While communication with Amber had ceased, there had been several lengthy phone calls with her mother. Andrea even came and stayed with us the week before I departed.

As expected, my mother-in-law asked to meet with me privately one night. I asked her if she was hungry and would she like to accompany me to one of my favorite restaurants. She gladly accepted.

"Thank you for taking me to dinner, Tom," Andrea said sweetly.

"I always enjoy taking a beautiful woman to dinner," I said chuckling.

She smiled.

"Well it's good to know you still have a sense of humor through all this."

"It's either that or cry. I'm not sure if either would help."

"Well," she said sadly as we ate. "My daughter sure has managed to make a mess of things, hasn't she?"

"I'm afraid so," I replied.

I watched her as she stared back at me and sighed.

"Tom," she said softly, "you don't have to do this."

I acknowledged her comment with a simple nod.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure what'll happen if I don't. Agnes is right, things are about to get even more complicated. My private hell is about to become very public.

"Andrea, my failings as a husband are about to be scrutinized and gossiped about by the entire family. I'm certainly not perfect but I don't deserve that. I was hoping against hope that Ashley or Jeff could find a way for us to get through this, but that's not going to happen. Ashley is trying to be some emotionless pillar of stone, but the anger and frustration are beginning to show daily now. My supposed best friend? Well he's been doing his best to avoid the subject as if he's praying it'll go away."

"Sort of like you?" my mother-in-law softly interjected.

My hackles came up for a moment but then I sighed.

"In one way I guess that's right," I said quietly. "But I don't see why I should have to carry that weight, all the pain of having to try and rebuild relationships I didn't destroy. Why should I have to be the one to figure out how to fix things? Wasn't it enough I'd been betrayed by my best friend and loving wife?"

I sat and stared at my mother-in-law, trying to hide my tears and pain in my voice. She saw straight through it. She gently placed her hands over mine.

"Tom," she said softly, her eyes misting. "I'm sorry they did that to you, to their marriages. I love my daughter, but I'm ashamed she could be so self-centered and do those things.

"Ashley has always been a little full of herself. Not all of it is entirely her fault, though. You can't help but have some of that when you're told constantly how wonderful you are. Truthfully, I thought she handled it pretty well while growing up. I thought she had control over any excessive pride, especially after she married you.

"She was so in love with you, Tom, that whenever someone suggested you married above your station, she'd tear into them. She'd sometimes even yell it was her who'd married up. I'm sorry she lost that somewhere."

We sat there in silence, both of us trying to make sense of the situation.

"I can tell you honestly Tom; I think she has that control back. I know for sure she isn't thinking very highly of herself right now."

"That may be, Andrea," I said wearily, "but it doesn't change things. That doesn't even begin to heal the hurt or restore the damage."

"But what will?"

"I don't know," I said shaking my head. "I guess that's why I agreed to go on this trip."

"Well," I smirked, "that, and I knew it would give Ashley and Jeff a taste of their own medicine. Let them taste the betrayal they so graciously shoved in my face."

Andrea sighed.

"Well she's definitely feeling it now. I don't ever remember seeing my daughter so lost. She has no idea how to respond to this."

"Andrea," I said coldly, "she's had over ten months to deal with this and hasn't come up with much of anything other than to try and placate me with sex. Now I'm forced to deal with it."

I could tell Andrea wasn't happy with how this conversation was going.

"Tom, if you do this it'll probably kill whatever chance there is for your marriage to survive. I beg you to try and find another solution."

"I don't know Andrea. I can't think of anything else. I'm not sure going off on my own would help since that's pretty much what I've done the past ten months. Besides, even if I go, it doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with Amber or anyone else."

"Be careful Tom," Andrea warned, "now you're starting to sound like Ashley. If you're going to the party, at least admit you'll have to deal with the alcohol that'll be there."

I stared at her and then nodded. If I went on this trip, revenge sex would be a possibility, whether with Amber or someone else. I needed to go into this with my eyes wide open.

The night before my trip, fate gave me another surprise. Ashley and I had just spent a marathon session having sex. I guess she was trying to drain me of any semen my middle-aged body could produce in order to reduce the threat of any sexual temptation on my trip. She'd done a hell of a job since I was now dry as a dessert.

My body was at the point of exhaustion as I lay on our bed staring at the ceiling. Next to me I could feel my wife begin to silently sob. Usually by this point I would've rolled over and gone to sleep but tonight I'd stayed on my back.

Ashley rolled over and put her head on my chest and I could feel the warmth of her tears on my skin. I didn't hold her but she wrapped an arm around me and clung tightly.

"Tom?" she whispered, "I'm scared."

I couldn't reply without allowing my emotions to show so I laid still.

"I'm scared," she continued. "Thinking about you going to Miami is killing me. I'll die a thousand times every day you're there, imagining what you might be doing. That's my fault and I'll just have to live with what I've done.

"It tears me apart that I don't have any hold on you but our broken marriage. I realize I'm the one who broke it and I've no right to beg you for anything. I gave that away when I betrayed you but the thought that you might fall in love with someone and leave me terrifies me.

"Ever since Agnes suggested it might happen, the idea of you having sex with another woman has been haunting me. The thought of you touching, caressing, and kissing another woman's body makes my heart ache. I realize it's just a taste of the pain and agony that you've felt, but it feels like I'm bleeding to death. As much as you having sex with a stranger hurts, that isn't what scares me the most.

"Tom if you have sex with Amber, I'll die. Not because she's so much younger than me or that it would probably be justified, but because if you have sex with Amber..." she stopped and I could feel a fresh set of tears on my chest.

"If... if you try to have sex with Amber, you'll end up making love to her... and I'll lose you. I'm not sure I can survive that."

"I just pray that when you come home you'll allow me the chance to show you that our marriage is worth saving. I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret it.

"Please Tom," she whispered, "is there any way you could promise me that you'll give me that chance?"

"Ashley," I said gently, "I'm hoping this trip will help me determine what I want. I know that I still love you but I'm not sure that's enough. I'm sorry and I'm not trying to be mean, but I can't make that kind of promise right now."

I felt her nod.

"I... I understand," she said softly.

"Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Would you hold me then?"

I wrapped my wife in my arms knowing that this trip was going to change everything.

****

I nervously stood at the airport gate waiting for Amber. Was this a mistake? Probably, but I needed to determine if I was willing to fight for my marriage or allow it to die. Solitude hadn't helped, perhaps a festive atmosphere would. Whatever the surrounding, I needed to come to grips with what I had to do.

I was struggling with these dark thoughts when I saw Amber walking down the concourse. I couldn't hide my smile as she looked as if she was some starlet trying desperately to be incognito. In doing so it screamed to everyone around her she was doing something she didn't want people to see her doing! She wore a large brimmed sun hat, big tortoise shell sunglasses, cargo pants and an oversized shirt to hide her identity and body.

She walked over to me and gave me a hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek. I could tell immediately she was nervous and having second thoughts.

"Amber," I said gently, "if you don't want to do this then let's turn around right now. It'll be okay with me."

She looked at me and shook her head slowly.

"No, Tom, I want to do this... I need to do this!"

Arm-in-arm we boarded the plane. The die had been cast and our destinies now lay before us.

****

Chapter 2 - Revenge

Tuesday morning when we got off the plane, the April sun and humidity washed over me like a wave. The faint smell of the ocean filled my lungs letting me know it was near.

We checked into the Fontainebleau and were taken aback by the beauty of the old hotel. The resort was built in the 1950's and had been updated, but still had the majestic beauty of the original hotel.

I looked over at Amber and laughed. Her normally large green eyes were huge. Her smile stretched from ear to ear as she took in her surroundings with wonder and awe. It was like watching a young child on their first trip to Disney World!

She actually giggled as she latched onto my arm and dragged me around the property. I'll admit her joy was contagious. It was like a cool drink of water on a hot dry day. The only little surprise came when we checked into our rooms.

I was putting my things away when I heard a knock at the door. Looking through the peephole I didn't see anyone in the hallway. I jumped when I heard the knock again, this time I realized it was coming from the door connecting to the adjoining room.

Opening it, I was greeted by the huge toothy smile of a certain raven-haired beauty.

"Isn't this great?" she bubbled. "It'll be just like having a suite!"

"Umm, Amber, I..."

"Relax, Tom." She laughed, "It's not like I'm going to sneak into your room in the middle of the night and take advantage of you!"

"What if I begged?" I joked.

She stopped abruptly, her smile momentarily disappearing and then peered into my soul with those eyes.

"Sweetie, you wouldn't have to beg," she said softly.

I felt my face begin to burn and I was thankful it distracted her from the tent beginning to form in my pants.

"Want to take a walk?" I said sheepishly.

"I'd love too!" she giggled.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening relaxing and enjoying our new surroundings. The beach was something out of a travel guide and we window shopped at the countless stores and boutiques in and around the area. Finally, we stopped and had a wonderful meal. When we got back to the hotel we were both exhausted, not because of any physical activity but because we were both emotionally spent.

Amber walked over to my bed and flopped down on it laughing.

"Oh god, I didn't realize how badly I needed today," she said smiling. "It's been a wonderful day, Tom. Thanks in part to you."

She grinned and patted the bed beside her.

"Amber," I said gently, "I can't do that."

I saw the joy slowly evaporate from her face as she fought to maintain her smile.

"Am I that repulsive?"

I chuckled at the absurdity of the question.

"Good god, no! You're one of the most desirable women I've ever known."

"Then why? Why are you keeping me at an arm's length?"

I looked at her pleadingly, begging her with my eyes not to make me reveal my feelings. I'd tried for so long to bury them but I knew, for her, I'd let them out. That realization terrified me.

"Please, Tom," she said gently, "tell me."

"Because," I started before I choked up. "Because I love you, Amber."

"But like a sister, right?"

"Oh hell no!" I snorted and we both laughed.

"Well that's good," she continued softly but failed to hide the huge grin, "given all the teasing I've done over the years."

"No," I said gently, "I've always desired you. In a way I'm like Jeff, other than my wife you are the only woman I would've considered risking my marriage for."

Amber looked at me with amazement.

"But you never ..."

"No!" I interrupted, "and I never would've! Amber, I love Ashley, I always have and probably will, to some degree, for the rest of my life. Up until last year, she's always been my first love, even above my children; but I've always loved you and Amy, as well.

"The reason I wouldn't have risked my marriage and family is simple, it would've cost me Ashley and she was my world, but, there was another very strong reason... it could've cost you your world as well.

"Amber, besides my love for Ashley, I couldn't bear to cause you that kind of pain. I love you and Amy too much to ever destroy your lives... or to use you for my revenge."

"I wish my husband would've felt like you do," she said as a tear formed in her eye.

"Why would he do that to me? To Amy?" she sobbed softly. "Was I so fat and unattractive? And what happens if we stay together? What happens when my tits sag, or I get a permanent muffin top? Will he trade me in for someone prettier, someone younger?"

"Please Amber," I said weakly. "Please don't make me try to defend Jeff. I can't... I won't! You are simply beautiful. In many ways you're a younger version of Ashley ..."

"No!" Amber spat, "I'm nothing like that back-stabbing, cheating bitch!"

"No," I said softly being sure to choose my words carefully, "no, you're not. What I meant was you are as beautiful and desirable as she is. A guy would be a fool to let you get away."

"So Jeff is a fool?"

"Biggest damn one I've ever met!"

She smiled sadly and then went very quiet.

"So what about you?" she whispered, "Are you a fool too? Are you going to let me get away?"

I smiled at her.

"For you to get away, you'd have to be mine first. Beautiful, you're not mine to get."

"I could be," she said gently, looking up into my eyes.

"But why?" I replied before stopping myself. Realizing I'd opened a door that I knew Amber wouldn't let me close, I continued.

"Amber, you're still young, you're only thirty-three! You're one of the most incredible women I've ever met. You're just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Dammit, Amber, you can have about any man you want! So why would you want me?

"I'm thirteen years older than you are, Amber. Hell, you could have an entourage of buff, handsome twenty-somethings chasing after you. Why would you want some old used up guy who wasn't even good enough for his own wife? You've already got a better man at home in Jeff. Don't believe me? Go ask my wife, she threw me away for him, so she must've thought he was a better man!"

Amber wiped away a tear and put her hands on the sides of my face. My tears had started to stream and I couldn't stop them. The pain I'd felt for all of these months started pouring out.

"Damn them," she whispered in my ear as she held me, "they sure did a number on you, didn't they? Tom, you're handsome. No you're not some male model but you are very good looking nonetheless. But it's your heart, your character, compassion, and loyalty that make you so much more desirable than you realize. Damn, Ashley is as big a fool as my husband."

We wrapped each other in our arms and I realized she'd started crying again. Her wet tears were now slowing running down my shoulder.

"I don't understand, Tom. How they could do that to us and still say they love us?"

"I don't know," I replied holding her even tighter. "I just don't know."

We held each other as we allowed the pain and frustration pour out through our tears. It wasn't my most defining macho moment, but it was incredibly therapeutic. I hadn't felt that level of peace since this nightmare began. Finally, we broke apart and chuckled at the sight of each other, red eyes, and runny noses... yeah erotic as hell.

Amber excused herself and went back into her hotel room to freshen up, and I used the time to go wash my face and pull myself together. A few minutes later, I heard her voice from the doorway between our rooms.

"Tom?"

I poked my head out and saw her dressed in her robe.

"Would you hold me tonight?"

"Amber..."

"Just hold me, that's all I'm asking. I don't want to lie in bed alone and cry myself to sleep again."

She smiled weakly as she saw my resolve crumble. Draping her robe over a chair she walked over to the side of the bed. She wore a full length flannel nightgown but it only made her look girl next door cute instead of sexy.

Oh, this is such a bad idea, I groaned to myself.

She crawled under the covers and smiled sweetly back over her shoulder.

"Coming?" she called out.

She paused and then flashed me her killer smile.

"Bad choice of words?"

"Amber, I really don't think ..."