DC&H: Kathy's Fall

Finally I heard about the opening for a manager at DC&H. Luckily I had taken some accounting courses in college. That along with my MBA landed me the job as manager of the accounting department.

I knew there were better jobs for a Wharton graduate but I was happy being the accounting manager at DC&H as long as I had Fred.

That's what makes the rest of my story so hard to understand. I don't fully understand it myself. My hope is that by putting this on paper it will help bring some clarity to me. Help me understand what I did to Fred and to myself.

Things happened quickly after my initial meeting with Jack Hanson. The following Monday the new office manager arrived. His name was Greg Bartlett. Greg was a bald chubby guy about five and a half feet tall. He was friendly but he was all business in his activities around the office. Mr. Bartlett was a good manager and knew how an office like ours was supposed to run and he started instituting changes immediately and the operation of the office seemed to respond to his changes.

Two weeks after Mr. Bartlett took over as office manager Jack Hanson moved into the former sales manager's office while his permanent office on the floor above our offices was being constructed.

Mr. Hanson stopped by my desk that day and asked me to come to his office that afternoon at three o'clock to talk over some issues.

His demeanor when he spoke to me made me comfortable. He was smiling and seemed very relaxed. So, at three o'clock I walked into his office and accepted his invitation to sit down.

"Your look very nice today Kathy," he said, "and certainly less stressed out than the last time we talked."

"Thank you. I am feeling better now."

"I wanted to meet with you to ask if you had thought about our last conversation," he said.

"About being on your team?" I asked. "I have given it a lot of thought. I would like to think that I could be helpful to you with your plans for this company and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in the kind of career opportunities you alluded to."

"I am glad to hear it, Kathy. I really want you on my team but I must tell you now that I will demand complete loyalty. I have to know that my team members are going to be in lock-step with me," he said.

I couldn't read anything from the expression on his face.

"I have some tasks I will have to ask you to perform in order to get my plans rolling."

"What kind of tasks?" I asked.

"It's too early to tell you that yet. Before I can lay my plans out to you I am going to have to be absolutely positive that I can count on you. You are going to have to prove yourself to me first," he said.

I felt a signal go off in my head. I didn't like the direction the conversation had taken. Prove myself to him? How? What would he expect me to do to prove myself?

"I am not sure I understand, Mr. Hanson," I said. "How can I prove myself to you? What exactly are you getting at?"

Mr. Hanson got up from his desk and started to pace around the office. Then he sat in the chair next to me.

"Kathy, I find you to be a very attractive woman," he said.

I thought to myself "Oh shit, here it comes."

"I don't want you to think that I do this sort of thing all the time," he continued. "The fact is I have never done anything like this before. It's just that I need you to prove your absolute loyalty to me and I have this overwhelming desire to have you. I am hoping that I can persuade you to help me satisfy both of my needs," he said.

"Mr. Hanson, this is very inappropriate," I said. "I am a married woman and besides this qualifies as sexual harassment. I don't want to go there so let's just pretend you never suggested that I should have sex with you."

"I am sorry, Kathy, but I can't do that," he said. "We are alone in this office so you have no witnesses to what I said anyway. I am not going to force you to do anything but if you want to be a part of my team you now know my terms. Otherwise you can just continue on as the accounting manager here but you can forget about those big opportunities we talked about the other day."

Part of my brain was screaming at me to just get up and walk out of his office but I didn't.

"I can't cheat on my husband," I said.

"Think about this for a moment," he said. "If your husband had been more supportive of your abilities, he would have moved with you to New York or Chicago where you would have had a much better chance of getting a job that you deserved but he made you come to Indianapolis where your opportunities were very limited. In effect, he screwed you out of the career you deserved. Now I am offering you the opportunity to get the career you deserve by screwing me. I think there is justice in that for you."

I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. He was suggesting that somehow Fred deserved to have me cheat on him and by doing that I could get the career I deserved and that somehow Fred had denied me.

Part of what he said made sense to me but I still couldn't get past the idea that Mr. Hanson wanted me to have sex with him which would mean I would have to cheat on Fred. I was unable to find words to respond to his proposition.

"I know this caught you off guard, Kathy, so why don't you think it over for a while and then we can talk about it again next week," he said.

When I got up to leave his office, Mr. Hanson said, "Kathy, from now on I want you to call me Jack."

I was in a daze when I left his office that afternoon. I sat at my desk and tried to sort through everything Mr. Hanson had said to me. Had I misinterpreted what he said? Was he really suggesting that I have sex with him? Yes, he was. There was no other way to interpret what he had said.

I thought about going home and telling Fred about it but decided not to because I knew Fred would want me to report Mr. Hanson for sexual harassment and I really didn't want to go through that mess. It was difficult but I managed to go home that night and act like nothing was wrong. Fred never guessed that I was upset or what I was thinking about.

For the first couple of days I got angry every time I thought about Mr. Hanson's proposal but as time went on I started to think about what he had said about Fred's not being supportive enough of my career. Part of me knew this was wrong but it was beginning to bother me a little.

One afternoon I found myself sitting at my desk and thinking about doing what Mr. Hanson wanted. I wasn't visualizing having sex with him, I was just thinking that maybe I could do it. I could make sure Fred would never know and then I could be part of Mr. Hanson's team and great career opportunities would become available to me.

After that I began to waffle on the idea. I did decide one thing. At my next meeting with Mr. Hanson I was going to take a recorder with me and record our conversation. Whatever I decided to do, I wanted to have something to back me up if I decided to charge him with sexual harassment.

The following Monday afternoon Mr. Hanson called me and said that he wanted me to have lunch with him the next afternoon. That night I asked Fred if I could borrow one of the mini recorders he had for work. I put it in my purse so I would have it for my lunch appointment on Tuesday.

Mr. Hanson and I left the office at 11:30 Tuesday morning to go to lunch. We ended up going to a social club he belonged to and had lunch in their dining room. I had turned the recorder on as soon as we left our building but Mr. Hanson didn't say a word about his proposition during the ride to the club or during lunch. After lunch he took me on a little tour of the facility. They had an onsite health club and Mr. Hanson took me inside and then left me while he spoke with a woman working at the counter. A minute later he returned with the woman.

"Kathy, this is Sarah. She will assist you so just follow her."

I didn't have any idea what was going on so I just followed Sarah into the women's locker room. She led me to a cabinet and then asked me what size swimsuit I wore. I told her and she pulled a swimsuit out of the cabinet and handed it to me.

"You can use any of the lockers over there for your clothes," she said. "I'll wait her for you."

I was very perplexed. I found myself moving without really knowing why. I changed into the swimsuit and walked back over to Sarah. She led me through the back of the locker room into the pool area. As soon as we entered I saw Mr. Hanson getting into the hot tub.

Sarah handed me a large towel and said, "I'll be back for you in about a half hour."

I walked over to the hot tub and just looked down at Mr. Hanson.

"Come on Kathy, get in. I don't bite," he said.

"I don't understand. What are we doing here?" I asked?

"I just wanted to talk and what better a place than a hot tub?" he said.

"Why couldn't we talk in the dining room?" I asked?"

"Because this is better. You couldn't bring your tape recorder into the hot tub with you."

I was stunned. How could he know that I had a tape recorder with me?

"Don't look so surprised. I would have been disappointed if you weren't smart enough to try and tape our conversation," he said. "In the future however, I will not tolerate your trying anything like that."

I didn't say anything so he continued.

"I just want to have a little chat and then Sarah will come back and get you. She will take you into the therapy room for a massage. A gift from me to you to help you relax."

I figured I might as well hear what he had to say so I got into the hot tub and sat down across from him.

Mr. Hanson looked around to satisfy himself that we were alone and then he started.

"I am guessing that you have thought about what I said last week," he said.

"How could I not think about it," I said. "It had me very upset."

"But you haven't been able to decide against me have you?" he said.

I hadn't expected that question but he was right.

"No. I can't say that I have."

"Good. I am glad to hear it. You can relax now. I am not planning on having sex with you today. It has to be your decision. I will not force you to do anything. I will give you two months to decide. If you decide in my favor, just let me know when you want to consummate our new relationship. If you decide against me, you won't have to tell me. I'll know when the time runs out. Today is March fifth. So that gives you until Tuesday May seventh."

I was relieved that he gave me two months to decide but how was I going to decide and why was I even considering what he proposed. I guess I knew that it was the idea of being a VP some day and making lots of money. It was greed and ambition that were driving me. It certainly wasn't any desire to have sex with him. I had thought about what it would be like to have sex with him. The idea didn't arouse me in any way but the thought didn't disgust me. I saw it as just something I would have to do to get what I wanted. I knew it was like being a prostitute. I was thinking about fucking for money.

Mr. Hanson spent the next several minutes going over all of the advantages there would be to being a member of his team. He also brought up his point about how Fred had put me in this position by making me stay in Indianapolis. I didn't like him talking about Fred that way but what he was saying made sense to me.

A few minutes later Sarah came back to get me and, as I climbed out of the hot tub, Mr. Hanson said, "Remember, just two months.

"I'll remember, Mr. Hanson."

"Kathy, I told you to call me Jack."

For the next hour I received the best body massage I had ever had. I was so relaxed that I was able to think about the decision I had to make without the emotion that I normally felt when I thought about it. I realized that must have been why Mr. Hanson had arranged for me to have a massage in the first place.

I had never wanted or even thought about having sex with anyone other than Fred since the day I met him but here I was contemplating having sex with Jack Hanson.

Jack had tantalized me with the possibility of great career success and all I had to do was to be a loyal member of 'his team' as he called it. To prove my loyalty I was going to have to have sex with him. I found Jack's proposition to be abhorrent, so why didn't I dismiss the idea immediately and tell Jack what I thought of him for suggesting it in the first place?

These where the thoughts spinning around in my head during the massage and when it was over I still hadn't made up my mind but I realized that I was closer to giving in to what Mr. Hanson wanted than I was to rejecting his proposition.

The next week Mr. Hanson moved up to his new office suite on the floor above our offices so I didn't see him around the office anymore. I tried to put the proposition out of my mind but it kept creeping back into my thinking. One night when Fred was working late I tried to imagine what it would be like to have sex with Jack. I didn't like Jack for putting me in this position but other than that he seemed like a decent enough person. He was more than fifteen years older than me but he wasn't bad looking. He was actually quite distinguished looking.

What it came down to was this, could I have sex with a man I didn't love, a man I wasn't sexually attracted to in any way? I tried to imagine what he might want me to do in bed. Fred and I had done pretty much everything a couple could do so I really didn't think Jack would be looking for anything I hadn't done before.

I thought long and hard about it that evening. I considered each sex act he might want me to perform with him and whether or not I would be able to do it. By the time I was done thinking about it that night, I realized that I could perform the sex acts that might be required but I still hadn't made up my mind whether I would accept Jack's proposition. I wished that something would happen to help me make my decision. I got my wish.

It was on a Wednesday night during the first week of April that Fred came home and told me he had to fly out to Seattle the next day to get a deposition for a case he was working on. He was going to leave Thursday morning and would be back Saturday afternoon.

When he told me about the trip I was disappointed that he would be away from me for two days but then a thought crept into my head. This might be what I was looking for. An easy opportunity to do what Jack wanted. Fred would be out of town so he would never know what I did.

Thursday afternoon, with my stomach in a knot, I picked up my phone and called Jack's office. His secretary answered the phone and put me through immediately after I told her who I was.

When he answered the phone I said, "Hi Jack. It's Kathy.

"Kathy, good to hear from you."

"Jack, I am ready. I can meet you tonight where ever you want." I said.

"How about I take you to dinner after work and then we can go back to my apartment."

"That will be fine Jack."

I was sick with guilt the rest of the day. I hadn't done anything yet but I had already told Jack that I would have sex with him. I was sure that anyone else in the office would know what I was planning to do just by looking at me. I wanted to call Jack and tell him I changed my mind but I couldn't. I couldn't because I didn't want to cancel. My feelings about what I was doing were so confused that I couldn't think clearly about anything. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was only going to have sex with Jack because of what he had promised me. I didn't even like him and at the moment I didn't like myself very much either.

I spent that afternoon convincing myself that what I was doing would be good for both Fred and me. It was just the price I had to pay to get what I wanted.

That evening Jack and I left the office separately and then met at the restaurant Jack had chosen. I managed to finish two scotches to take the edge off the evening before our dinner arrived. During the meal Jack talked about some of the ideas he had for getting the Indianapolis offices of DC&H some positive recognition by the corporate offices in New York. He said that we needed a big opportunity and we needed to make it happen and he already had the opportunity we needed in his pocket.

He would not tell me anymore than that. He said that as soon as he was sure that he could trust me he would tell me all of his plans and that I was going to be a big part of them. While I listened to him, I ate my meal and drank half a bottle of Merlot. By the time we left for Jack's apartment, I was feeling no pain.

Jack offered to drive me but I insisted on talking my own car. I didn't want to end up trapped at his apartment. I wanted to be able to go home afterward. I knew that I should not be driving in the condition I was in but I did it anyway and luckily I made it to Jack's apartment without incident.

Jack asked me if I would like a drink when we got inside his apartment but I refused it. I was already out of control; I certainly didn't need any more alcohol in my system.

Jack turned some music on and then took me in his arms and started to dance with me. He pulled me close and I lay my head on his shoulder, not because I was comfortable in his arms but because I was unstable from the alcohol and I needed him to support me so I would not fall on my ass.

As we were dancing Jack began to kiss my neck and my ears. It wasn't doing anything for me but it didn't bother me either. I knew that very soon he was going to kiss me and I was ready to do what ever was necessary to convince him that I was enjoying myself. When he turned my head and brought his lips to mine I opened my mouth and let him push his tongue inside. The whole thing was kind of surreal. I was dancing, well, really just rocking back and forth in time to the music and making out with an older man that I didn't even like and thinking about my husband and how much I loved him. I knew there was something very wrong about that scene but my alcohol-clouded brain couldn't quite make sense of it.

I was beginning to feel Jack's cock getting erect as he pressed himself against me. I guess he thought this would excite me but instead it almost made me laugh. How desperate could he be if he gets an erection from dancing? Fred had better self-control than that. If I thought Fred would get hard just from dancing I would never let him dance with another woman. I wondered if Jack was somehow forcing himself to get hard thinking it would impress me. I figured it might be a good idea to play along just in case.

"Oh my, Jack, what's that I feel?" I said. "I feel something big coming between us."

"It's big but it won't be coming between us. It will be coming inside you," he said.

The image of him climaxing hit me. I hadn't thought about that.

"Jack, I want you to wear a condom."

Jack pulled back a little and looked into my eyes.

"I will wear a condom for you this time but there may come a time when I won't."

This time? Was he planning on doing this more than once? Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into?

"Jack, you never said anything about me having to do this more than once," I said.

"Don't get upset about it," he said. "It's only difficult the first time. After a while you will even enjoy it. It won't be that often. Once or twice a month is all I need. I just have to be sure of your continued loyalty."

I should have known better. How could I have thought that this would only be a one-time affair? Jack was offering me the keys to the kingdom; I should have expected the price to be higher than just one roll in the hay. As upset as I was I didn't back out. I was still sure I could make Jack happy and keep Fred from finding out.

Jack kissed me again and moved his hand up to my breast and squeezed. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with his touch but I pushed those feelings back.